Lab. Life.

[coolohoh]

Things hasn't been going well in the lab. Stuff just isn't working. Sigh. At least I think it's the experiment problem and not like human error... And the scope has been behaving itself for us so... That's good.

Don't know what my boss wants me to do. He hasn't really decided. And it's leaving me confused. I'm working with two interns. And the stuff I'm doing... You can say it's both their project, and also my project. In the end whose project is it? Idk. At the end of the year, if they leave and not continue working here, I guess the project goes back to me. Then again, boss isn't all that interested in the direction we've initially been tasked to go. More like, it's hard, we haven't had much luck at all. Sure you wouldn't expect results so fast... But we were kinda trying to replicate work from a pre-print paper. We could just wait for the paper to be officially out and try it again with their DNA sequences. And try something else in the meantime instead of 'wasting' our time on this. Heck well. There's a ton of things that I could try. I guess I'll just have to try and see what sticks. 

The dreaded qn is: What is your own project?

I still have none. Almost half and year already and still none. Sigh. Things will turn out ok eventually I guess... But yeah. In research. It's a scary place. Had dinner with a colleague last night. We both just needed a bit of a time out, her especially. And she asked the scary question. How long do you think boss will stay here?

Gosh. No. Please no. He'll be staying here forever right? Forever and ever. And he'll be able to get grants and what not right? Sigh. I'm sick of this... The job search. Looking for a new lab. Landing in crappy ones. I've not even been in that many places/jobs. Ok. This is my fourth... Not that few also. And in my NTU job I changed hands a lot. Passed around from person to person, project to project. Just so sick of this... Sigh. Please stay alive and healthy... And may the cash flow be forever good... My hopes and dreams depends on you lol!

It's funny tho. We've been ordering grab food a lot lately. And usually it's like my boss ordering. And he's the one going downstairs to pick up the order. Hahaha. It's a really unique sort of group we have here. We have lunch with our boss almost daily? Well you can choose not to. It's not mandatory or anything... But like... Yeah it's just quite a nice place to work at overall. And tbh... I really enjoy eating with the boys. The engineering guys (including my boss). The conversations are just different with the boys and the girls ya know... Like dinner with my colleague one on one yest was nice, but we also talked about different things VS when we're with the other girls. Like they start talking about movies or shows or earrings or other random stuff that... I'm sorry, I don't have much interest in or know about. Esp all the US movies and TV shows... Netflix. I don't have netflix. And I don't have the time to watch either. I have my art/journaling stuff to do. Games to play. Now I'm thinking about doing a blog on my art stuff... and what not. And of course, loads of Arashi shows waiting, begging, to be watched.

And yeah... My gender... fluidity is at work here. Love the conversations with the boys more. Someone always brings up an interesting topic and we will talk and expand on it etc... All the time I spent listening to podcasts wasn't in vain. Lol. Though it's mostly when I'm traveling and couldn't have done much else in terms of productive work anyway. And I can still listen AND play at the same time. So doubly productive! Lol.

That's about it for now. Got other things to do! Till next time!  

Comments

[gambitsfox]

Well, I don't know much about your job but from what I hear even when experiments turn out bad you learn from it. So dont be discouraged. When it comes to who's in charge or what is your project that can be bleary if there isn't a designated person in charge. I know when I was moved to technical services after 30 years in another department my first day was a challenge. The woman in charge (who I'd known for years and even went to science fiction conventions together until her new husband stopped her) walked over to my desk and told me frankly that everything we do in here is to make HER look good. That was not how I was taught....So I told her right back that I always thought when the department looks good then we ALL look good. That kind of shut her up. I know where that came from....she was taught to lead by a very selfish woman that also thought that way. I think to be a real leader you must first have the title, but even more you must gain their respect. That requires sharing information and standing behind your people. Interns may come and go but your boss knows who's been training them. I think your knowledge and experience being passed on to them will, in the long run, be a great asset to your line of work. I know this may not seem that uplifting now and it's boring when things don't go as you want but everything you experience now can only help you later. Lol. I hope I have encouraged you a little. Some people say you should be happy just to have a job but I feel you should also find purpose in that job. I hope I don't seem pushy but I know where you are and I hope things settle down and you find that rhythm in life you need. So if you feel threatened by interns...don't be...think of them as colleagues that are in the same boat as you and your goals will be a win for everyone. Take care! 😊

[coolohoh]

<3

Nah, I definitely don't feel threatened by the interns. It's just that when ppl ask me 'what exactly is your own project', it's scary because I don't have an answer.

And heck. Even though I have quite a bunch of experience as a research officer, I was NEVER given the chance to be part of a real project team, let alone be expected to have my own project. You could say that I've spent all my time following instructions and not really learning to think on my own. I don't know how much boss expects from me... Though he did mention at the start that he hopes I'd have settled into my own project by the end of my first year. Sigh. Things could go in so many different ways now... I am a bit unsure about how to handle this part time intern though. I'm not a people person in the first place and the circumstances and everything just makes it quite hard for me to connect with this guy. Doesn't help that I'm not impressed by him and how he greatly oversold himself during the interview. Like for someone who had supposedly a year of experience in the lab, I was expecting like a level 4 or 5 out of say 10. But he's barely at level 2 and thing is, he doesn't seem to realise that. I thought my full time intern was bad initially... But she's still way better than this guy. Geez. And all the while I'm thinking how already that intern doesn't come off as a uni student. Like she's more junior college or sec school level... Oh wells. I'm getting along quite well with my full time intern though. And she's improving and all... Already she can run a lot on her own so it's good... So I can leave her to work while I well, work on other things.

I'm glad my boss certainly isn't that sort of person you mentioned. And I definitely agree on the respect part. It's a real deal breaker for me. If I can't respect you, I really can't work for you. It'll be torturing me to a slow death. My boss isn't perfect by any means, but for my personality and all... He's really pretty darn good. Idk what more I could wish for... Maybe in time to come I will recognise more of his flaws. But I do also resonate and recognise a lot of what he's doing because that was what I've done myself, in the sch groups I led, or even just the sort of updates I give in my Arashi comms and all...

There's still a lot for me to learn and improve on though... Especially being more timely about my data updates in my lab notebook... And reading papers... Sigh. I guess it can't be helped. I need to invest my at home time to reading papers else it'll never get done!