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coolohohI have a big problem now.
I can't get work work done.
As in. Work, for my work.
I spent yesterday attempting to pack my table, and it was kinda successful in that the area in front of my computer is much neater now... And I have a ton of space in front of my keyboard - enough to put an A5 book and write... But that's about all I've done this weekend. Besides playing, trying to take naps and failing to... And generally wasting my time.
My main table for writing is still clogged with erm. A lot of stuff. Too much stationery and other bits and pieces.
Gah!
Meanwhile...
I'm supposed to do a journal club presentation on Wedn and I've erm. I read those two papers I'm planning on presenting a while back. Can't remember all that much. But this weekend? I stared at the first few paras of both papers for a bit. Typed three words into my powerpoint slides. And that's it. I have done absolutely nothing else. It's now 10pm. I should be getting a bath, and getting ready for bed in a few hours. But I've not even started. Lol.
Sure there's tmr, and tues night, but I've been falling asleep every night after work without doing anything substantial... And there's newszero to watch tomorrow too - there's bound to be news of Arashi's hiatus and I want to see how Sho responds to that.
Oh yeah and the hiatus. That brought me out of my DW hiatus for sure. And prompted a post to SF. I've talked about what I feel there, now I'm over it and have more immediate, pressing things to worry about. Like my journal club presentation. Why that particular experiment of mine keeps failing, and also what project I should do in the future. Now that interns are here and I've adopted one. And another half intern half future RO (research officer) that knows more about the area of work that I was tasked with than I do and so now he's kinda taken my project? Well if I don't buck up... What am I to do? Lol. Nothing! Yup. Better stop playing all night till I fall asleep and start reading those papers and getting those ideas. Because man, my PI does have high expectations of me and currently I think I've gotten nothing done. Sigh.
And that journal club. Arghs. Gotta come up with a presentation somehow and present it. 30 mins. It's a full hour long for the RFs, but he's easier on the ROs. Gosh. This will be my first journal club ever. Like in my entire scientific career.... It was only in this job that I attended my first journal clubs, and this will be my first time presenting. Arghs. Stressed. I'm feeling like how I felt for the fic exchange. Only that there's no extension. I guess the problem is really with me. I need to get used to working hard again. Or maybe for the first time. Since I really can't remember the last time I actually, really, studied hard. And I need to stop falling asleep while reading journal papers too. :X
Wish me luck. Really gotta get this down. Been to quite a lot of places in sg already, and applied to many more. And I'm getting old. There's not much more opportunities for me in this field. And to find such a nice PI... Even harder still. I think this will be my last job as an RO. My career may well die here if I finally get the courage, and put in the effort to switch fields. And if I don't, but instead get a PhD, then I will become a post doc, no longer an RO. It's do or die for me... So why can't I actually get work work done?
I can't get work work done.
As in. Work, for my work.
I spent yesterday attempting to pack my table, and it was kinda successful in that the area in front of my computer is much neater now... And I have a ton of space in front of my keyboard - enough to put an A5 book and write... But that's about all I've done this weekend. Besides playing, trying to take naps and failing to... And generally wasting my time.
My main table for writing is still clogged with erm. A lot of stuff. Too much stationery and other bits and pieces.
Gah!
Meanwhile...
I'm supposed to do a journal club presentation on Wedn and I've erm. I read those two papers I'm planning on presenting a while back. Can't remember all that much. But this weekend? I stared at the first few paras of both papers for a bit. Typed three words into my powerpoint slides. And that's it. I have done absolutely nothing else. It's now 10pm. I should be getting a bath, and getting ready for bed in a few hours. But I've not even started. Lol.
Sure there's tmr, and tues night, but I've been falling asleep every night after work without doing anything substantial... And there's newszero to watch tomorrow too - there's bound to be news of Arashi's hiatus and I want to see how Sho responds to that.
Oh yeah and the hiatus. That brought me out of my DW hiatus for sure. And prompted a post to SF. I've talked about what I feel there, now I'm over it and have more immediate, pressing things to worry about. Like my journal club presentation. Why that particular experiment of mine keeps failing, and also what project I should do in the future. Now that interns are here and I've adopted one. And another half intern half future RO (research officer) that knows more about the area of work that I was tasked with than I do and so now he's kinda taken my project? Well if I don't buck up... What am I to do? Lol. Nothing! Yup. Better stop playing all night till I fall asleep and start reading those papers and getting those ideas. Because man, my PI does have high expectations of me and currently I think I've gotten nothing done. Sigh.
And that journal club. Arghs. Gotta come up with a presentation somehow and present it. 30 mins. It's a full hour long for the RFs, but he's easier on the ROs. Gosh. This will be my first journal club ever. Like in my entire scientific career.... It was only in this job that I attended my first journal clubs, and this will be my first time presenting. Arghs. Stressed. I'm feeling like how I felt for the fic exchange. Only that there's no extension. I guess the problem is really with me. I need to get used to working hard again. Or maybe for the first time. Since I really can't remember the last time I actually, really, studied hard. And I need to stop falling asleep while reading journal papers too. :X
Wish me luck. Really gotta get this down. Been to quite a lot of places in sg already, and applied to many more. And I'm getting old. There's not much more opportunities for me in this field. And to find such a nice PI... Even harder still. I think this will be my last job as an RO. My career may well die here if I finally get the courage, and put in the effort to switch fields. And if I don't, but instead get a PhD, then I will become a post doc, no longer an RO. It's do or die for me... So why can't I actually get work work done?
(no subject)
Date: 2019-01-27 02:38 pm (UTC)A PhD is not all its cracked up to be. Before my health took its toll on me, the academic infighting, pettiness and power struggles that were all around even when I chose not to involve myself in any of it was bloody awful. People will still find a way to screw you over, more so if they look down on your specialisation and/or you and/or your work. Perhaps it's a lot harder for me vis-a-vis people because I have asperger's as well. Hang in there in the meantime.
(no subject)
Date: 2019-01-28 07:29 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2019-01-29 07:55 am (UTC)I know they will be gone in around 2 years time, but you know what? Arashi always brings me happiness, and watching videos of them always makes me happy. Maybe you should do that too!