To be Free

The end of an era...

2025-05-07T06:02:58Z

Gosh. How time flies.

I'm sure Arashi fan would have heard about the annoucement by Arashi yesterday... About their last concert before disbanding next year... I've not watched the video yet, but I read the announcement...

Somehow... I'm not surprised. I mean. In the first place... It's hard to stay an idol forever... They aren't getting any younger. They are all in their 40s now.... How time flies indeed... And in the period of hiatus... They have all been pursuing their own interests... I just wish that we will still get to see what Oh-chan is up to... But he has chosen a quiet life for himself.

It is alas, still sad... I met so many people because of the Arashi fandom. People I would otherwise not have met. I doubt I would also have learnt so much Japanese either, as informal as that learning is... I definitely can't write Japanese kanji for one (as in handwrite)... I've forgotten most of my Chinese already after all. But at least I can speak it sufficiently for travel purposes. And all the youtube videos that I can watch and understand pretty darn well. And it all started because I watched Arashi variety shows.

All the fanfics I wrote... I would never have tried my hand at writing fiction if not for them...

Ahhh.... Time flies.

I think the same about my current job too... I've really been here for a long time. Going 7 years now. I was in this job when I went to their concert before the hiatus. The first and last idol concerts I went to...

I haven't listen to their songs in a while now...

I've been listening to like just one song on replay for months, that sort of thing... So I'm hardly listening to anything at all... But yeah... Arashi... It feels like a distant time away, back when I was young(er)... It was a lot of fun watching them... And I'm glad for the internet because those videos and shows and memories... They will forever be there, available for me to watch somewhere... I hope they will indulge us one (or a few more times) before disbanding... I want to hear them talk. About random little everyday things. Updating us about their lives... Maybe while eating. And just being silly. I like the bond they with each other, that was what drew me to their group. The bond that is called Arashi. The stupid shit they do together... Like feeling each other's butts during the music station live... Their friendship is genuine, and they are genuinely having fun. I'll miss that.

It's just not the same without the 5 of them together... And I'm so glad they made the decision to stick together no matter what. Even at the end. Like... Nino has his youtube channel... But honestly after a few months I just stopped watching it. It's not the same, and it's not as funny, enjoyable, entertaining... Poor guys... I don't even remember their names now. I mean. There is Yamada... And the... Kanjani8 guy. And then the... Sexy zone youngster? No, I have no clue what the new group names are either, sorry. But yeah... The youngster is kinda... Supposed to play the Aiba role. But somehow he just annoys me. And then the rest of them are just... Very... Low energy folks. I doesn't make for a very exciting viewing experience for me so I just stopped watching, yeah. Of course, Nino not being on the top of my favourites list might have something to do with it... But it also feels like... His snarkiness couldn't go on full display there etc.

I really haven't been following the Jpop trend even before Arashi went on hiatus. I know Jun did the taiga drama, which I didn't watch any of... And then Aiba took over the shimura doubutsuen after Shimura-san passed away... I see Nino on some movie poster recently? I don't know. Jun had a long beard and all so when I saw screenshots of a clean shaven Jun from the annoucement video I was like, you sure this is a recent video? I guess he shaved to look like how he was back when Arashi went on the hiatus... How considerate of him... As expected of the Japanese.

And wait... Sho, Aiba and Nino are all married now? With Sho and Aiba annoucing it on the same day? And Nino has 2 kids now? Aiba 1? I think? I haven't really been following, and I might well have missed/forgotten some annoucements. I know Nino was the first and so that stuck the most in my memory. The rest kind of became a distant blur.

I wish them all the best, just as I have all along. I'll still support them, even though I am no longer an active fan... Life just happens you know...

I'm glad they are coming together one last time, and even gasp doing a round of concerts before disbanding. I'm also glad that they didn't chose the route of remaining active while people leave one by one... That's just even sadder, and it really just won't be Arashi without any one of them. Ignoring the songs and how Ohno is the lead singer... But just the dynamics and everything... It just won't work out if one person is missing, something that I deeply felt when watching Nino's "4 person channel' on youtube... It's just not the same.

I doubt I'll be able to get tickets to the concerts, since I just let my FC membership lapse long ago (I just didn't check when to renew it and such, it's kind of cumbersome as a foreigner... And yeah, it just expired...). But I'm sure they will have DVDs and blurays and such and I will definitely buy those.

Oh wells. I don't really have much else to say now. Just as I've moved on with my life, Arashi is also moving on... Thank you for all the fun times we had together.

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Hello? Is there anybody still around here?

2025-04-03T10:56:44Z

Hi ya all! It's been so long since I visited livejournal, or dreamwidth... I've almost forgotten about this place completely... Just looked at the stats and saw that... Wow. I've made over 800 posts in here... I sure did post a lot, once upon a time.

I recently decided to start blogging again. I really enjoyed writing, and talking about random stuff... And that's what I am doing in my new substack over here.

Of course my life has changed quite a bit since the LJ/DW days... Work still is taking up a big part of my time... But I've also been doing a lot of art... I'm posting all my art (all the art that I want to share with the world anyway) on my Cara account...

It would be awesome if you could check out my substack and Cara!

I guess I'd just leave a quick update here as well, since I'm here already. Lots of ups and downs with work.... Some massive life changes coming up as well. Including how I now have a mortage to pay... No. I am still not married nor dating. But yeah... *some* life changes indeed. Had some bad time at work in a previous project... Recently I was worried about my current job and how long I'd still have it for, because my contract ends end of Nov this year... But it seems like my boss will still want me around and I'll still have a job afterwards.... Been trying to help write a proposal as well... So that made me feel a lot better, especially since the mortage will start from... Probably next month onwards? Yeah.

Not sure what else to say... Oh yes. Lots of health changes as well. I'm definitely getting old... Sigh. Time flies huh? I guess I'll just end this here. I just wrote a rather lengthy post on my substack - the post is scheduled for this Sunday, but I've got another post scheduled for tomorrow, and lots of previous posts about my life etc... If anyone is still interested.

So erm... That's it for now I guess? Till next time! And see you around substack maybe?

Edit: Ahhh looking at all the tags... And the feels.. T.T I miss Arashi... When will they come back?

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Just dropping by

2024-02-16T08:18:31Z

To say hi.

How have I been? Not the best really. Health hasn't been good recently. Work is kinda shit. I haven't kept up with Arashi news and all, though I do know some stuff, it just enters my field of vision ya know? Like the whole JE thing. Or should I say, Starto? And Nino's new company... I follow him on twitter, I mean, X, so I do read his tweets every now and then. I saw his few youtube videos regarding the name change but nothing much else... Their videos are just... Not my vibe ya know? I watched them for a bit at the beginning... Then it just kinda fell off my watching list. Nino has that very meh vibe, as in, the typical Nino being Nino snarky, lazy kinda vibe. And it just works in Arashi. And sometimes he's cute and adorable and I love him to bits, even though my ichiban is still Ohno. But in his youtube channel... It just doesn't really work because everyone but that sexy zone guy (what's his name again? Kikuchi?) has also kinda similar meh vibes, and then Kikuchi is overly enthusiastic and annoying, like the complete other end of the spectrum and one that simply put, annoys me. It's just not to my liking, like a personal preference kind of thing. No offense ok? So yeah.... I haven't watched anything Arashi in ages. I know Jun did the taiga drama thing, would like to watch it but also, it's really long and I kinda don't have the time to watch something so long.......

I've definitely fallen off the whole jpop thing. Well not really. Arashi was literally the only group I was following, so when I stopped following them even before the hiatus announcement came because of job changes and stuff... Yeah... It would be great if I could watch like their shows on youtube though. I pretty much only watch youtube these days. I guess I could probably find the shows on bilibili or something but I just am not in a habit of going there, and right now I already have a backlog of youtube videos that I want to watch... Work has been busy as I said. That and the Chinese New Year sping cleaning....

Anyway... An update on where you can find me if you so wish.

https://twistyrubiks.wordpress.com/

I started speedcubing during covid, and that was why I started watching youtube really. Because I watched rubik's cube tutorials on youtube. The blog mostly talks about my cubing adventures.

https://themessydesk.xyz/
My art/stationery blog, and I am also trying to put some of the personal life/work updates here. They have been scattered in TwistyRubiks as well.

https://dreamlikeaboss.home.blog/
My dream blog. As in, blogs about the dreams I've had at night. Not the 'hopes and dreams of the future' kind, but the 'unconscious, while you are sleeping' kind. Updates are sparse, since I don't remember my dreams often, and even if I do, I would have to find the time and motivation to record down the dream before I forget it. But I have pretty funny and epic dreams though, if I can say so myself.

https://nihongomanabu.com/
My old japanese learning site/blog, that I have yet to revive.

https://www.youtube.com/c/TheMessyDeskxyz
My stationery/art youtube channel, that I posted actively on for a few months before work took over my life. I would like to get back to making videos again someday though...

https://www.instagram.com/themessydesk.xyz/
My art/stationery instagram

https://www.instagram.com/the.random.lab/
My 'personal' instagram, though it's not plastered with my face all over and stuff. I'm just not that kind of person. But yeah this is my personal instagram and I don't have any private instagram or whatever...

I'm also the.random.lab on threads and @darkillertg on X... But I rarely update those either.

That's it I guess. I don't check here at all these days, but I should still get an email if you dm me or anything, so in case there's a compelling reason that you wish to chat to me... You can dm. I'll reply if it's not spam I guess...

Till, whenever the next time is. Cya!

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So long 2020, hello 2021

2021-01-03T13:37:30Z

Hi!

I'm alive people. Yeah, I have not been blogging much and honestly I'm not here to announce my return. Life has changed a lot and I don't see myself returning to DW but... I do still want to keep my account alive, and post here like over a year or something of that sort.

So... Arashi's holiday, or well Ohno's holiday has started huh?

I'm heartened to hear that they will still update their SNS once in a while - even Ohno said he'll post something on occasion. That's all I want really, to know that they are alright and well. Maybe get a glimpse into Ohno's latest art piece or fishing spot...

TSD.... Man. I wanna go back to watching their shows regularly.. Definitely would like to watch all of minna's zoo... Whatever the proper full name is. Also the last few episodes of TSD. Crazy. Not gonna lie here, but I'd always thought that the show will go to Aiba when Shimura-san passes. But I was thinking along the lines of like, 10 years later or something ya know? Not so fast. Not so sudden. It's crazy. And now covid is making new waves all over the world again. How will it ever end?

I really enjoyed watching TSD though, still wanna watch the old TSD episodes. The Japanese dogs segment especially. Loved that. Where can I get full episodes of TSD now I wonder? Man....

Wonder how Aiba's new zoo is like, yeah definitely want to watch it...

Other than that... Well... Me? Meh. 2020 has been shit. Very shitty. Even though things are really going pretty well in sg now. 2020 was still shit for me. Like being 'forced to volunteer' at the covid diagnostic lab. Started out ok at first but got me plunging right back into depression and idk what very quickly after that. I realised that. If I get mentally bored. That's it. That's the end of me and things take a rapid downhill. That was why I did everything I did previously. Playing maplestory. Then all the fandom stuff. I actually started playing maplestory again for like 4 or 5 months, but recently just stopped again. It was taking up too much of my time. Time for other games. Other hobbies, and just other shit in general. It's not fun anymore when a game becomes a job and that happens with me rather quickly. Yeah.

But still recovering from that mental setback. But it was once again ignited my wish to do my own business and not stay in science. Even as my long time friend is encouraging me to do a PhD cos the government is putting in more $$ into science and training PhD candidates now. Like. It's.. More of the same shit. And I'm sick of that shit really. As much as I love science and I love working in my current job (though really, that joy has diminished a lot after that covid shit)... I also yearn for something new, something different. And arghs. Idk man. But I really hope I can get progress into that something in 2021.

Yeah....... That's all I guess. So long... And till next time!

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Hello and anyone wants letters?

2020-05-17T06:03:17Z

PM me your address if you would like to be my penpal! Or well it's fine too if you reply back electronically rather than by snail mail.

I've been writing letters recently and it's fun... Though I'm not sure how long letters will take to get delivered now, or even at all with the current covid-19 situation. Damn. Like Japan has stopped regular mail service out of the country, can only use like EMS, DHL and Fedex or something. Sigh. And the worse thing is we have no idea when this will come to an end! Be warned that my handwriting isn't the prettiest nor the neatest though!

I guess I'm definitely lucky though. My job isn't affected by the pandemic - the salary part I mean. And although I absolutely dislike it... I *can* and am more than qualified to do the SARS-CoV-2 qpcr testing, so it's like... Ok if things really turn that desperate I can get myself a job doing that I guess.

But things are looking up once again in SG. Fewer community cases at last. No not zero, but much fewer. And fewer unlinked cases too. Though once again, not zero. As for the dorm cases? Meh. It was an elephant in the room that nobody wanted to acknowledge ever, until disaster struck. What's 'best' though are the politicians who shoot their mouths off claiming that the dorm situation did not contribute to the outbreak. Erm ok? Meh. TBH I care way less about the local politics than I should. I don't even know many of our ministers. No I haven't been following the US drama either, not actively. But it's in the Chinese news my mum tunes in to at dinner. It's in the fountain pen chatgroup I'm in... It's in my mail. In the medium articles I'm shown. Everywhere. I'm just like... Waiting for a very drastically different world to emerge once this is over, one that I'm sure China a play a much bigger role in, and the declining of the US is more pronounced than ever. It's not like the US is gonna be dead. They still have a lot of innovation going on, I mean, my beloved Apple products for one... But on other fronts? Idk man. Really gonna be interesting to see what happens. Not from a insider, US citizen point of view of course, but as someone living in Asia... Where the world we see is very different.

I thought to myself when the epidemic started getting worse, and no it hadn't turned into a pandemic yet... I thought to myself, as a biologist... What an interesting time it is to be alive. Indeed it is. Perhaps if you take a step back from the mess and the chaos, and take a more zen approach to things, you might find the whole lockdown/self isolation situation more bearable? Of course such philosophical thoughts can only come about when you are secure (with a roof over your head) and fed. And again I'm glad that my job hasn't been impacted.

So pardon my random musings...

But hey, how 'lucky' is it that we are alive, and well, and witnessing this crazy event unfold right in front of our eyes? It's a mouth gaping event worthy of the aurora borealis. Hardly as beautiful of course, but... A world war without a world war. What an experience to live through! After this we'll all be war vets!

Oh wells. I hope pandemics of this scale won't repeat every 10 years though. If it does then yes, the world is really burning to the ground. And my environmentalist minded ex-colleagues will remark about how the earth is getting rid of the human beings who have been a plague upon the earth... Because yes, that has truly indeed been the case...

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Moving on...

2020-05-10T16:59:16Z

Wow. It's been longer than I thought since I last posted.

Thought it was only a week ago.

Oh wells. I've been playing maplestory M for a while now, well, since it's release in SG. And it was fun. Was. Met some nice people, and that's kinda like the only reason why I'm still in the guild, still playing. Today one of the oldies quit, and with it, two others who've been wanting to leave the guild but hadn't will leave now too. And as for me? Idk man. For now I'm still hanging on, doing the daily guild fort. But really for the past few months, more than half a year already I guess, I've not done anything more than logging in daily to check in my attendance, and do the 2 min guild dungeon thing for 3 characters. Maybe guild fort if the timing is right. Ah and yes, starting auto battle for the rest of the day. That's about it. Playing, but also not really. And it's just not going to change. I yearn for the game that PC maple once was, but isn't even anymore. I've had my Dell lappy for a month now and I've not even downloaded maple. It's just... Yeah I still thinking about the game and I probably will download it someday... More for old time's sake and to fulfill my curiosity to see if my characters are still clothed or have becoming naked - hacked into basically... It's been years since I last logged in after all. But really... I don't think I'll ever get into it like I did previously. It wasn't the game that used to be and as childish as I think I still am, I'm not the kid that I once was either... For good or for ill. I have a job. I have new interests. New hobbies to spend my time and money on. New toys and new games (literally and figuratively) to play with.... Nostalgic yes... But just like how my PI yearns to go back to the lab sometimes... Things will just never be back to the way it was. He'll never be able to be back doing wetlab, not unless he does something drastic like quit his job and move elsewhere to set up a new lab I guess. And as for me, I won't ever get to experience that maple of the old. That kind of wonder and excitement. Grinding quests and levels. The much more hardcore game mechanics. It's gone, never to come back again, and shall forever only exist in my memories.

And now, even if I were to find games to binge on... Maplestory M just isn't it. And it too, will only be a matter of time before I leave the guild.

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Tired... And inbox 0???

2020-04-30T14:01:50Z

Ok. I just hit the delete all button in my inbox because... I don't think there's anything outstanding in there, not that I can remember of... Not like 1 year after the fact.. Or something like that.

I wonder how many people are still on DW now... After Arashi got on to SNS, the way we get news about Arashi changed too. We can hear directly from them, no need to wait for news reports, TV or magazine anymore... So, how many ppl are still on DW? Especially considering how DW isn't the most updated of sites... Idk... How many people are still here, reading this? Lol.

Have not been that religious in clearing my email inbox though. Did bring it down to 60+ from 200++ earlier, but I do need to make a concerted effort to keep clearing it or it piles up quickly! I should unsubscribe from more stuff so that I don't get so much mail in the first place but... Oh wells.

Anyway. I've been trying to improve my typing! Speed and accuracy! And I've decided to fix my right hand finger placement lol. Finally using my right pinkie. Previously everything was kinda shifted down so my fourth finger was the one pressing P and what not... Just really a bit messy. Trying to get the better habits to stick and then slowly improve my speed. I want to get an average of 70 wpm on typing tests lol. Even now I still hit the backspace button with my ring finger, and instead of the right hand hitting the Y button, usually my left does it, and vice versa for the B key. And other little things that doesn't really conform to the 'proper' method. But I'm just leaving it be. Some are way more comfortable for me, like using the index finger for the C key. I don't think it impacts my typing speed that much. My left hand is doing pretty ok, right hand is the troublesome one because it's been 'misbehaving' for years... Oh wells.

And as for tired. Idk why exactly. But I was just exceptionally tired today. Didn't sleep any later than normal too. Was tired before the computation meeting. Computation meeting was really dry today, almost feel asleep during the meeting... And then I feel asleep in the covid-19 related talk after dinner. Lol.

Haven't touched python in a week again, not since last Friday. Weekend I took a break, then I got news from my boss on Monday that the paper was accepted in principle. And that meant we had to do all the final edits, checking little things to make sure they conform to the journal's standards... And preparing more documents for submission. I guess I've been reading a lot of stuff in the past few days. The same few documents over and over and over again but... Yeah. It's like. It wasn't even that intense. But still tired all the same. And we did work on stuff till late. Like, not intense, but spread out over a long time period. Was working on stuff till 11pm yesterday and even then I wasn't the hardworking one... I finished up just before 11 maybe and sent it off, and the other guy worked on it further till like 12 mn and sent it out to everyone... So maybe that's why. Nowhere near the workload of my dad though. Things have been crazy for him the past few weeks. The difference between a good boss and a bad boss. His boss calls meetings late at night, way past office hours. Calls meetings at 5pm "because you all are not going out anyway". Abuse I tell ya. Abuse. And that's the least of it, really. Loads of other stupid things they have to do that would have make me blown my top long ago. But dad puts up with it for the family. Arghs. Sigh. Cos my pathetic salary is too low to support the fam and I have NOT been managing my money properly. The sad truth. Yes the way things happen in Asian countries and I'm not gonna discuss the difference between Asian and western societies today...

In other news. We are gonna be entering the 2nd half of the circuit breaker period next week. The extended half. That means that gosh. I only have one month left and there's most likely not going to be another extension. Not unless we see a sudden explosion of community cases, which is unlikely to happen too because of the 'lockdown' measures in place. Gosh. With the rate of my python learning... I'm not even going to finish that one course I'm taking now. And now the bioinformatics course my workplace organised just started too. That means more stuff for me to do. Things were still quite leisurely the first two weeks of WFH but it suddenly picked up last week and this week. Lol. I mean, with all the document checking and proofreading and other preparations this week, I barely had time for any 'extra curricular activities'! And it's even worse too because I just have dinner and continue with work. But meh. It doesn't matter. It's the freaking last stage of the paper publishing and this very well concerns my future too. In a more round about way but still does. Paper means it's easier for my boss to get grants. Which means he has the money to hopefully keep me under him and not have to go under another grant that makes me having to end up working for someone else. Nope, I would not like that at all. But currently that's the plan because... Arghs. Yeah. The money for my grant ends in just two month's time. So what's gonna happen to me afterwards? I have no idea. Will the other project people make me work on their stuff full time? I do not know. Complicated situation indeed arghs. That would impact on whether I'll be able to make the switch to dry lab stuff too, so indeed, there is so much at stake for me here. I don't mind working for the other post doc too, he might get a grant too but he proposed hiring post docs... If he can't get a post doc maybe, just maybe, he can hire me instead. Put me under that grant. I follow people. That guy is also an ok guy to work with. My boss's best buddy. Never more than 5 mins apart. Ok, exaggerated but they are almost always together. Lunch. Desks next to each other. One would suddenly turn to the other to discuss some stuff... Whatever. Best buds indeed. And then there's me sitting behind them who's also been joining in for their lunches. Been pretty much the three of us for the past few months. Timing works out and all? And I do like the conversation. Generally intelligent conversation. Whereas with the girls it's usually some kind of gossip or funny non-work related stuff. I really enjoy it too, don't get me wrong... But somehow I just prefer the boys. I get to hear about my boss's plans and stuff too, and other insider info.

Meh. The situation in the lab is really. Meh. Bad. Like our project manager just sent out an email asking people to keep out boss informed if the collaborator side leader asks them to do anything, because my boss was totally cut off from that discussion. Like arghs wtf. Those workers are hired by my institute and their reporting officer is still my boss, our boss. But the collaborator just bosses them around like his own and worse still, completely cut off my boss from the discussion. Tell me why I shouldn't be worried! Arghs! He's taking over the lab! The good and bad thing about having a boss that's too nice huh. Oh wells. All I can hope is that he's able to get more funding soon. Oh wells. You take their money, you pay the price. Money makes the world go round. Those without money like myself can only grit and bear with it. No money, and I got no title and no power too. Nothing. At least with grants there's no one planted in by the grant agency to plot a lab takeover. Sigh. That's why I will do everything I can, as limited as it might be, to help my boss to that front. Because, at least for now, I think he's a boss worth working for. I see the potential in him. He's not perfect but he has the ideas. And he's generally a damn bloody nice person to work with. I hope things won't change in the future... But certainly for now I'm willing and able to give me all. Probably my last hurrah in the lab too. Lol. After this job. Idk. Might be my last job, my last lab in science. Not the first time I've said it, but this is no empty thought! Especially with the opportunity to switch to doing dry lab now. It may just been what's needed to aid my exit. And I don't think it was a lack of foresight that my boss basically just pushed me into doing dry lab. I'm pretty sure I spoke to him about my computation plans for the future during one of my long and drawn out messaging sessions with him. I really do communicate with people through messages than face to face. All the things I've said to my boss through whatsapp. Lol. I can't imagine doing that with any one else. No even with unsup I think. I really like and respect her a lot, we were good friends and we still keep in contact till this day. But to speak that frankly to her? I don't know... The situation then was very different for sure... But I can't imagine typing so frankly to her either. And my sup at kkh? Lol. He reprimanded me for WAY LESS. Like literally called into the office while on leave, and gave me a scolding. I scolded him back. Lol. Ok I did apologize, kept the peace somewhat, but I also left him with a piece of my mind. Can't criticize that guy in the slightest bit. Lol.

Yeah. I think that's what I enjoy the most about working with my boss. I can be rather opinionated at times, and I swear that I do think through most of it calmly and logically before voicing them out. I mean. I'm typing it out after all. I have the time to slowly think and reply. And so I hate it when people just dismiss my suggestion right off the bat. Don't listen. I hate, hate, hate that. Oh worse still are those who ask for advice and then ignores it. And gets questioned the same thing a few weeks later why they didn't try xyz, which I suggested long ago. And then those other people get the credit for suggesting it later on. Arghs. Some post docs are stupid. Really.

Not looking forward to returning to the lab really. There's just too much shit going on with all the collaborators. The external and internal ones. Arghs. So much shit. Really really hate it. Really would have left if my boss wasn't the boss he is. I don't think anyone else, anyone else that I know of anyway, would be able to keep the group together. And even then I would say the group as a whole is barely functioning. It's all separated, broken up into tiny pieces. Sigh. I really can't imagine where the lab would be, what things would be like in 2 or 3 years time. Would things be better or worse? What I do know is that the situation is similar to that with unsup years ago. The moment she said she's leaving, I knew my time was up and I should also leave. I just took way longer to find my next gig then. This time round... It's the same. If my boss decides to leave tomorrow... I'm gonna have to take a long time to evaluate my options. Assuming that following him to his next place of employment isn't possible... I would have to look at my bank account and consider my options. Do I really, really want to continue working in the lab/a lab? How much programming do I know? If it's *tmr* I would hardly know anything, so a career switch to programming isn't quite possible/practical. But if that day comes a year down the road, it could be a possibility.

And how about art? Block printing? I made some nice cute prints that I seriously, honest to goodness think is on the level that people sell for money. But of course I doubt that can feed me. Maybe feed me 1 day out of the month maybe. Lol. What I would need to do is to properly come out with a product and marketing strategy and join hands with my currently unemployed sister to do the art. She can draw. Me? Meh. More like a kindergarten doodle, though my skills might have been improving ever so slightly. Honestly, the idea of doing something different is more appealing than working in the lab, most likely as a slave to another post doc, because that's how things usually roll in other labs. Idk. It's like, in a way I'm also my boss's slave? But then again not because he gives us so much freedom. We can do whatever. Not like some post doc I know. She has a meeting with her research officer daily, and gives her the list of tasks for the day, and the tasks must be performed in the exact order and manner specified, even if the RO believes it's not going to work or like doing A and B can be done together rather than separately, or that doing E and D before lunch first makes more sense. Nope. Her word is LAW wtf. That idiot of a post doc. Nope, my boss doesn't do that. And generally he asks things in a nice way so you are willing to do stuff for him too. Unlike some other person in my lab who is totally rude about things arghs. Think's she's the boss of EVERYBODY. Even shouts down my boss who has been talking to her most very politely wth. Arghs. All sorts of characters in my lab. Arghs.

Ok. Ranted enough for now. I'mma go back to my R lessons. Starting with R for my bioinformatics/computation course thing. Got assignments to do and submit too! And well. I DO want to learn so... Gotta get to it.

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Detective Kemdi works from home

2020-04-18T16:34:29Z

Jolly ho! An interesting title for once.

So what have I been up to?

1) playing animal crossing. It's fun. But man, that game makes me sleepy idk why. Too repetitive I guess. So I've not been playing *that* much because it makes me sleepy and unable to do anything much all day, not without a nap at least. Will have to keep game play to the evenings I guess. Played a bit before lunch today and was so sleepy all afternoon I had to take a nap. And yes, I've time traveled, and will continue to so that I can actually get to experience day time in the game... Since after today I'm really just gonna only play at night! It was a nice nap but it was also 3 hours that I could have spent writing, drawing, reading... Or just doing stuff :X

2) I made a simple remake of the 'detective kemdi mini game event' in maplestory mobile. It's like mastermind/codebreaker, but with numbers and slightly tweaked rules. But the game is not the point. The point is that I managed to write some python code from scratch to make the game. The real 'meat' of the code turns out to be way simpler than expected! There's a lot more I could do with the code, but it was a great start and it was FUN! I've always learned best when having fun and that was one really fun little project!

3) Analyzing data!
Got an email and a msg from my boss on thurs afternoon asking for help to check and clean up the code that we would be publishing with the paper - assuming, fingers crossed, that everything goes well and they approve and all. He asked me to help clean up the code, and rerun the analysis on 8 datasets.... The code I did by that night and he sent it out that same day, and got a reply shortly after. Yeah that's what I love about my boss, and makes me willing to work hard for him. And for someone like him, I don't mind it at all. Like, you're in a rush, ok sure I will help. But when I'm done and send it back to you, you jolly well better be responsive and all if not me rushing to complete said task would have been pointless no? That one gripe I had with many of my colleagues/higher ups from my previous jobs. Patient tests results. I rush it out, but they delay approving the results to send to the clinicians... So all the rush I had earlier was in vain. VS the another pathologist who excitedly comes to check on the results, looked at the rt-pcr plot himself and was satisfied, and gave the clinician a preliminary, unofficial heads up sms before the official report came up. And quite frankly the official report would NOT change because all it depends was on the rt-pcr test results, a very straight forward molecular test. Idk whether that early notice helps the clinician, I hope it does... But at least hey, I know someone is interested to know the results and act on it, and it was totally worth the effort getting the results out within the same day because I know my efforts will not be wasted. That makes me very motivated to do the tests for that one guy...

So yeah... My boss is kinda like that. Ok, maybe he doesn't reply sometimes, but I know he's active even at night, checking his emails and stuff after putting his kids to bed presumably. So I know my effort isn't wasted. And he keeps thanking us for our hardwork too. Which is another thing I've hardly ever gotten in all my previous jobs. Not even a word of thanks or acknowledgement. Arghs. Hideous people. I'm not even complaining about the lack of any farewell party/treat/whatever. They didn't even thank me throughout all the time I helped them. Most of them didn't anyway. Didn't even bother to say goodbye, thank you, whatever. Pfft. Wonderful people. -.-''

So well. I was remarking about how cute my boss was thanking us about our hardwork, which admittedly for me wasn't that hard to clean up and test the code. Ok I did have to do some bug troubleshooting and all... It wasn't all that straightforward. But hey he's our boss, we're just doing our jobs, none of my previous supervisors would have bothered thanking me for that and all... (Yes, this is what makes this little boy different)

Then the next moment he talks about the data analysis.

It's not urgent he says.

I just need it by next Tuesday.

It was like 8 or 9pm on Thursday when he sent it.

LOLOLOL. Now that cuteness of his just disappeared in an instant. Geez. I mean, hey, I have no problem doing it for the paper whatsoever. And I knew it was gonna be urgent. But 'due by next tuesday' leaves me with 4 days, weekends included, to do the work. You say that's not urgent? Hello! The previous time I ran the analysis, some datasets look over 20 hours for a single analysis! But I guess this boy knows me too well zzz. I did things differently this time, actually putting in the effort to copy the datasets to the local disk drives instead of just running it from the network, which took way long. That shrunk that huge dataset analysis time to like 8 or 10 hours maybe? At least it was done overnight. I also commandeered two computers for the analysis. So it was a computer-ception. I remoted in to my work PC from my dell lappy (and tried using my iMac to remote in was well). And then my work PC was remoting in to two other computers running the analysis. And I did rush things yesterday and Thurs, basically by staying up till late waiting for the analysis to finish so that I could start another... And I kept a neat little spreadsheet on things this time. Arghs. Digging out the parameters used previously was another agonising experience in itself, blame's entirely on the other postdoc for running the analysis on his external HDs and not copying them to the network drive! Pfft. The stuff I ran was messy as hell too, but at least there was a record of the params I picked. Cleaned that all up now. Digging through all the params and confirming stuff took the entire Friday morning and some more. Gosh. How did I even finish running all 8 datasets by this afternoon? I'm even impressed with myself LOL.

Still glad I rushed it out though. Heck, anything for the paper. It's that important for the lab/my boss, and by extension, for me. Gives us a greater fighting chance for grants and with grants comes the money to keep me employed. Meh. Very complicated situation in my lab, it's quite crazy. I've been in bad situations before, none of my employment situation previous wasn't complicated... But this is hands down the worse. If it wasn't for my boss, I would have booted out of here long ago. Indeed, if it wasn't for him, I don't think anyone else in the group now would be able to hold down the fort... And since my working style is to burn the candle from both ends, I need to make sure I'm burning the candle for all the right reasons. For a worthy project, a worthy PI, a worthy cause... The leader, the person has to be someone I'm able to trust, to see the potential, and to invest in. I don't invest money, but I'm investing my time, my life into the project. So it's really important for me that my work is meaningful - a concept encompassing many different aspects yes - but it's my life I'm talking about here. I can't treat my job any other way. A job is not just a job for me. It's something that I want to spend my time, my effort and my life in. And that's why as I get more time at home now to do art stuff, to learn programming... The less likely I feel that I would stay in science (at least, as a wet lab RO).

There's so much more that I want to do, I want to try. And I'm sure many of you would agree that good bosses, whatever the field, are hard to come by. I could spend years trying to find someone, something worth spending my life on. Or I could attempt to forge my own path, do things my way. I may fall hard, but at least I would be spending my time doing something that I am willing to do. For once, you could say that I would be burning my life for myself. It's not gonna be easy. Far from it. But the rewards would be sweet. Can't say I'm exactly confident, but hey, at least I gotta give it a shot. And this whole work from home period... Man. I'm enjoying it. Not so much the insanely hot and humid weather - I'd definitely invest in revamping the home air-conditioning if I ever make it as an entrepreneur... But I'm quite liking it. Working from home. Looking at computer screens all day and what not. Sure on one hand I do love being in the lab... But as time goes by, I'm liking staying in front of my computer screen more and more. Doing computer work. And doing artsy stuff is nice too.

Well. If I were to be fired right this very moment... The first thing I'd do is start doing more art and posting everything online, trying to build my audience asap. It's still quite impossible for me to make a living off coding. Meh. I'm not at all that good at art either, but I think I can navigate social media and stuff decently enough. Comparing programming and art though, art seems like a much more enjoyable choice. Easier too, in terms of skillz. Idk. It's like, art feels more of a soft skills kinda thing, or just different sort of skills compared to programming. Something that's more welcoming. And I do love making stuff with my hands. Of course I would need some coding here and there, making my own website, implementing shopping carts and all... But those... I can deal with those. Messing around on blogs and stuff is stuff I've been doing for years. Nothing formal but I think I can do that without much trouble. The bar to getting hired as a programmer though, is way higher. Sigh. I would get there eventually I'm sure, as long as I keep at it (again, 3 days since I took the python course, been hard at work on the analysis code and actual analysing ever since I got the notice on Thursday) but I should get back to it tomorrow and keep at it!

See, that's why I don't have time to play animal crossings lol. I might pick it up for a bit later but it'll probably be around 2am by then. Yup. I'm definitely gonna have to tweak the time settings LOL.

Oh wells. It's late, 12:30am already. Time to do some sit ups, bath and then write in my diary. And maybe watch a python video or two... Or maybe I'll leave that till tomorrow.

comments

Are you safe? Please stay safe!

2020-04-11T09:34:15Z

Hellow people! An update yay!

Sorry, I know I've got loads of comments in the previous post that I did not reply to (heck, don't think I replied to any of them?) I did read them though, I got the email notification and all. But... Life... :X

How are ya all doing? I was just checking the numbers a few minutes ago and woah. 1.6mil cases worldwide, and half a million in the US. I'm not a fan of Trump and part of me goes 'serve ya right!' but damn. I have friends in the US, the US is way more than just Trump (I know loads of nice ppl online from there, Arashi fans and non-fans alike!), and he's really not even the one suffering anyway. The frontline staff, the sick and the dying... And hell, it's not just about the US. If the US or any other country doesn't come out of the covid situation, then it's an international problem. Because trade and movement of human traffic is global! And Singapore is such a connected country/economy... Even our food supplies are global. If this drags out... Nope, we could well be in big trouble.

Locally though, things have not been good either. No, we aren't in trouble the way things are in Italy or Spain or New York is... Yet. And I hope we won't ever get there. But there has been community spread. Not too much, but more than enough to warrant a 'lockdown'. The Singapore flavor of lockdown has been termed 'circuit breaker', and folks are still allowed to go out to get food and essentials. Non-essential workplaces have all been closed - you can only work from home (or not at all, depending on what your job is).

Honestly for me though... I've been enjoying my first week of WFH. Ok. I've not really been working from home at all.

Let's see what I've been doing.

Circuit breaker (CB) was announced Fri afternoon. I started packing my room on... Saturday I think? Or Sunday. Loads to do. I've not properly packed in years so... Tons of dust and hair and whatever not. TBH there is still loads of areas that I've not packed/touched, but I've decided to call it a day for now. Gotta do something other than cleaning up years of dirt during my CB staycation. Plus, motivation to clean was running low.

So Monday was back to work to shutdown everything in the lab. Freeze down the cells. Off the hoods, incubators... Empty the waterbaths. Make sure our microscope lasers are off. Restart my PC and pray that nothing goes wrong for the one month (or however long) the CB lasts. So that I can remote in from home and do whatever work that needs doing ya know?

What can a wet lab folk do at home ya ask? Well... I'm in a very complicated situation right now. (More on that later)

Ah yes... On Friday night, after the CB was announced, I made up my mind to order a Dell refurbished lappy right away. Have been thinking about getting one since last year. Wanted a windows this time. And kept putting it off because I don't truly, absolutely need it. But... when the split teams started before the CB took place... I started wondering if I should get it now. And then bam. 'Lockdown'. Yup. Time for a new lappy. Ordered on Sat morning cos the chat line was closed when I finally made the decision late fri night, and got it on wedn. So far so good EXCEPT the damn on/off switch. It kinda gets stuck. There's one year warranty on this guy. I think I'm gonna make a complain about the on/off button once things normalize, hopefully in a few months time. I think the button can last till then? Definitely gotta get it fixed before my 1 year warranty runs out! I'm planning to use this lappy for many many years to come after all!

So I kept packing till Thursday? Took some time off Wedn to set up my lappy and stuff. Turns out msoft auto gives you a username if you use the online account thingy. I didn't like the username used. Ended up deleting the account and starting over... So that took a bunch of time.

But the packing. I consider it done now! Now I have SPACE. Space on my table to write. To put my ipad. To put my lappy. To put my plate as I munch on breakfast since dad is also working from home now, and since the whole house is so messy and all and he doesn't have a dedicated work area, he's using the dining table... So yay. I like being able to munch on breakfast while reading stuff on my phone/ipad/mac/lappy/whatever. Clearing emails maybe. Or doing my 'dailies' for my games... Suits me just fine. And I really do like munching while working. Whether I'm reading stuff or doing more heavy duty work.

So yesterday was good Friday. I got animal crossing and pretty much 'wasted' my entire day playing. Also did some (offline) writing. Now that all my art stuff is organised and that I have space and time... I'm back in the journaling/writing mood again, yay me! Been doing some sit-ups too. Maybe I'll have a wee bit flatter stomach when all this is over.

Definitely been enjoying my staycation so far!

So there's what, 3 weeks left.

Geez. Time flies when you are having fun. Or being busy. 1 month seems long but nope. 1/4 of it just flew by like this.

Gotta say I secretly, or not so secretly hope that my staycation will be extended lol. Yeah there's all that economical impact and all... But that aside, I *personally* am very much enjoying this stay at home arrangement.

It couldn't have come at a better time for my group, or at least, the few of us on this project. Really. Why? For the past few months we were crazy, rushing about to wrap up the paper... Doing last minute experiments and what not. Then just as the split teams stuff came into place we heard back from the reviewers and were rushing about to do all the additional experiments for the reviewers. And that was quite crazy, working till late everyday, yes, even on weekends, partly because we were on half the manpower. We literally worked till the last minute possible, even doing experiments on Monday morning during the shutdown day. And now... The reply and manuscripts are being finalized... And we can all go on a break while keeping our fingers crossed that the paper will be published.

Of course, it's not like I don't have work either. Till now I've still not properly looked at all the datasets I collected in a rush prior... And no I'm talking about for a different project now... I need to do some summaries and all...

And after that comes the main part. I need to learn snake language. Python.

Boss has been wanting to have me switch to computation (partly because I also want it), but these kinda stuff... It's really easier said then done. Like. He's like... Oh just collaborate with ppl and do stuff. But what kind of stuff? And collaborate with ppl meaning get them to write the code for me? Than what's the point? The whole damn point is that *I* want to learn computing. So this is really a godsend month for me to at least increase my python computation prowess by a little bit. And hell yeah I'm not gonna let this chance slip me by.

In fact... I do keep wondering if I should join in the team to put together covid test kits in my institute. My friend is in there already and some other folks from my lab have joined/wants to join. In a way I feel guilty maybe? I definitely have the skills for the job. But routine sort of work isn't something I like to do, as my time in the hospital has proven. I don't want to end up in a mental rut again. And heck, it's not like I've got nothing better to do. I really do want to and do intend to get ahead on the python stuff. And I don't think that's possible if I have to spend half my time in shift work assembling kits and I don't know what exactly else they are doing. I don't even want to ask my friend... Or talk to her about it. Maybe that's a bit extreme huh? I should ask her how she's doing. Doesn't mean that asking her will lead to me joining the effort right? Though I've not been talking to her much at all because of other reasons altogether. Being crazy busy has been one of them.

But yeah... There's that. Maybe if they send out another email asking for manpower I will reconsider. It seems like they have enough manpower for now because I've not heard anything other than an initial email. After all... RNA extraction, running PCR... All these are very common lab skills that many folks in the institute process. It's not like I'm all that almighty and can bring something unique to the table. I work fast yes, but I don't think them folks are slouches either... *shrugs* Was already thinking about it when the first sent out the email but meh... That was during the mad rush to do reviewer experiments... I wonder how my boss would react if I told him I wanted join 'team c' then. LOL. I guess the post doc would have to do everything, but he's still rather new and not fully comfortable with some stuff yet.

Ah wells. I hope that I can properly recuperate in this month. And learn code. My boss specifically mentioned learning code in his email to the group. Feels like he was talking directly to me LOL. Knowing him, he probably was LOL.

Definitely enjoying my time at home. If I could be a little selfish... I'd like this to last a little longer. Getting back into the groove of doing things like journaling and art and what not. Just gonna start with the coding stuff right now. Feels so nice, this working from home thing. Now if only I can get my act together and start up an alternative career/business... I could enjoy this lifestyle forever! Lol.

The pros of being an introvert huh? While people are posting ways to entertain themselves at home for the CB period... I have a WHOLE 6 pages or longer worth of to do list... From work/learning to reading books and doing art. Lol! One month is definitely not enough to do all of that! At least I've cleared a huge item on the list of packing my room and tables! Phew.

Alright. That's all from me for now.

Please stay safe, stay at home, wherever you are! And if you don't have a pile of 'to do at home' list like I do... Maybe it's time to create one. And to get you started... Arashi has posted the Untitled concert on youtube! I watched the DVD previously already, but I've not watched the youtube posting. Not sure if I would, to be honest... Considering my long to do list... :P

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Life

2019-11-03T09:21:22Z

Ok. Forgive my lame title. As usual, I suck at titles.

Wow. The last time I updated was in Jun huh?

Oh wells. Here I am again. Almost half a year later.

Life has been.,.. Crazy. Good, but crazy.

Good, and crazy?

Incredible.

But still crazy.

( Read more... )

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Howdy! (aka for lack of a better title)

2019-06-15T05:02:16Z

How’s everyone?

Life has been amazing. I’m loving my new iPad Pro... As my mac becomes slower and slower... I’m using my iPad more and more as my laptop replacement. It can’t do EVERYTHING my mac can, but it can get a lot done, and way faster. Oh my poor mac. I really should like... Reinstall the OS from scratch or something but that’s really a lot of work. I’m oh so very lazy....

Like watching Arashi bangumi livestream. I start the live stream on my mac. 5 mins later, it’s still not loaded. I start it on my iPad and it’s there. Video playing almost instantly. I’ve now given up on trying to watch it on my ‘puter.

If I had more $, I’d get a new ‘puter, and a new lappy too. Love the Dell lappy that my boss has. XPS 15. So sleek and so beautiful. Too bad I don’t have the $. Else I’d get the Dell. If I were a millionair... I’d fill my house with ‘puters and other electronics. Gosh, I’m such a geek.

Life has been great.

I getting pretty darn close with my boss. My brother. My... Friend. Yeah... Above all else, a trustworthy friend.

I can totally see why my colleague gets pissed at him sometimes. It’s mostly because it’s a guy thing, and guy are not like girls and they do stuff like disappear for lunch without bothering to check if anyone else in the office might join them. Like one moment my boss was telling me about how he had a meeting from 11 to 12 and hoped to still join us for lunch, but the next he’d disappeared for lunch with another colleague without checking if I’m still in the lab... Geez. And there I thought he’d check because like he was with me right up till he had to go for the meeting. And his laptop was in the lab with me... And stuff. Luckily he replied the moment I messaged him. And ordered lunch for me. Geez. This is the kind of stuff that would certainly make my colleague very upset.

But at the same time. Maybe it’s just because he’s so freaking nice that yeah we expect too much. From a boss that is. Would you demand the same from your boss? I think about some of the high up there bosses I’ve had previously and lol... I don’t even want to lunch with them. How many people can actually say that they willingly lunch with their boss almost everyday? We’re lucky people. And me and my colleague knows that. It’s just that you know... Since my boss treats everyone equally and walks the talk, we treat him equally too and reflect things back to him. Well at least I do. Like... How should I put it? How to deal with ladies kind of thing? Sure as a boss he doesn’t need to do any of that. But as the nice human being that he is... He could be a bit more aware of certain things...

Arghs idk. He’s my boss. But for the most part, he’s not behaving like a boss. Something that absolutely sucks if you have people who take advantage of his kindness. But with a group of self motivated, mature and intelligent adults, it works amazingly well. Idk about EVERYONE else in the group, but I think it works for my above mentioned colleague, and it definitely works for me. Fuck, I’m crazy about science again. The passion, excitement, and craziness... It’s been restored. I’m becoming whole again. And the crazy thing is that my boss just let’s me explore. Do shit. Like set up lasers. Even attempt to do some coding stuff, which I absolutely couldn’t do. And then I just watched as he got the pro aka his pet to fix it. Like this is amazing shit right? Any lesser boss would have just shooed me away and demanded that I do something more... Idk, useful? With my time. Not let me learn new things. Purposely prevent me from developing for fear that I may eclipse them and what, take over their jobs. As was the case in my last job. Still very traumatized. But nope. My boss isn’t like that. He’s smart and calm and secure and open. And well, he’s smart. Not the know it all sort of smart, but that he knows what he can and can’t do and therefore he needs to hire people to fill the gaps. And after all he’s only one. He can’t do kage bunshin and make a million clones and do EVERYTHING by himself, as some stupid, insecure supervisors *cough cough* tried so hard to do.

Ahhh... I’m in such a happy place now, such a happy land. Especially now that I’m not on any particular project and just doing random (but very useful and necessary) shit around the lab. Like moving the scope over and now fixing on the new lasers. My boss is amazing. And there’s nice people in the lab too, mostly. And I’m laughing all the time with them, being social once again... And gasp even recalling the days past when I was a leader. It’s... It’s like I’ve been born again. I love it.

Work.

It fills my head everyday. Even when I’m not working I still think about it. Not necessary the experiment and the science, but maybe some issues and what not. Oh the fun and the excitement. I love it. Finally life has meaning once more and I finally found something to be grateful for everyday - grateful that I got his boss, that my boss hired me, that he’s such an amazing boss, that things are finally working out. Heck. I could stay in this job, this position forever. After the previous job, I’m putting my mental health above all else. After all, nothing matters when I’m dead. Money? It’s useless to the dead right? I’m lucky. I’m not starving. My parents are not starving. We aren’t that desperate for money. We aren’t in a situation where I’d take ANY job to be able to stay alive. I get to choose. And I’m picking a job that let’s me feel alive.

Things are very complicated though. Even my free wanderer status won’t last forever. Once this scope is completed I won’t get the chance to work with my boss in the lab like this again, not for a long time. And as he gets busier, such a chance is only going to decrease. I think that’s why he enjoys it a lot as well. He loves being in the lab, doing stuff, but these days he’s only in the office writing code, if he’s not dealing with the admin stuff and everything else a PI needs to deal with that is. Like I see him going into the lab and he’s enjoying himself too. And that really made me fired up too. Was showing someone from another lab wet lab stuff and I was itching to finish it asap because my little boy was downstairs and all alone. Well, it seems like he’s someone who gets lonely very easily and seems to like my company... But I also like his and I know how short our time working together like that in the lab will be. Once everything is all set up, it’s gone. And I’ll go back to the wetlab. No more lasery stuff to tinker with. I treasure every moment I’m working with him. I want to savor it all and remember it... Because he’s my boss. I really enjoy his company... And he’s a master, a genius. By no means perfect and a bit stupid at times (aren’t we all a bit dumb at times, unable to see what’s right in front of you?)... But the passion radiating off him... In a very gentle, perhaps even subtle way, but I can feel it pulsing there all the same. Arghs. That. That is what I live for. What I want to feel. To work with a similarly passionate person. I enjoy it so much. To see him in action was a privilege. Now I get to work alongside him? Helping him and what not? Gah. WTF man, this job just gets better and better. I thought watching him work on the scope last time was freaking amazing already. Like he actually freaking showed me on the scope and imaged the samples for me ok. Which boss actually does that right? Like to just see his mighty fast clicks and moves and what not. It was so inspiring. And now this whole laser stuff it totally ignited me. Like I was in this job for over half a year then but still there was something missing. I was enjoying work, enjoying life, but still, there was something missing. But then when I worked with him on the lasers, I found it. The passion. The fire. I felt it and I could feed off him. The fire that had fizzed out was finally ignited once more. And now he has a fiery little dragon who needs to get fed a lot to stay happy. And he’ll have to deal with that. But he also manages to keep finding new stuff for me to do, at least for now. So that’s good. If not well... There were a few days when I had nothing to do and was just bored right. I could read stuff, but there was also nothing much else to do so... Blah. For now, I just wanna have all the fun I can. Don’t want to stop. Collect all the fun, and think about what’s next later. Ain’t got any plans. Part of it is how boss wants to use me. I’m still not very sharp, certainly don’t feel as sharp as when I was at my peak... But I’ve also gain new abilities and tricks. I was a sword, now I’m a sword wielding dragon! (Have you ever seen a sword wielding dragon?) I’m fiery and passionate and I can slice stuff! Slowly but surely, I’m getting regrinded and gaining my edge. And ironically it’s my stint doing optics with my boss that helped me gain back a lot of that.

Gah.

Enjoying life?

You bet I am.

With such a nice boss, who wouldn’t be? Plus, our personalities and working style seems to match pretty darn well too. No we aren’t the same. Quite the contrary in fact... But it seems to go well together and I enjoy his company (I think it’s mutual...)... I can only work hard and pray that he’ll have money to hire me forever. Well. Gotta pray that he lives forever too. If he’s gone the lab is gone. So I hope he’s not messaging while driving anymore... o.o

You bet I have a vested interest in making sure my PI stay alive and healthy, and that the group does well. I don’t care much for overcats. I just want to work with my boss, the underdog.

Complicated days are ahead, but I hope that the days will remain as happy as they are now. Sigh.

Really, really treasure the time I have with my boss. I hope things will never change but... With the way we are expanding and growing... Somethings won’t last forever. In fact so much has changed since the days when he just become a PI. My only regret is that I’d not joined the group earlier. It really also helps that he’s a mere two years older than me. I see him like a brother and that’s been a bonus to our working relationship. Also I’m bringing stuff to the table that no one else in the group is bringing, filling in the gap so to speak. And in return I’ve got all these amazing opportunities and I’m learning a ton of stuff from him. And also getting reminded of who I used to be.

Like I used to have the “how to talk to your juniors” module when I was a CCA leader. But I never got to do any leader like stuff in a long time so it was forgotten. Now I’ve stolen his words and asked the same question to my intern. I don’t just sound the same as him in the literal, voice sounding really hoarse in the morning sense... But I’m using his words too lol. I wonder if my intern noticed...

Speaking of intern... It was her last day yesterday and I was wondering if my boss remembered. Luckily he did. That nice guy treated the entire lab to pepperoni. Yay. Saved me two meals, cos otherwise I would have treated my intern for sure. I mean, she was my intern, I reaped all the benefits of her helping me do experiments for the past 3 or 4 months, after the initial training period... So much so that I’ve forgotten how to do a lot of things already. Lol. Like the procedure, how much to add... Cos I’ve had someone doing all the dirty work for me for too long... Lol. But nope, my lovely boss remembered and everyone got a treat, so thank you for that too.

My intern is a real sweetie too. Definitely don’t regret the time and effort I put into training her. Even though we might not be working on the same thing in the future, I don’t think I’ll feel like I’ve wasted my time. Heck, I didn’t put my time training her expecting that she would stay on in the first place. So that she’s coming back and we might be working on the same project? That’s a bonus I guess. Yeah, she’ll definitely do well. Way better than some others for sure. What can I say? She’s good, has the right personality and attitude, and has a good mentor (self praise ha!) so she’s definitely turned out well.

All in all. Life is good. Save for one problem. My sleep. Not sleeping well. Getting a lot of fragmented sleep, and therefore remembering a lot of my dreams. Been dreaming about work a lot. Pretty much everyday I guess... Since every time I could remember my dreams it was about work. Woke up at 6am today and remember my dream, it was... Ok I should clarify. When I say about work, I mean either directly work related, or someone from work starred in the dream. And of course, who else starred in my dreams more than my boss? He showed up in the 6am dream. And also in the short dream I had when I slept from 6+am till 7:45am. He wasn’t really featured in the second dream but he was there beside me...

It’s a great sign. It means that I’m enjoying my work. So much so that I’m really thinking about it all the time. Even in my sleep. I hardly ever remembered my dream otherwise. In my whole time in kkh I only had at like 3 dreams (I’m counting those that I could remember of course, I know we dream every night!). Yes, I kept count because it was so rare. But on this job? Last night/this morning I already had two. And there was a night when I had three dreams!

Since most of them are about work and pretty darn epic... (Like my boss turning into a spider?!?!?) I decided to make a blog and write them down. Yeah, a brand new blog. It’s fun and it’s challenging to write down something to ephemeral... Something that’s completely illogical and with scenes shifting about all the time. And worst still, if I don’t write it down right after waking up, chances are that I’d forget it in a bit.

In comes my iPad Pro. If it’s a weekend, my iPad is the choice of weapon. If not, I wrote my dream on the way to work on my phone yesterday...

So here it is. My dream blog. I don’t update regularly. Only when I remember my dreams and it’s something interesting enough for me to remember it a few hours later and then actually not be lazy and write it down... But do give it a look. I’ve got quite a number of entries inside now.

I guess that’s all for this amazingly long post. Till next time!

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iPad Pro. Life.

2019-04-20T07:26:45Z

What's up people? No, I'm not dead yet. Life has just been a bit busy and tiring. But I'm sure you know that already. That's kinda all I ever say these days anyway....

Well. Of course the move to pen and paper journaling was part of it... But soon I'll have a new toy to play with as well!

Let's see... Here's the caption I posted on FB for that photo.

Celebratory calligraphy for my purchase of the iPad pro. I have it engraved so I'll only be able to pick it up next Thursday. Looking forward to it.

Stay hungry, stay foolish was one of Steve Jobs favourite quotes. And I have it engraved on the back of my iPad to remind myself to never stop in the quest for knowledge. Steve Jobs has been quite the inspiration, and his words have made an impact in my life. I'm glad I took his advice and never settled, because if I had I'd never have found my current job that's been giving me so much joy. And it's only now that I can look back and finally see all the dots connecting. All the hard work I did previously not going down to waste. And finally... Hitting the buy button on the iPad, something I've listed for even before the iPad pro was a thing.

Nonetheless paper and pen will still have a special place in my life I'm sure! The sheen of my brush pen inks before it dries on paper... Or the shading of wet fountain pen ink, and the color change it undergoes as the ink dries... It's a different sort of magic, and one that I've fallen in love with.

Yeah. Never settle. That was on my mind when I changed from my NTU job. I vowed then that I would never settle. So I never planned to stay long the moment I realised that my kk job wasn't the right fit for me. Because I would never settle for something less than ideal. Sure, ideals like that become harder as you age and have more and more commitments. I'm still that quite that old yet... So it's all the more important that I need to find a job that I love, well, an environment that I love, something that I don't regret growing old with. And I think this is that job. It's not perfect by any means. There are still politics and people problems. My boss till has a lot to learn about well, being a boss. But he's a nice person at heart. A little boy, but a kind one. Someone whom I can respect and am willing to work for. He treats us very well, acts like a gentleman for the most part... He has his flaws for sure, I mean even being too nice is a flaw... But I don't think I can ask for more.

I guess that Never Settle lesson, I passed it for now.

And together with Never Settle. It's connecting the dots.

You can never connect the dots forwards, Steve said. Only looking back. So you can only trust that things will work out and work hard in the present, And it was with that in mind that I learn how to operate all the machines I could back in NTU, in particular all those that might be of use in biology research. Especially, especially the confocal. And look where I am now? I'm not doing confocal. But I'm doing microscopy. The whole lab is about microscopy. Having all that experience focusing images and looking at confocal images... It has certainly helped with the work I'm doing now. And the times I struggled with my attempts to learn bits and pieces of programming. I'm pretty comfortable with looking at code and modifying them now. I can't write 'em still. But I can roughly get the gist of things. Copy and paste things. Modify things. Heck even all the times I watched my dad tinker with his electronics. Or grumble about helping him edit his writing... It's all little bits and pieces that won't help me get a job on it's own, but together, they make me fairly well adapted and poised in a way that I can make some decent contributions.

Haven't done anything great in the days here. In fact, all the new experiments I've tried in this past half a year have failed spectacularly. Such is the case in research... But you can't say I've achieved nothing either. For one, I've integrated really well into the group. So much so that to everyone else, ok, even to myself, it feels like I've been there forever. The other day my boss was giving out the bonus letters. They make the PI give it out at my institute for reasons unknown. And my boss asked me when I joined because he was puzzled why I didn't get any letter. In actual fact, I've not even gotten my confirmation letter yet then. Got the confirmation and pro-rated bonus from HR the following week.

The bonus. My gawd. For half a year's work, I think I got more salary for that than working a whole full year in my previous workplaces. Yeah. And with that money, I treated to some fountain pens from Goulet pens... And the iPad Pro. Yeah, the freaking expensive iPad Pro 2018, 12.9 inch with 256 GB storage. Wifi only though, because the damage with the Apple pencil and keyboard added on is large enough. I think I'm not going to use it outside much anyway. I'm not the type to sit around in a cafe all day doing work. I don't travel for work either. I'd probably just use it at home most part. Maybe I might bring it to work, but there's free wifi there too. So yeah. I got the exact same model as my sis did a month of so back before she flew off to start her new job in China. There's no denying it that I wanted one after she got hers. But in truth the want for an iPad started many years back, even before the iPad Pro came out. Then the Apple pencil came and it looked amazing. Though the way it charges is a tad stupid. And then a new design came out. Even more expensive than the previous one... But with a so much better design. And having learnt that this model came out Nov last year instead of the Sept that I originally thought... There's not point waiting or hesitating any further. That's what the bonus is for eh? Get something nice for myself. I.e. the iPad. Pretty sure there won't be any major upgrades this year. It just got a major overhaul late last year after all. Probably just a speed bump this year. Looking at their past history it's a two year upgrade cycle after all, and there's been no major problems with the iPad pro. I see no reason for them to buckle this trend. Sure there's the cheaper iPad Air with Apple Pencil 1 support. But I really dislike the old Apple pencil. And I'm a greedy person. I want the latest and greatest. That said, I get the latest and greatest at the point of buying and I'm happy to have the device for years. It's not cheap after all. And I think it'll serve me well for half a decade or more. No kidding. The only Apple device to buckle the trend was my prematurely dying 5s, which I'm sure was because I fell asleep ON the phone with the game on, and burnt the motherboard. Sigh. Took precautions not to let that happen again.

Let's see. Think my iPhone 3GS lasted 3-4 years. The 5s died 14 months in and I was mighty pissed. My sis's 5s though lasted 6 years! My replacement 6s lasted 4 years before I got recently got the XR. Because the 6s battery life was really bad and in constant need of life support. Even tho the battery had already been replaced once (for free, Apple battery recall) before. The phone itself it still well and functional though, although the storage space is a tad small. Maplestory is running on the phone as we speak. Yeah, I still grab it for stuff sometimes. To search a website, to game... Mainly for mapling or telegram though. I would maple on one phone and use telegram on the other to chat with my guildmates to coordinate party forming and so on. It's good to have two devices! Stuff like email, facebook, instagram are all still connected there... So I could do social media stuff or clear emails on either. Yeah. It's great.

My macbook pro lasted 6-7 years before I finally gave up on it because it was way too slow. My dad's has been around for like a decade now. Still works. Just slow. I think my mbp still works if I try to charge and boot it up too. Even though it's literally been years since I used it. Would like to install the latest OS on it, with a fresh installation, someday. I'm lazy though. And well my iMac. It's 3.5 years old now and still going strong. Ok, it's kinda slow. But I think it'll be fine if I can be bothered to uninstall the stuff I'm not using, and switch from chrome to safari. Chrome is a lot of the source of the slowest. It's such a memory hog... But alas, the account sync is so useful so...

Yeah, it's certainly not a stretch of imagination to have the iPad Pro last me 5 years or more. So the latest and greatest at the moment it is for me. I did consider a larger memory space. But again, it's too expensive. And 256 GB is quite aplenty. I've got dropbox subscription on and I'm probably going to increase my iCloud subscription from 50GB a month to 200GB a month for $4 monthly... (Or I could also go delete some photos in the iCloud to make space.) I think I'll survive with 256 GB. Plus I'm planning to use the iPad Pro for doing some actual work. Like reading papers, taking notes. And some digital art stuff... No video editing for me so I won't need so much space. And as a gauge I looked at my iPhone with all the glorious games. 90 GB out of 128 used. It's actually not even full! 256 GB? I think I'll be good for quite a while with it. After all, my laptop was only 256 GB! I've got dropbox for when I need to offload stuff... I've got external HDs linked to my comp... With backblaze on my mac... Yeah. Storage wise, I think I'm good.

Was hesitant about the keyboard... But dad said: "Just buy it. You'll get it sooner or later anyway." Which is utterly true. So I just got it. The Apple Pencil was naturally a must. So yeah. Total bill is like the price of a lappy. More than my MBP back in the day. Gosh. That was only 1.6k++. This is over 600 bucks more, with all the bells and whistles (pencil and keyboard) included. Meh. It would be able to replace a lot of what I'm doing on the mac though. Like typing this entry here. In fact, I got it partly because I could remote into my workplace desktop. Then I'll be able to update my lab notebook and what not. Sure I could do it on the mac. But the VPN takes really long to load. And I'm such a lazy kid. I like lying down on my bed so much these days. And I just end up reading quora, or playing games on my phone. Because reading papers on the phone is such a chore. It's so freaking small. That'll better change with the iPad. I got it so that I would be more hardworking about reading papers. Amongst other things. I really do need to read a ton more papers though...

I guess that's all for now. Looking forward to picking up my orders next week. Thursday. It'll take a while because I asked for laser engraving. Took me a while to decide what to engrave below my name on the iPad... Then I recalled my favourite quotations. Standing on the shoulders of giants is quite a quote I like, and never settle (or well, don't settle) has brought me so far in my life. But right now what's more appropriate would be what I've written in the photo. To continue learning and reading. And generating ideas and improving myself. And with that, I end this post.

Stay hungry, stay foolish.

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Lab. Life.

2019-03-09T01:55:18Z

Things hasn't been going well in the lab. Stuff just isn't working. Sigh. At least I think it's the experiment problem and not like human error... And the scope has been behaving itself for us so... That's good.

Don't know what my boss wants me to do. He hasn't really decided. And it's leaving me confused. I'm working with two interns. And the stuff I'm doing... You can say it's both their project, and also my project. In the end whose project is it? Idk. At the end of the year, if they leave and not continue working here, I guess the project goes back to me. Then again, boss isn't all that interested in the direction we've initially been tasked to go. More like, it's hard, we haven't had much luck at all. Sure you wouldn't expect results so fast... But we were kinda trying to replicate work from a pre-print paper. We could just wait for the paper to be officially out and try it again with their DNA sequences. And try something else in the meantime instead of 'wasting' our time on this. Heck well. There's a ton of things that I could try. I guess I'll just have to try and see what sticks.

The dreaded qn is: What is your own project?

I still have none. Almost half and year already and still none. Sigh. Things will turn out ok eventually I guess... But yeah. In research. It's a scary place. Had dinner with a colleague last night. We both just needed a bit of a time out, her especially. And she asked the scary question. How long do you think boss will stay here?

Gosh. No. Please no. He'll be staying here forever right? Forever and ever. And he'll be able to get grants and what not right? Sigh. I'm sick of this... The job search. Looking for a new lab. Landing in crappy ones. I've not even been in that many places/jobs. Ok. This is my fourth... Not that few also. And in my NTU job I changed hands a lot. Passed around from person to person, project to project. Just so sick of this... Sigh. Please stay alive and healthy... And may the cash flow be forever good... My hopes and dreams depends on you lol!

It's funny tho. We've been ordering grab food a lot lately. And usually it's like my boss ordering. And he's the one going downstairs to pick up the order. Hahaha. It's a really unique sort of group we have here. We have lunch with our boss almost daily? Well you can choose not to. It's not mandatory or anything... But like... Yeah it's just quite a nice place to work at overall. And tbh... I really enjoy eating with the boys. The engineering guys (including my boss). The conversations are just different with the boys and the girls ya know... Like dinner with my colleague one on one yest was nice, but we also talked about different things VS when we're with the other girls. Like they start talking about movies or shows or earrings or other random stuff that... I'm sorry, I don't have much interest in or know about. Esp all the US movies and TV shows... Netflix. I don't have netflix. And I don't have the time to watch either. I have my art/journaling stuff to do. Games to play. Now I'm thinking about doing a blog on my art stuff... and what not. And of course, loads of Arashi shows waiting, begging, to be watched.

And yeah... My gender... fluidity is at work here. Love the conversations with the boys more. Someone always brings up an interesting topic and we will talk and expand on it etc... All the time I spent listening to podcasts wasn't in vain. Lol. Though it's mostly when I'm traveling and couldn't have done much else in terms of productive work anyway. And I can still listen AND play at the same time. So doubly productive! Lol.

That's about it for now. Got other things to do! Till next time!

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I'm alive

2019-02-16T13:57:04Z

Loads of things happened since my previous post.

The journal club presentation went ok. Not too disastrous, but it wasn't my best either.

I still have a lot of learning and improving to do...

And well... Not I'm starting to get a little underway with my project. And I also have a student to take care of.... Yeah. Things are going good. And I'm starting to warm up to the idea of getting a PhD once more. Already, I'm very, very old as a PhD candidate... Met for lunch with my former mentor and he encouraged me to go for it if the opportunity arises. Yeah. I guess I'll try. It's still not a guarantee that I would get into a PhD program and all... But I think I'm at the limits. I can't wait any longer.... It's now or never... ><

In different news... I balloted for Arashi concerts with my sis. Her's is a new account tho, since this time round you MUST have an FC account to be able to ballot for two tix... News if Arashi's hiatus changed the equation indeed. But well, everyone's trying for the tickets... I'm not hopeful that I'll get it... But oh wells. One can hope right? And sis is in China now, flew off this morning to start her teaching job. Who knows how long she'll be there for... Contract is for a year but after that...? Oh wells.

Nothing much else to report about. Had more things in mind but... The thoughts have escaped me now, so that's all for this update!

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Focus? Concentrate? What is that supposed to mean?

2019-01-27T14:09:22Z

I have a big problem now.

I can't get work work done.

As in. Work, for my work.

I spent yesterday attempting to pack my table, and it was kinda successful in that the area in front of my computer is much neater now... And I have a ton of space in front of my keyboard - enough to put an A5 book and write... But that's about all I've done this weekend. Besides playing, trying to take naps and failing to... And generally wasting my time.

My main table for writing is still clogged with erm. A lot of stuff. Too much stationery and other bits and pieces.

Gah!

Meanwhile...

I'm supposed to do a journal club presentation on Wedn and I've erm. I read those two papers I'm planning on presenting a while back. Can't remember all that much. But this weekend? I stared at the first few paras of both papers for a bit. Typed three words into my powerpoint slides. And that's it. I have done absolutely nothing else. It's now 10pm. I should be getting a bath, and getting ready for bed in a few hours. But I've not even started. Lol.

Sure there's tmr, and tues night, but I've been falling asleep every night after work without doing anything substantial... And there's newszero to watch tomorrow too - there's bound to be news of Arashi's hiatus and I want to see how Sho responds to that.

Oh yeah and the hiatus. That brought me out of my DW hiatus for sure. And prompted a post to SF. I've talked about what I feel there, now I'm over it and have more immediate, pressing things to worry about. Like my journal club presentation. Why that particular experiment of mine keeps failing, and also what project I should do in the future. Now that interns are here and I've adopted one. And another half intern half future RO (research officer) that knows more about the area of work that I was tasked with than I do and so now he's kinda taken my project? Well if I don't buck up... What am I to do? Lol. Nothing! Yup. Better stop playing all night till I fall asleep and start reading those papers and getting those ideas. Because man, my PI does have high expectations of me and currently I think I've gotten nothing done. Sigh.

And that journal club. Arghs. Gotta come up with a presentation somehow and present it. 30 mins. It's a full hour long for the RFs, but he's easier on the ROs. Gosh. This will be my first journal club ever. Like in my entire scientific career.... It was only in this job that I attended my first journal clubs, and this will be my first time presenting. Arghs. Stressed. I'm feeling like how I felt for the fic exchange. Only that there's no extension. I guess the problem is really with me. I need to get used to working hard again. Or maybe for the first time. Since I really can't remember the last time I actually, really, studied hard. And I need to stop falling asleep while reading journal papers too. :X

Wish me luck. Really gotta get this down. Been to quite a lot of places in sg already, and applied to many more. And I'm getting old. There's not much more opportunities for me in this field. And to find such a nice PI... Even harder still. I think this will be my last job as an RO. My career may well die here if I finally get the courage, and put in the effort to switch fields. And if I don't, but instead get a PhD, then I will become a post doc, no longer an RO. It's do or die for me... So why can't I actually get work work done?

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Of manchildren and VPNs

2018-12-01T03:44:08Z

So someone commented on my SF post about last week's Shippo jweb... Ya know where Aiba posted a super mature shot of himself in the lift, Then a photo of himself hold a gigantic jinenjyou?

Manchild.

What an apt word.

I too am working for a manchild.

And I'm a womanchild too.

Hahahaha.

I'm never ever gonna grow up.

Though well, I do change. And you could say that I'm more grown up now. But I'm forever gonna be Wild at Heart. Gosh. The Arashi puns are strong in this post eh?

Like I've evolved quite a bit during my previous job. Though not really/always in a good way. But now... This job. Arghs. I'm just so happy I can't...

So for a couple of days I've trying to get the remote desktop connection working. As well as the VPN, so that I can remote in from my phone and from my mac. Like, ya know, from the comfort of my own home. In my PJ glory and all. FINALLY got it to freaking work. First was that I got the IP address of my workstation wrong. So while I could remote into the microscope 'puters, from my own workstation, I couldn't do the opposite. (Why would I need to do that you ask? I just did it yesterday. Because for some unknown reason the scope 'puters ain't no got msoft suite on 'em. So to check some data that's on excel, you could either import that stuff to gdocs - which we did try, but was quite cumbersome with every change we wanted to make after downloading the new doc... Like you have to re-dl each time... Or you could remote in to a 'puter with msoft office. Like my workstation. So yup, got that set up and ready yesterday.)

Then... The next thing is to get the VPN working so that I can connect from my phone and elsewhere. Turns out that the email from my friend on like my second day of work didn't apply to me cos my institute was using a diff VPN from the 'rest of the world'. So that took me a while to figure out. Got the correct VPN website from my colleague. Thankfully they have an iOS app, and managed to get that to work. And while I was stuck on the stupid train/shuttle bus last night/today (another long story)... I managed to check my experiment results. Even funnier was that I had to get off at my workplace mrt station and walk like 1/4 (or 1/3?) of the way to my office to change to the shuttle bus. LOL. I was so high. (Womanchild remember?) Like hyper. Totally. Adrenaline rush! For a while I contemplated going to the office to change sample so that I can start another run over the weekend. but then I realised that I probably need to prepare some new reagents too so forget it. 🤣🤣🤣

Then... Last step. Getting the VPN working on my mac. Had to sign up on the VPN service and have them send me a link to my work email so that I can download the software. Complicated sh!t. Then! They complained that my mac has no anti-virus software and thus could only have limited connectivity. That means, no remoting in. Arghs. Great. What was that anti-virus software that I uninstalled many moons ago? I can't remember. Ok. Google to the rescue. Anti virus software for mac. Downloaded the top two. Oh right. I was using Avast. Tried installing it. Together with the 2nd most recommended anti virus. It hanged halfway... But somehow when I close and tried installing again, Avast is already there. Tried VPN. Nope, still doesn't work. Tried restarting my comp and at which point it was maybe 3:30am so I went to bed.

Story continues this morning after comp restarts. VPN is still limited connectivity. Confirmed that the remote desktop doesn't work on limited connectivity. I can only access the intranet websites to do stuff like apply for leave. Arghs. Time to install that other anti virus software and try again. Amazingly, it worked this time. Phew! Cos otherwise I would be in a bind. The VPN thing kinda feels like an abandoned service to me? Idk. But the email add on the info page about why I'm only getting limited activity has been repurposed and is no longer monitored. LOL.So I wouldn't even know who to email about the anti virus software. LOL.

Anyway. It finally works. I can remote in to check on my scopes and to use my work stations. Which I just did to transfer my images to my own folder. And to update my lab notebook a tiny bit. So fun. So freaking fun. I'm so amused. This brings the term 'work from home' to a whole new level now. Gosh. I'm so crazy.... Hahaha!

Ah yes. What was I doing last night! Eating ramen and just chilling out with viereedom! That was fun, to hang out with another Arashi fan from Indonesia... It's been a while since we last met... A year or two? Before I changed jobs and got all depressed. Yeah.

Alright. I've got other stuff to do this weekend. KOed most of the nights this week without getting anything done so I have A LOT to catch up on now...

Till next time!

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Phew

2018-11-18T11:15:12Z

That was long.

Several long hours making the three posts for Storm Freaks. Go read and comment people! It was hard work! Practically my entire afternoon!

Phew.

Ok. Gotta deal with work stuff now. Like work work. Attempt to finish summarizing a paper, as well as summarizing my past week for my lab notebook.

And then there's the fishing MJ fic that I need to erm. Start on. Opps....?

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Checklist, done, done!

2018-11-11T03:49:19Z

Been a good weekend. I haven't accomplished that much but I guess I'm also right on track.

So... I downloaded Arashi raws... About half a year's worth of raws? Cos yes, it's been that long since I downloaded any. Took me like the whole day yesterday and this morning to finish downloading. Not actually, I started on Friday night too. Or something to that effect.

Then there was journaling. I've been pretty good at keeping up to my usual journaling stuff this week... Ok not really... I missed three days. But I did make up for the calliarts stuff on Friday, during the calliarts session with my cousin, my sis and her friends... So I only had a bit of journaling to do yesterday morning. Easy peasy. Just write anything. But then I've recently bought a photo printer. Well during my 'holiday' before my new job. And then I've printed a whole bunch of photos like... The week before? My last day of work. My new job etc. So I finally got down to it and cut those photos out and pasted them in yet another journal. I did it previously with my regular printer printed pictures. Print quality is absolutely horrendous. But it was nice flipping back at those pages and seeing the photos. And the dates when that particular event took place. So yeah. That's partly the inspiration for buying the photo printer I guess. So that took me all of late afternoon, till midnight. Cut. Stick. Write. Minor decorations. Yeah there was a long dinner + tv break... But still. It took hours! I'm please with the result though. At least it's nice to flip through and see the photos. Of old friends and of my new workplace. And other photo worthy events in between. I freaking finished TWO glue stick tapes. Granted, both were half used... But still! That was A LOT of sticking. Now that journal book is getting pretty darn bulky. Good choice to use a thin muji notebook for such purposes. Ha! And well, I have too many notebooks and I need to use them up too. So it's all good.

Anyway. My office. The building is really pretty darn nice. Lovely pantry. Pantries. Not all pantries are made equal. Some floors have bigger pantries than others... Like the level 3 pantry even has a foosball table and billiard table! I've only been there twice, but both times people came to used those facilities... Making it quite a noisy place to have lunch!

Been ordering food from this app called PLUM a lot. Way too much maybe. They buy food from curated, partner hawker stalls and restaurants, and deliver them to a collection point across the road from my workplace. Which makes it really, really convenient. No need to queue! There's only one pathetic food court near my workplace and as expected, it's super crowded. Sure there are tons of nice restaurants... But PLUM offers cheaper alternatives... And you don't have to queue. Even those restaurants... You have to be there early else it's a long queue. So I would pick up my order downstairs and head back to one of the bigger pantries to have lunch. And usually there'll be someone else in the team who'd join me in the pantry, if we didn't already meet on the way to get PLUM.

So that's the way things are now. Work is good. And challenging. But the need for self motivation and well, stamina is greater than ever before. I'm fine in the lab, sure. But reading journal papers? Like... Kill me now! I tend to want to erm. Fall asleep? By gawd. I really suck at studying. Lol. My focus tends to wander off and... I'll be looking at my phone. Or well... Falling asleep? Well as I read more and gain more background knowledge it'll help though. I'll be able to read faster, zoom to in to just want I need etc... But now. Arghs. Still so tough. I got a bit of enlightenment the other day and breezed through a couple of papers. Till a new topic came around then... *vomits blood*. Reading way too slowly. I need to read faster. How long do people take to read papers? Ok... Just did a little search. I guess people do take a few hours or even days to read a single paper. Oh wells. I think I could do a lot faster though. There's too many things to read.... It was nice when they talked about something in the meeting and I'd just read a whole bunch of papers on that topic the day before though. Yeah. I just need to get through all that backlog of background papers... Then going forward it'll just be whatever is newly published in my field. Sure there's other fields to branch out into... But let's get the basics, the stuff in my immediate area of work done and down. It's not that easy though... Because there's like at least two areas my work branch out into. Oh wells. It shall have to be done.

PI came up to me on like Fri and he was like 'you must have read the paper on XXX by now right?'

Thankfully yes, I did actually come across and read that paper. Like just a day or two ago. Phew. Can you imagine if I'd read any slower? Gosh. As much as there is nothing for me to do most of the time, since I don't actually have a project yet and am just a free floating organism... And can have days when I just sit around and read... And sure I could sit around and sleep all day and no one would care. But well, those papers still need to be read and digested so... Ain't gonna happen in my sleep I'm afraid. Oh wels. I've been hardworking and trying to make little summaries as I read though. And boy making the summaries take a long time. Sometimes longer than reading the paper itself. But I guess I'll get better as I go along. And it's also proof that I've read a paper. More to myself than to anyone else I guess. That I've done 'work' and that I've progressed. Otherwise I'd just sit around staring at the words blankly or sleeping. Yeah.

But really... I'm happy. Scared sure, since this is all new territory. But happy. It's like. I haven't laughed in years. Finally. I'm happy. And the thing about having something so engaging for my mind is that.... It's like... I don't need anything else. I'm satiated. I don't wanna listen to podcasts though I still do... Because I want to think about stuff. And games... Well... My appetite for games has greatly diminished. It's like in the movie the King and I when the king found the perfect girl and if he could have her he wouldn't need anyone else. Gosh. This is life. This is living. I'm alive.

But at the same time... I'm also more motivated to do stuff. To set to-do lists for myself and actually do the stuff that I've set out to do. Like making SF and NM posts. Ok. I don't know how long I can keep this up... But I'll try. Heck. Nothing else I can do but try. And at work it's a case of 'perform or die'.

That's all for today.

Till next time.

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I'm feeling accomplished!

2018-11-04T07:23:15Z

Yeah!

I made updates for Storm Freaks! There's still more stuff that I want to post... A lot more... But I think I'll ease up on the spamming a bit and try to spread things out...

And then I'm pleased with myself for making a NM post! Yeah! Check it out here. Gotta advertise my site a bit yeah?

Let's see if I can try to post something every week. Or at least, every other week!

Been neglecting my journaling + calliarts stuff (calligraphy and art) for about like... Two weeks now. I caught up to all of Oct yesterday. Now gotta work on my Nov stuff eh.

I've been addicted to various mobile games recently... So much so that maplestory M has taken a back seat. Kinda. Stardew valley arrived on iOS. And old school runescape too. But I'm kinda over those too... Kinda. I'll wait till the new runescape to arrive on mobile... And stardew valley... I'm ok. Just gonna play it one in game day at a time. Maplestory m? Still playing, but mostly auto-battling offline now. I did make my 5th character yesterday though!

Other than that... Work is ok. PI has been away whole of last week but it didn't mean anything much other than that I don't see PI. I have my work orders from the other research officer. And I'm still lagging behind so much in my readings... I'm gonna die in tmr's one on one with the PI. Lol. Ok... The other RO tells me there's nothing to worry about... Yeah, PI is a nice guy. And she said he'll do most of the talking. But still. There are expectations. And I need to pass my probation. And no matter what I need to get those damn background readings done so that I can lay the foundation for whatever I'm doing and actually sound intellectual. Plus I'll probably have to give a journal club presentation in Dec so that means I need to do a lot more than just catching up on background info by then. Crap.

Oh and fishing mj? Ha!

Nope. Not started one bit. Entirely clueless how to write it. What to write? Arghs. Idk. The prompts are of no use... Sigh. It's not gonna be 'girigiri'. It'll just be late. Lol.

Oh wells. I just have to get it out in... 2 weeks right? I think it'll be a miracle if I can finish it before Ohno's bday. Lol. Oh wells.

That's all for now I guess. I have to move on to the next item on my to do list. Which is to catch up with Nov calliartsjournal!

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Last day...

2018-10-11T06:58:16Z

Last day of my holiday. And tmr is my last day of work at my old place. But well, since I'm starting at my new place next Monday... It really is the last day of holiday for me!

( Cut because it's long )

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First week of holiday

2018-10-06T02:13:57Z

Time flies.

My first week of leave is gone.

Last weekend was the JB trip with my good friend JLF. The trip there was terrible. Massive jams... Super long queue. It took us over 6 hours to finally get to Malaysia...

The food was good though and more importantly, cheap. So all's well. Even JLF changed her mind on the second day about going to msia again. Hahaha. She was like "This is the first and last time I'm ever coming to msia" when we were queueing up too.... :P

Anyway... We talked about going Japan together and unfortunately I have to say that... I don't wanna go Japan with her. Lol. She's not adventurous or crazy like me. She doesn't eat A LOT of things. No raw food... All that sushi and sashimi... She's really scared of stuff... Erm... Just... Not gonna be a good travel companion for me. I mean... A trip to Japan is gonna be expensive and it feels like such a waste if I don't get to eat all the stuff I like. I think it's not gonna have a happy ending... :X

On the other hand... I could go with my family... I could go with J and Octavia...

Well in any case, I need to start saving up money before anything else. No money no travel. So there.

Spent like a couple of days binge watching this old China drama series 神探狄仁杰. It's freaking good I tell ya. Slow paced but with such a fantastic plot... I was completely hooked. Like $@@%& watching till 4am in the morning and only going to bed because I didn't want my parents to discover that I was up all night kind of hooked. The storyline is so amazing. How the scriptwriters juggle like 10 things at once and never letting a single ball fall to the ground. Or even tossing away some balls really high in the air, only to catch it at the very end of the story. That sort of magic. Gosh. So much that I learnt from watching that drama. You know there's so many dramas and stories where they write till things get so ridiculously huge, and they end up not being able to end things properly? So all you get is this shitty ending? (Heck even mangas... I'm looking at you Naruto.) Not with this drama. All the endings were well done. Logical, and pretty much answering every little doubt and suspicion you had. The cast is amazing too. Perfectly suited for the role they play. The evil guy looks like a sneaky, evil rat. The honest to goodness general looks righteous. The set is amazing too.

Finally got back on track the day before... With my calligraphy stuff and journaling. Stuff that I've been neglecting thanks to my drama addiction.

Started downloading the papers from my new PI yesterday... Gotta start some proper work eh?

Went to Orchard Central with my mum and sis yest for lunch and shopping. Crazy. We spent like quite a few hundred bucks at Dondon Donki yesterday. It's this supermart from Japan. Mum bought a ton of supplementary pills (I think the bulk of the money went there) and a few kilos of noodles. Sis got a bunch of snacks. Oh, liquor! We got a bunch of alcoholic drinks as well. Alcoholic calpis? (Yoghurt drink + alcohol) Strawberry milk with alcohol? Coffee liquor? Lol. Crazy. And I finally got a new umbrella to replace my heavy and broken one. Hurrah. This one is color changing too. A floral pattern will appear when it's wet. Erm... Ok. I don't care for the floral pattern but it's cool. And it's decently priced and really light too. Finally, a new umbrella. I probably won't need to use it much though. My new place has sheltered walkways all the way to the mrt. And I don't need to take the downtown line anymore so I don't have to walk an unsheltered route to take the bus. Hurrah. Everything back to normal. I'm glad. Glad that I kept to my promise of not staying in that place for long. Because it's too easy to get comfortable in routine. Well... This job was really unbearable though. Really, really unbearable. Like right from the start, I didn't buy any of the coffee shop add value cards thingy even though you get a discount if you do... Because I never intended to stay long. Glad I'm out of there now. Well... There's still next Friday to clear... But just that very last day. And geez. HR hasn't even sent me instruction for what to do on my last day. Talk about being slow. Oh wells.

Wanted to take part in Inktober. But I've not even started on anything yet. Lol. Shall try to get it done this weekend. Then I gotta pack my room a little... Change those bedsheets and clean up the fan. Then read those papers and at least get a grip on *WHAT* exactly my new group is working on. It's gonna be quite different from everything I've work on so far. Like... The projects I'm in... They are trying to discover something... As in... Discover something about the microbe. The biology. But here, they have this technique that they discovered, and are trying to improve. And apply that technique to new areas. So if I were to do cell culture, it's for the sake of getting cells to use in that experiment for that technique. Not to discover anything about the cells in particular. Does that make sense? It's like instead of trying to see how well amazing you dog can become, you are trying to see how well your animal training technique performs... And not just on dogs, but other animals as well. Hmm hope that analogy helps lol.

Either way... There's gonna be loads of challenges ahead and I'm both afraid and excited. After all expectations are high. I have a year to come up with my own project idea. Otherwise it's bye bye for me. My contract is only for a year. Sure I know what I'm worth. I shouldn't be worried about my contract renewal as long as money keeps flowing in. But I can't be complacent either. There's a lot of things I don't know, a lot of math, programming and formulas. There's gonna be a lot to learn... And in areas I suck at too... Plus coming up with a scientifically sound and viable project idea? That's gonna be hard. And it's something that I've never done before. I'm not a person without ideas. I've been making a conscientious effort to ensure that my brain doesn't atrophy. Hence the fic writing, the art making and what not. But to actually work hard and read scientific papers? And come up with proper scientific ideas? Let's just say that I've been a lazy person. Esp with the paper readings. Can't remember the last time I've read a paper properly. Lol. Ok yesterday I did try. To spend hours and hours at work reading papers so that I can learn the field and then get ideas? Idk how I'd survive. Lol. But I guess I'll have to find a way... So yeah... I better get started with those five papers next week. The rest... I need the damn access to papers to do more. Can't keep bugging my friend to help me fetch papers yeah? Those 5 were on my PI's profile so yeah. And indeed it seems like they are the most relevant ones with our current work. But well.... The way you get into a new field is by reading papers. Best is to see if there are any review papers. Then from there you check out the references, and read more references and so on and so forth. And for that, you need access to the papers so that you can download the papers and not just read the abstracts. There are more free full text available now. But far from enough... LIke two out of the 5 papers in the profile were locked.

Yeah. That's something that told me my current place isn't the right place to stay. You don't even have journal paper access. If you want the papers, you gotta email the library and ask for it. LOL. Ridiculous. In a single day's worth of research I can easily access and download a few dozen papers. Reading what's important and discarding the irrelevant. Just like how when I research something... Say for a fic... Or something else... I can easily open 10 tabs on a single topic. And then another 10 on something else. Which is why I always have easily over 30 tabs open in my chrome. Lol. And with the no internet access in hospitals now? You can't even do research, honest. Lol.

Alright. That's all for now I guess... I think I'll go buy that photo printer online that I've been craving for quite a while now... Maybe it'll arrive next week and I can play with it... Before I start work ya know? Till next time!

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One week to new life!

2018-09-23T15:59:03Z

Yeah. I'm really, really affected by my job. Just like I was with my school... The teachers, classmates... It really affects my whole being.

It's ok if I have too many things to do if it's stuff that I like doing... Kinda. Well better I feel happy but burnt rather than drained and depressed.

At least with burnout you recover after a break. With depression it's just a downward, never ending spiral. And I just end up losing self control and emptying my bank account...

*shrugs*

Oh well.

Anyway... I made a card exchange event on Storm Freaks. Erm. I have no idea how many active users we have left on SF... And how many amongst those active users who are interested in a card exchange. I guess I'm about to find out. Still not a single soul spotted as of yet. Not even a single comment. Sigh. Oh wells... I'll take the opportunity to advertise for SF too I guess. Maybe tmr. Well it's tmr in 5 mins so I guess tmr.

We'll see how that goes. I'm still proud of myself for advertising till the cows come home for Fishing MJ, and netting us a whooping 25 participants! I think? Hahaha. Most than our first run two years ago. Phew. Thank you everyone for taking part! The girls have been super fast and gotten the assignments out already so have fun writing!

So erm... JB trip this coming weekend. I wanna bring my switch so that I can play with my friend in the hotel. But I swear I've not seen the switch nor the charger since my sis's trip to australia months back... But now she's having trouble finding the charger. Arghs. I swear it's still with her. I mean, the switch was with her. Why would I have the charger and not the switch. She bought the whole thing, including the dock over to aussie on her holiday trip. Geez.

Let's hope it turns up soon... Because that charger is freaking expensive to replace!

Update: Found. WTF. Thrown in a corner in my room, Still in the box that my sis packed back from aussie. Still scotch taped and all, with some clothes as padding. Zzzz... Who just threw it there like that! Arghs. This is why I'm so pissed sometimes. Things that get borrowed don't ever come back. Like all the staplers and hole punchers... Pfttt. My room is in a mess but unless I pack it... I know where everything is. Lol. Trouble comes after I pack up and then I can't remember where I put my stuff. Lol. Sigh...

Oh wells. I can charge my switch now.

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Last call for passengers boarding flight MJ3104!

2018-09-19T14:10:58Z

Attention all passengers! This is the FINAL call for passenges boarding flight MJ3104 to Fishing Paradise. Please make your way to gate 26 for immediate boarding!

Last day to sign up!

What is Fishing MJ?

We are a Ohno + Jun fic exchange! Or Jun + Ohno, hey, whatever rocks your boat!

Think Ohno exchange and Jun exchange combined! That means that any pairing with Ohno OR Jun is welcomed!

You are NOT restricted to writing Juntoshi only, though Juntoshi writers are definitely welcome!

Sign ups close on the 20th of September! (But with the time difference and all, just go sign up now ok?)

Head over to Fishing MJ and SIGN UP now!

Don't delay any further, or the plane will take off without you! See you in Fishing Paradise!

Sign Up for Fishing MJ NOW!

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Howdy!

2018-09-18T14:01:57Z

Hello all you silent readers... Well I presume I still have silent readers that is. I know once upon a time I was shocked to find out how many people were silently reading my LJ blog... But that was then, and admittedly I've been missing from blogging for quite a long time....

Idk... But somehow I'm feeling the urge to blog regularly again. I think it comes with the fact that I'm getting a new job. New outlook on life and what not.

Anyway... I'm counting down. Day by day. 8 more days of torture left.

And as I'm saying all these... I can't help but hope that my new job will be what I expected and more. That it won't be such a disappointment like my current place is. That I won't feel like I jumped out of the frying pan and into the fire like it was when I started at this place in April last year. 24th of April. I remember the date well.

But I have a good feeling about the new job. Something that I didn't have with my current job... Which I took only because my friend said "you've not worked in a hospital before right? why don't you try?"

Thinking back... Ok, I did get to experience a bunch of stuff (well, crap) that I'll never get to experience otherwise. And not many researchers has 'hospital work' in their CV so it might give me a leg up. Either way. I'm glad that I'm leaving. And I wouldn't have stay one second longer.

Have I mentioned that I booked a hotel in JB the following weekend? Going to stay for a night in JB with my friend. Who has NEVER been to city square mall before hence the reason I'm insisting on this trip. I wonder if she's even been to Malaysia before. Ridiculous right? Well... She was from China, and then switched citizenships after getting an astar scholarship. I've been wanting to go to Malaysia with her ever since then but yeah... Never materialised. Till now. Can you believe it? She's my bestie since sec sch and we've never been on a trip together. Ok... I haven't with any of my other best friends either... But in comparison my sis has been on numerous trips with her classmates. Me on the other hand... I've gone to visit my good but not super good friend in China (whom I met at a Japanese language class in uni). And then I've trooped over to Ph and Penang and met up with Arashi friends... (And entirely relied on them for my holiday...)

Yeah... Think it'll be fun! And we'll be eating loads!

So as I've mentioned before previously, in between my long hibernations... I'm into fountain pens and that is STILL a thing. With fountain pens come nice japanese paper and nice japanese planners... I made my first ever unboxing video last night and posted it to FB and like youtube. It's about 12 mins long and I talked a bunch as I unboxed. Well... that's what you're supposed to do right? I've never watched an unboxing video my entire life so... Lol. No, you won't see my face, but yes I spoke plenty if you're curious about how I sound.

Yes... fountain pens... I've been going to pen meets and other pen events... There's one this fri evening in fact. Heck, I have a very busy two weeks ahead of me. Thurs is dinner with one of my colleagues. Tmr's lunch is a treat from HOD, for our whole lab. Which isn't that many of us really, cos just the molecular peeps. Then next Fri I've already booked my friends for a night out. Preferably with some drinking involved. And next Sat is the two days one night trip so yeah... Lol. Well I'm just packing an overnight bag but still, I can't wake up too late else it'll get really crowded!

Also! I still owe RF a lunch for the job referral so I'll have to look for a place next week. The problem is where to eat lol. Can't be too far from the workplace...

And another colleague asked me out for lunch... Which may or may not happen. *shrugs* And oh, there's still a colleague whom I've been in contact with quite a bit over the course of my work, who doesn't yet know that I'm leaving. Lol. And apparently the bulk of the people in the routine lab doesn't know I'm leaving either. Though I'm not particularly close to them so I'm not expecting anything.

8 more days.

I just have to make it through that.

Been mapling a lot lately. Lol. Nazukashi. The word 'mapling'. I used to be such a crazy mapler. Still missed the PC version a ton, but the auto battle system is indeed really good for the once maple fans who are now grown ups like myself. The game is still a massive money suck. But it's nice to be able to leave your char alone to auto battle for a few hours, without even needing to have the game on, and come back to pick it up a few hours later. Yeah. I'm totally addicted now, to the point of neglected all my other mobile games. Animal crossing? Meh. It pales in comparison to maple.

Ah yes. On the Arashi front. HURRAH FOR 15 SIGN UPS. Anyway what is happening to the fandom? Or the ficdom? No one writes fanfics anymore? Because everyone can only write 140 chars or what 280 now? for a single tweet? Or is it because the Arashi fandom is shrinking and everyone is moving away from arashi and into some other fandom? Any ideas?

So that's it for today. See ya soon I guess? And oh yes, if you've made it through my post till this point... Mind leaving a quick comment for me? Just a 'hi' or 'i'm here' will do. I'm curious to see how many silent readers I still have :P

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Countdown - 2 weeks!

2018-09-15T16:24:33Z

Yes. Finally.

Exactly two more weeks left of work. Ok, 2 weeks and one day. But the last day doesn't really count because all I'll be doing is sitting around, clearing my stuff, doing all the stuff for clearance and exit.

Gonna be an extremely painful two weeks... But at least I see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Like... Just honestly really never felt good about this job. From like the second week, I felt like I was cheated. Like, I'd have been better off if I stayed at my old job. Maybe the short hospital stint helped in my career? I don't know. But I'm just really glad it'll be over soon. Like... I never once felt proud of this job. Never updated it on my fb profile... Never bothered bringing much stationary to work (and even when Irought anything, it was after months because I was just so uneasy about this job...) Never bought the membership cards for the coffee shop in my workplace, or the food court in the nearest shopping center cos I never wanted to stay long. And I'm glad that I managed to keep to my word.

Of course even happier still is that, thanks to my RF's recommendation, I might well have struck gold with my next job. Well I certainly have high expectations. And I really really hope I'm not disappointed. That my assessment of the group is accurate. Still. Things are moving so fast in the group it's like a massive whirlwind. But that's also when things are most exciting. And you'll have a chance to shape and change and mould things. And it's not like I'm a newbie after all. I now have over 5 years, almost 6 years of work experience under my belt. And then there's all the invaluable skills I learned during my internship. Skills that are still extremely useful today. And skills that I would not have learnt otherwise anywhere else. Bet I'm gonna bump into my old mentors someday at biopolis... Definitely gonna talk with them for a bit. Maybe lunch together or something someday would be nice too. After all it's still that same old matrix canteen that's pretty much the only choice for miles around. And of course... I'll be in the same place, just a few blocks away from my bestie jlf. Lunch or dinner? Convenient! Now we can just text each other... And when she's ready, I'll walk over to her building and we can head off to the train station together. Can't wait to start work there!

Of course... I'm really hoping that things are as I hope. That'll be for the best. If not... I'm gonna have to keep looking. For better or for worst... I'm gonna stay hungry and foolish, and never settle. I'll forever be that crazy kid. Because that's who I am and I can't live any other way. And after the year plus in this horrid cage, this little kid is so happy to be breaking free.

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