1st mar!

its 1st march! so much so for me wanting to finish the rainbow filling fic. i guess i knew it was just impossible anyway... because after reaching home at 10:30pm yesterday i was just dead tired. well i was supposed to finish the fic on my phone in the afternoon that i was slacking off work, but i ended up just going to the library and reading books. re-read a quiver full of arrows by jeffery archer, and then picked up one of the latest books from terry brooks - wards of faerie. he's got a whole new trilogy coming out this year... wonderful! looking forward to reading them.

of course. 2pm today. my  moment of truth! stupid LJ mobile! it crashed on me twice yesterday afternoon when i was in the middle of writing a really long entry and so i just gave up. but yes, as i expected, my boss told my mentor that i'll be going down today... i messaged him yesterday to ask how he was and stuff... ah really excited. only problem i've got is that i have to print out my resume in the office... :X hope that like no one's using the office computer tmr. don't wanna let anybody see lol. yeah sure i'll tell my boss and everyone else that I'm quiting... but AFTER i get the job yeah. i put my chances of getting the job at like... 90-95%. probably its even higher... idk, I'm just very hopeful. haha my friend messaged me saying that i shd have faith because i WILL get the job. haha thks for the vote of confidence yeah! true that, i can't think of any reason why they will refuse me, apart from my lousy grade maybe... but i know my boss didn’t really care about that. and not that it really matters when doing lab research. not when they've already 'tested' me for months over a period of like three years so to speak. yes I'm so excited to go to ibn now. i wanna just skip the morning part but i can't... ok i better get going, got 15mins to add in my three referee names to my resume. lol

One month and one more time.

So i was reading this fic and in it there was this sentence...
"People don't cry because they are weak. They cry because they have been strong for too long..."

aye... i think that's how i see what happened to myself last week. the shield that i built up... it finally broke. and it was really painful. but the important thing with each breaking is that you learn from your mistakes, and rebuild.

anyway so i met with kuri today and he was willing to give me to job. still, i have to go for two interviews. the first will be with the HR ppl and kuri. and then as long as he passes me that'll be fine. but after that i have to go for an interview with the director, and that's the troublesome one. my poor uni grades will come back to haunt me then. and I'm sure she'll qn me about my choice to do my current job. but yes I'm just going to be honest. i learnt a lot about myself in those few short months on the job, a lot more than i had previously. i found myself so to speak. and I'm confident of being able to get the job. but still, all that will take like maybe a month or so... like a whole month before hr would contact me. that means gosh I'm stuck on this insurance job for another month... ah... what shd i do? i have to give it my all if i want to continue on this insurance job... but how? for a month? how will i be able to sell anything? idk. i don't even want to do this job... how will THE boss see it? i need to impress upon her the fact that i really really want the ibn job. even tho my grades are no good. i am the fucking person for the job. i WANT it. and i LIKE ibn. scrap it. i LOVE ibn. love the place. in truth is was the place where my dreams came true. honestly. all my childhood dreams of being a scientist would not have been realised if i didn’t get the chance to work there. i hope i can get it. so very much. and I'm really grateful to be given a chance for it. by my old boss. he was even telling me how i shd respond to the director's qns so yeah. i just have to wait, and reflect and prepare myself for the interview.

yeah i think i wasn’t very coherent was i? oh wells. kind of reflects my state of mind. oh. told my parents i went back to ibn. and they berated me for not trying harder last time... but at least they didn’t go over my head about it. it went much better then i expected...

sis got back A lvl results today... and it wasn’t too good... well it wasn’t all that bad either. she didn’t get any Ds like i did, but she screwed up h1 chem which was kind of... sad... :X still, I'm quite sure she can get the social science courses she wants... business will be harder for her to get... but its not like all hopeless as she thought earlier. going out with her to the university open houses tmr. i really don't know what to do with my current job right now. i guess i can't quit in case i don't get the ibn job. but i really can't stand having to continue pretending either. it just sucks. my boss will certainly be wondering how come i can't get any closing interview soon. bleah. that sucks.