To be Free

  Gosh. How time flies.

I'm sure Arashi fan would have heard about the annoucement by Arashi yesterday... About their last concert before disbanding next year... I've not watched the video yet, but I read the announcement...

Somehow... I'm not surprised. I mean. In the first place... It's hard to stay an idol forever... They aren't getting any younger. They are all in their 40s now.... How time flies indeed... And in the period of hiatus... They have all been pursuing their own interests... I just wish that we will still get to see what Oh-chan is up to... But he has chosen a quiet life for himself. 

It is alas, still sad... I met so many people because of the Arashi fandom. People I would otherwise not have met. I doubt I would also have learnt so much Japanese either, as informal as that learning is... I definitely can't write Japanese kanji for one (as in handwrite)... I've forgotten most of my Chinese already after all. But at least I can speak it sufficiently for travel purposes. And all the youtube videos that I can watch and understand pretty darn well. And it all started because I watched Arashi variety shows. 

All the fanfics I wrote... I would never have tried my hand at writing fiction if not for them... 

Ahhh.... Time flies.

I think the same about my current job too... I've really been here for a long time. Going 7 years now. I was in this job when I went to their concert before the hiatus. The first and last idol concerts I went to... 

I haven't listen to their songs in a while now...

I've been listening to like just one song on replay for months, that sort of thing... So I'm hardly listening to anything at all... But yeah... Arashi... It feels like a distant time away, back when I was young(er)... It was a lot of fun watching them... And I'm glad for the internet because those videos and shows and memories... They will forever be there, available for me to watch somewhere... I hope they will indulge us one (or a few more times) before disbanding... I want to hear them talk. About random little everyday things. Updating us about their lives... Maybe while eating. And just being silly. I like the bond they with each other, that was what drew me to their group. The bond that is called Arashi. The stupid shit they do together... Like feeling each other's butts during the music station live... Their friendship is genuine, and they are genuinely having fun. I'll miss that. 

It's just not the same without the 5 of them together... And I'm so glad they made the decision to stick together no matter what. Even at the end. Like... Nino has his youtube channel... But honestly after a few months I just stopped watching it. It's not the same, and it's not as funny, enjoyable, entertaining... Poor guys... I don't even remember their names now. I mean. There is Yamada... And the... Kanjani8 guy. And then the... Sexy zone youngster? No, I have no clue what the new group names are either, sorry. But yeah... The youngster is kinda... Supposed to play the Aiba role. But somehow he just annoys me. And then the rest of them are just... Very... Low energy folks. I doesn't make for a very exciting viewing experience for me so I just stopped watching, yeah. Of course, Nino not being on the top of my favourites list might have something to do with it... But it also feels like... His snarkiness couldn't go on full display there etc.

I really haven't been following the Jpop trend even before Arashi went on hiatus. I know Jun did the taiga drama, which I didn't watch any of... And then Aiba took over the shimura doubutsuen after Shimura-san passed away... I see Nino on some movie poster recently? I don't know. Jun had a long beard and all so when I saw screenshots of a clean shaven Jun from the annoucement video I was like, you sure this is a recent video? I guess he shaved to look like how he was back when Arashi went on the hiatus... How considerate of him... As expected of the Japanese. 

And wait... Sho, Aiba and Nino are all married now? With Sho and Aiba annoucing it on the same day? And Nino has 2 kids now? Aiba 1? I think? I haven't really been following, and I might well have missed/forgotten some annoucements. I know Nino was the first and so that stuck the most in my memory. The rest kind of became a distant blur. 

I wish them all the best, just as I have all along. I'll still support them, even though I am no longer an active fan... Life just happens you know... 

I'm glad they are coming together one last time, and even gasp doing a round of concerts before disbanding. I'm also glad that they didn't chose the route of remaining active while people leave one by one... That's just even sadder, and it really just won't be Arashi without any one of them. Ignoring the songs and how Ohno is the lead singer... But just the dynamics and everything... It just won't work out if one person is missing, something that I deeply felt when watching Nino's "4 person channel' on youtube... It's just not the same. 

I doubt I'll be able to get tickets to the concerts, since I just let my FC membership lapse long ago (I just didn't check when to renew it and such, it's kind of cumbersome as a foreigner... And yeah, it just expired...). But I'm sure they will have DVDs and blurays and such and I will definitely buy those. 

Oh wells. I don't really have much else to say now. Just as I've moved on with my life, Arashi is also moving on... Thank you for all the fun times we had together. 

To say hi.

How have I been? Not the best really. Health hasn't been good recently. Work is kinda shit. I haven't kept up with Arashi news and all, though I do know some stuff, it just enters my field of vision ya know? Like the whole JE thing. Or should I say, Starto? And Nino's new company... I follow him on twitter, I mean, X, so I do read his tweets every now and then. I saw his few youtube videos regarding the name change but nothing much else... Their videos are just... Not my vibe ya know? I watched them for a bit at the beginning... Then it just kinda fell off my watching list. Nino has that very meh vibe, as in, the typical Nino being Nino snarky, lazy kinda vibe. And it just works in Arashi. And sometimes he's cute and adorable and I love him to bits, even though my ichiban is still Ohno. But in his youtube channel... It just doesn't really work because everyone but that sexy zone guy (what's his name again? Kikuchi?) has also kinda similar meh vibes, and then Kikuchi is overly enthusiastic and annoying, like the complete other end of the spectrum and one that simply put, annoys me. It's just not to my liking, like a personal preference kind of thing. No offense ok? So yeah.... I haven't watched anything Arashi in ages. I know Jun did the taiga drama thing, would like to watch it but also, it's really long and I kinda don't have the time to watch something so long.......

I've definitely fallen off the whole jpop thing. Well not really. Arashi was literally the only group I was following, so when I stopped following them even before the hiatus announcement came because of job changes and stuff... Yeah... It would be great if I could watch like their shows on youtube though. I pretty much only watch youtube these days. I guess I could probably find the shows on bilibili or something but I just am not in a habit of going there, and right now I already have a backlog of youtube videos that I want to watch... Work has been busy as I said. That and the Chinese New Year sping cleaning....

Anyway... An update on where you can find me if you so wish.

 https://twistyrubiks.wordpress.com/

PM me your address if you would like to be my penpal! Or well it's fine too if you reply back electronically rather than by snail mail.

I've been writing letters recently and it's fun... Though I'm not sure how long letters will take to get delivered now, or even at all with the current covid-19 situation. Damn. Like Japan has stopped regular mail service out of the country, can only use like EMS, DHL and Fedex or something. Sigh. And the worse thing is we have no idea when this will come to an end! Be warned that my handwriting isn't the prettiest nor the neatest though!

I guess I'm definitely lucky though. My job isn't affected by the pandemic - the salary part I mean. And although I absolutely dislike it... I *can* and am more than qualified to do the SARS-CoV-2 qpcr testing, so it's like... Ok if things really turn that desperate I can get myself a job doing that I guess.

But things are looking up once again in SG. Fewer community cases at last. No not zero, but much fewer. And fewer unlinked cases too. Though once again, not zero. As for the dorm cases? Meh. It was an elephant in the room that nobody wanted to acknowledge ever, until disaster struck. What's 'best' though are the politicians who shoot their mouths off claiming that the dorm situation did not contribute to the outbreak. Erm ok? Meh. TBH I care way less about the local politics than I should. I don't even know many of our ministers. No I haven't been following the US drama either, not actively. But it's in the Chinese news my mum tunes in to at dinner. It's in the fountain pen chatgroup I'm in... It's in my mail. In the medium articles I'm shown. Everywhere. I'm just like... Waiting for a very drastically different world to emerge once this is over, one that I'm sure China a play a much bigger role in, and the declining of the US is more pronounced than ever. It's not like the US is gonna be dead. They still have a lot of innovation going on, I mean, my beloved Apple products for one... But on other fronts? Idk man. Really gonna be interesting to see what happens. Not from a insider, US citizen point of view of course, but as someone living in Asia... Where the world we see is very different.

I thought to myself when the epidemic started getting worse, and no it hadn't turned into a pandemic yet... I thought to myself, as a biologist... What an interesting time it is to be alive. Indeed it is. Perhaps if you take a step back from the mess and the chaos, and take a more zen approach to things, you might find the whole lockdown/self isolation situation more bearable? Of course such philosophical thoughts can only come about when you are secure (with a roof over your head) and fed. And again I'm glad that my job hasn't been impacted.

So pardon my random musings...

But hey, how 'lucky' is it that we are alive, and well, and witnessing this crazy event unfold right in front of our eyes? It's a mouth gaping event worthy of the aurora borealis. Hardly as beautiful of course, but... A world war without a world war. What an experience to live through! After this we'll all be war vets!

Oh wells. I hope pandemics of this scale won't repeat every 10 years though. If it does then yes, the world is really burning to the ground. And my environmentalist minded ex-colleagues will remark about how the earth is getting rid of the human beings who have been a plague upon the earth... Because yes, that has truly indeed been the case...

Ok. I just hit the delete all button in my inbox because... I don't think there's anything outstanding in there, not that I can remember of... Not like 1 year after the fact.. Or something like that.

I wonder how many people are still on DW now... After Arashi got on to SNS, the way we get news about Arashi changed too. We can hear directly from them, no need to wait for news reports, TV or magazine anymore... So, how many ppl are still on DW? Especially considering how DW isn't the most updated of sites... Idk... How many people are still here, reading this? Lol.

Have not been that religious in clearing my email inbox though. Did bring it down to 60+ from 200++ earlier, but I do need to make a concerted effort to keep clearing it or it piles up quickly! I should unsubscribe from more stuff so that I don't get so much mail in the first place but... Oh wells.

Anyway. I've been trying to improve my typing! Speed and accuracy! And I've decided to fix my right hand finger placement lol. Finally using my right pinkie. Previously everything was kinda shifted down so my fourth finger was the one pressing P and what not... Just really a bit messy. Trying to get the better habits to stick and then slowly improve my speed. I want to get an average of 70 wpm on typing tests lol. Even now I still hit the backspace button with my ring finger, and instead of the right hand hitting the Y button, usually my left does it, and vice versa for the B key. And other little things that doesn't really conform to the 'proper' method. But I'm just leaving it be. Some are way more comfortable for me, like using the index finger for the C key. I don't think it impacts my typing speed that much. My left hand is doing pretty ok, right hand is the troublesome one because it's been 'misbehaving' for years... Oh wells.

And as for tired. Idk why exactly. But I was just exceptionally tired today. Didn't sleep any later than normal too. Was tired before the computation meeting. Computation meeting was really dry today, almost feel asleep during the meeting... And then I feel asleep in the covid-19 related talk after dinner. Lol.

Haven't touched python in a week again, not since last Friday. Weekend I took a break, then I got news from my boss on Monday that the paper was accepted in principle. And that meant we had to do all the final edits, checking little things to make sure they conform to the journal's standards... And preparing more documents for submission. I guess I've been reading a lot of stuff in the past few days. The same few documents over and over and over again but... Yeah. It's like. It wasn't even that intense. But still tired all the same. And we did work on stuff till late. Like, not intense, but spread out over a long time period. Was working on stuff till 11pm yesterday and even then I wasn't the hardworking one... I finished up just before 11 maybe and sent it off, and the other guy worked on it further till like 12 mn and sent it out to everyone... So maybe that's why. Nowhere near the workload of my dad though. Things have been crazy for him the past few weeks. The difference between a good boss and a bad boss. His boss calls meetings late at night, way past office hours. Calls meetings at 5pm "because you all are not going out anyway". Abuse I tell ya. Abuse. And that's the least of it, really. Loads of other stupid things they have to do that would have make me blown my top long ago. But dad puts up with it for the family. Arghs. Sigh. Cos my pathetic salary is too low to support the fam and I have NOT been managing my money properly. The sad truth. Yes the way things happen in Asian countries and I'm not gonna discuss the difference between Asian and western societies today...


In other news. We are gonna be entering the 2nd half of the circuit breaker period next week. The extended half. That means that gosh. I only have one month left and there's most likely not going to be another extension. Not unless we see a sudden explosion of community cases, which is unlikely to happen too because of the 'lockdown' measures in place. Gosh. With the rate of my python learning... I'm not even going to finish that one course I'm taking now. And now the bioinformatics course my workplace organised just started too. That means more stuff for me to do. Things were still quite leisurely the first two weeks of WFH but it suddenly picked up last week and this week. Lol. I mean, with all the document checking and proofreading and other preparations this week, I barely had time for any 'extra curricular activities'! And it's even worse too because I just have dinner and continue with work. But meh. It doesn't matter. It's the freaking last stage of the paper publishing and this very well concerns my future too. In a more round about way but still does. Paper means it's easier for my boss to get grants. Which means he has the money to hopefully keep me under him and not have to go under another grant that makes me having to end up working for someone else. Nope, I would not like that at all. But currently that's the plan because... Arghs. Yeah. The money for my grant ends in just two month's time. So what's gonna happen to me afterwards? I have no idea. Will the other project people make me work on their stuff full time? I do not know. Complicated situation indeed arghs. That would impact on whether I'll be able to make the switch to dry lab stuff too, so indeed, there is so much at stake for me here. I don't mind working for the other post doc too, he might get a grant too but he proposed hiring post docs... If he can't get a post doc maybe, just maybe, he can hire me instead. Put me under that grant. I follow people. That guy is also an ok guy to work with. My boss's best buddy. Never more than 5 mins apart. Ok, exaggerated but they are almost always together. Lunch. Desks next to each other. One would suddenly turn to the other to discuss some stuff... Whatever. Best buds indeed. And then there's me sitting behind them who's also been joining in for their lunches. Been pretty much the three of us for the past few months. Timing works out and all? And I do like the conversation. Generally intelligent conversation. Whereas with the girls it's usually some kind of gossip or funny non-work related stuff. I really enjoy it too, don't get me wrong... But somehow I just prefer the boys. I get to hear about my boss's plans and stuff too, and other insider info.

Meh. The situation in the lab is really. Meh. Bad. Like our project manager just sent out an email asking people to keep out boss informed if the collaborator side leader asks them to do anything, because my boss was totally cut off from that discussion. Like arghs wtf. Those workers are hired by my institute and their reporting officer is still my boss, our boss. But the collaborator just bosses them around like his own and worse still, completely cut off my boss from the discussion. Tell me why I shouldn't be worried! Arghs! He's taking over the lab! The good and bad thing about having a boss that's too nice huh. Oh wells. All I can hope is that he's able to get more funding soon. Oh wells. You take their money, you pay the price. Money makes the world go round. Those without money like myself can only grit and bear with it. No money, and I got no title and no power too. Nothing. At least with grants there's no one planted in by the grant agency to plot a lab takeover. Sigh. That's why I will do everything I can, as limited as it might be, to help my boss to that front. Because, at least for now, I think he's a boss worth working for. I see the potential in him. He's not perfect but he has the ideas. And he's generally a damn bloody nice person to work with. I hope things won't change in the future... But certainly for now I'm willing and able to give me all. Probably my last hurrah in the lab too. Lol. After this job. Idk. Might be my last job, my last lab in science. Not the first time I've said it, but this is no empty thought! Especially with the opportunity to switch to doing dry lab now. It may just been what's needed to aid my exit. And I don't think it was a lack of foresight that my boss basically just pushed me into doing dry lab. I'm pretty sure I spoke to him about my computation plans for the future during one of my long and drawn out messaging sessions with him. I really do communicate with people through messages than face to face. All the things I've said to my boss through whatsapp. Lol. I can't imagine doing that with any one else. No even with unsup I think. I really like and respect her a lot, we were good friends and we still keep in contact till this day. But to speak that frankly to her? I don't know... The situation then was very different for sure... But I can't imagine typing so frankly to her either. And my sup at kkh? Lol. He reprimanded me for WAY LESS. Like literally called into the office while on leave, and gave me a scolding. I scolded him back. Lol. Ok I did apologize, kept the peace somewhat, but I also left him with a piece of my mind. Can't criticize that guy in the slightest bit. Lol.

Yeah. I think that's what I enjoy the most about working with my boss. I can be rather opinionated at times, and I swear that I do think through most of it calmly and logically before voicing them out. I mean. I'm typing it out after all. I have the time to slowly think and reply. And so I hate it when people just dismiss my suggestion right off the bat. Don't listen. I hate, hate, hate that. Oh worse still are those who ask for advice and then ignores it. And gets questioned the same thing a few weeks later why they didn't try xyz, which I suggested long ago. And then those other people get the credit for suggesting it later on. Arghs. Some post docs are stupid. Really.

Not looking forward to returning to the lab really. There's just too much shit going on with all the collaborators. The external and internal ones. Arghs. So much shit. Really really hate it. Really would have left if my boss wasn't the boss he is. I don't think anyone else, anyone else that I know of anyway, would be able to keep the group together. And even then I would say the group as a whole is barely functioning. It's all separated, broken up into tiny pieces. Sigh. I really can't imagine where the lab would be, what things would be like in 2 or 3 years time. Would things be better or worse? What I do know is that the situation is similar to that with unsup years ago. The moment she said she's leaving, I knew my time was up and I should also leave. I just took way longer to find my next gig then. This time round... It's the same. If my boss decides to leave tomorrow... I'm gonna have to take a long time to evaluate my options. Assuming that following him to his next place of employment isn't possible... I would have to look at my bank account and consider my options. Do I really, really want to continue working in the lab/a lab? How much programming do I know? If it's *tmr* I would hardly know anything, so a career switch to programming isn't quite possible/practical. But if that day comes a year down the road, it could be a possibility.

And how about art? Block printing? I made some nice cute prints that I seriously, honest to goodness think is on the level that people sell for money. But of course I doubt that can feed me. Maybe feed me 1 day out of the month maybe. Lol. What I would need to do is to properly come out with a product and marketing strategy and join hands with my currently unemployed sister to do the art. She can draw. Me? Meh. More like a kindergarten doodle, though my skills might have been improving ever so slightly. Honestly, the idea of doing something different is more appealing than working in the lab, most likely as a slave to another post doc, because that's how things usually roll in other labs. Idk. It's like, in a way I'm also my boss's slave? But then again not because he gives us so much freedom. We can do whatever. Not like some post doc I know. She has a meeting with her research officer daily, and gives her the list of tasks for the day, and the tasks must be performed in the exact order and manner specified, even if the RO believes it's not going to work or like doing A and B can be done together rather than separately, or that doing E and D before lunch first makes more sense. Nope. Her word is LAW wtf. That idiot of a post doc. Nope, my boss doesn't do that. And generally he asks things in a nice way so you are willing to do stuff for him too. Unlike some other person in my lab who is totally rude about things arghs. Think's she's the boss of EVERYBODY. Even shouts down my boss who has been talking to her most very politely wth. Arghs. All sorts of characters in my lab. Arghs.

Ok. Ranted enough for now. I'mma go back to my R lessons. Starting with R for my bioinformatics/computation course thing. Got assignments to do and submit too! And well. I DO want to learn so... Gotta get to it.

Hellow people! An update yay!

Sorry, I know I've got loads of comments in the previous post that I did not reply to (heck, don't think I replied to any of them?) I did read them though, I got the email notification and all. But... Life... :X

How are ya all doing? I was just checking the numbers a few minutes ago and woah. 1.6mil cases worldwide, and half a million in the US. I'm not a fan of Trump and part of me goes 'serve ya right!' but damn. I have friends in the US, the US is way more than just Trump (I know loads of nice ppl online from there, Arashi fans and non-fans alike!), and he's really not even the one suffering anyway. The frontline staff, the sick and the dying... And hell, it's not just about the US. If the US or any other country doesn't come out of the covid situation, then it's an international problem. Because trade and movement of human traffic is global! And Singapore is such a connected country/economy... Even our food supplies are global. If this drags out... Nope, we could well be in big trouble.

Locally though, things have not been good either. No, we aren't in trouble the way things are in Italy or Spain or New York is... Yet. And I hope we won't ever get there. But there has been community spread. Not too much, but more than enough to warrant a 'lockdown'. The Singapore flavor of lockdown has been termed 'circuit breaker', and folks are still allowed to go out to get food and essentials. Non-essential workplaces have all been closed - you can only work from home (or not at all, depending on what your job is).

Honestly for me though... I've been enjoying my first week of WFH. Ok. I've not really been working from home at all.

Let's see what I've been doing.

Circuit breaker (CB) was announced Fri afternoon. I started packing my room on... Saturday I think? Or Sunday. Loads to do. I've not properly packed in years so... Tons of dust and hair and whatever not. TBH there is still loads of areas that I've not packed/touched, but I've decided to call it a day for now. Gotta do something other than cleaning up years of dirt during my CB staycation. Plus, motivation to clean was running low.

So Monday was back to work to shutdown everything in the lab. Freeze down the cells. Off the hoods, incubators... Empty the waterbaths. Make sure our microscope lasers are off. Restart my PC and pray that nothing goes wrong for the one month (or however long) the CB lasts. So that I can remote in from home and do whatever work that needs doing ya know?

What can a wet lab folk do at home ya ask? Well... I'm in a very complicated situation right now. (More on that later)

Ah yes... On Friday night, after the CB was announced, I made up my mind to order a Dell refurbished lappy right away. Have been thinking about getting one since last year. Wanted a windows this time. And kept putting it off because I don't truly, absolutely need it. But... when the split teams started before the CB took place... I started wondering if I should get it now. And then bam. 'Lockdown'. Yup. Time for a new lappy. Ordered on Sat morning cos the chat line was closed when I finally made the decision late fri night, and got it on wedn. So far so good EXCEPT the damn on/off switch. It kinda gets stuck. There's one year warranty on this guy. I think I'm gonna make a complain about the on/off button once things normalize, hopefully in a few months time. I think the button can last till then? Definitely gotta get it fixed before my 1 year warranty runs out! I'm planning to use this lappy for many many years to come after all!

So I kept packing till Thursday? Took some time off Wedn to set up my lappy and stuff. Turns out msoft auto gives you a username if you use the online account thingy. I didn't like the username used. Ended up deleting the account and starting over... So that took a bunch of time.

But the packing. I consider it done now! Now I have SPACE. Space on my table to write. To put my ipad. To put my lappy. To put my plate as I munch on breakfast since dad is also working from home now, and since the whole house is so messy and all and he doesn't have a dedicated work area, he's using the dining table... So yay. I like being able to munch on breakfast while reading stuff on my phone/ipad/mac/lappy/whatever. Clearing emails maybe. Or doing my 'dailies' for my games... Suits me just fine. And I really do like munching while working. Whether I'm reading stuff or doing more heavy duty work.

So yesterday was good Friday. I got animal crossing and pretty much 'wasted' my entire day playing. Also did some (offline) writing. Now that all my art stuff is organised and that I have space and time... I'm back in the journaling/writing mood again, yay me! Been doing some sit-ups too. Maybe I'll have a wee bit flatter stomach when all this is over.

Definitely been enjoying my staycation so far!

So there's what, 3 weeks left.

Geez. Time flies when you are having fun. Or being busy. 1 month seems long but nope. 1/4 of it just flew by like this.

Gotta say I secretly, or not so secretly hope that my staycation will be extended lol. Yeah there's all that economical impact and all... But that aside, I *personally* am very much enjoying this stay at home arrangement.

It couldn't have come at a better time for my group, or at least, the few of us on this project. Really. Why? For the past few months we were crazy, rushing about to wrap up the paper... Doing last minute experiments and what not. Then just as the split teams stuff came into place we heard back from the reviewers and were rushing about to do all the additional experiments for the reviewers. And that was quite crazy, working till late everyday, yes, even on weekends, partly because we were on half the manpower. We literally worked till the last minute possible, even doing experiments on Monday morning during the shutdown day. And now... The reply and manuscripts are being finalized... And we can all go on a break while keeping our fingers crossed that the paper will be published.

Of course, it's not like I don't have work either. Till now I've still not properly looked at all the datasets I collected in a rush prior... And no I'm talking about for a different project now... I need to do some summaries and all...

And after that comes the main part. I need to learn snake language. Python.

Boss has been wanting to have me switch to computation (partly because I also want it), but these kinda stuff... It's really easier said then done. Like. He's like... Oh just collaborate with ppl and do stuff. But what kind of stuff? And collaborate with ppl meaning get them to write the code for me? Than what's the point? The whole damn point is that *I* want to learn computing. So this is really a godsend month for me to at least increase my python computation prowess by a little bit. And hell yeah I'm not gonna let this chance slip me by.

In fact... I do keep wondering if I should join in the team to put together covid test kits in my institute. My friend is in there already and some other folks from my lab have joined/wants to join. In a way I feel guilty maybe? I definitely have the skills for the job. But routine sort of work isn't something I like to do, as my time in the hospital has proven. I don't want to end up in a mental rut again. And heck, it's not like I've got nothing better to do. I really do want to and do intend to get ahead on the python stuff. And I don't think that's possible if I have to spend half my time in shift work assembling kits and I don't know what exactly else they are doing. I don't even want to ask my friend... Or talk to her about it. Maybe that's a bit extreme huh? I should ask her how she's doing. Doesn't mean that asking her will lead to me joining the effort right? Though I've not been talking to her much at all because of other reasons altogether. Being crazy busy has been one of them.

But yeah... There's that. Maybe if they send out another email asking for manpower I will reconsider. It seems like they have enough manpower for now because I've not heard anything other than an initial email. After all... RNA extraction, running PCR... All these are very common lab skills that many folks in the institute process. It's not like I'm all that almighty and can bring something unique to the table. I work fast yes, but I don't think them folks are slouches either... *shrugs* Was already thinking about it when the first sent out the email but meh... That was during the mad rush to do reviewer experiments... I wonder how my boss would react if I told him I wanted join 'team c' then. LOL. I guess the post doc would have to do everything, but he's still rather new and not fully comfortable with some stuff yet.

Ah wells. I hope that I can properly recuperate in this month. And learn code. My boss specifically mentioned learning code in his email to the group. Feels like he was talking directly to me LOL. Knowing him, he probably was LOL.

Definitely enjoying my time at home. If I could be a little selfish... I'd like this to last a little longer. Getting back into the groove of doing things like journaling and art and what not. Just gonna start with the coding stuff right now. Feels so nice, this working from home thing. Now if only I can get my act together and start up an alternative career/business... I could enjoy this lifestyle forever! Lol.

The pros of being an introvert huh? While people are posting ways to entertain themselves at home for the CB period... I have a WHOLE 6 pages or longer worth of to do list... From work/learning to reading books and doing art. Lol! One month is definitely not enough to do all of that! At least I've cleared a huge item on the list of packing my room and tables! Phew.

Alright. That's all from me for now.

Please stay safe, stay at home, wherever you are! And if you don't have a pile of 'to do at home' list like I do... Maybe it's time to create one. And to get you started... Arashi has posted the Untitled concert on youtube! I watched the DVD previously already, but I've not watched the youtube posting. Not sure if I would, to be honest... Considering my long to do list... :P

How’s everyone?

 

Life has been amazing. I’m loving my new iPad Pro... As my mac becomes slower and slower... I’m using my iPad more and more as my laptop replacement. It can’t do EVERYTHING my mac can, but it can get a lot done, and way faster. Oh my poor mac. I really should like... Reinstall the OS from scratch or something but that’s really a lot of work. I’m oh so very lazy....

 

Like watching Arashi bangumi livestream. I start the live stream on my mac. 5 mins later, it’s still not loaded. I start it on my iPad and it’s there. Video playing almost instantly. I’ve now given up on trying to watch it on my ‘puter.

 

If I had more $, I’d get a new ‘puter, and a new lappy too. Love the Dell lappy that my boss has. XPS 15. So sleek and so beautiful. Too bad I don’t have the $. Else I’d get the Dell. If I were a millionair... I’d fill my house with ‘puters and other electronics. Gosh, I’m such a geek.

 

Life has been great.

 

I getting pretty darn close with my boss. My brother. My... Friend. Yeah... Above all else, a trustworthy friend.

 

I can totally see why my colleague gets pissed at him sometimes. It’s mostly because it’s a guy thing, and guy are not like girls and they do stuff like disappear for lunch without bothering to check if anyone else in the office might join them. Like one moment my boss was telling me about how he had a meeting from 11 to 12 and hoped to still join us for lunch, but the next he’d disappeared for lunch with another colleague without checking if I’m still in the lab... Geez. And there I thought he’d check because like he was with me right up till he had to go for the meeting. And his laptop was in the lab with me... And stuff. Luckily he replied the moment I messaged him. And ordered lunch for me. Geez. This is the kind of stuff that would certainly make my colleague very upset.

 

But at the same time. Maybe it’s just because he’s so freaking nice that yeah we expect too much. From a boss that is. Would you demand the same from your boss? I think about some of the high up there bosses I’ve had previously and lol... I don’t even want to lunch with them. How many people can actually say that they willingly lunch with their boss almost everyday? We’re lucky people. And me and my colleague knows that. It’s just that you know... Since my boss treats everyone equally and walks the talk, we treat him equally too and reflect things back to him. Well at least I do. Like... How should I put it? How to deal with ladies kind of thing? Sure as a boss he doesn’t need to do any of that. But as the nice human being that he is... He could be a bit more aware of certain things...

 

Arghs idk. He’s my boss. But for the most part, he’s not behaving like a boss. Something that absolutely sucks if you have people who take advantage of his kindness. But with a group of self motivated, mature and intelligent adults, it works amazingly well. Idk about EVERYONE else in the group, but I think it works for my above mentioned colleague, and it definitely works for me. Fuck, I’m crazy about science again. The passion, excitement, and craziness... It’s been restored. I’m becoming whole again. And the crazy thing is that my boss just let’s me explore. Do shit. Like set up lasers. Even attempt to do some coding stuff, which I absolutely couldn’t do. And then I just watched as he got the pro aka his pet to fix it. Like this is amazing shit right? Any lesser boss would have just shooed me away and demanded that I do something more... Idk, useful? With my time. Not let me learn new things. Purposely prevent me from developing for fear that I may eclipse them and what, take over their jobs. As was the case in my last job. Still very traumatized. But nope. My boss isn’t like that. He’s smart and calm and secure and open. And well, he’s smart. Not the know it all sort of smart, but that he knows what he can and can’t do and therefore he needs to hire people to fill the gaps. And after all he’s only one. He can’t do kage bunshin and make a million clones and do EVERYTHING by himself, as some stupid, insecure supervisors *cough cough* tried so hard to do.

 

Ahhh... I’m in such a happy place now, such a happy land. Especially now that I’m not on any particular project and just doing random (but very useful and necessary) shit around the lab. Like moving the scope over and now fixing on the new lasers. My boss is amazing. And there’s nice people in the lab too, mostly. And I’m laughing all the time with them, being social once again... And gasp even recalling the days past when I was a leader. It’s... It’s like I’ve been born again. I love it.

 

Work.

 

It fills my head everyday. Even when I’m not working I still think about it. Not necessary the experiment and the science, but maybe some issues and what not. Oh the fun and the excitement. I love it. Finally life has meaning once more and I finally found something to be grateful for everyday - grateful that I got his boss, that my boss hired me, that he’s such an amazing boss, that things are finally working out. Heck. I could stay in this job, this position forever. After the previous job, I’m putting my mental health above all else. After all, nothing matters when I’m dead. Money? It’s useless to the dead right? I’m lucky. I’m not starving. My parents are not starving. We aren’t that desperate for money. We aren’t in a situation where I’d take ANY job to be able to stay alive. I get to choose. And I’m picking a job that let’s me feel alive.

 

Things are very complicated though. Even my free wanderer status won’t last forever. Once this scope is completed I won’t get the chance to work with my boss in the lab like this again, not for a long time. And as he gets busier, such a chance is only going to decrease. I think that’s why he enjoys it a lot as well. He loves being in the lab, doing stuff, but these days he’s only in the office writing code, if he’s not dealing with the admin stuff and everything else a PI needs to deal with that is. Like I see him going into the lab and he’s enjoying himself too. And that really made me fired up too. Was showing someone from another lab wet lab stuff and I was itching to finish it asap because my little boy was downstairs and all alone. Well, it seems like he’s someone who gets lonely very easily and seems to like my company... But I also like his and I know how short our time working together like that in the lab will be. Once everything is all set up, it’s gone. And I’ll go back to the wetlab. No more lasery stuff to tinker with. I treasure every moment I’m working with him. I want to savor it all and remember it... Because he’s my boss. I really enjoy his company... And he’s a master, a genius. By no means perfect and a bit stupid at times (aren’t we all a bit dumb at times, unable to see what’s right in front of you?)... But the passion radiating off him... In a very gentle, perhaps even subtle way, but I can feel it pulsing there all the same. Arghs. That. That is what I live for. What I want to feel. To work with a similarly passionate person. I enjoy it so much. To see him in action was a privilege. Now I get to work alongside him? Helping him and what not? Gah. WTF man, this job just gets better and better. I thought watching him work on the scope last time was freaking amazing already. Like he actually freaking showed me on the scope and imaged the samples for me ok. Which boss actually does that right? Like to just see his mighty fast clicks and moves and what not. It was so inspiring. And now this whole laser stuff it totally ignited me. Like I was in this job for over half a year then but still there was something missing. I was enjoying work, enjoying life, but still, there was something missing. But then when I worked with him on the lasers, I found it. The passion. The fire. I felt it and I could feed off him. The fire that had fizzed out was finally ignited once more. And now he has a fiery little dragon who needs to get fed a lot to stay happy. And he’ll have to deal with that. But he also manages to keep finding new stuff for me to do, at least for now. So that’s good. If not well... There were a few days when I had nothing to do and was just bored right. I could read stuff, but there was also nothing much else to do so... Blah. For now, I just wanna have all the fun I can. Don’t want to stop. Collect all the fun, and think about what’s next later. Ain’t got any plans. Part of it is how boss wants to use me. I’m still not very sharp, certainly don’t feel as sharp as when I was at my peak... But I’ve also gain new abilities and tricks. I was a sword, now I’m a sword wielding dragon! (Have you ever seen a sword wielding dragon?) I’m fiery and passionate and I can slice stuff! Slowly but surely, I’m getting regrinded and gaining my edge. And ironically it’s my stint doing optics with my boss that helped me gain back a lot of that.

 

Gah.

 

Enjoying life?

 

You bet I am.

 

With such a nice boss, who wouldn’t be? Plus, our personalities and working style seems to match pretty darn well too. No we aren’t the same. Quite the contrary in fact... But it seems to go well together and I enjoy his company (I think it’s mutual...)... I can only work hard and pray that he’ll have money to hire me forever. Well. Gotta pray that he lives forever too. If he’s gone the lab is gone. So I hope he’s not messaging while driving anymore... o.o

 

You bet I have a vested interest in making sure my PI stay alive and healthy, and that the group does well. I don’t care much for overcats. I just want to work with my boss, the underdog.

 

Complicated days are ahead, but I hope that the days will remain as happy as they are now. Sigh.

 

Really, really treasure the time I have with my boss. I hope things will never change but... With the way we are expanding and growing... Somethings won’t last forever. In fact so much has changed since the days when he just become a PI. My only regret is that I’d not joined the group earlier. It really also helps that he’s a mere two years older than me. I see him like a brother and that’s been a bonus to our working relationship. Also I’m bringing stuff to the table that no one else in the group is bringing, filling in the gap so to speak. And in return I’ve got all these amazing opportunities and I’m learning a ton of stuff from him. And also getting reminded of who I used to be.

 

Like I used to have the “how to talk to your juniors” module when I was a CCA leader. But I never got to do any leader like stuff in a long time so it was forgotten. Now I’ve stolen his words and asked the same question to my intern. I don’t just sound the same as him in the literal, voice sounding really hoarse in the morning sense... But I’m using his words too lol. I wonder if my intern noticed...

 

Speaking of intern... It was her last day yesterday and I was wondering if my boss remembered. Luckily he did. That nice guy treated the entire lab to pepperoni. Yay. Saved me two meals, cos otherwise I would have treated my intern for sure. I mean, she was my intern, I reaped all the benefits of her helping me do experiments for the past 3 or 4 months, after the initial training period... So much so that I’ve forgotten how to do a lot of things already. Lol. Like the procedure, how much to add... Cos I’ve had someone doing all the dirty work for me for too long... Lol. But nope, my lovely boss remembered and everyone got a treat, so thank you for that too.

 

My intern is a real sweetie too. Definitely don’t regret the time and effort I put into training her. Even though we might not be working on the same thing in the future, I don’t think I’ll feel like I’ve wasted my time. Heck, I didn’t put my time training her expecting that she would stay on in the first place. So that she’s coming back and we might be working on the same project? That’s a bonus I guess. Yeah, she’ll definitely do well. Way better than some others for sure. What can I say? She’s good, has the right personality and attitude, and has a good mentor (self praise ha!) so she’s definitely turned out well.

 

All in all. Life is good. Save for one problem. My sleep. Not sleeping well. Getting a lot of fragmented sleep, and therefore remembering a lot of my dreams. Been dreaming about work a lot. Pretty much everyday I guess... Since every time I could remember my dreams it was about work. Woke up at 6am today and remember my dream, it was... Ok I should clarify. When I say about work, I mean either directly work related, or someone from work starred in the dream. And of course, who else starred in my dreams more than my boss? He showed up in the 6am dream. And also in the short dream I had when I slept from 6+am till 7:45am. He wasn’t really featured in the second dream but he was there beside me...

 

It’s a great sign. It means that I’m enjoying my work. So much so that I’m really thinking about it all the time. Even in my sleep. I hardly ever remembered my dream otherwise. In my whole time in kkh I only had at like 3 dreams (I’m counting those that I could remember of course, I know we dream every night!). Yes, I kept count because it was so rare. But on this job? Last night/this morning I already had two. And there was a night when I had three dreams!

 

Since most of them are about work and pretty darn epic... (Like my boss turning into a spider?!?!?) I decided to make a blog and write them down. Yeah, a brand new blog. It’s fun and it’s challenging to write down something to ephemeral... Something that’s completely illogical and with scenes shifting about all the time. And worst still, if I don’t write it down right after waking up, chances are that I’d forget it in a bit.

 

In comes my iPad Pro. If it’s a weekend, my iPad is the choice of weapon. If not, I wrote my dream on the way to work on my phone yesterday...

 

So here it is. My dream blog. I don’t update regularly. Only when I remember my dreams and it’s something interesting enough for me to remember it a few hours later and then actually not be lazy and write it down... But do give it a look. I’ve got quite a number of entries inside now.

 

I guess that’s all for this amazingly long post. Till next time!

Things hasn't been going well in the lab. Stuff just isn't working. Sigh. At least I think it's the experiment problem and not like human error... And the scope has been behaving itself for us so... That's good.

Don't know what my boss wants me to do. He hasn't really decided. And it's leaving me confused. I'm working with two interns. And the stuff I'm doing... You can say it's both their project, and also my project. In the end whose project is it? Idk. At the end of the year, if they leave and not continue working here, I guess the project goes back to me. Then again, boss isn't all that interested in the direction we've initially been tasked to go. More like, it's hard, we haven't had much luck at all. Sure you wouldn't expect results so fast... But we were kinda trying to replicate work from a pre-print paper. We could just wait for the paper to be officially out and try it again with their DNA sequences. And try something else in the meantime instead of 'wasting' our time on this. Heck well. There's a ton of things that I could try. I guess I'll just have to try and see what sticks. 

The dreaded qn is: What is your own project?

I still have none. Almost half and year already and still none. Sigh. Things will turn out ok eventually I guess... But yeah. In research. It's a scary place. Had dinner with a colleague last night. We both just needed a bit of a time out, her especially. And she asked the scary question. How long do you think boss will stay here?

Gosh. No. Please no. He'll be staying here forever right? Forever and ever. And he'll be able to get grants and what not right? Sigh. I'm sick of this... The job search. Looking for a new lab. Landing in crappy ones. I've not even been in that many places/jobs. Ok. This is my fourth... Not that few also. And in my NTU job I changed hands a lot. Passed around from person to person, project to project. Just so sick of this... Sigh. Please stay alive and healthy... And may the cash flow be forever good... My hopes and dreams depends on you lol!

It's funny tho. We've been ordering grab food a lot lately. And usually it's like my boss ordering. And he's the one going downstairs to pick up the order. Hahaha. It's a really unique sort of group we have here. We have lunch with our boss almost daily? Well you can choose not to. It's not mandatory or anything... But like... Yeah it's just quite a nice place to work at overall. And tbh... I really enjoy eating with the boys. The engineering guys (including my boss). The conversations are just different with the boys and the girls ya know... Like dinner with my colleague one on one yest was nice, but we also talked about different things VS when we're with the other girls. Like they start talking about movies or shows or earrings or other random stuff that... I'm sorry, I don't have much interest in or know about. Esp all the US movies and TV shows... Netflix. I don't have netflix. And I don't have the time to watch either. I have my art/journaling stuff to do. Games to play. Now I'm thinking about doing a blog on my art stuff... and what not. And of course, loads of Arashi shows waiting, begging, to be watched.

And yeah... My gender... fluidity is at work here. Love the conversations with the boys more. Someone always brings up an interesting topic and we will talk and expand on it etc... All the time I spent listening to podcasts wasn't in vain. Lol. Though it's mostly when I'm traveling and couldn't have done much else in terms of productive work anyway. And I can still listen AND play at the same time. So doubly productive! Lol.

That's about it for now. Got other things to do! Till next time!  

I have a big problem now.

I can't get work work done.

As in. Work, for my work. 

I spent yesterday attempting to pack my table, and it was kinda successful in that the area in front of my computer is much neater now... And I have a ton of space in front of my keyboard - enough to put an A5 book and write... But that's about all I've done this weekend. Besides playing, trying to take naps and failing to... And generally wasting my time.

My main table for writing is still clogged with erm. A lot of stuff. Too much stationery and other bits and pieces. 

Gah!

Meanwhile... 

I'm supposed to do a journal club presentation on Wedn and I've erm. I read those two papers I'm planning on presenting a while back. Can't remember all that much. But this weekend? I stared at the first few paras of both papers for a bit. Typed three words into my powerpoint slides. And that's it. I have done absolutely nothing else. It's now 10pm. I should be getting a bath, and getting ready for bed in a few hours. But I've not even started. Lol.

Sure there's tmr, and tues night, but I've been falling asleep every night after work without doing anything substantial... And there's newszero to watch tomorrow too - there's bound to be news of Arashi's hiatus and I want to see how Sho responds to that.

Oh yeah and the hiatus. That brought me out of my DW hiatus for sure. And prompted a post to SF. I've talked about what I feel there, now I'm over it and have more immediate, pressing things to worry about. Like my journal club presentation. Why that particular experiment of mine keeps failing, and also what project I should do in the future. Now that interns are here and I've adopted one. And another half intern half future RO (research officer) that knows more about the area of work that I was tasked with than I do and so now he's kinda taken my project? Well if I don't buck up... What am I to do? Lol. Nothing! Yup. Better stop playing all night till I fall asleep and start reading those papers and getting those ideas. Because man, my PI does have high expectations of me and currently I think I've gotten nothing done. Sigh.

And that journal club. Arghs. Gotta come up with a presentation somehow and present it. 30 mins. It's a full hour long for the RFs, but he's easier on the ROs. Gosh. This will be my first journal club ever. Like in my entire scientific career.... It was only in this job that I attended my first journal clubs, and this will be my first time presenting. Arghs. Stressed. I'm feeling like how I felt for the fic exchange. Only that there's no extension. I guess the problem is really with me. I need to get used to working hard again. Or maybe for the first time. Since I really can't remember the last time I actually, really, studied hard. And I need to stop falling asleep while reading journal papers too. :X

Wish me luck. Really gotta get this down. Been to quite a lot of places in sg already, and applied to many more. And I'm getting old. There's not much more opportunities for me in this field. And to find such a nice PI... Even harder still. I think this will be my last job as an RO. My career may well die here if I finally get the courage, and put in the effort to switch fields. And if I don't, but instead get a PhD, then I will become a post doc, no longer an RO. It's do or die for me... So why can't I actually get work work done?

That was long.

Several long hours making the three posts for Storm Freaks. Go read and comment people! It was hard work! Practically my entire afternoon!

Phew. 

Ok. Gotta deal with work stuff now. Like work work. Attempt to finish summarizing a paper, as well as summarizing my past week for my lab notebook.

And then there's the fishing MJ fic that I need to erm. Start on. Opps....?

Yeah!

I made updates for Storm Freaks! There's still more stuff that I want to post... A lot more... But I think I'll ease up on the spamming a bit and try to spread things out...

And then I'm pleased with myself for making a NM post! Yeah! Check it out here. Gotta advertise my site a bit yeah?

Let's see if I can try to post something every week. Or at least, every other week!

Been neglecting my journaling + calliarts stuff (calligraphy and art) for about like... Two weeks now. I caught up to all of Oct yesterday. Now gotta work on my Nov stuff eh.

I've been addicted to various mobile games recently... So much so that maplestory M has taken a back seat. Kinda. Stardew valley arrived on iOS. And old school runescape too. But I'm kinda over those too... Kinda. I'll wait till the new runescape to arrive on mobile... And stardew valley... I'm ok. Just gonna play it one in game day at a time. Maplestory m? Still playing, but mostly auto-battling offline now. I did make my 5th character yesterday though! 

Other than that... Work is ok. PI has been away whole of last week but it didn't mean anything much other than that I don't see PI. I have my work orders from the other research officer. And I'm still lagging behind so much in my readings... I'm gonna die in tmr's one on one with the PI. Lol. Ok... The other RO tells me there's nothing to worry about... Yeah, PI is a nice guy. And she said he'll do most of the talking. But still. There are expectations. And I need to pass my probation. And no matter what I need to get those damn background readings done so that I can lay the foundation for whatever I'm doing and actually sound intellectual. Plus I'll probably have to give a journal club presentation in Dec so that means I need to do a lot more than just catching up on background info by then. Crap. 

Oh and fishing mj? Ha!

Nope. Not started one bit. Entirely clueless how to write it. What to write? Arghs. Idk. The prompts are of no use... Sigh. It's not gonna be 'girigiri'. It'll just be late. Lol.

Oh wells. I just have to get it out in... 2 weeks right? I think it'll be a miracle if I can finish it before Ohno's bday. Lol. Oh wells. 

That's all for now I guess. I have to move on to the next item on my to do list. Which is to catch up with Nov calliartsjournal!