Dreams and what work?
Jun. 8th, 2016 08:30 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
coolohohLol.
I had a dream this morning... That unsup replied me additional stuff on Whatsapp, which didn't happen. And that it was 6:40 am, which was correct, because it was 6:39 am when I checked my phone.
LOLOLOL.
But I did asked unsup about the legend of shabu shabu.... And she says she and that particular guy who loves the word 'shabu shabu' liked it. Hahaha. Only that why were there so many characters? Well. Cos I was greedy and put all of arashi in. And ALL five of them were in the scene from start to finish. And I'd admit that if it wasn't a fanfic, I wouldn't have so many characters. Maybe just 3 would be plenty. Thank goodness I'm not into like... HSJ or something. Lol. Writing about all of them at once would be pretty much impossible. 5 is already stretching my limit.
Anyway. I survived the meeting yesterday morning. Well towards the end of my presentation I didn't know what to say. Because I was tired. And because I merely copied the slides from our progress report last time and so I didn't go through it again on monday. And therefore had completely, like completely forgotten the results and therefore what to say. Even though I did that thing entirely on my own... and even though I did type a long email to unsup summarizing those results. But hey, that was over a month ago and I'd completely forgotten about it already. Lololol.
But boy. It's really amazing how unsup lasted as long as she did here. Well, I guess she had other motivators... That or she is just really really hardworking. Like really. I wouldn't last half a year with her boss. That, or I wouldn't be bothered about work at all. Not putting in any effort. But then again, that's the difference between my position and unsup's. And that would be the case if I were to move on to the next step on the ladder and get my PhD. Cos then. You'll have a rep to maintain. You have to keep publishing papers. And good ones at that. It's like me and my blogs. Only different. Like if I stop posting, my LJ ranking goes down, down down. If I translate Arashi stuff and advertise, you see my LJ ranks shoot up to the moon in an instant. And then it slowly drops back down to obscurity... Only that in science, things aren't so simple.
Do I really want that responsibility? That's what I keep asking myself. But really, what other way out do I have?
I have to get out. That's the certainty and the problem. There is basically no future for me here. Here in Singapore. Sure, my first mentor is still holding the equivalent of my position, in a better paying institute... I don't know how the pay increment is like there, and how much he earns now... But let's face it. I'm a f$$king materialistic girl and I spend a lot on my gadgets. Oh and did I mention that my dad would be retiring soon? Sure he has some retirement savings... But no doubt I'll be expected to contribute more to the household. And at my current salary? Nope. Not gonna let me play around with all the fancy gadgets. Heck yes. I'm interested in tech. Can't say that this interest will lead me to any sort of job on it... It's not really a good idea to turn every hobby into a job... But yeah. I do enjoy reading about tech and all.
Oh. I was talking about the meeting huh?
The center director.
He's like a charging bull. Scary and forceful, but not very smart. All you need to do is sidestep and watch him charge into a wall. And hurt himself. Badly.
Sorry buddy.
I don't work for stupid people.
More like. I can't.
I can't work for people whom I can't respect.
And this guy has never once enabled me to hold him in some sort of regard. (I won't even go as far as to say 'high regard'.)
From the onset, severely lacking in presence and charisma. And when you know him better, he does nothing but show his ignorance.
I'll tell you a story.
Before I joined his place, I worked here as a final year project student. Sort of like an intern if you will. I wasn't introduced to anyone. We were just holed up in the office doing bioinformatics work.
And then one fine day, this scrawny weird guy pops into the room and looks at us and say hi. And me and my friend look at each other and we were like 'who the heck is he?' and then we ignored him and continued working on the lappy.
He continued, 'oh you may not know me, i'm'
We had no clue about the organisation structure at all, so obviously we've not heard of the name. He didn't mention any title either so we were like, ok? So who's? He doesn't look like anyone. So we completely ignored him. Didn't say a word. Like just turned out heads back once and continued working. Then he walked off.
Only years later did I reflect upon it and realise... Oh, that must have been *him*. The center director. Lol. Zero presence. He doesn't even look sure of himself half the time so yeah.
Basically. My motivation to work just dropped from like... 50% to 0%. I didn't feed my babies on monday. I didn't feed them yesterday. And I don't feel like feeding them ever again but I guess I'll be a good girl and feed them today because hey, I'm still getting paid.
Heck. I'll just do the bare minimum to get by and spend the rest of my time resting and getting my act together. For the next arc of the story called life.
That. And study for JLPT. It's freaking hell in less than a month and I need to study hard for it. I guess this means my schedule has suddenly opened up and I can study at work... But... bringing my whole guidebook there to study? Hmm... I don't know... Maybe I'll read from the website first... Or just heck and bring along my book. Only that my book is in traditional chinese you see. So it's easy to see what I'm not reading work stuff. But then again, who really cared? *shrugs* The other rf in the meeting yesterday couldn't even be bothered to do a powerpoint. Like, he basically just doesn't give a shit about anything but the director loves him for some unknown reason. So why should I care? Lol. What a total, utter waste of time. Things have never been sealed as much as it had been yesterday. Good bye hard working days. They were over when unsup left and I have no idea when it'll be back again. The hard thing about being the crazy person that I am... Well for every crazy person it's different, but this is the way it is for me... Is that... I can't really trigger that sort of crazy scientific geekiness, nerdiness, and passion alone. Well it's always present, always there... But for it to be activated at a high level... And with sustained effort? Now that's something that I could only do in the sustained presence of another science geek. As with the case in sec sch with my chem teacher. And was the case when unsup started showing me the nerdy side of her. It's like. The spark in the woods that triggered a statewide forest fire. Suddenly, my own geekiness levels increased exponentially.
Interesting eh? The things I've been learning about myself.
That kind of off the chart geekiness... Gah. I've not felt it in a long time. And it's dying out again now. Falling back to normal. Well, I believe it's higher than before still, but this is my new normal. The insanely elevated levels just can't be maintained. Not without an external fuel source... It's like... I just can't sustain it. Maybe it burns too bright or I'm just no good at locating my own fuel source, I don't know which, but I've known this to be a problem even in sec school. I wrote poems about that. Yes, honest. So my waxing lyrical about unsup isn't a new thing. I did that with my first mentor too. (I count unsup as my second mentor.) Have I told you that I sang love songs to chemistry? Chem is and will always be my first love I guess.
Now I just have to find my bio love.
And decide what I want to do with the rest of my life.
Science writing is really fun it seems. And I'd probably enjoy it. Probably. But then it involved speaking to people and all... And the severely anti social side of me says that I'd absolutely hate that.
But science writing - and solely that - for a living? I don't know. I don't see myself doing it. I see myself writing about stuff, but not about science. And the thing is, my writing skills are far from good enough for me to really make a living out of it. Sure I can go the amazon books route etc but those aren't really 'writing' IMO.
The thing with science writing is that you have to ensure accuracy. And that means a lot of research. And I can tell you that even when writing for NM or for my fics, I already do a lot of research. Spend a lot of the writing time on, not on writing, but reading. Reading up. Searching google. And that's in places where facts don't matter as much. Or in fics, where facts really don't matter because its fiction and you can make everything up.
But alas.
I'm the type who likes to combine fact and fiction. And yes, now it seems like I'm getting good at combining my reality, into fiction. Instead of just Arashi's reality (aka their TV shows).
Let's see what I can get done in the office today. And by 'get done', I mean 'work' and not work.
2 out of the 4 dream series fics done. Let's see if I can finish the other two asap. Like. Before Nino's bday. Hahaha!
Side note: I was clicking on the tags and somehow starting looking for an unsup tag. LOL. I did think of an unsup tag last time. But no I'm too lazy to search and tag all the previous unsup entries so no. (Yes, I'm OCD like that...)
I had a dream this morning... That unsup replied me additional stuff on Whatsapp, which didn't happen. And that it was 6:40 am, which was correct, because it was 6:39 am when I checked my phone.
LOLOLOL.
But I did asked unsup about the legend of shabu shabu.... And she says she and that particular guy who loves the word 'shabu shabu' liked it. Hahaha. Only that why were there so many characters? Well. Cos I was greedy and put all of arashi in. And ALL five of them were in the scene from start to finish. And I'd admit that if it wasn't a fanfic, I wouldn't have so many characters. Maybe just 3 would be plenty. Thank goodness I'm not into like... HSJ or something. Lol. Writing about all of them at once would be pretty much impossible. 5 is already stretching my limit.
Anyway. I survived the meeting yesterday morning. Well towards the end of my presentation I didn't know what to say. Because I was tired. And because I merely copied the slides from our progress report last time and so I didn't go through it again on monday. And therefore had completely, like completely forgotten the results and therefore what to say. Even though I did that thing entirely on my own... and even though I did type a long email to unsup summarizing those results. But hey, that was over a month ago and I'd completely forgotten about it already. Lololol.
But boy. It's really amazing how unsup lasted as long as she did here. Well, I guess she had other motivators... That or she is just really really hardworking. Like really. I wouldn't last half a year with her boss. That, or I wouldn't be bothered about work at all. Not putting in any effort. But then again, that's the difference between my position and unsup's. And that would be the case if I were to move on to the next step on the ladder and get my PhD. Cos then. You'll have a rep to maintain. You have to keep publishing papers. And good ones at that. It's like me and my blogs. Only different. Like if I stop posting, my LJ ranking goes down, down down. If I translate Arashi stuff and advertise, you see my LJ ranks shoot up to the moon in an instant. And then it slowly drops back down to obscurity... Only that in science, things aren't so simple.
Do I really want that responsibility? That's what I keep asking myself. But really, what other way out do I have?
I have to get out. That's the certainty and the problem. There is basically no future for me here. Here in Singapore. Sure, my first mentor is still holding the equivalent of my position, in a better paying institute... I don't know how the pay increment is like there, and how much he earns now... But let's face it. I'm a f$$king materialistic girl and I spend a lot on my gadgets. Oh and did I mention that my dad would be retiring soon? Sure he has some retirement savings... But no doubt I'll be expected to contribute more to the household. And at my current salary? Nope. Not gonna let me play around with all the fancy gadgets. Heck yes. I'm interested in tech. Can't say that this interest will lead me to any sort of job on it... It's not really a good idea to turn every hobby into a job... But yeah. I do enjoy reading about tech and all.
Oh. I was talking about the meeting huh?
The center director.
He's like a charging bull. Scary and forceful, but not very smart. All you need to do is sidestep and watch him charge into a wall. And hurt himself. Badly.
Sorry buddy.
I don't work for stupid people.
More like. I can't.
I can't work for people whom I can't respect.
And this guy has never once enabled me to hold him in some sort of regard. (I won't even go as far as to say 'high regard'.)
From the onset, severely lacking in presence and charisma. And when you know him better, he does nothing but show his ignorance.
I'll tell you a story.
Before I joined his place, I worked here as a final year project student. Sort of like an intern if you will. I wasn't introduced to anyone. We were just holed up in the office doing bioinformatics work.
And then one fine day, this scrawny weird guy pops into the room and looks at us and say hi. And me and my friend look at each other and we were like 'who the heck is he?' and then we ignored him and continued working on the lappy.
He continued, 'oh you may not know me, i'm
We had no clue about the organisation structure at all, so obviously we've not heard of the name. He didn't mention any title either so we were like, ok? So who's
Only years later did I reflect upon it and realise... Oh, that must have been *him*. The center director. Lol. Zero presence. He doesn't even look sure of himself half the time so yeah.
Basically. My motivation to work just dropped from like... 50% to 0%. I didn't feed my babies on monday. I didn't feed them yesterday. And I don't feel like feeding them ever again but I guess I'll be a good girl and feed them today because hey, I'm still getting paid.
Heck. I'll just do the bare minimum to get by and spend the rest of my time resting and getting my act together. For the next arc of the story called life.
That. And study for JLPT. It's freaking hell in less than a month and I need to study hard for it. I guess this means my schedule has suddenly opened up and I can study at work... But... bringing my whole guidebook there to study? Hmm... I don't know... Maybe I'll read from the website first... Or just heck and bring along my book. Only that my book is in traditional chinese you see. So it's easy to see what I'm not reading work stuff. But then again, who really cared? *shrugs* The other rf in the meeting yesterday couldn't even be bothered to do a powerpoint. Like, he basically just doesn't give a shit about anything but the director loves him for some unknown reason. So why should I care? Lol. What a total, utter waste of time. Things have never been sealed as much as it had been yesterday. Good bye hard working days. They were over when unsup left and I have no idea when it'll be back again. The hard thing about being the crazy person that I am... Well for every crazy person it's different, but this is the way it is for me... Is that... I can't really trigger that sort of crazy scientific geekiness, nerdiness, and passion alone. Well it's always present, always there... But for it to be activated at a high level... And with sustained effort? Now that's something that I could only do in the sustained presence of another science geek. As with the case in sec sch with my chem teacher. And was the case when unsup started showing me the nerdy side of her. It's like. The spark in the woods that triggered a statewide forest fire. Suddenly, my own geekiness levels increased exponentially.
Interesting eh? The things I've been learning about myself.
That kind of off the chart geekiness... Gah. I've not felt it in a long time. And it's dying out again now. Falling back to normal. Well, I believe it's higher than before still, but this is my new normal. The insanely elevated levels just can't be maintained. Not without an external fuel source... It's like... I just can't sustain it. Maybe it burns too bright or I'm just no good at locating my own fuel source, I don't know which, but I've known this to be a problem even in sec school. I wrote poems about that. Yes, honest. So my waxing lyrical about unsup isn't a new thing. I did that with my first mentor too. (I count unsup as my second mentor.) Have I told you that I sang love songs to chemistry? Chem is and will always be my first love I guess.
Now I just have to find my bio love.
And decide what I want to do with the rest of my life.
Science writing is really fun it seems. And I'd probably enjoy it. Probably. But then it involved speaking to people and all... And the severely anti social side of me says that I'd absolutely hate that.
But science writing - and solely that - for a living? I don't know. I don't see myself doing it. I see myself writing about stuff, but not about science. And the thing is, my writing skills are far from good enough for me to really make a living out of it. Sure I can go the amazon books route etc but those aren't really 'writing' IMO.
The thing with science writing is that you have to ensure accuracy. And that means a lot of research. And I can tell you that even when writing for NM or for my fics, I already do a lot of research. Spend a lot of the writing time on, not on writing, but reading. Reading up. Searching google. And that's in places where facts don't matter as much. Or in fics, where facts really don't matter because its fiction and you can make everything up.
But alas.
I'm the type who likes to combine fact and fiction. And yes, now it seems like I'm getting good at combining my reality, into fiction. Instead of just Arashi's reality (aka their TV shows).
Let's see what I can get done in the office today. And by 'get done', I mean 'work' and not work.
2 out of the 4 dream series fics done. Let's see if I can finish the other two asap. Like. Before Nino's bday. Hahaha!
Side note: I was clicking on the tags and somehow starting looking for an unsup tag. LOL. I did think of an unsup tag last time. But no I'm too lazy to search and tag all the previous unsup entries so no. (Yes, I'm OCD like that...)
