Ouroboros Epi 2, work, and life
Jan. 28th, 2015 02:36 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
coolohohSo, instead of finished up my vacation day 4 post, I decided to just watch VSA and ouroboros last night instead, because I couldn't concentrate on any writing.
Must say, I'm loving ouroboros so much! Toma and Shun's acting is <3! And I think it follows the manga pretty darn closely. Things are a little speeded up of course. But then again it's a drama. I think Toma is less of a blockhead and a little more cool than in the manga. Which is a good thing to me. Bring on the coolness!
I wonder... will they include the part where Shun go framed and was sent to jail? But it's quite an important part in the manga I think.... they'll probably include it. Meh. I like my heroes to be invincible. Hahaha! Plus, I think that was really careless of Tatsuya to leave the cig on the table like that! When I saw that scene in the manga I immediately knew that it was going to cause trouble. Seemed too big of a slip up to be? Then again, it'll be unrealistic if the mangaka made Tatsuya invincible huh? That would become boring too. But arghs. Very exciting manga. I want to read on! Maybe I'll try and search for the Japanese version. It might already have ended for all I know... only that the translators are having trouble with the scans and stuff... I saw they were facing a severe shortage of manpower...
Ahhhh and the drama opening song. Just what is the name of that opening song! I've been trying to find it but to no avail. Ah maybe it's an OST....
Just looking at the Japanese wiki now and. Lol. They have a Chinese coach and a medical coach. Yup. Shun spoke Chinese in episode two. Him and the old wizardy doctor. Both of them sucked at it, but meh, it's fine. Can't expect them to spend month practising one line right? At least the sentence structure and stuff is alright. And it was over before I could cringe or anything.
Oh and... I'm loving Sakura loads. I only said it like a million times in the past few days. Heard the baystorm, more complete version, and it was great. Love that powerful, a little angsty, yet very hopeful feeling. Like the 'I will prevail no matter what' spirit. That kind of feeling, reminds me of breathless and calling. Or tell me why. Hope in the darkness not so much, because hope in the darkness gives a brighter overall feel than this. To me at least. It's really hard to explain these feelings. Musically trained people would probably imagine a scenery when listening to music. My sis would start thinking of choreographies. Me? I would think about the emotions the song conveys in me. Sometimes yes I do have some kind of scenery in mind, like for sync I was thinking of a lone guy standing on a high place (say top of a skyscraper) and snow falling around him. But mostly it's just that feeling that the song arouses in me.
Maybe it's to do with how I've always been struggling to make myself stand out for the better part of my life. So much so that I completely lost all motivation and gave up later on (that, and the teacher, syllabus, exam system). But even then, I was still trying to stand out somewhere, somehow. Stand out might be a misleading way to put it. It's more like... finding my place? Like in junior college, even though I didn't study at all, I still did a Science Research Programme. Still took H3 chemistry (it's like a higher level chemistry, and we were learning uni level pharm chem and org chem stuff). I struggled to get anything out of the H3 Chem exams. Scrapped a pass in A levels. But still, the stuff that I learnt then was invaluable. All the Structure Activity Relationship stuff, the BBB aka Blood Brain Barrier... It was all very important. Despite all the injuries and bruises, I came out of school intact and alive. That's the kind of feeling it has always been for me. Like. Hello! I'm here! Despite all the odds! That's why I think those kind of songs. Despite all my peers being a lot smarter than me. I could still find a little foothold, a little place to stand in. I could still identify my strength, and leverage a hell lot out of it. And in the end I'm still alive. Again, I'm struggling here in my work place. A misplaced (?) biologist in a field of chemists and engineers. But I've found a small foot hold too. Some recognition. The kind of feeling that makes you want to punch a fist into the night sky and scream 'I made it'. Or more like 'I'm still alive'. The fallen star lives on.
I've been thinking a lot about my next move. Where should I get a PhD? I really think I should look overseas. I'd like a change. I probably need a change. Go find some place where people are motivated and passionate about their work. In Singapore? I see no such... overwhelming passion here. The PhD students don't seem really intelligent either. I don't know. I just... don't get that sort of intellectually stimulating sensation, buzz, that I felt when I was in sec sch. There, people were sprouting things from university textbooks, talking about theories that I've never heard of. Here it's like. Idk. Just dull. Plain dull. Esp here where I'm working at. Many a times I even work harder than the PhD students. And I work faster too. They say that when you're the best in some place, then you know it's time to move on, to somewhere where you'll be the bottom of the pile. And then you move up till you reach the top, and repeat. That's very true. Yes I still have loads to learn here, but a PhD here, where I'm working, that's completely out of the question. And not because of the fact that it's not the right subject matter that I'm interested in working on. A team people like to work with other A team people. Heck that's so true.
Like in sec sch there's all these talk about the 'elites' and the 'elitist schools'. It's not that I have anything about people from lousier schools, of lower intellect etc. I'm don't even have a fantastic IQ. I have friends from all walks of life - mostly people I've met through gaming. But they will forever remain just friends/acquiescences. Elitist? No! It's just reality. I have nothing in common with them, beyond the game. There's nothing we can talk about! Their idea of 'hard work' is different... a job they find tough I'll find it not mentally challenging... We read different books (if they even read any at all outside of their school related compulsory materials. Ah, loads of manga and anime I guess?). Things that are common sense to me is all but common sense to them, and vice versa. We just live in different worlds.
I just to have a coursemate in year 1 of university. She came from some polytechnic... which was fine by me. But then her.... standard of... everything really shocked me after a while. It started off with us talking about projects and reports. And she says that she and her classmates are always looking for ways to add a few words to the report, so that the paragraph would end on a new line etc, so that the report/assignment would be a little longer, to meet the page length requirement. Of course, doing things like making it double line spacing, or increasing the margin width is a given. She says she's really good at doing such things. Me? I'm pretty good at editing all my reports and assignments too. To cut down unnecessary words, so that I can fit within the word limit. Our teachers never ever give a minimum word count/page count thing for our assignments. Because who knows how many pages of essay we'll come back with? Nope. It's always an upper limit, not a lower limit. And actually, they don't give page count limits, unless it comes with details instructions on font, font size, spacing, borders etc... because otherwise people would submit essay with a freaking font size 8, in a font that packs the most number of words in a given space possible. Then there was the time she casually said after our intro to chemistry lecture (which i was so bored throughout, learnt on my own in sec sch already, learnt again in jc), that now she finally knows what the = sign between C and C stands for. C=C. Get it? Double bonds. That's freaking lower sec stuff! Even my other friend, from a different polytechnic, couldn't believe it. That poor girl. I really feel sorry for her. She dropped out after the first year. University was just too hard for her. It was the first time I'd actually seen something like that happening. People dropping out of school because they couldn't catch up. In my sch yeah there were such cases, but it was more due to stress and the whole sch environment rather than because they were not smart enough. Like my classmate who kinda gave up on sch and retook the following year. She did well. And she's smart. She writes really well, fantastic English, enormous vocab, loads of bombastic words. At the start of the uni year, that girl was asking me and the other poly girl if we were going to finish the course, graduate from uni and stuff. We were both shocked. Isn't it a given that you'll graduate after getting into uni? At least for me. For us... Different worlds.
Overall... what I feel is that... the overall positivity and 'I can do it' feeling is just not present in so many people. If there's a barrier, that instinct to find a way to cross the barrier isn't as strong. That... 'I can and I will survive no matter what shit you give me'. And the 'I will make it work no matter what'.
Ah on that last point. There once was a teacher in sec sch who commented to me and 3 other project group mates. We were talking about making something in powerpoint. And she was like 'Do you know how to do that?'. Us: 'Erm, we're not sure but we'll try'. Her: 'Ya, you all will just go and click click click and you'll be able to figure it out. That's how girls are like. Not like me so old already, I can't figure anything out.'
Yeah, pardon that Singish aka poor grammar in there. So true. Or at least till my sis came along. She's not a very tech savy person for someone having being born in the digital age (same school too). At least IMO. Like, she doesn't really know how to use excel...! And I thought I was the ignorant one about excel... always forgetting the exact syntax and having the search google. It was only much later on that I gathered my 'ability' in tech was not normal. When really it was just a normal thing to me all along. To figure out how to use programs, make things work etc. And really, a lot of the time it was google helping me out when it comes to the finer points. A lot of it came from games and random exploration too. Like, I'm sure all of you have tinkered with html before right? For your own website or blog? I did it when I played neopets and tried my hand at decorating the pet page. And forums. Made one for my secondary school CCA and had fun tinkering with the color schemes and stuff. Ok, so I don't really know CSS, but I probably can clobber together a decent looking LJ layout if I really put in the time to. But now because of my sitting position at work, I'm kinda happy with the way my LJ looks. I like it anyway. It's mature looking. Definitely not gonna put big Arashi pics in the background. No, that'll attract a ton of snark remarks from my supervisor. Not that it really matters. Nobody really cares what you do at work... but I just don't like it when he comes and make fun of me. But that attitude to make things work, by hook or by crook. It's really important. I lost it for a while in terms of school work. Though even then it manifested itself in the not so important (read: useless) areas. It's taken me a long time to find it back again. Or still taking. Bit by bit little by little.
Sigh.
Yeah. I'm a perfectionist. Like everyone else from my school. If we have to do something, and we give half a shit about that something, then it has to be perfect. I think that's something that many people don't understand. Why we get some obsessed over the smallest of things. Like many people I too hate being corrected. Because my first reaction is 'shit what did I do wrong', 'where did I go wrong?' then maybe my face gets a little hot because I'm darn embarrassed. Especially when that person turns out to be right and I go 'crap I should have checked that again before posting etc'. It's maybe more of a perfectionism then pride. Or both in equal proportions. Pride in my work. I don't know. And it makes me hesitant to post some things because I think that if someone who knows better see my work they would laugh at my poor work quality. Yes. It's embarrassing.
Arghs. This turned out to be a much longer rant than I intended. But I guess that's what happens with rants.
Rights. Enough mindless ranting for today!
Must say, I'm loving ouroboros so much! Toma and Shun's acting is <3! And I think it follows the manga pretty darn closely. Things are a little speeded up of course. But then again it's a drama. I think Toma is less of a blockhead and a little more cool than in the manga. Which is a good thing to me. Bring on the coolness!
I wonder... will they include the part where Shun go framed and was sent to jail? But it's quite an important part in the manga I think.... they'll probably include it. Meh. I like my heroes to be invincible. Hahaha! Plus, I think that was really careless of Tatsuya to leave the cig on the table like that! When I saw that scene in the manga I immediately knew that it was going to cause trouble. Seemed too big of a slip up to be? Then again, it'll be unrealistic if the mangaka made Tatsuya invincible huh? That would become boring too. But arghs. Very exciting manga. I want to read on! Maybe I'll try and search for the Japanese version. It might already have ended for all I know... only that the translators are having trouble with the scans and stuff... I saw they were facing a severe shortage of manpower...
Ahhhh and the drama opening song. Just what is the name of that opening song! I've been trying to find it but to no avail. Ah maybe it's an OST....
Just looking at the Japanese wiki now and. Lol. They have a Chinese coach and a medical coach. Yup. Shun spoke Chinese in episode two. Him and the old wizardy doctor. Both of them sucked at it, but meh, it's fine. Can't expect them to spend month practising one line right? At least the sentence structure and stuff is alright. And it was over before I could cringe or anything.
Oh and... I'm loving Sakura loads. I only said it like a million times in the past few days. Heard the baystorm, more complete version, and it was great. Love that powerful, a little angsty, yet very hopeful feeling. Like the 'I will prevail no matter what' spirit. That kind of feeling, reminds me of breathless and calling. Or tell me why. Hope in the darkness not so much, because hope in the darkness gives a brighter overall feel than this. To me at least. It's really hard to explain these feelings. Musically trained people would probably imagine a scenery when listening to music. My sis would start thinking of choreographies. Me? I would think about the emotions the song conveys in me. Sometimes yes I do have some kind of scenery in mind, like for sync I was thinking of a lone guy standing on a high place (say top of a skyscraper) and snow falling around him. But mostly it's just that feeling that the song arouses in me.
Maybe it's to do with how I've always been struggling to make myself stand out for the better part of my life. So much so that I completely lost all motivation and gave up later on (that, and the teacher, syllabus, exam system). But even then, I was still trying to stand out somewhere, somehow. Stand out might be a misleading way to put it. It's more like... finding my place? Like in junior college, even though I didn't study at all, I still did a Science Research Programme. Still took H3 chemistry (it's like a higher level chemistry, and we were learning uni level pharm chem and org chem stuff). I struggled to get anything out of the H3 Chem exams. Scrapped a pass in A levels. But still, the stuff that I learnt then was invaluable. All the Structure Activity Relationship stuff, the BBB aka Blood Brain Barrier... It was all very important. Despite all the injuries and bruises, I came out of school intact and alive. That's the kind of feeling it has always been for me. Like. Hello! I'm here! Despite all the odds! That's why I think those kind of songs. Despite all my peers being a lot smarter than me. I could still find a little foothold, a little place to stand in. I could still identify my strength, and leverage a hell lot out of it. And in the end I'm still alive. Again, I'm struggling here in my work place. A misplaced (?) biologist in a field of chemists and engineers. But I've found a small foot hold too. Some recognition. The kind of feeling that makes you want to punch a fist into the night sky and scream 'I made it'. Or more like 'I'm still alive'. The fallen star lives on.
I've been thinking a lot about my next move. Where should I get a PhD? I really think I should look overseas. I'd like a change. I probably need a change. Go find some place where people are motivated and passionate about their work. In Singapore? I see no such... overwhelming passion here. The PhD students don't seem really intelligent either. I don't know. I just... don't get that sort of intellectually stimulating sensation, buzz, that I felt when I was in sec sch. There, people were sprouting things from university textbooks, talking about theories that I've never heard of. Here it's like. Idk. Just dull. Plain dull. Esp here where I'm working at. Many a times I even work harder than the PhD students. And I work faster too. They say that when you're the best in some place, then you know it's time to move on, to somewhere where you'll be the bottom of the pile. And then you move up till you reach the top, and repeat. That's very true. Yes I still have loads to learn here, but a PhD here, where I'm working, that's completely out of the question. And not because of the fact that it's not the right subject matter that I'm interested in working on. A team people like to work with other A team people. Heck that's so true.
Like in sec sch there's all these talk about the 'elites' and the 'elitist schools'. It's not that I have anything about people from lousier schools, of lower intellect etc. I'm don't even have a fantastic IQ. I have friends from all walks of life - mostly people I've met through gaming. But they will forever remain just friends/acquiescences. Elitist? No! It's just reality. I have nothing in common with them, beyond the game. There's nothing we can talk about! Their idea of 'hard work' is different... a job they find tough I'll find it not mentally challenging... We read different books (if they even read any at all outside of their school related compulsory materials. Ah, loads of manga and anime I guess?). Things that are common sense to me is all but common sense to them, and vice versa. We just live in different worlds.
I just to have a coursemate in year 1 of university. She came from some polytechnic... which was fine by me. But then her.... standard of... everything really shocked me after a while. It started off with us talking about projects and reports. And she says that she and her classmates are always looking for ways to add a few words to the report, so that the paragraph would end on a new line etc, so that the report/assignment would be a little longer, to meet the page length requirement. Of course, doing things like making it double line spacing, or increasing the margin width is a given. She says she's really good at doing such things. Me? I'm pretty good at editing all my reports and assignments too. To cut down unnecessary words, so that I can fit within the word limit. Our teachers never ever give a minimum word count/page count thing for our assignments. Because who knows how many pages of essay we'll come back with? Nope. It's always an upper limit, not a lower limit. And actually, they don't give page count limits, unless it comes with details instructions on font, font size, spacing, borders etc... because otherwise people would submit essay with a freaking font size 8, in a font that packs the most number of words in a given space possible. Then there was the time she casually said after our intro to chemistry lecture (which i was so bored throughout, learnt on my own in sec sch already, learnt again in jc), that now she finally knows what the = sign between C and C stands for. C=C. Get it? Double bonds. That's freaking lower sec stuff! Even my other friend, from a different polytechnic, couldn't believe it. That poor girl. I really feel sorry for her. She dropped out after the first year. University was just too hard for her. It was the first time I'd actually seen something like that happening. People dropping out of school because they couldn't catch up. In my sch yeah there were such cases, but it was more due to stress and the whole sch environment rather than because they were not smart enough. Like my classmate who kinda gave up on sch and retook the following year. She did well. And she's smart. She writes really well, fantastic English, enormous vocab, loads of bombastic words. At the start of the uni year, that girl was asking me and the other poly girl if we were going to finish the course, graduate from uni and stuff. We were both shocked. Isn't it a given that you'll graduate after getting into uni? At least for me. For us... Different worlds.
Overall... what I feel is that... the overall positivity and 'I can do it' feeling is just not present in so many people. If there's a barrier, that instinct to find a way to cross the barrier isn't as strong. That... 'I can and I will survive no matter what shit you give me'. And the 'I will make it work no matter what'.
Ah on that last point. There once was a teacher in sec sch who commented to me and 3 other project group mates. We were talking about making something in powerpoint. And she was like 'Do you know how to do that?'. Us: 'Erm, we're not sure but we'll try'. Her: 'Ya, you all will just go and click click click and you'll be able to figure it out. That's how
Yeah, pardon that Singish aka poor grammar in there. So true. Or at least till my sis came along. She's not a very tech savy person for someone having being born in the digital age (same school too). At least IMO. Like, she doesn't really know how to use excel...! And I thought I was the ignorant one about excel... always forgetting the exact syntax and having the search google. It was only much later on that I gathered my 'ability' in tech was not normal. When really it was just a normal thing to me all along. To figure out how to use programs, make things work etc. And really, a lot of the time it was google helping me out when it comes to the finer points. A lot of it came from games and random exploration too. Like, I'm sure all of you have tinkered with html before right? For your own website or blog? I did it when I played neopets and tried my hand at decorating the pet page. And forums. Made one for my secondary school CCA and had fun tinkering with the color schemes and stuff. Ok, so I don't really know CSS, but I probably can clobber together a decent looking LJ layout if I really put in the time to. But now because of my sitting position at work, I'm kinda happy with the way my LJ looks. I like it anyway. It's mature looking. Definitely not gonna put big Arashi pics in the background. No, that'll attract a ton of snark remarks from my supervisor. Not that it really matters. Nobody really cares what you do at work... but I just don't like it when he comes and make fun of me. But that attitude to make things work, by hook or by crook. It's really important. I lost it for a while in terms of school work. Though even then it manifested itself in the not so important (read: useless) areas. It's taken me a long time to find it back again. Or still taking. Bit by bit little by little.
Sigh.
Yeah. I'm a perfectionist. Like everyone else from my school. If we have to do something, and we give half a shit about that something, then it has to be perfect. I think that's something that many people don't understand. Why we get some obsessed over the smallest of things. Like many people I too hate being corrected. Because my first reaction is 'shit what did I do wrong', 'where did I go wrong?' then maybe my face gets a little hot because I'm darn embarrassed. Especially when that person turns out to be right and I go 'crap I should have checked that again before posting etc'. It's maybe more of a perfectionism then pride. Or both in equal proportions. Pride in my work. I don't know. And it makes me hesitant to post some things because I think that if someone who knows better see my work they would laugh at my poor work quality. Yes. It's embarrassing.
Arghs. This turned out to be a much longer rant than I intended. But I guess that's what happens with rants.
Rights. Enough mindless ranting for today!
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Date: 2015-01-31 03:07 pm (UTC)