coolohoh: Biohazard (Biohazard)


Wrote and posted my 100th fic. Just had to urge to write it. And that particular genre too. Non-con. The setting... The cast... The urge just... came.

The Chronicles is still on hiatus. I'll go back to looking at it tmr. Really in a bit of a bind there with the story...

Yeah. How to move it forward and all... I think a bit of time to let the story simmer in the back burner would be good...

There's more I want to talk about... But I'll make another FL-ed post...

Anyway... Fics.

AO3 tells me that I've written and posted 159898 words.

I'm a little surprised that my line friends have way lesser fics than me... Then again, they haven't been in the fandom as long..? But still I didn't start writing fics right away.... But well, more importantly, they write long chaptered fics. I do mostly one shots and drabbles. I'm definitely far from being the most prolific Arashi fic writer. Nah, not by a long shot. I think Krystal will have to take the cake for that. She's the absolute winner.

Oh wells. The number 100 just makes me happy. Even though it means absolutely nothing. Gives me a minor sense of accomplishment I guess... A point to boast about though really, honestly, it means nothing. It's not like I've even written that much, or that the stories were particularly outstanding? *shrugs*

That complicated feeling where you're kinda proud of yourself but also knowing that said accomplishment is nothing to be proud of...

That's all for now!
coolohoh: Biohazard (Default)
I heard a number of people have migrated to DW from LJ, citing security fears as LJ servers are now routed through Russia or something...

I don't really get the difference between the servers going through USA and through Russia. Are the Russians more prone to checking through server traffic, and punishing people for copyright infringement? IIRC, the US shut down MU a few years back and are still at it, going after Kim dotcom...

If anyone can enlighten me, please do.

Either way, the main danger for Arashi fans is still JE IMO. And JE can send out a C&D letter to LJ or DW, it doesn't matter. Stuff on the web is out there on the web, for the world to see and discover... Which kinda suck when JE and Japan copyright is against it... Sigh.

coolohoh: Biohazard (Biohazard)
Yup. That's all I've been doing today. Posting to SF, finally finishing my review to NM together with the vocab list... And then advertising the [ profile] arashi_bangumi community.

Oh and I'm live on mixlr right this very moment. It's been ages since I did a mixlr broadcast lol. Maybe I'll get to do a few more broadcasts this year *shrugs*

I wonder if people remember me. Like "oh, it's this person posting on arashi_on again" or something. Since not too long ago I just advertised Storm Freaks? And then I also post all over arashi_rabu and stuff... And of course if they'll already in SF they're probably sick of seeing my posts already? But if I don't post, no one will on SF :( (And that was how we ended up with a cycle filled with games...)

*arghs* *turns off monitoring on mixlr* I can't listen and think and post at the same time lol. Yeah. It's an irony. I don't actually listen to my own mixlr broadcast most of the time, because if I do, I can't do other work like doing my bangumi review or posting to NM and stuff... But I still like doing to broadcasts as it give a platform for fans to chat with each other, request songs and stuff... Even though I don't actually get all that many listeners... I kinda wanted to stop my mixlr subscription, cos it's 60 bucks a year (and I think it's in USD?)... But now my old plan has been discontinued. If I were to resubscribe, it'll cos $120 a year. And instead of being able to broadcast for 3 hours at a time, as many times as I want, it's limited to 3 hours per day. And sometimes I do want to broadcast longer than 3 hours a day. Can't seem to see that many other alternatives either... Seems like mostly people are doing live video these days. Like periscope, meerkat, fb live that sort of stuff. But nope. Definitely no live video for me. I'm not even dressed properly. Lol. And I don't actually want to spend X number of hours erm... idk? Video taping myself? I don't have that many things to talk about and all. I just want to play some arashi songs.

So yes.

NM post done. Not that it means anything, because honestly I want to do at least one post a week. And that means I should prepare to write a new post for next week already...

Have not been watching arashi tv shows again. Lagging behind again. *Sigh*

Also want to branch out and watch tetsuwan dash from Tokio too. Love the ultraman dash new year SP... And have always wondered what the regular shows are like. But I see the ads when watching TSD and it looks really interesting... Maybe I will slowly start downloading the show... At least keep them in my HD...

Spent a bunch of $$$ again sigh. Could no longer resist and got the beats x earphones. So hopefully I don't have to struggle with getting my earphone wires caught somewhere ever again. I'm wondering if I can claim that expense at work... Personal benefits and stuff. Also I'll need a new HD soon. But at least that's 100% claimable. Gotta use up those extra $ anyway... So yeah...

My new 3d pen arrived already... I'll see if I can find some time to play with it later... After I end my broadcast maybe? Or something. Anyway... Not too bad. Did get a bunch of stuff done though the NM review dragged on for way too long...

That's all for now I guess...

Do check out my reviews and posts on Nihongo Manabu!
coolohoh: Biohazard (Biohazard)
99 fics.

How many years has it been since I said 'I want to hit 100 fics this year'?

I've lost count, but I think it's been at least two years... In any case... It's been a whooping 3 years since RNA was made...

Finally... After such a long time...

99 fics.

Just one more to go... Maybe tmr I'll write another drabble/one shot.

Yeah man.


Feb. 12th, 2017 12:26 pm
coolohoh: Biohazard (Biohazard)
A big thank you to [ profile] yuidirnt for helping me to migrate my over 90 fics to AO3!

If you like, you can read my fics on AO3 here.

I will still continue posting them to [ profile] nutty_arashi and here on my blog though... I really like the community and interaction that's available here. I don't *just* want to post fics... I also blog about my life and do all sorts of other crap... And I want the friends I made here to also read my fics and leave comments... While having a view counter and a 'kudos' thing on AO3 is nice... I'd very much love to get comments, constructive feedback from my readers...

Anyway... I'm looking back at my old fics and fixing the dates on AO3 because we imported the fics from RNA, and old readers would know that I started RNA in 2014... Roughly two years after I started writing fanfics.

(It's also kinda the reason why my personal blog ranking is so low now. I advertise RNA instead of my own blog... And I stopped doing translations... -These days if I do translations, they would probably go to SF anyway...)

So yup...

That's the score on the fanfic side.

In other matters.


My 3D pen is having problems... The feeding mechanism doesn't work properly anymore - only after just a few uses. Sigh. I have to like, manually push the filaments through. So I ended up ordering a V3 3D scribbler... Which uses the 1.75 mm filaments that I have a ton of... And hopefully is a much more durable, well made pen. Sigh, the perils of buying stuff on kickstarter. I did email the makers, but it seems like they have still not finished shipping their product, a whole year after the first ones went out the door. Seems unlikely that I'll get it replaced or even a reply from them...


Still, I picked the cheapest shipping option for the 3D pen so it'll take a few weeks to arrive at the quickest. Darn it. At least I see a lot of youtubers using the 3D scribbler... And they are even at V3 already so these guys are serious about making 3D drawing pens. Gah. Can't wait for the pen to arrive. Watching all those videos on youtube makes me drool. I want to hone my skills and make those videos too!

So that'll be a side project of mine all year long and beyond... Meanwhile I'll keep writing, finding jobs, and learning. Oh. Reading and listening to podcasts too.
coolohoh: Biohazard (Biohazard)

Hahaha. If you're a member of [ profile] nutty_arashi, [ profile] arashirabu, [ profile] kotobayori, [ profile] jent_fanfics, and my friend... Then you must be seeing A LOT of posts from me these few days.


Hahaha. It can't be helped. I'm in a writing roll now and I'm gonna very well make sure that I write. Instead of like 1 fic a week like I tried to do last time... Nope, it's multiply (though short) fics a day. On those days that I feel particularly inclined to write that is.

So write I will. My evernote records tells me that I'm at 93 finished one shots and drabbles now. A whooping 93 whee! If you count the two unfinished series... That's 95? Whee! Just 5 short of a hundred!

Happy happy happy.

Now let's see what I have to do today... Do up the vocab post on NM... Then edit my CV...? Hmmph...
coolohoh: Biohazard (Biohazard)
Just looked at my posts tagged new year resolutions. Strange. I thought I did make a post last year but apparently not. That or it's not tagged.

Oh wells.


I think I finally have some resolutions.

- Write something everyday.
I've always wonder how people could do 30 day drabble challenges and stuff. How can you take any random prompt and turn it into something?

Well... So this year... I'd like to write more. And it can be anything. Just a random blog post, a diary entry in my private journal, or even my physical diary... Or an actual fanfic - The Chronicles, or other one shot and drabbles... Maybe I'll even take another look at Spy Arashi and see what I can do with it. Posts on Nihongo manabu count too. Like this news zero review I did yesterday. Going to do up a vocab post before I advertise it on arashi bangumi. Hopefully I can get that done tonight? Or maybe I should do up my CV and cover letter...

But anyway... Write a little something daily. If I do more drabbles, I'll hit 100 fics in no time...

- Reach an average of 100 daily views on Nihongo Manabu. It's currently still sitting at around 20-30+ views daily during normal times. Shall start doing and posting reviews on the site, hopefully that will help me attract more daily visitors.

- Divide my time between catching up with Arashi tv shows, learning web dev, and building up a new site.

I guess find a better job should be on the list too but yeah...


Feb. 8th, 2017 12:01 am
coolohoh: Biohazard (Biohazard)
I'm pleased with myself.

I'm spinning out drabbles like a spider spinning webs.

Or something.

Three drabbles today, and one yesterday. On top of several chapters of The Chronicles.

I want to keep this 'writing' mode going forever...


Feb. 7th, 2017 05:41 pm
coolohoh: Biohazard (Biohazard)
So I've been reading up here and there about smap and stuff cos... Ya know, writing fanfics requires a lot of research.

And the more I read.... The more sad I am that smap has disbanded... How the jimusho treated them and all... Those guys really opened up a road for their kouhais. Would JE treat Arashi so well otherwise?

And then there's the stuff about how smap were absolute philanthropists. And of course, the fraction wars... Sigh. Such hate runs deep huh? Like how my workplace absolutely loathes this other institute, even though our research direction are really different and those people have nothing at all against us. And it's been years too. Both my institute and smap...


It's not like I don't know how... Erm... Uptight? JE can be. And I've heard rumors about the alleged sex abuse and stuff... But I was ignorant about the fraction wars till... Idk... 2 or 3 years back? I never watched anything besides arashi, and reading entertainment news and rumors generally isn't my thing.

But well... Johnny and Mary should just retire already. Like seriously... How old are they now? Don't people their age just sit at home, enjoying their retirement? (Ok, then again there's someone called Trump... But he's still 15 years younger than Johnny-jiji)

I guess it's hard to let go huh? Of the empire that you have built from nothing. Wiki says he started it in 1963... Which means it's been what... 54 years now? Imagine doing something for 54 years... I guess he's just too emotionally invested to quit.

But I hope that the next generation will get a chance to take over. And maybe then, we'll get to see the improvements us fans have hoped for for years. In a way, things have already started to change... But there's still so much more that I hope to see JE do. Hopefully, there won't be any sort of fraction war either... Internal wars like this... How can it be good for the company? I wonder what's the relationship like between Julie and Iijima... What would happen when the old guards die? Would we finally see the change we've been hoping for?

As an international fan... I can only help...

But either way... I guess it's too late for smap...?

It's... Such a waste. Like all that money and talent... It was there for the taking for JE, but they threw it away. Sure, kimutaku had demanded to be paid better... But JE was still taking a percentage of the earnings. And it was only right that smap should be paid more anyway... Though of course, the old fashioned Johnny-jiji would have never understood that. And the rumors about Mori being forced to leave... Idk...

But... I just feel sad. It's like smap could have become so much more if they were allowed to be.

In a way it feels like how I can do, give so much more to the company if they gave me a little support, knew how to use me right.

Such a waste. Such a pity.

Till the day we meet again, smap.
coolohoh: Biohazard (Biohazard)
Sure doesn't feel that way to me.

I'm still in a dreamy holiday mood. And I'm still sick, coughing for like the 4th week coming.

Meanwhile, I've not been in much of a coding mood the past three days, though I did manage to get a jQuery intro course finished in between my online and offline shopping and gaming (online only). Got some stuff for making a photo backdrop box, but have not gotten around to making it yet. Oh wells.

New Year resolutions? Brain isn't working. Can't think of any beyond the obvious of learning web dev and setting up my website. Clearly not in a writing/thinking mood these few days. I can't even think of what else to write in this entry... So that's all for now.

See ya next year.

Not that I'm looking forward to next week at all. Work bleah. Terrible. Waste of time, all the time. Lousy company and lousy work. I don't even want to go lunch with anyone these days because I get so much more satisfaction from keeping my own company. Either reading my kindle or listening to podcasts. And if I want social, there's social on demand from all my LINE and whatsapp chat. On a scale of 1-100 I'm 200 on the extreme anti social side now. Like, just leave me alone. Of course, for some people it's always about THEM and never about others. Oh wells.
coolohoh: Biohazard (Biohazard)

Crossposting the following from [ profile] storm_freaks.

Just what... two more weeks or so till the year ends (and I can start using my Are You Happy? planner.)

The end of the year is a pretty great time to do a little reflection excersise.... And since I'm going on holiday from Sunday, and I've yet to pack anything... Thought I'd try to get my online posts all done today so yeah. Pardon my two posts in a row thing.

So... I'll pose a question in bold, then answer it for myself... Then you can answer the questions in bold in your comments as well. How does that sound? Questions will include both personal and Arashi related questions. I'm taking my questions and modifying them from this post, in case you're interested. (If you're a iOS/mac user, Day One is a superb journelling app, love it tons. Do give it a look!)

Are we ready?

Let's go!

Bokutachi no reflection )


Dec. 13th, 2016 01:07 am
coolohoh: Biohazard (Biohazard)
Yup! So I did get around to writing and finishing Fantastic Classmates and Where to find them. Yay me. I was just looking through the fics on nutty arashi and the fics on my personal blog here... Seems like the only time I remember to cross post my fics back here is when I post a new creation to RNA. Lol.

For those who don't know... I have a fanfic community called [ profile] nutty_arashi. Since I kinda want people to join (it's open membership!) and visit the community, I post all my newest fics there. Only after 2 weeks (or more) will I transfer the fics to my personal blog here... Just erm... because I want to have my own fics here. The community is a venture between me, J and octavia, though in the past year or so I've been the only one writing/posting.

Didn't write many fics this year... Though I did take part (well, and helped a little with the organising) of the fishing mj fic exchange... So that forced me to write a fic.

With those two new fics.. My total fic count is now 86. Nice. Gonna hit the magic number 100 soon... Just 14 more fics to go! Someday I'll get there!

Sigh. Not feeling fantastic today. Sore throat is freaking back. And I'm still coughing. Gosh. I've never had a sore throat come back on me before once it progresses to the coughing stage. I think I worked myself too hard on the algorithmns last week or something. Not in the mood to try and understand anything atm. Sigh. Not in the mood to do my NM post too... And I'm still missing last week's post (well, it's half done...), this week's post, and next week's post. This is the reason why I don't like going on holidays. I'll have to schedule and write so many posts at once! Arghs. And now my tummy has decided to act up today as well. Not sure if it's cos I stayed up till too late last night and ending up starving myself or something. Not my fault. I can't sleep with all that coughing... At least I'm coughing lesser tonight...


Shall look for other happier and untaxing things to do. Finished making all my Xmas cards. All 12 of 'em. Including one that was already sent out (and receiver got it today whoohoo!), that makes a total of 13 Xmas cards this year! And to think that it's my first attempt making Xmas cards. *shrugs*

Moral of the story: You can always find receivers for free things. Like the little trinklets and other random stuff I've accumulated over the years and am going to giveaway for instance. *shrugs*

Also... The last of my taobao shipments have arrived today. Finally! All my plastic filaments are here. I went crazy with the buying. *shrugs* It's cheap... but now... how will I ever finish using them up? Where can I even keep them in my room?!?! Will my 3d pen die before I even finish 10% of the filaments I bought? Lol. Next investment = 3D printer? But I want the expensive ones that can print big models and have plate heating and dual extrusion and and and...

Oh wells.

I emptied out my bank account already so yeah.


Thou shall not shop again in 2 months.

Oh wells. I guess if I direct my energies to javascript and my new website instead of how fucked up everything in at work...

Opps. I said I'm not talking about fucked up sad stuff.

Hmm 14 more fics... We'll see... :P

Maybe someday I'll actually rewrite spy arashi AND finish it. Idk. Someday.
coolohoh: Biohazard (Biohazard)
It's been a long time since I actually talked about Arashi in my blog... I think? But wells...

Say in a typical middle/high school class of maybe 30 - 40 students... Of course, my answer will be based on what I've experienced in SG and what little I know about the education system in Japan.

Assuming that all 5 of them gets into the small class as I am, and none of us knew each other, even among the 5 Arashi members... How would they segregate into?

Ohno would probably be the weird freak in class who's always slouching in the corner drawing manga on his textbooks. Always scoring really low in tests and mocked by all the teachers and bullies... Unless it's art class of course. He's the art freak after all. He'd probably be one of the loners in class.

Sho would be the hardworking top student. Prefect. Class monitor. Whatever. Loads of leadership positions. He'll try his best to get into every advanced subject program he can. And he'll probably make it for most of them. And did I mention that he's a nice guy too? If you ask him nicely, he'll actually explain how to do your homework for you. Too perfect.

Jun. The guy who's erm. Constantly wooing girls, whether intended or not. He's the other Mr. Perfect in the class, in terms of looks and trying to be cool. Often times he ends up trying too hard that it's hilarious. But if you actually get to work with him, you'll discover that he's actually pretty smart too. And nice. Quite the gentlemen.

Aiba, the sports guy. He's into every sport, always acing the PE classes. He's not very book smart, but who cares, that dude is way on track to getting an athletic scholarship, some even say he'll represent Japan next time. And it's not that he doesn't study, it's just that studying through books doesn't work for him.

Nino. Another loner. The gamer geek who hangs out with other geeks in the school, and sadly none of the geeks are in the same class. You'll find him huddled in a corner of the rooftop and playing on this DS, either alone or with other fellow geeks.

Hmm... I'll stop here for now. I think I should develop this into a mini fic. Fantastic classmates and where to find them or something. :P

Edit: The Fantastic Classmates and Where to Find Them fic is finished!
coolohoh: Biohazard (Biohazard)
Made 4 xmas cards so far... 3 more to decorate, 2 more to write on.

Actually got tired and went to bed already... But ended up not quite being able to sleep and some random musing suddenly proliferated my brain that I had to check out... So I'm on the computer again.

Anyway... Xmas cards. 6 for online Arashi fan friends! Only 1 for a RL friend. That sounds about right in terms of the % of people I know/regularly interact with online VS offline.

Actually, the 1 RL friend to send a card only came about because she happened to be chatting with me online and I decided to be a little hardworking and make 1 more card... Because what's 1 card when you're already making 6 right? Maybe I should send a card to the friend who showed me around Penang too. Well I'm too lazy to make cards for J and octavia. Lol. *shrug* Will depend on my mood tmr maybe. I'm sending them random trinkets though! Only a week left before I'm going on a trip so... Sigh.

And I'm still coughing badly.


Anyway. The random musing. So... I knew from people wishing unsup happy bday that her bday is on Nino's bday.

And then via some more detective/deduction work... I think she has the exact same bday as Nino. Like not just the date... If you get what I mean. Now that's convenient. I can just google Nino whenever I need her bday. Lol. Well I kinda finally remembered Nino's bday thanks to her though. Cos previously I don't remember Neen's and Jun's. Still not sure about Jun's. 30th Aug is it? Hoho! I got it right. Guess it comes with being a fan for so long. *shrugs*

Ok... I'll try and go back to sleep... Or something.
coolohoh: Biohazard (Biohazard)
Initially typed this out on SF but it turned out too long and since it's totally off topic... It goes here instead.

Today? Was a terrible day. It started off well... Then things started going downhill when I got this colleague to teach me how to use a machine called the MP-AES to measure Fe concentration. I still have not read up on how this machine works... But basic principle is like this: different elements emit different light when burned. So this machine generates a plasma and then it has a detector to detect specific wavelengths of light so that you can know exactly how much of a particular element you have in your sample. (Correct me if you know better people!) So yes. I was learning from this colleague whom I've had a really bad experience with trying to teach her stuff last time (she used to be a final year project student here, so she's really new). And she's not experienced with using this machine. So she basically takes really long to get things started. And when the machine finally starts, the plasma wouldn't start. We restart. Plasma starts at last... But when we try to get the machine to do some auto conditioning, it wouldn't work! Trying this, trying that... I suggest to try another sample... Didn't work. I ask her if she knows anyone who's more experienced at using the equipment, she doesn't know anyone. We tried to ask the lab in charge, she took a screenshot of the error and mailed it to the engineer instead of helping us troubleshoot. Finally I suggested we restart again. And it worked. -.-'''

Sigh. Then I loaded my 109 samples to the auto sampler. Keyed in the sample names... When it's all finally done and we hit the run button, over 2 hours has passed since the start. Geez. All that trying to get things to work. I thought it would have only taken 30 mins at most but nope, took over 2 hours. And the software not allowing for adding samples on the fly while the machine starts running didn't help. Because otherwise I could have it start running already while I slowly continued keying in all my sample names. 109 of them!

I timed. It takes ~90 secs per sample. So it'll take almost 3 hours for all my samples. Went back to the office. Checked at the 1.5 hour mark, everything was fine.

Came back down around the time it *should* have been done and... It had stopped mid way. With over 30 samples to go. Cos the gas ran out. Zzzz. It was already past 7pm.

I tried looking for the spanner to take off the N2 gas tank regulator. Can't find the big spanner. Zzz. I was about to walk away (go home, and continue tomorrow) when some relatively new PhD student comes along. Just out of curiousity I just ask her about the gas regulator and she's like, oh yeah, I know that. Turns out she's used that machine quite a lot, and she would have been the expert we were looking for in the afternoon. *sigh*

And it turns out despite all my circling around the gas tank storage room, and looking behind nooks and crannys, I *still* managed to missed the spanner. I was simply looking at the wrong place zzz. *sigh*. So, spanner found. But the thing was too tight. Time to look around the lab for a strong guy to help. Thankfully, another PhD student was still around. The guy I'd just taught something to this morning. Gas tank changed. Hurrah. Plasma ignites. The program continues running. I head back up to finish that irritating programming challenge that I was stuck at. (I still swear there's some bug in their software for that question.) Went back down 30 minutes later, turns out that the plasma got cut off immediately after I left the lab. There were still over 30 samples to run zzzz. It was way past 8pm. I give up. I restart the plasma and sit in the lab till the end. Cleaning and clearing up whatever I could. Good thing I stayed too, because the plasma cut off AGAIN about 10 samples in. By the time I finish everything it was past 9pm. And I still had not had any dinner.

At least it's all done now. I didn't want to wait till tmr (well today, it's past midnight) because I have no idea how long it'll take to set things up again. And capping back the samples, and uncapping them, keying in the sample names... All that takes a lot of time... So yeah. At least it's done now... I don't have to deal with it in a while... *sigh*

And that, ladies and gentleman, was my bad day.

Crazy kid

Dec. 2nd, 2016 03:12 am
coolohoh: Biohazard (Biohazard)
So this just happened on LINE chat. (Rephrased)

Friend: You are the mods of so many LJ comms
Me: Yeah...
Friend: And you're also working
Me: Oh I'm learning web dev now, so next time I can make my own LJ themes
(Well, at least I'll be able to know exactly what I'm doing when I modify themes)
Friend: And when will you sleep and meet up with friends?
Friend: Vampire?
Me: I don't meet up with friends that much
(I don't have that many RL friends in the first place. And everyone is busy. Like... 2 doctors? A journalist whom we gave up contacting years ago? Ok, one friend just came back from UK after her PhD, but she's busy running around setting everything one might possibly need to do after migrating from another country. [technically she's coming back, but practically it's the same...] Plus, I'm anti-social, and these days, my anti-socialness has reached quite a high level...)
Friend: You are like q (I think q's pet phrase is 'sleep is for the weak'... Or was that someone else hmm...)
Me: I sleep 4-5 hours a day
Friend: You know that you are crazy?


Yup. I very well know that.

And I'm going fucking mental with this boring excuse of a job. Like this whole week I basically accomplished nothing formal work wise. Like nothing. The FIA didn't work properly. Engineer came down yesterday, and today it still wasn't working, the values for ammonia was weird. Then at midnight I got an email from DJI phantom (yes, that shall be the nickname for the new rf - who isn't that new anymore and therefore needs a new nickname) that even the NO2 and NO3 results were wrong. FUCK. And I already tossed the extra diluted samples. FML. Like seriously. Do you really, really need the NO3 results? If it was just NO2 and ammonia I can do without the FIA and we'd have gotten the results like LONG ago. *sigh*

DJI seems to think that FIA is really good but it kinda sucks. It's a crapton of work and I seriously don't think it's any faster than doing things the manual way. Only because of the stupid ammonia solution used in measuring NO3... That made my eyes really dry and basically made me (temporarily) blind. And makes your throat hurt too. If not for that... I wouldn't use the FIA at all...


Oh wells.

At least I'm listening to a crapton of podcasts at work so I'm not completely wasting my time.

Like I have 49 active podcasts that I subscribe to now. Of varying frequency and length.... Including a lot of weekly and even daily podcasts. And I can listen to all those and even catch up on some back episodes of This week in Microbiology and This week in Parasitism. The episodes starts to build up when I don't do lab or don't listen for a while... But on lab days... Well. I listen to my podcasts at max speed... Overcast has a wonderful variable speed function though, so in reality it's around 2.2 - 2.5x speed. So an hour podcasts finishes in less than 30 mins and so on. In just an afternoon of lab, for say like 4 hours? I can go through over 9 hours worth of podcasts. That's a lot of podcasts that I listen to. And I often listen when commuting too. That's another 2-3 hours of listening a day. Yup... Definitely need a lot of podcasts to keep my mind occupied. These days I can't listen to podcasts at regular speed anymore. Like... Why do they talk so slowly geez! It absolutely puts me to sleep. I don't understand 100% of the hardcore science podcasts, but hearing some terms get repeated over and over, I still learn something. Maybe 30-70% of each podcast, depending on how much attention I'm paying to it, and of course, the subject matter. The rest? The tech stuff and stories? Not a problem man. I understand them fully.

I realise that I'm a person who's easily bored. And well, it's not really a new realization, nor a recent occurrence. I threw myself into gaming starting from secondary school while still doing reasonably well at school, even though our school curriculum and homework was seriously demanding. Like, we'd be doing presentations every other lesson, and then have a few projects and tests all in the same week. And projects like 'build a model of dna packing', and 'build a toy based on the principles or either the motor or the generator'. And you do those stuff from scratch, and do up a report, and maybe a presentation. Like wtf kind of toy are we supposed to build geez? A toy! Using self-made motors or generators! It was hard... But fun times. Of course, I was the chairman of my weiqi club too. And an avid gamer. Utopia, runescape... Neopets probably stuck around for a bit longer before I stopped that. Not before I dabbled in some html on my pet pages though. I think I only started maplestory pretty late. I was a hardcore gamer too. Well, still am? Kinda. It's vainglory for me these days.

And when I say I was playing maple... I was doing plenty of research about all the classes, builds, items... Writing my own guides, being the 'leader' in forums. Even helping to update the database. I was doing all that crap. All while preparing for my A levels. Heck. I played maple throughout uni. Like in my FYP aka final year project aka undergrad thesis days, it was like 'maple? or do fyp?'. Cos I did a bioinformatics project, and I was already using a mac at that time and doing either required a complete reboot of the system into either mac or windows. And I played for days at a time. (Still got an A for that.)

Yup. So I've always been keeping myself occupied one way or another. After maple, it was Arashi and LJ that stole my attention. Watching Arashi shows and picking up Japanese. Writing fanfics. Doing super detailed bangumi reviews. Later on doing subs, and then managing a ton of lj comms.

Always something to keep me occupied.

And now it's learning web-dev I guess. All because I wanted to start another new website. Well, the website and me wanting to learn programming has been a thing for years already... So it's high time. And since I was at a loss on which programming language to start with, and since I chanced upon this amazing website called 'Freecodecamp', I ended up deciding to do web dev instead. The main tipping point was my own website I guess. I initially wanted to use WP like I did with Nihongo Manabu. But there are some specific ways I'd like my website to look, that I've yet to find in a WP theme. So why not build my own? I initially wanted to get *something*, some form of a website up and running by end of Dec, but with a holiday in China taking up the bulk of my two weeks leave, I don't think I'll be able to make it. Let's see if I can get something up by Jan instead. Oh wells.

Making the content of the site would be as hard a task as designing the site I guess... Esp the parts that involve drawing web comics. Even if it's stick figures. Because boy do I suck at drawing.

We'll see how this new venture goes. If it goes well, I might say goodbye to being a slave to stupid and ungrateful rfs in the lab forever. Be my own boss. Than I don't have to deal with the crappy office and lab politics. (In exchange, I'll probably have to deal with tons of hate comments/mail on the web?)

Like I'm just so sick of this shit. All the stupid rules and policies. And the lack of passion. And I don't think that it's easy to change even with a new workplace... As long as I'm in this country. Why? Because the whole culture here, the government policies, create such an environment.

So, so sick.

I want out.

And perhaps more so than a PhD, programming is my way out. I keep saying I don't know what area to specialise in if I were to do a PhD. I still don't. I like learning about everything and anything. And I have liked computers, been more proficient at it than my peers, since a long time ago. It's about a week into the code camp though so it's still too early to tell how I'd really like it. But so far, it's been fun. It's quite like working in the lab in many ways. You meet obstacles. You can't get something to work. You check back on your code, or recall your steps, and think about what might have gone wrong. You check the error messages. You check the unexpected results. You deduce what went wrong (google and ask around if you must), and then try again. And again. And each time I hit the run button on my code it's like doing a new round of experiments. Only that in programming you typically get your results way, way faster than in science. It's all just an experiment and I like experiments. If you don't know how things work, you try it. Just like if you don't know what a button does in that new equipment software, you hover over it and see what help text appears. And then you click on it. Because what's the worst thing that can happen? You break something in the software and maybe you have to restart the program. That's pretty much it. Why can't people learn to use the software themselves? Why can't they do anything? Arghs. Once again it leads back to how I'm smarter than everyone around me. Not because I'm a genius, but because they are just. Arghs. Low in standard.

All that politics and lousy people management. So many people have come and go. Really dumb management really. Like. I can do so much more sophisticated things than what you're making me do now. You're not even using me at like 50% of my full potential. Pfft. Pathetic. Maybe not even 30%. Oh wells. But I'm not appreciated for my efforts anyway, so I'm not even willing to give you my 100%. Unlike when I was working with unsup. I was like putting in 200% effort. Lol. Now? You're just not worth it. I'm happy to spend my brain power learning something new instead.

So far so good. I'm not completely new to all programming, since I've dabbled in html since a long time ago. Primary school in fact. Making neopets pet pages. And then with my numerous blogs. And even just typing my LJ entries in html mode. Or modifying themes so that they look the way I want. Making IRC chatbots (ok, just modifying them). Playing with IFTTT. Then my short-lived attempted at learning R (well, I did go through about 6 chapters in the book...?) and then putting a basic python code together. And I've always had a touch and go relationship with programming and stuff, so it's not completely new. And I can learn fast when I already have a little inking on the subject matter. And I've had a lot, a lot of informal experiences with coding.

Alrights. That's all for now. Back to writing down notes for all the past challenges I completed over the 5 days of freecodecamping. Yup, I even managed to build two simple webpages at work on wedn too, when the engineer was trying to fix/troubleshoot with the FIA, and DJI didn't give me like ANYTHING to do. I can't be bothered to ask her for jobs anymore too, after all the times she neglected me. She came to find me too, and only asked me to do something like late in the afternoon. Like, didn't it ever occur to you that you should have asked me to do that in the morning? Then you wouldn't have had to do it today. Geez. Oh wells. It was all good. I had fun trying to make my webpages and I revised quite a bit of coding, and learnt a few new tricks too.

Let's see where this crazy kid ends up.


Nov. 9th, 2016 02:49 am
coolohoh: Biohazard (Biohazard)
I've been social!

So a jc friend who's absconded to the US came back to SG on holiday. And it was pretty last minute... But I met up with her on Monday evening. Night. Midnight.

Just the two of us.

It really surprised me how much we had to talk about. I mean... The last time we talked so much was probably a decade ago when we were still in jc. And after her being aboard for so long and all... We've drifted apart.


I guess that was precisely the reason why we had so much to talk about. Because she broke out of the box, the cage that in this country's rules and boundaries. And because I'm a little bird so very trapped here, so very much wanting to break free but still lacking the courage and motivation to do so... (and no also lost and questioning her life direction). We just chatted and chatted. First we had tim sum. Then we switched to a Japanese café for mocha ice cream to talk more. And when they were closing up, I asked my friend if she knew of any bar or something to go to. Of course she checked out the bars nearby. She loves drinking after all. So I went to my first ever bar, feeling totally out of my league and definitely under dressed (because basically my whole wardrobe consists of T-shirts, shirts, and jean)... In this high end hotel... And then we ordered some drinks and chatted some more. Got some 16 year whiskey with chocolate bitters and it was nice. Pricey. But at least it was good alcohol. Like, no the diluted with tons of ice kind of drink. Felt like my stomach couldn't quite take it though. Well... My stomach has been screwed up recently so...

Yeah. We talked about a lot. I complained about my work. And then we complained about the sad state of things in sg. And then she talked about her work, her future plans... Her girlfriend... And I lamented about how I'll probably never meet someone as long as I stay in sg. Because the selection pool of people is just so small. Not that there isn't any. And I've not even tried yet... But right now I can't even be bothered to and I feel pretty happy doing random crap on my own so I'm good. Doesn't matter that I'm missing the fertility window blah blah blah because I'm sure I don't want to have kids. Not even to adopt. Not that I have anything against kids but I'm just not good with them. And I won't be any sort of parent so yeah. Still a kid who wants to play around...

It was a really great, refreshing talk. Like... When was the last time I had such a great intellectual discussion? Oh. When unsup was still working here....

Like even when I hang out with my other jc friends... Some of them are more conservative, or we just have different opinions and interests and like... They just don't feel what I've felt, and therefore they can't understand what I'm talking about. Like the doctor who just like stability and she's surrounded by many other Singaporean doctors anyway so she doesn't realise how it's even possible that I'm one of the very few and rare Singaporeans in my workplace. They benefitted from the government, I suffered. Naturally our viewpoints will differ. So it's lik... While I totally understand them when they're talking about their work and all the medical lingo and stuff (I pride myself in being fairly well read/knowledgeable), they are pretty clueless when I try to explain to them about my work... Like I have to wash things down a lot. Like... sometimes I feel like I can't even get my sentiments across... Which is funny because the other ex-classmate I just hanged out with did econs and law. You'd think that medical doctors and scientists would be more alike.

But I suspect... The main culprit is the different mindset and viewpoint that we have. Mind is the 'less conventional', by the Singaporean yardstick that is. Heck. I've never been one for rules and all that crap.

Why I am trapped in this stupid island?

Trapped trapped trapped.

People's mindset are just so....


Like I told a friend's friend that I was making a Japanese learning website. He was like, oh cool, why don't you advertise it in comics con or something?

I was like... HUH? Firstly, I'm not appealing to the comics lovers. I have a different market. Secondly, I'm not even targeting Singaporeans! It's a website dude. Www. World wide web! Global man. Global. It has never once crossed my mind to do some sort of physical advertisements. Google. SEO. I was learning about those. And right now? The top no. of visitors comes from USA, followed by Indonesia, then Philippines, then Singapore... And a whole boatload of other countries. Countries don't even matter really. I'm targetting Arashi lovers. Full stop. Wherever they may be. That's my target audience.

So anyway... I was talking to my friend about unsup and the sups after that and all... And when I reached home after calling an uber for the first time... because I hardly go anywhere till past midnight when the trains stop running - because I don't hang that many people to hang out with, and my doctor friends either have an early start or are post call... I checked my mail and realise that unsup is alive! I mean, I got an email from unsup. Work related stuff of course. And then I managed to catch her for a bit earlier and we chatted. Mostly I chatted. And just spammed her. Tsk. I wonder if she finds me irritating or something... Cos I type so much. Well I can imagine she's busy with her baby and other stuff too, hence the short replies. But yeah. I'm the type who types about 10000x more than I talk... So when it's via a screen the words comes typing out (almost) uninhibited. And also because well... There's hardly anyone I can talk to about work who'd understand. That's why I rant here I guess. Shouting out into the ether for everyone, anyone to hear. Maybe because having no response is better than getting the wrong response. Like when you're looking for encouragement, they try to gently dissuade you instead.

Still happy about having met up 1 on 1 with that friend. Like the last time she came back we only had a group gathering and the topic was on stuff like western movies and actors and actresses, all of which I don't watch/know.

I was asking unsup if she has some ideas for a new blog url/name... And she's like, how do you even keep track of all your blogs! Well. Only some of them. The important ones. The others are just there, in the back of my mind... Ignored, most of the time.

And well...


I like writing.

I like blogging.

I don't think it'll ever give me significant monetary returns to blog, but I can build up a following. Well, with a new topic and blogging style I think I'll build up a better following than NM anyway. I mean... I've met people on LINE over and over who knew thanked me for my work on SF, or were my fans, or really liked my fics. I actually have a following on LJ... Though you can say it'll be sad if I don't, considering how many communities I'm involved in and all.

But I'm pretty sure I can do that in other spaces too. I'm good at stuff like this. Like making a forum community vibrant and alive. I just have to find a way to capitalise on it. It's something that I really enjoy doing, and that I'm good at. If I can find a way to monetise it... I'm all set. Lol.

But yeah... I like doing blogs. Making LJ community. 'Meeting' new people online, gaining virtual fame. I just enjoy it. It's like... Kinda like a hobby maybe, but sometimes it's a hobby that has turned too serious and becomes a chore... Which is something that I do have knack of doing.

More importantly though... I'm bored I guess. Just bored. It takes so much to keep me entertained. My sis needed some help with her pysche stuff earlier and she had to program the questions for her pysche survey for the final year project and like... I got the problem broken down and understood and tried to explain it in a variety of different ways and yeah... It was just so clear to me but she couldn't see it. And I couldn't explain it better anymore so I just did my own stuff while she sat on my bed and huffed and puffed till she finally got it.

Like things that are obvious to me, common sense... Doesn't seem to be obvious or common sense to others. I even get bored at equipment trainings because they guys are so long winded and just by looking at the user interface I more or less got it already. I don't get why people ask those stupid questions that are so obvious, just as I don't get why my dad insists on questioning those sales person whom I can tell at a glance scarcely know about the product they are selling and it's better if I just read the box myself, and then getting almighty pissed when they can't answer his questions. Because geez, can't you tell they don't know shit? Just. Bored. I'm so fucking bored out of my mind half the time. That's why I'm always looking for something new to do or play... I should get deep into one thing instead but well... Idk. I need to find something that can really draw me in. Well, there's a lot actually. But not the things at work.


Yeah... That's why I do all these to keep myself entertained...So many, so many ideas...

So yeah. Two nice talks. Would love to meet up and talk more with that friend before she jets off to the world too far away again. (And yeah, although we're friends on fb and stuff, we just never chat online, lol...)

It's really late. I should sleep. But my sleep pattern has been messed up and I've been sleeping later than this for the last 4 days so yeah whatever.

Oh! Last thing. Gonna attend the talk by Prof. Helicobacter Drinker tmr. Excited! Should be really fun!
coolohoh: Biohazard (Biohazard)
One day fine day... We were talking about making a Jun/Ohno fic exchange on LINE chat - that ended up becoming FishingMJ, and them folks were asking around for mods when I came up with a new idea for a revival of a comm similar to the arashi rainbow exchange. So the topic turned to one of LJ mods and what they do. Many people were curious, because they've never been mods before.

What exactly does a mod do?

Answer: Everything and anything. There is no one single answer because it differs for each community.

But since I have a bunch of communities under my belt, either as owner or mod or one of the creators... I thought I'll answer some of the mystries.

This post is also coupled with the fact that we mods at [ profile] storm_freaks are pretty desperate to hire new mods. So if you are interested, please read this post on SF.

Let's see... How many comms am I in charge of? I've kinda lost count...

First I need to apologise though. [ profile] arashi_bangumi has gone inactive again. I've not done anything there in a long while... I know... I'll try and look at it someday before the year ends.
So since I mentioned that... I'll start with arashi_bangumi. It's basically a community for everyone to post their Arashi reviews there. And there's nothing much for me to do besides maintaining the masterpost. I also made a twitter account and tumblr account for the site, so ideally I would post/reblog something random on tumblr (which then crossposts to twitter) every few days, but I've been pretty busy, and no one has posted a new review in quite a while... (Since 27th of Feb gosh!)

Oh wells. It's not a really active community but... Hey, all those old reviews are there to stay. At least fans can still look at the old reviews and maybe discover a little something.

Then there's my now inactive subbing comm. Don't ask for a link, you'll just be ignored. It's completely inactive now anyway. I'm even more than a whole freaking year behind on my Arashi shows. Time to sub or translate? Pfft. None. And as much as I try, I really don't see myself having the time for it anymore. But it'll still be there and I'll keep the links alive but don't expect anything much new.

Oh but we're talking about what the mod does right? Well, I'm the owner of the comm, as well as the translator. So I translated stuff. And did all the posts. I did some random posts, though J and octavia did some random posts too. I credit those random posts to the start of what became Storm Freaks... I organised the occasional contest too. What else? I posted some article translations, but those translations are right here on my blog too. Oh and member apps. I do all those too. At the start it was a nightmare. Like over 100 applications overnight and I did them all. J and octavia did the comm layout since I was too lazy to learn and fiddle with the CSS... But the intro and all the content... Yeah I did those.

Then there's [ profile] nutty_arashi. The fic comm. Again, nothing much for the mods to do after the initial set up. Like posting the intro and masterposts and transferring all our fics there. And J did the layout again (yes, she's the layout master), as well as the banner and wonky nutty cursors and avatars. Yeah it was my idea I think, but we all brainstormed together and J/octavia were to ones who executed it. Nowadays I just update the masterposts when I have a new fic. And promote the fic to arashi_rabu and kotobayori of course.

So that's three comms down.

Next we have... Hmm, the most recent one, [ profile] fishing_mj. I helped to write the intro and rules posts and some advertisement posts... That's about it. The other hardworking mods did the match ups and answering the emails. I've been quite a lazy mod yeah... But then SF takes up so much time...

Finally, the elephant in the room! Storm Freaks! It started off as a comment in sholicious and wanting a similar comm for all of Arashi. A few people replied that they wanted to do it too. So we did. And we dragged people we knew in. Once again, J did the layout - and has been doing one for each new cycle! I wrote the content of the rules and intro post (yes, that's basically the same formula repeated each time), I did the advertising... J did the avatars. I came up with the points system... And set up the google docs for counting the points and stuff. The rest of the mods helped with the membership and posting. In the beginning we had a schedule. One post per mod every two weeks. There were 8 of us so we'll get 4 posts in per week. Then I came up with the idea of games, which I slotted in between the regular posting days.

Then I disappeared.

It was a particularly rough patch at work so I just disappeared from LJ for a bit. Thank goodness we started out with so many mods. They filled in a posted for me. Particularly all the news, because even on my good days, I'm still NOT updated with Arashi news. Like now. I hardly do any news. But people get busy in RL and our mods have been disappearing one by one. I don't blame them, but unfortunately we really need to hire more mods. Like whole weeks would pass by with nothing but games from me. Which really detracts from our original goal of making SF a one stop shop for Arashi news and discussion.

What the mod does in SF is really varied. Initially we counted all the points ourselves but that got too much, so we now have two volunteers to help out. The mods still has to manage the membership applications though. And gather and post all the news you see on the community. The games too. They don't appear by magic. I make them. Think of the words to hide for word search. Or words plus clues if it's a crossword. Or take photos for Guess Which Item (I went out to buy those sushi/food erasers just for this too). Or roll the dice. And then the points have to be tabulated and entered (reasons why I now have volunteers for all those things!) Of course, at the end of the cycle gifts need to be bought/made and sent out. (Also why it's still not been sent - I've been busy... I think I'll give up and just go with simpler gifts...) The money for the gifts comes from my own pocket too, and previously someone else got the magazine, which they paid for. I have a really bad memory and I forgot who is it now. We've been talking about having an SF paypal account and all to pay for the gifts but... Who's going to donate? :X It's not like we can solicit for donations because that's generally frowned upon in the Arashi fandom. Maybe we could sell some merchandise but... Nah. What we really need right now is just fresh mods to keep the community going. No mods, no community. It's that simple.

In short for SF, we need mods to post Arashi news, posts to stir up friendly discussion... Maybe even post mag scans, screenshots and what not from weibo, their shows and so on. We could certainly use more activity there... And I can't promise when I'm around to post too. Many a times I forget to post something all week...

It seems like it's all giving, with nothing in return. Well, I guess you can say that. Then again I've gained much too. I made new friends. If I have something to rant about I have chats to rant to. And even though we've never met, having someone just say a few kind words helps. Even if just a little. I started out doing things I never thought I would do because of people like J and octavia. Yeah, maybe I'm famous in LJ now? I don't know. But what is that fame for anyway? I didn't do this for the fame. And if you're one of those who's out seeking easy fame... Then shame on you. It's a lot of hard work. (That's why I've been posting on SF over and over about hiring new mods.) But what I do get is new friends, a place and outlet to write about Arashi, to discuss, to have fun, to practice my writing skills... To pick up some Japanese and learn how to translate from Japanese to English. It's been a lot of fun, but also a lot of work gone in. Personally I focus more on the other thngs that I can gain from doing all these, so to me that's what makes it worth while, and that's why I'm still continuing with what I do. When I made dna, right from the very start, I told J and octavia. Let's make this the very best comm that we can. With the best translation, typesetting etc. Because someday we'll quit doing subs and although we can't put all these illegal crap in our CVs, the skills that we learnt and hone will come with us. I improved my Japanese (and English too), J improved her typesettng skills - and tried out new software and all that came along with it. Octavia... Well, she was an annoying mascot. Lol. So while I don't know if I'll still continue subbing, I do know that I've learnt stuff and the time was never wasted.

So if you have some time, and want to challenge yourself to do somethng new, why not become a mod at SF? Not good at writing posts? Then practice! And what better place than SF, with a bunch of friendly mods and members to encourage you.

So that's all. Now you know what a mod does. At least what this mod does anyway.

Oh yeah... The comm idea. I'll just share it here because heck, why not? Just like the Arashi rainbow exchange, but with all 10 Arashi pairings. Something like 10shades for the name perhaps? :P So fic authors will have to write all 10 pairings to complete a card. Maybe we'll give them a bunch of prompts to choose from. Or maybe we can have a variation of the theme and give points for each pairing completed, but structure the points according to the popularity. So that each author will be forced to write fics for the rare pairings. I've yet to hash it out properly but the key point is that, I CANNOT do this alone. It'll just die a miserable death (or I would). If anyone thinks that this is a good idea, and would like to take part, let me know! I just feel sad that the rainbow exchange is pretty much dead now... I wonder how many authors would take part though because I've been told that some people write certain pairings and certain pairings ONLY. And refuse to write other pairings... *shrugs*

Personally I've gone past that stage and I can do things both ways. Either start with a pairing in mind, or as more often is the case, start with the plot in mind and the do a 'casting' among the five and see which member fits the role I have in mind best.

Alright. It's Friday. Time to head home!
coolohoh: Biohazard (Biohazard)
So. I went for an interview on Friday... It went pretty well, I think there's quite a high chance of getting the job offer. But first I need to finish reading the 22 page long document he sent me about the work he intends to carry out and craft an email reply to him...

Been playing too much vainglory for my own good. Tried recording them and posting the games on youtube. And well, I tried to comment while playing too, but my voice just ends up.... Unexcited and very low. Because well... Just playing alone... Yeah that's how I sound like when I actually speak out loud to myself. >< Let's still if I can make it more interesting... And maybe gather up some kind of following on youtube.

Anyway. Here's a sample of my video...

You can find more in my youtube channel here. And I'll like to continue uploading random videos too.
coolohoh: Biohazard (Biohazard)

I'm taking a break from studying. From my very short study period. I'm like, still on the first page of my grammar book lol. Well, I did do like a 10 question warm up test before that but...

You get the idea.

I went to kino yesterday and found this N1 grammar book, entirely in Japanese. I don't know which is better, having to deal with 4 languages/writing systems, or having to figure out the meaning of phrases and sentences because it's entirely in Japanese and I don't quite get the full meaning of the sentence. And since I'm studying the grammar, it won't do to just get a gist of the meaning. I need to know and understand the exact usage!

So yeah. I'm just not giving a sh!t and reading my book in broad daylight. And hey, the rf I used to work with, who's sitting on the other side of the fence, I mean, divider, stood up and talked to me a while back. Like twice. And didn't say a thing about this weird yellow paged book in some unknown language. Heck. Nobody cares. I've read xkcd comics while sitting at my old spot, which is basically in the view of everybody, and only once did my ex-sup (no, not unsup, but the one before that), mention about it. Asked why I was studying rockets. Hahaha. But nah he doesn't care. Nope. Nobody cares. I've sat here and played vainglory and nobody noticed/cares. I just did earlier too, played a quick round of battle royal (and won, hurrah!) before I grudgingly took out my book to try and do something useful.

The clock is ticking after all...

But back to the title.

It's funny how everyone expects me to know everything. From gene expression to bacteria cultures to just everything.


They clearly don't know what my degree was.


Well. I can always fudge things. And if it doesn't work, it doesn't work. It's too hard. Beyond my expertise. Whatever. What can you do to me?

It's your fault for expecting me to know everything anyway... And really, I don't care either way. I'll get nothing out of it after all. I'm sure of it. Another paper? Don't be kidding me. You can't get a paper with the kind of expertise we have currently. Where nobody knows what they are doing.

But at the end of the day....

All that stays is the sad truth that there is way too much things that I don't know.

It's not about the job. It's about myself, for myself. Too many things I still need to learn, and it's like... Where do you even start learning? It's not about the hardcore sort of knowledge where you look up papers for. It's the more... 'softcore' stuff. And the reason why I loved working with unsup so much. Like learning how to locate the focus plane for a stupid, dilute wet mount. Gah. It's still on my to-do list. Someday when I'm in the mood... I'll just sit in front of the microscope and do just that.

Like yesterday morning and I got a message from the new boss asking me if I knew about some primer specificity. Well... The only solution I have to that was look up the literature where we got the primer sequence from... Because I don't think we did any primer design of that sort... But well, unsup had a much better solution. Search it up on ncbi database. Why of course! That's where all the sequences are. Everything newly discovered goes in there. And new sequences appear everyday. Maybe I should spend more time on ncbi huh. Of cos they'd have such a service. It's just that I never quite knew. Just what have I learnt about bioinformatics in school? Nothing, really. The stuff we learnt in undergrad? Really... we didn't learn anything at all. Well, unsup being the really nice person that she is says it's normal that I don't know because I wasn't trained in bioinformatics. Well... I guess that's true. Still... I came from a school where not knowing isn't really an option so... (Yeah, I'm talking about my sec sch.) And yeah... I should stop troubling unsup with such stuff because it's not her job anymore... But then sometimes I really just want someone to complain to. And when you complain about things in less vague terms unlike how I try to be really vague now... And to someone like unsup... It quickly becomes an advice and counselling session... And it's also true that both are also what I'm searching for when I want to rant.

I think I'm breaking apart again. Mentally. Falling into pieces. I think the 'I don't give a shit' is one of the syndromes of some sort of mental illness. Well it's clearly my way of shutting down and trying to make some free time for myself. Among other things. Like a close evaluation of the economic benefit of doing work vs doing 'work'. Just plain old logic. Which often saves the day for me. Like all the times I look down from the corridor and think that it'll be nice to just jump the barrier and fall down down down. (Yeah, having random thoughts like that isn't a good thing huh? And admittedly, it's becoming a lot more frequent recently and hence the reason I know I'm breaking into tiny bits.) But no, I don't want to jump to commit suicide. I just get the thought that 'oh, won't it be nice if we did that?'. Thankfully, the logical side of me tells me that I can imagine it all I want but no, we aren't jumping. Plus, I don't think I actually, really like the sensation of falling, so I don't know why I get that urge. And no, I don't actually want to die. Though thinking about suicide won't be anything new for me... I think I just want to hide in a hole and escape from it all. I've never said this much before huh, have I? Behind it all, I'm all broken up inside. Broken in strange ways by an education system that doesn't fit. I do well when I'm challenged, and intellectually stimulated. But otherwise, I get so, oh so very bored. And I'm the type of person who likes... Well. It's hard to put it. I don't really like being a leader in real life all that much, because I hate public speaking. And I'm the shy kid who doesn't really speak much. But nope, I can't stand working with or heaven forbids, under dumb people. Which was the reason why I left my previous job. And will once again, be the reason why I leave my current job. I would not have lasted 6 months if I was in unsup's position... Though admittedly, quitting a job in just 6 months would raise a lot more eyebrows for someone in her position as compared to myself, a nameless person with nary an achievement under her belt.

I guess I've been on this job long enough for it to look ok on my CV though. Quitting two jobs with each one less than 6 months each isn't good, but I've been here over 2 years now. Time flies so fast. I'm a senior in this place already lol. With a whole bunch of equipment supposedly under my care too lol. My bench... Well, it's become like unsup's bench in the past. The PhD students are 'looting' stuff from my bench to use. (But they return it, so that's fine.) When I go to my bench and see the guy searching around my bench for something, and I ask him what he needs... Hahaha. It's like me, or them, searching around the other bench (i.e. unsup's bench) last time. Which incidentally, still has the card with unsup's name on it cos the new rf felt embarrassed to take it down last time.

Thank goodness I've seen how unsup did her cultures for that stupid project previously... Because otherwise I'd have no idea how to grow those bacteria (like, even simple things like 'what should i grow the cultures in? bottles? flasks?'). And since nobody else does microbio work, we'd all have no idea. Yay. Till I started on this... conical flasks was more a chemistry thing (chem is my first love after all) that had limited use in biology. *shrugs* We never had conical flasks in my previous cell culture labs. The different worlds...

(Ok, I think I've seen some conical flasks being used for larger fly cultures... but flies...!)

(I don't really like flies...)

(Can't say I outright hate them but as much as possible I don't think I'd like to work on flies...)

This is all... So very amusing. Not as amusing as the boss in my previous job who refused to hire any rf for the project and relied entirely on fyp students. But I think we might be inching towards that level of absurdity... Little by little.

So me and the new rf were given a month to finish some experiments. *shrugs*

Let's see when we can actually start. Nothing is happening right now, though you can really blame us... Waiting on the reply from the vendor to check our equipment... Which is great because it means I can spend my time reading stuff online... And maybe even study some Japanese!

Only that I have to scale up on my bacteria cultures... New boss wants 10x more cultures. And to prevent contamination from taking out all the cultures, she wants it in 10x as many bottles. Which means come next week, I'll have 20 freaking bottles to take care of. Geez. 20! Oh wells. I wonder if I can get away with just sampling them on alternate days. Or maybe just sample half of them each time. Yeah... I'm probably do something like that. Depending on my mood...

Ok. Back to studying. Let's see if I can finish another few pages before heading home. It's Thursday already, hurrah!!!

August 2017



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