coolohoh: Biohazard (Default)
2017-04-09 09:14 pm

Woots!

Ok. Bad journal title... Not the first but yeah.

So... I have to first thank [personal profile] mmestrange  for helping me find all the links to fix my masterpost. I was absolutely speechless this morning when I opened my DW inbox. Thank you!

In spite of that... After the whole morning (then again, I woke up rather late), I'm only done with half of arashi_bangumi's masterpost. Opps.  Oh wells. I'll continue tackling it later/tmr.

In any case... I HAVE CLOTHES.

Went out for lunch with my family and after that the topic naturally turned to clothes shopping. Since I have no idea what the dress code at my new place is... (HR just said, wear pants and blouse on the first day and see what everyone is wearing, cos each place is different...)

So... I am forced to buy a few blouses and pants in case T-shirts and jeans are not allowed. Considering that I only had like 1 blouse in my entire wardrobe. Ok maybe I can still fit into that blouse that I bought in PH last year. *maybe*

So now I have 3 new blouses, and 1 new pair of pants. I think I'm good for at least the first week. Maybe one or two more blouses would be good, then I'm set. I wonder what the dress code is like though... :X

And so my two weeks of holiday starts... With this move to DW... It seems like I barely have time anymore. DW stuff... Making stuff with my 3D pen, setting up a new 3D pen related blog and youtube channel... Watching Arashi shows -- hoping to catch up with a few months worth of shows these two weeks... Oh and [personal profile] viereedom  is coming to SG next Tues and Wedn and I've volunteered to bring her around (just remember, I'm going bankrupt vivi :X)

That... And I have to adjust my sleeping pattern. I have to wake up at 7am the latest for my new job... So I gotta get used to sleeping and waking up earlier. No more 2am or 3am bedtime for me... :X

Whee. I should be happy that I'm out of that hellhole. But I'm not feeling that sense of relief yet. I guess it won't actually sink in till when I hand in my card at the HR and wake away from that building for the very last time.

And then I'll only feel the excitement of doing science once more when I actually start doing experiments at my new place. I hope that things there are good. That at least my supervisors aren't mean, that at least my hardwork will be acknowledged, that at least all that things I do won't go to waste.

In the past week... So many PhD students came to moan the fact that I'm leaving... Because there is absolutely no one left to do bio related work. Or to teach them. And the A. Prof obviously doesn't care. Doesn't even know all the people I've taught, all the experiments I taught them... Countless really. I sent her the last of my experimental results on Fri morning. Didn't even hear back from her. Like just. Nothing. With her you don't even know what she's thinking. Sometimes she plain doesn't care, other times she seems to keep pressing you, bugging you... As if it's really urgent... As if she really cares... And you really have no idea what's in her mind. She sends a very jarring, angry email reply back, but when you talk with her she doesn't seem the slightest bit angry/upset. So she told me I should take up a more 'leadership role', but after that it was never ever mentioned again. Didn't even mention how I am expected to perform more... It was as if the conversation never happened. And my resignation thing...? She didn't even bother accepting it on the system. Just let it sit there for 5 working days and have the system auto forward it to the relevant people. Like what the heck? We even talked about it, discussed with her my end date, and I gave her a physical copy for my resignation letter. But she just let it rot in the system. Responsible much? Then again, considering how she thinks it's acceptable to divulge the private information of my friend to me, intruding onto others' privacy... Pfft. I'm glad I'm out of that shitty place. All that could be there is to be a slave to others and nothing more. Oh you AP who takes me for granted. Goodbye. Have fun finding someone to teach you PhD students how to do qPCR, or better still, make a qPCR standard. Lol. And have fun watching them spend months to troubleshoot and get a decent RNA extraction done. Oh and confocal? Now who's going to do all the confocal work? Only two PhD students left in the whole institute who can operate the confocal. Enjoy guys and gals. Have fun lol. Goodbye.

All the noob kids and babies... Some don't want to do bio related stuff but you forced them to anyway. Then you don't want to hire any bio staff to teach them Yay. Win win. Moving away from biology instead. Ok sure... But isn't that the future of things, where all the high ranking papers are gonna come from? Whatever you and the director are thinking. I don't care. I'm not interested in that field. Never was. And now I've found a place that'll accept me back into the world of medical biology. Hurrah. Couldn't have been happier. I'm back. Back in the game. Where I'll actually be doing useful research, research that makes a difference. Not just harping on a bacteria that nobody really finds it interesting, trying to do basic science when erm we have neither the equipment nor the expertise... Nope. I'll actually be doing proper experiments. Experiments where I know the results do matter. Not something that's full of unknowns because the culture is so unpure. 

Working directly with patient samples. Gosh. Something that I've been wanting to do for ages.

I wonder if there'll be cell culture. 

Lol.

Man. I still love it. Doing cell culture. Speaking of which... IDK why but my workplace has some cell culture flasks, and the PhD students were like, what's that? Lol. They were commenting about how it's a good vessel for condiments. LOL. Basically they are totally clueless when it comes to biology. They don't even know how a PCR works. The various sets like denaturation, annealing, elongation... Nope, they have absolutely no clue. Sigh. It's like, secondary school stuff you know... But they just aren't bio people... Sigh.

Looking forward to my new job. But also to my short vacation. Staycation, whatever. I have a ton of work to do at home. Starting with all these DW stuff. I see [community profile] arashi_off  already has over 200 members, and [community profile] arashics  has almost a hundred. Still have yet to make the announcement on SF and the rest of my comms. Well, the DW counterparts aren't ready yet... Still got a lot of work to do on them...

But it seems like a lot of people are moving over! And like a snowball going downhill, more and more people will move over for sure! This is great. Quite a few comms have announced their move to DW, and out of all my comms, only 1 has made the announcement... Three more to come. Hoping to see DW Arashi fandom blossom like in LJ. 

Alright. Enough for this entry... Guess I'll go do some other stuff... There's a ton of offline and online stuff to do... I'm BUSY man.

Still crossposting to LJ for now... But maybe someday I'll decide to cut LJ off. For sure, I'm not going to crosspost for my comms (well besides SF?). But not RNA. Arashi_bangumi I've already cut off posting on LJ...

Yeah. Come move to DW everyone! 

coolohoh: Biohazard (Default)
2017-04-07 12:28 am

Phew

Finally. Cleared out my DW inbox. All that friend subscription and all... I've also granted access to a bunch of people whom I know from LINE. Then there's all the seeming familiar usernames but whom I can't quite place...

If I've friended you on LJ and you would like to access my friend locked entries here, then please send me a PM or something...

Also have been overwhelmed by all the DW notices in my email. Finally turned off email notifications for some stuff and basically made it the same settings as in LJ...

Last proper working day tmr...

I've been just feeling so tired at work these past few days. Is it really because of the exhaustion or am I just mentally exhausted? I don't know.

Spent yesterday and today teaching a PhD student how to do DNA extraction, PCR and gel electrophoresis... At least she treated me to dinner the day before and to lunch yesterday. Well we did the extraction till like 7+ pm... But yeah... She's the only person who actually treated me to something. Lol.

In the end... the qpcr that I did the day before... I didn't even have the time to analyse the results yet cos I've been busy teaching... And then tmr one of the AP's new RF is coming to ask me about my reagents and stuff? Or something? No idea how long it'll take... There's my qPCR analysis than I need to do... And some stuff that I want to copy out from my lab notebooks. Well... Serves me right for leaving it till the last min... Oh wells. Maybe I'll just snap a few pictures of my lab notebook instead. *shrugs*


Busy days on DW ahead. I need to get all the layouts done... Also set up some new communities on DW to facilitate the 'move to DW movement'. Basically I'm starting up a DW equivalent for arashi-on and arashirabu with the owner of a-ra-shi. Man, we have one hell of a line chat group. I never knew the person who most kindly helped me ported ALL my fics over to AO3 was also the owner of a-ra-shi. Amazing. I guess the LJ new TOS comes at a really nice timing... When I'm about to have some free time to get all these moving done. Yeah starting up new comms on DW excites me... But in all honesty I don't care if arashi-on decides to move over and everyone goes to arashi-on instead of the comm we made. If us making the comm gets other comms and fans to move over, then it's mission accomplished already.

Sure there are a lot of improvements that DW needs to make still... But at least I feel more happy that a) they just implemented a HTTPS version of the site b) they don't have opaque TOS that hides the bulk of it under obscure Russian laws. That I don't speak Russian and therefore don't understand the original Russian TOS that is the legally binding agreement (not their translated English version!) is also a problem. Considering LJ's past history of mass deleting accounts... It doesn't make me very happy. Also... I've been through times when LJ literally was down every other day. And even recently, it's been really weird and asking me to save my password every time I make a post or comment? Like whut? What password? You know the chrome 'do you want to save this password' thing pops up? Like ALL the time. Like WTH is going on? Been making me question what's wrong with LJ for a while...

Alright. I guess I'll end things here... 
coolohoh: Biohazard (Biohazard)
2016-12-13 01:07 am

Fics!

Yup! So I did get around to writing and finishing Fantastic Classmates and Where to find them. Yay me. I was just looking through the fics on nutty arashi and the fics on my personal blog here... Seems like the only time I remember to cross post my fics back here is when I post a new creation to RNA. Lol.


For those who don't know... I have a fanfic community called [livejournal.com profile] nutty_arashi. Since I kinda want people to join (it's open membership!) and visit the community, I post all my newest fics there. Only after 2 weeks (or more) will I transfer the fics to my personal blog here... Just erm... because I want to have my own fics here. The community is a venture between me, J and octavia, though in the past year or so I've been the only one writing/posting.


Didn't write many fics this year... Though I did take part (well, and helped a little with the organising) of the fishing mj fic exchange... So that forced me to write a fic.

With those two new fics.. My total fic count is now 86. Nice. Gonna hit the magic number 100 soon... Just 14 more fics to go! Someday I'll get there!



Sigh. Not feeling fantastic today. Sore throat is freaking back. And I'm still coughing. Gosh. I've never had a sore throat come back on me before once it progresses to the coughing stage. I think I worked myself too hard on the algorithmns last week or something. Not in the mood to try and understand anything atm. Sigh. Not in the mood to do my NM post too... And I'm still missing last week's post (well, it's half done...), this week's post, and next week's post. This is the reason why I don't like going on holidays. I'll have to schedule and write so many posts at once! Arghs. And now my tummy has decided to act up today as well. Not sure if it's cos I stayed up till too late last night and ending up starving myself or something. Not my fault. I can't sleep with all that coughing... At least I'm coughing lesser tonight...

Arghs...

Shall look for other happier and untaxing things to do. Finished making all my Xmas cards. All 12 of 'em. Including one that was already sent out (and receiver got it today whoohoo!), that makes a total of 13 Xmas cards this year! And to think that it's my first attempt making Xmas cards. *shrugs*

Moral of the story: You can always find receivers for free things. Like the little trinklets and other random stuff I've accumulated over the years and am going to giveaway for instance. *shrugs*


Also... The last of my taobao shipments have arrived today. Finally! All my plastic filaments are here. I went crazy with the buying. *shrugs* It's cheap... but now... how will I ever finish using them up? Where can I even keep them in my room?!?! Will my 3d pen die before I even finish 10% of the filaments I bought? Lol. Next investment = 3D printer? But I want the expensive ones that can print big models and have plate heating and dual extrusion and and and...

Oh wells.

I emptied out my bank account already so yeah.

Literally.

Thou shall not shop again in 2 months.

Oh wells. I guess if I direct my energies to javascript and my new website instead of how fucked up everything in at work...

Opps. I said I'm not talking about fucked up sad stuff.



Hmm 14 more fics... We'll see... :P

Maybe someday I'll actually rewrite spy arashi AND finish it. Idk. Someday.
coolohoh: Biohazard (Biohazard)
2016-12-09 12:43 am

'Cause you had a bad day

Initially typed this out on SF but it turned out too long and since it's totally off topic... It goes here instead.

Today? Was a terrible day. It started off well... Then things started going downhill when I got this colleague to teach me how to use a machine called the MP-AES to measure Fe concentration. I still have not read up on how this machine works... But basic principle is like this: different elements emit different light when burned. So this machine generates a plasma and then it has a detector to detect specific wavelengths of light so that you can know exactly how much of a particular element you have in your sample. (Correct me if you know better people!) So yes. I was learning from this colleague whom I've had a really bad experience with trying to teach her stuff last time (she used to be a final year project student here, so she's really new). And she's not experienced with using this machine. So she basically takes really long to get things started. And when the machine finally starts, the plasma wouldn't start. We restart. Plasma starts at last... But when we try to get the machine to do some auto conditioning, it wouldn't work! Trying this, trying that... I suggest to try another sample... Didn't work. I ask her if she knows anyone who's more experienced at using the equipment, she doesn't know anyone. We tried to ask the lab in charge, she took a screenshot of the error and mailed it to the engineer instead of helping us troubleshoot. Finally I suggested we restart again. And it worked. -.-'''

Sigh. Then I loaded my 109 samples to the auto sampler. Keyed in the sample names... When it's all finally done and we hit the run button, over 2 hours has passed since the start. Geez. All that trying to get things to work. I thought it would have only taken 30 mins at most but nope, took over 2 hours. And the software not allowing for adding samples on the fly while the machine starts running didn't help. Because otherwise I could have it start running already while I slowly continued keying in all my sample names. 109 of them!

I timed. It takes ~90 secs per sample. So it'll take almost 3 hours for all my samples. Went back to the office. Checked at the 1.5 hour mark, everything was fine.

Came back down around the time it *should* have been done and... It had stopped mid way. With over 30 samples to go. Cos the gas ran out. Zzzz. It was already past 7pm.

I tried looking for the spanner to take off the N2 gas tank regulator. Can't find the big spanner. Zzz. I was about to walk away (go home, and continue tomorrow) when some relatively new PhD student comes along. Just out of curiousity I just ask her about the gas regulator and she's like, oh yeah, I know that. Turns out she's used that machine quite a lot, and she would have been the expert we were looking for in the afternoon. *sigh*

And it turns out despite all my circling around the gas tank storage room, and looking behind nooks and crannys, I *still* managed to missed the spanner. I was simply looking at the wrong place zzz. *sigh*. So, spanner found. But the thing was too tight. Time to look around the lab for a strong guy to help. Thankfully, another PhD student was still around. The guy I'd just taught something to this morning. Gas tank changed. Hurrah. Plasma ignites. The program continues running. I head back up to finish that irritating programming challenge that I was stuck at. (I still swear there's some bug in their software for that question.) Went back down 30 minutes later, turns out that the plasma got cut off immediately after I left the lab. There were still over 30 samples to run zzzz. It was way past 8pm. I give up. I restart the plasma and sit in the lab till the end. Cleaning and clearing up whatever I could. Good thing I stayed too, because the plasma cut off AGAIN about 10 samples in. By the time I finish everything it was past 9pm. And I still had not had any dinner.

At least it's all done now. I didn't want to wait till tmr (well today, it's past midnight) because I have no idea how long it'll take to set things up again. And capping back the samples, and uncapping them, keying in the sample names... All that takes a lot of time... So yeah. At least it's done now... I don't have to deal with it in a while... *sigh*

And that, ladies and gentleman, was my bad day.
coolohoh: Biohazard (Biohazard)
2016-12-06 07:40 pm

Code a coding

Have I complained about how my leave was rejected?

I think I have.

Stupid prof. And stupid DJI. Like WTH? That was totally unnecessary. If things had been done MY way, I would have all the samples tested and done by last Wedn, and I could have gone on my leave. As it turns out, yesterday I was doing stuff that *could* have been done way earlier, as was the whole of last week. And today? I had absolutely *NOTHING* to do.

On the plus side, I spent my day revising all my completed challenges on FreeCodeCamp, and making notes. Which is what I intended to use my leave for anyway. (Still, you fucking wasted my whole week!)

Idiots.

Anyway.

Finally finished making notes for the 170++ odd challenges I've finished in about a week or so.

I can tell you that I spent way more time making notes than doing the challenges itself. Which made me question the efficiency of my choice of taking notes.

No wonder I never ever took/made notes in class. Like, ever.

Lol.

But I guess it's good to take notes. A little revision to make sure that I didn't miss anything as I sped and crashed through the challenges. And writing out the code in old fashion pen and paper helped me remember them a little better. And it's important that I remember all these and internalise them ASAP. The very basics, ya know. Sure, making those websites on codepen helps too. And so does taking notes.

When was the last time I studied this hard? Idk. But definitely not for anything school related.

Bootcamps?

I think I'm never ever going to attend those. Esp those that cost a fortune. I don't even have a fortune to pay to begin with. I totally drained my bank account on plastic filaments and electronic gadgets and pens and what not. Nope. Definitely NOT going to go a crazy spending in a long time... :X

Anything structured and formal doesn't work for me.

Ok, not sure about the structured part but erm... Rules and regulations? They exist to be broken. I like going at my own pace and just speeding through everything. And googling everything if I need help. I'm not even at the stage where I need to join chats and forums for advice. Uncle Google is my best friend. I like things just the way it is.

Well definitely not the way things work in schools in sg. I'll probably just get bored. The pacing... Either they go too slow for me, or they go too fast for a complete newbie like me (as quick as I may be in picking up new things...)

Everyone learns at a different pace after all. The chances of structured lessons going exactly the speed I want them to be are close to nil.

Unless you self learn that is.

Which is what I'm happy to do.

Especially when there's a big carrot dangling in front of me. I have a project in mind. A website to build. I'll learn whatever it takes to build it. And that, is my best motivation.

And when that gets completed. The website gets built... I'll have to maintain the site... And then I can dream up of the next big thing to build and learn the relevant skills.

How cool is that?

That's just like what one would do in science in an ideal world, but of course, we are far from an ideal world. At least, in coding, it's probably easier to achieve that sort of ideal world situation that I imagined. Maybe. At least you don't need millions of funding to do a website. You just need a computer and an internet connection, and some cash to pay for a hosting plan. Which is way more accessible than a BSL2 lab and tons of equipment and consumables. And those, are stuff that I already have.

Cool.

Let's see how fast things can go... The sooner I can monetize this coding business, the better.

Don't know how things will turn out, but it doesn't matter. I know I can do this. I don't have any doubts about it. Maybe it's because I've been tinkering with computer stuff and dabbling a little here and there in codes of some kind all along. Whether I can do it or not is not even a question. The question is how long I will take to achieve a decent level of proficiency. And how long it'll take for me to learn enough to start putting *something* on that new website. Oh, it's gonna look really horrid at the beginning. But that's ok. It'll be my experiment. And I'll just tinker with it till I'm satisfied. And I'll do it for as long as it takes.

Alright. It's time for dinner now! Then it's back to learning!
coolohoh: Biohazard (Biohazard)
2016-12-02 03:12 am
Entry tags:

Crazy kid

So this just happened on LINE chat. (Rephrased)

Friend: You are the mods of so many LJ comms
Me: Yeah...
Friend: And you're also working
Me: Oh I'm learning web dev now, so next time I can make my own LJ themes
(Well, at least I'll be able to know exactly what I'm doing when I modify themes)
Friend: And when will you sleep and meet up with friends?
Friend: Vampire?
Me: I don't meet up with friends that much
(I don't have that many RL friends in the first place. And everyone is busy. Like... 2 doctors? A journalist whom we gave up contacting years ago? Ok, one friend just came back from UK after her PhD, but she's busy running around setting everything one might possibly need to do after migrating from another country. [technically she's coming back, but practically it's the same...] Plus, I'm anti-social, and these days, my anti-socialness has reached quite a high level...)
Friend: You are like q (I think q's pet phrase is 'sleep is for the weak'... Or was that someone else hmm...)
Me: I sleep 4-5 hours a day
Friend: You know that you are crazy?


LOLOLOL.

Yup. I very well know that.

And I'm going fucking mental with this boring excuse of a job. Like this whole week I basically accomplished nothing formal work wise. Like nothing. The FIA didn't work properly. Engineer came down yesterday, and today it still wasn't working, the values for ammonia was weird. Then at midnight I got an email from DJI phantom (yes, that shall be the nickname for the new rf - who isn't that new anymore and therefore needs a new nickname) that even the NO2 and NO3 results were wrong. FUCK. And I already tossed the extra diluted samples. FML. Like seriously. Do you really, really need the NO3 results? If it was just NO2 and ammonia I can do without the FIA and we'd have gotten the results like LONG ago. *sigh*

DJI seems to think that FIA is really good but it kinda sucks. It's a crapton of work and I seriously don't think it's any faster than doing things the manual way. Only because of the stupid ammonia solution used in measuring NO3... That made my eyes really dry and basically made me (temporarily) blind. And makes your throat hurt too. If not for that... I wouldn't use the FIA at all...

*shrugs*

Oh wells.

At least I'm listening to a crapton of podcasts at work so I'm not completely wasting my time.

Like I have 49 active podcasts that I subscribe to now. Of varying frequency and length.... Including a lot of weekly and even daily podcasts. And I can listen to all those and even catch up on some back episodes of This week in Microbiology and This week in Parasitism. The episodes starts to build up when I don't do lab or don't listen for a while... But on lab days... Well. I listen to my podcasts at max speed... Overcast has a wonderful variable speed function though, so in reality it's around 2.2 - 2.5x speed. So an hour podcasts finishes in less than 30 mins and so on. In just an afternoon of lab, for say like 4 hours? I can go through over 9 hours worth of podcasts. That's a lot of podcasts that I listen to. And I often listen when commuting too. That's another 2-3 hours of listening a day. Yup... Definitely need a lot of podcasts to keep my mind occupied. These days I can't listen to podcasts at regular speed anymore. Like... Why do they talk so slowly geez! It absolutely puts me to sleep. I don't understand 100% of the hardcore science podcasts, but hearing some terms get repeated over and over, I still learn something. Maybe 30-70% of each podcast, depending on how much attention I'm paying to it, and of course, the subject matter. The rest? The tech stuff and stories? Not a problem man. I understand them fully.

I realise that I'm a person who's easily bored. And well, it's not really a new realization, nor a recent occurrence. I threw myself into gaming starting from secondary school while still doing reasonably well at school, even though our school curriculum and homework was seriously demanding. Like, we'd be doing presentations every other lesson, and then have a few projects and tests all in the same week. And projects like 'build a model of dna packing', and 'build a toy based on the principles or either the motor or the generator'. And you do those stuff from scratch, and do up a report, and maybe a presentation. Like wtf kind of toy are we supposed to build geez? A toy! Using self-made motors or generators! It was hard... But fun times. Of course, I was the chairman of my weiqi club too. And an avid gamer. Utopia, runescape... Neopets probably stuck around for a bit longer before I stopped that. Not before I dabbled in some html on my pet pages though. I think I only started maplestory pretty late. I was a hardcore gamer too. Well, still am? Kinda. It's vainglory for me these days.

And when I say I was playing maple... I was doing plenty of research about all the classes, builds, items... Writing my own guides, being the 'leader' in forums. Even helping hidden-street.com to update the database. I was doing all that crap. All while preparing for my A levels. Heck. I played maple throughout uni. Like in my FYP aka final year project aka undergrad thesis days, it was like 'maple? or do fyp?'. Cos I did a bioinformatics project, and I was already using a mac at that time and doing either required a complete reboot of the system into either mac or windows. And I played for days at a time. (Still got an A for that.)

Yup. So I've always been keeping myself occupied one way or another. After maple, it was Arashi and LJ that stole my attention. Watching Arashi shows and picking up Japanese. Writing fanfics. Doing super detailed bangumi reviews. Later on doing subs, and then managing a ton of lj comms.

Always something to keep me occupied.

And now it's learning web-dev I guess. All because I wanted to start another new website. Well, the website and me wanting to learn programming has been a thing for years already... So it's high time. And since I was at a loss on which programming language to start with, and since I chanced upon this amazing website called 'Freecodecamp', I ended up deciding to do web dev instead. The main tipping point was my own website I guess. I initially wanted to use WP like I did with Nihongo Manabu. But there are some specific ways I'd like my website to look, that I've yet to find in a WP theme. So why not build my own? I initially wanted to get *something*, some form of a website up and running by end of Dec, but with a holiday in China taking up the bulk of my two weeks leave, I don't think I'll be able to make it. Let's see if I can get something up by Jan instead. Oh wells.

Making the content of the site would be as hard a task as designing the site I guess... Esp the parts that involve drawing web comics. Even if it's stick figures. Because boy do I suck at drawing.

We'll see how this new venture goes. If it goes well, I might say goodbye to being a slave to stupid and ungrateful rfs in the lab forever. Be my own boss. Than I don't have to deal with the crappy office and lab politics. (In exchange, I'll probably have to deal with tons of hate comments/mail on the web?)

Like I'm just so sick of this shit. All the stupid rules and policies. And the lack of passion. And I don't think that it's easy to change even with a new workplace... As long as I'm in this country. Why? Because the whole culture here, the government policies, create such an environment.

So, so sick.

I want out.

And perhaps more so than a PhD, programming is my way out. I keep saying I don't know what area to specialise in if I were to do a PhD. I still don't. I like learning about everything and anything. And I have liked computers, been more proficient at it than my peers, since a long time ago. It's about a week into the code camp though so it's still too early to tell how I'd really like it. But so far, it's been fun. It's quite like working in the lab in many ways. You meet obstacles. You can't get something to work. You check back on your code, or recall your steps, and think about what might have gone wrong. You check the error messages. You check the unexpected results. You deduce what went wrong (google and ask around if you must), and then try again. And again. And each time I hit the run button on my code it's like doing a new round of experiments. Only that in programming you typically get your results way, way faster than in science. It's all just an experiment and I like experiments. If you don't know how things work, you try it. Just like if you don't know what a button does in that new equipment software, you hover over it and see what help text appears. And then you click on it. Because what's the worst thing that can happen? You break something in the software and maybe you have to restart the program. That's pretty much it. Why can't people learn to use the software themselves? Why can't they do anything? Arghs. Once again it leads back to how I'm smarter than everyone around me. Not because I'm a genius, but because they are just. Arghs. Low in standard.

All that politics and lousy people management. So many people have come and go. Really dumb management really. Like. I can do so much more sophisticated things than what you're making me do now. You're not even using me at like 50% of my full potential. Pfft. Pathetic. Maybe not even 30%. Oh wells. But I'm not appreciated for my efforts anyway, so I'm not even willing to give you my 100%. Unlike when I was working with unsup. I was like putting in 200% effort. Lol. Now? You're just not worth it. I'm happy to spend my brain power learning something new instead.

So far so good. I'm not completely new to all programming, since I've dabbled in html since a long time ago. Primary school in fact. Making neopets pet pages. And then with my numerous blogs. And even just typing my LJ entries in html mode. Or modifying themes so that they look the way I want. Making IRC chatbots (ok, just modifying them). Playing with IFTTT. Then my short-lived attempted at learning R (well, I did go through about 6 chapters in the book...?) and then putting a basic python code together. And I've always had a touch and go relationship with programming and stuff, so it's not completely new. And I can learn fast when I already have a little inking on the subject matter. And I've had a lot, a lot of informal experiences with coding.

Alrights. That's all for now. Back to writing down notes for all the past challenges I completed over the 5 days of freecodecamping. Yup, I even managed to build two simple webpages at work on wedn too, when the engineer was trying to fix/troubleshoot with the FIA, and DJI didn't give me like ANYTHING to do. I can't be bothered to ask her for jobs anymore too, after all the times she neglected me. She came to find me too, and only asked me to do something like late in the afternoon. Like, didn't it ever occur to you that you should have asked me to do that in the morning? Then you wouldn't have had to do it today. Geez. Oh wells. It was all good. I had fun trying to make my webpages and I revised quite a bit of coding, and learnt a few new tricks too.

Let's see where this crazy kid ends up.
coolohoh: Biohazard (Biohazard)
2016-11-09 02:49 am

Talk

I've been social!

So a jc friend who's absconded to the US came back to SG on holiday. And it was pretty last minute... But I met up with her on Monday evening. Night. Midnight.

Just the two of us.

It really surprised me how much we had to talk about. I mean... The last time we talked so much was probably a decade ago when we were still in jc. And after her being aboard for so long and all... We've drifted apart.

But.

I guess that was precisely the reason why we had so much to talk about. Because she broke out of the box, the cage that in this country's rules and boundaries. And because I'm a little bird so very trapped here, so very much wanting to break free but still lacking the courage and motivation to do so... (and no also lost and questioning her life direction). We just chatted and chatted. First we had tim sum. Then we switched to a Japanese café for mocha ice cream to talk more. And when they were closing up, I asked my friend if she knew of any bar or something to go to. Of course she checked out the bars nearby. She loves drinking after all. So I went to my first ever bar, feeling totally out of my league and definitely under dressed (because basically my whole wardrobe consists of T-shirts, shirts, and jean)... In this high end hotel... And then we ordered some drinks and chatted some more. Got some 16 year whiskey with chocolate bitters and it was nice. Pricey. But at least it was good alcohol. Like, no the diluted with tons of ice kind of drink. Felt like my stomach couldn't quite take it though. Well... My stomach has been screwed up recently so...

Yeah. We talked about a lot. I complained about my work. And then we complained about the sad state of things in sg. And then she talked about her work, her future plans... Her girlfriend... And I lamented about how I'll probably never meet someone as long as I stay in sg. Because the selection pool of people is just so small. Not that there isn't any. And I've not even tried yet... But right now I can't even be bothered to and I feel pretty happy doing random crap on my own so I'm good. Doesn't matter that I'm missing the fertility window blah blah blah because I'm sure I don't want to have kids. Not even to adopt. Not that I have anything against kids but I'm just not good with them. And I won't be any sort of parent so yeah. Still a kid who wants to play around...

It was a really great, refreshing talk. Like... When was the last time I had such a great intellectual discussion? Oh. When unsup was still working here....

Like even when I hang out with my other jc friends... Some of them are more conservative, or we just have different opinions and interests and like... They just don't feel what I've felt, and therefore they can't understand what I'm talking about. Like the doctor who just like stability and she's surrounded by many other Singaporean doctors anyway so she doesn't realise how it's even possible that I'm one of the very few and rare Singaporeans in my workplace. They benefitted from the government, I suffered. Naturally our viewpoints will differ. So it's lik... While I totally understand them when they're talking about their work and all the medical lingo and stuff (I pride myself in being fairly well read/knowledgeable), they are pretty clueless when I try to explain to them about my work... Like I have to wash things down a lot. Like... sometimes I feel like I can't even get my sentiments across... Which is funny because the other ex-classmate I just hanged out with did econs and law. You'd think that medical doctors and scientists would be more alike.

But I suspect... The main culprit is the different mindset and viewpoint that we have. Mind is the 'less conventional', by the Singaporean yardstick that is. Heck. I've never been one for rules and all that crap.

Why I am trapped in this stupid island?

Trapped trapped trapped.

People's mindset are just so....

Arghs.

Like I told a friend's friend that I was making a Japanese learning website. He was like, oh cool, why don't you advertise it in comics con or something?

I was like... HUH? Firstly, I'm not appealing to the comics lovers. I have a different market. Secondly, I'm not even targeting Singaporeans! It's a website dude. Www. World wide web! Global man. Global. It has never once crossed my mind to do some sort of physical advertisements. Google. SEO. I was learning about those. And right now? The top no. of visitors comes from USA, followed by Indonesia, then Philippines, then Singapore... And a whole boatload of other countries. Countries don't even matter really. I'm targetting Arashi lovers. Full stop. Wherever they may be. That's my target audience.


So anyway... I was talking to my friend about unsup and the sups after that and all... And when I reached home after calling an uber for the first time... because I hardly go anywhere till past midnight when the trains stop running - because I don't hang that many people to hang out with, and my doctor friends either have an early start or are post call... I checked my mail and realise that unsup is alive! I mean, I got an email from unsup. Work related stuff of course. And then I managed to catch her for a bit earlier and we chatted. Mostly I chatted. And just spammed her. Tsk. I wonder if she finds me irritating or something... Cos I type so much. Well I can imagine she's busy with her baby and other stuff too, hence the short replies. But yeah. I'm the type who types about 10000x more than I talk... So when it's via a screen the words comes typing out (almost) uninhibited. And also because well... There's hardly anyone I can talk to about work who'd understand. That's why I rant here I guess. Shouting out into the ether for everyone, anyone to hear. Maybe because having no response is better than getting the wrong response. Like when you're looking for encouragement, they try to gently dissuade you instead.

Still happy about having met up 1 on 1 with that friend. Like the last time she came back we only had a group gathering and the topic was on stuff like western movies and actors and actresses, all of which I don't watch/know.

I was asking unsup if she has some ideas for a new blog url/name... And she's like, how do you even keep track of all your blogs! Well. Only some of them. The important ones. The others are just there, in the back of my mind... Ignored, most of the time.

And well...

Idk.

I like writing.

I like blogging.

I don't think it'll ever give me significant monetary returns to blog, but I can build up a following. Well, with a new topic and blogging style I think I'll build up a better following than NM anyway. I mean... I've met people on LINE over and over who knew thanked me for my work on SF, or were my fans, or really liked my fics. I actually have a following on LJ... Though you can say it'll be sad if I don't, considering how many communities I'm involved in and all.

But I'm pretty sure I can do that in other spaces too. I'm good at stuff like this. Like making a forum community vibrant and alive. I just have to find a way to capitalise on it. It's something that I really enjoy doing, and that I'm good at. If I can find a way to monetise it... I'm all set. Lol.

But yeah... I like doing blogs. Making LJ community. 'Meeting' new people online, gaining virtual fame. I just enjoy it. It's like... Kinda like a hobby maybe, but sometimes it's a hobby that has turned too serious and becomes a chore... Which is something that I do have knack of doing.

More importantly though... I'm bored I guess. Just bored. It takes so much to keep me entertained. My sis needed some help with her pysche stuff earlier and she had to program the questions for her pysche survey for the final year project and like... I got the problem broken down and understood and tried to explain it in a variety of different ways and yeah... It was just so clear to me but she couldn't see it. And I couldn't explain it better anymore so I just did my own stuff while she sat on my bed and huffed and puffed till she finally got it.

Like things that are obvious to me, common sense... Doesn't seem to be obvious or common sense to others. I even get bored at equipment trainings because they guys are so long winded and just by looking at the user interface I more or less got it already. I don't get why people ask those stupid questions that are so obvious, just as I don't get why my dad insists on questioning those sales person whom I can tell at a glance scarcely know about the product they are selling and it's better if I just read the box myself, and then getting almighty pissed when they can't answer his questions. Because geez, can't you tell they don't know shit? Just. Bored. I'm so fucking bored out of my mind half the time. That's why I'm always looking for something new to do or play... I should get deep into one thing instead but well... Idk. I need to find something that can really draw me in. Well, there's a lot actually. But not the things at work.

Boredom...

Yeah... That's why I do all these to keep myself entertained...So many, so many ideas...


So yeah. Two nice talks. Would love to meet up and talk more with that friend before she jets off to the world too far away again. (And yeah, although we're friends on fb and stuff, we just never chat online, lol...)

It's really late. I should sleep. But my sleep pattern has been messed up and I've been sleeping later than this for the last 4 days so yeah whatever.

Oh! Last thing. Gonna attend the talk by Prof. Helicobacter Drinker tmr. Excited! Should be really fun!
coolohoh: Biohazard (Biohazard)
2016-11-04 01:19 am
Entry tags:

A little update

It's been months. Months since I updated here.

I'm really sleepy but man... I really want to do a quick update.

Things are... Idk if it can be considered getting better...

A cut. Because those who knows me knows that my 'little' updates are never little. )
coolohoh: Biohazard (Biohazard)
2016-08-30 01:34 pm
Entry tags:

It's been too long

Hi all. It's been way too long since I posted here huh?

I wanted to post something last time... But! Because my macOS is on beta... Chrome crashes after a while when I make posts on LJ and all my drafts are not saved. So I got real pissed after my long, almost finished post was deleted and ended up not posting anything. Seems like it's ok with the latest beta release though. Phew. No more missing content.

Still having problems with my iOS beta updates. After beta 2 something broke inside and I can't do OTA updates anymore sigh. OTA = over the air. Cos beta updates... You can't get them through iTunes. So I'm hoping that I can update to the official public release using iTunes in a week or two. Else... It's gonna be a little troublesome...

I'm happily slacking at home now. 5 days. 5 days of mc. Hurrah! But why the mc? Cos I got my wisdom tooth extracted yesterday. All four of 'em. 3 via surgery and one via normal extraction. To say that my mouth hurts now is an understatement. Ok. It's not really painful now.... It was yesterday though and I had to take two types of painkillers. Will be another dose of the long acting painkiller soon. But well... My right cheek is super swollen and all numb from the swelling. And thanks to all that swelling, I can't bite because the extraction site has swelled too much. So yeah. No solid food for a bit. Hopefully it won't bleed much tonight. This morning I woke up stinking cos the bloody saliva had flowed down my face and onto my pillow. Which is to be expected and normal after wisdom tooth surgery... But well. It stinks, thanks to all the bacteria growth. Because of the blood I guess. I've been listening to a lot of microbio podcasts and apparently iron is a huge growth limiting factor for many environmental microbes. No doubt they were really happy to feast on my blood, hence the stink.

Oh. And my follow up appointment is next Monday. So no work on Monday either. Hurrah!

Work.

Well I know I wanted to post a massive rant about work last time. But then chrome crashed. And now I've forgotten what I was gonna say. But no matter. Because I have something new and even more ridiculous to post.

They have fucking installed CCTVs in every single lab, every single tiny room, facing every single lab bench... All over the lab. And all footage will be recorded, and they even installed a fucking huge monitor in the lab tech office for the sole purpose of viewing the footage. And I mean it when I say every single row of lab bench. There's a fucking camera every two steps when you walk down the corridor besides the lab bench. Every single fucking bench.

Wtf do they think this is?

Prison?

Wtf?

If they can't even trust us... Why hire us at all?

Why hire people at all?

They are treating us even worst than primary school kids.

Seriously wtf?

If you can't treat us like an adult, than no I'm not gonna act like an adult. I'll just slack and pretend to do work and take about 500% slower to do everything.

What the fuck am I even showing up to work for? Just to collect my salary, really. Total, total, waste of time. I can't stand working in this place anymore... But I can't be bothered to look for another job. I will just slack and recover my energies, and try to study for GRE and prepare for PhD program applications. I don't want to add to my stress anymore. I can't. I can't do this shit. Already my body is showing every sign of being overly stressed.

I feel mentally ok. Frustrated and all, but not really that stressed. But evidently my body tells me otherwise. Like it's been months since my period. And last month when I got the flu, it took over 3 weeks for me to recover. Three, fucking weeks. Ridiculous much?

Needless to say, when the clerk handed me the mc and I saw it says 5 days, I was overjoyed.

I even started translating parts of the Japonism concert last night. And today I'm doing loads of writing. Posting to SF, this blog... Gotta do a post (or two) to NM later on cos it's been a whooping two weeks since i posted there... Posted my Jun fic which I finished a while back, and advertised that and the Jun and Ohno fic exchange everywhere...

Finally sometime to sort out my life...


Sigh. I need to study for GRE. But I want to slack a little. But... There's no time. Sigh. Gotta make the best of this week...

Alright. Can't think of anything else to say for now... Japonism... I've talked about it in SF already and I'll post on NM about it as well...

Oh fics! My fic Nino's Butt make it into LJ's top 25 entries when I posted it on RNA. My first ever fic to achieve this status (I believe?) I'm totally, utterly amazed. I guess everyone likes a good smut huh? Thank you everyone!

Ah yes~!

Happy Birthday Jun!
coolohoh: Biohazard (Biohazard)
2016-06-02 07:15 pm
Entry tags:

The lab...

Is becoming less and less homely...

From the frustrating hr to the stupid new rules... To the paranoid director who demanded a ton of safety warnings all over the lab making it look more like a construction site...

In the side lab that used to be really scarcely populated... Now there's a huge influx of 'external' people doing non-molecular bio work. And to be sure, it's not an overnight thing. Slowly but surely, over the past half a year or so...

Really, when the FIA was moved in there, and then the waste carboys too, I just thought to myself that molecular biology is dead.

Been dying for a long time now but that felt like the last nail in the coffin. The setting up of the sludge processing thing in the next bench for example... Such stuff really shouldn't be in a molecular bio lab. But who cares? There's no space elsewhere and molecular biology is dead.

Some guys doing stuff in the fume hood at the back, and taking up all the space meant of running gels. As I walked past today he wanted to use the plastic funnel we use for the gel buffer. For some idk what chemical reaction, and the other guy was like 'are you sure this is ok? it's plastic...'. I couldn't take it. I had to step in and stop them. I don't know what has become of the other stuff I use... Like my tips and all the reagents that people borrow and use... It's not the USING itself that I have a problem with, but I'm worried about HOW they use it. *sigh*. Needless to say all the reagents can't be used for RNA anymore. Not that I'm doing RNA at the moment but still...

Oh and I hate it how my sink is constantly getting dirtied!!!! I clean it up nicely, even put the absorbent pad lining and I come back the next day to see the lining gone, and the area marked with splotches of dried chemicals. WTF. They don't even fucking bother to clean up. And many just leave their bottles of goodness knows what there and I'm like wth? It's getting worst and worst now with the new people and the waste carboy right beside my bench. And they keep moving the waste bin really far away too. There used to be two waste bins... Then one of my colleagues had to do something really stupid, and used a waste bin as a pail, and now that waste bin is gone forever and we're back to having a single waste bin in the whole lab. Arghs. So I have to walk down half the lab to throw my waste because every time I move the bin nearer to me it gets moved back because other people need the bin too.

And then there's people who raid stuff from my bench and don't put it back. Like my icebox. And today I went back to the lab to missing chairs... Like they took not one, but two of the chairs in the row and basically left two whole row with just a single chair, and didn't return. It's not like there's still an overload of chairs in the row. It was basically emptied! And I had to go hunting for my squirt bottle and ethanol spray too. And not for the first time. At least my pipettes didn't go missing again this time. I hope... I didn't do a row count... Opps... I guess the missing items isn't unique to this place but... gah!

Sigh. Right from the very start I knew I was in the wrong place. The only biologist in a sea of chemists and (mostly) engineers. What's a biologist to do here? So when unsup dropped the bomb it's like... "Yeah, as expected, there's nothing for us in here..." Plus, whatever was it that we were doing wasn't stuff that made her excited or happy. It just totally sucked because I thought I could bask around in the sun and enjoy myself for another year while working on more side projects before moving onto the next stage... Instead of getting stuck in the limbo where I am now wondering what my next stage should be. Not that this wouldn't happen. I just thought I could postpone it a little more...

I spoke recently with another colleague from a different center... And she remarked about how we have a lot of weird characters in my center. And I was like geez... Even she noticed it too? People like the stupid (retarded even) rf. And a lot of the new people they hire makes me face palm.

Like the project officer they newly hired with no lab experience whatsoever. He used to work in the industry and... I get that they are trying to develop more industry projects and stuff (apparently they are hiring a rf to do business development, and paying only over 3x my salary, and I'm pretty sure that's way more than what a regular rf gets....), but why hire a project officer who can't do lab? That's all the job description of a project officer anyway. Do all the dirty work and all the heavy lifting! You don't need no public relations and sweet talk skills for that. And it's clear from the onset that that egoistic, self centered guy isn't the type who can do labwork. At all. All he did when I tried to teach the trio was complain about how hard everything is, and declaring over and over again how he has no lab experience. Like wtf? That guy has a serious attitude problem. Heck, all the three I taught had. It's not about whether you have the experience or not, it's about whether you want to fucking learn or not. I was just so pissed all throughout that day. Absolute waste of my time. So there's 2 project officers (PO), and then 1 part timer who used to be one of the stupid rf's fyp student. Fyp student coordinated the time with me, and asked if it was ok for two other person to join in to learn. I said sure. And she even asked me that morning to confirm the timing with me. 3pm came and went, and no one shows up. I wait. And wait, and no one shows up. Finally, pissed, I went to freaking look for them (really, shouldn't have bothered, and never will again) and there they were, standing around talking at their bench, apparently doing nothing of particular importance because when I asked if they were free, they left their bench immediately. So I showed them the stuff. No one takes notes. I just keep hearing complains about how long the procedure takes and how difficult it is (it's the easiest stain you can possibly do).

Then there's like an hours waiting time so I send them on their way and TOLD THEM what time to come back. Of course, nobody came back. I had to freaking call them back again. That ego guy goes missing and nobody knows where he is. He doesn't show up till much later. And the rest decides that he should be the one doing the procedure... And that guy seems to wake up and decide that *maybe* he should record down the steps. So he tries to write it down on his phone, but gets everything wrong. When there really is nothing to remember at all. The whole thing can be like, summarized into like... 3 main steps. Of course there's some details here and there... But it's really that simple. But he can't remember a thing. The only one with a slightly better memory is the student. And then the microscope. Bleah. I wanted to vomit blood trying to teach them how to use the microscope. All of them, even the more 'experienced' PO was gushing over how complicated the light/fluorescent microscope is and how high tech it is and everything. Like... FYI, I figured out how to use that thing myself. Well except for that last disk at the bottom which I've yet to figure out which symbol corresponds to which objective. But hey, you can just turn it around till you get a good lighting condition... But nope, those idiots don't even know how to use the very basics. Like the course and fine focus knob. Which I swear is in the same location in every single microscope I've seen. Even those easy 'low tech' microscopes I used in secondary school. But nope, they didn't know that. And then the knob to move the slide position on the stage. They don't know about that too. No kidding. They were asking how to move the slide. Like, don't you have eyes to SEE how the knob is connected to the stage? Can't be helped. Idiots will stay idiots. And then the other PO happily shows off about how her paper (she's second author) is about to get published (has since been published) and pisses me off even more. She asked about the work I'm doing and I said like molecular bio stuff and all... And she's like 'sounds like the stuff I used to do'. And I was just thinking, oh, so you used to do that but you can't use a simple microscope? Like seriously?

It took them more than an hour to learn how to use the microscope. And even then they barely know how to use it. Geez. Absolute waste of my time. I had to stay back to teach them how to use the thing because they are so slow all along, and couldn't even be bothered to show up on time. And I had to stay back even later after that to finish my own stuff, because I had things that HAD to be finished because it was a time series or whatever. It was past 7:30pm by the time I finished teaching them a simple dapi stain, can you believe it? Like seriously.

Then the guy tried it himself once... And of course he had to keep running to me for help, because he hardly remembered a thing... Even though he had someone else's very neat and detailed instructions (that person already left). And he totally couldn't use the microscope at all... After that some other colleague asked me if the microscope was working (it was) because that guy couldn't get a single clear image... Well as far as I know it was working just fine so... *shrugs*

Oh! The best part. The ego guy came up to me and asked about 'that other thing people do the quantify the bacteria'. He couldn't even name it properly. In the end I just guessed it had to be about the qPCR cos a phd student had been trying to run that all day. They must have talked and what not. Lololol. You can't do a simple dapi stain and you want to do qpcr? I simply told him that the phd student had been trying to learn to do it properly for over half a year and still can't get it. LOLOLOLOL. Like an infant who wants to fly before even learning how to crawl.
coolohoh: Biohazard (Biohazard)
2016-06-02 02:34 pm
Entry tags:

Back to my reality...

Holiday is over.

Back to work...

Got a crapton of emails over the week... Sigh. Unsup raised a really pertinent point. It's the school holidays now and that means my new sup has a lot of time to bother about us. I need to dig up into the old data and stuff cos she wants a PowerPoint... Sigh. I don't remember a thing. Mainly because I was just so bloody focused on doing. Experiments after experiments. Data analysis is all outsourced to unsup. Great. Now I'll pay for my laziness. Sigh.

Then again. I don't really care anymore. I don't know what good will continue coming out from all these. Sure. She seems hopeful but hope alone gets you nowhere. We need the expertise. The equipment. The time. The money. And really, we have none of the first two.

Well at least she got my back with the admins so that helps a lot. Is it like that everywhere? Where the job of the hr and admins is to make your life as miserable and as gard as possible?

I get +^]%{>}%#>£€?]£!] questioned for buying things. For buying consumerables like pipette tips. The admin was demanding to know which project I'll be using it for. Like wtf? Pipette tips? Seriously? It's not even expensive compared to the other stuff I just got. And really pipette tips is like... Its like questioning someone why they are buying pen refills, and demanding to know which project/subject/whatever they are planning to use the pen for. So totally fucking ridiculous. As if locking up all the equipment and forcing people to book before they can use isn't ridiculous enough. I don't know about the other people but I for one feel a lot less motivated to use any of the locked equipment now. I'm even tempted to unplug the stupid box from the monitor. But why should I fucking bother right? I'm on core funding and the things are just done for record purpose only. But no. I won't be bothered to stay back late to get that confocal done. I'll just continue the next day and drag it on and on. They don't need to know how I've worked so hard till so late... And since I can't do it without signing up on some stupid system, I simply shan't work. Go home on time. Why should I even bother? I get paid the same either way. It's not like I'll get a PhD faster or I'll get more papers anyway. The benefits to me is the same. I'll be better off spending my energies elsewhere. Even writing fics. At least I get writing practice and that's a life skill that'll be useful anywhere and everywhere.

I'm surviving I guess. Not exactly thriving. Not exactly slack either. More like. I'm trying to cut as many corners as possible, or just keep putting things off till later because I don't fucking care and I've got a ton more interesting and fun stuff to do. Should I stay here or should I move on? I don't know. A day frankly I don't really care now either. For now I'm a lot more interested in trying to find out about myself. Trying to figure out my own ambitions. Because there's a much longer Road to go besides my short term job woes. And I have a job. I've not burned any bridges yet so I can continue working here. And just looking at the job openings... I don't feel motivated to apply to a lot of them because I can't see myself doing it for long sure. It's just a job. And I would apply if when I finally settle my new Mac and transfer all the data over so I can return dad his lappy. But more than the job application, I just keep trying to envision myself doing that sort of things for the rest of my life. Which is kinda what you get when you pick a PhD topic. At least for the next five years or so. I don't know. I'm still that little kid who wants to play. Forever 16. I just want to do my own random stuff. And I really like DOING the experiments. I don't know if life after a PhD is really what I want. Meh. Maybe I should actually go read some papers properly for once. And stop fooling around. Nah I can't stop fooling around. I just have a fool around less. I don't want to ever grow up. Fooling around is what gives me that craziness and passion for anything. Including life. I want to forever be the kid...

Sigh. Not looking forward to heading back to the office. Because that means I need to put together the PowerPoint. Meh.

Back in my reality once again. Holidays... I don't see them the way many people would. I can't say that I really love going abroad for vacations... Because I'm too lazy to make my own plans and do research for the most part. But when I go elsewhere... I don't know... How do others feel when they visit someplace? I don't have any expectations these days when I go on holidays. That means that I can't be disappointed. And unless I'm at a purely tourist only place say at genting Highlands... I just take in the way the place is... I'm constantly aware that all everything I see is part of someone else's reality. Something they see and go through everyday. And I note and observer the difference. The difference between their and my reality. And really there's no perfect life or perfect place. It all depends on your perspective, and how you want to nitpick. Or cherry pick. It all depends on your priorities and preference. Or maybe just your own experience and your own reality. Met an old Singaporean couple. The typical rich English and hokkien speaking variety who were comparing everything to Singapore... In a patronising manner. What's the point? This is a different place. A different country. Of course it's different. If you want the same, why bother hopping on a plane? Just stay home and perhaps can you shut up and leave us alone so my friend and very kind tour guide can continue telling me about this very place that you seem to hate so much? Such an embarrassment!

So here I am. Back to my reality. A reality where unsup will only appear in my dreams. As unsup was bringing me around... I can't ant help but think about how privileged I am to be there. Observing and watching their little family. How many people can say that they have seen their boss feed their baby? Definitely not many in sg. Things just don't work that way here. The gap. Like the sleeping Ohno and the focused and sharp guy during his solos in concerts. Two completely different person. The mother and the scientist. And the language used too. Her English automatically switches to standard English when anything scientific or about work appears. For me it depends on the other party. Because well. I work with all China Chinese now and we talk work in Chinese. Sigh. I miss the times when I'm talking science with unsup. In like, you know, good old English. Now everything is in Chinese. Yes even the meeting with the boss cos she's from China too. Bleah. Now my English speaking skills are deteriorating. Geez.

For the first time, I can really understand how artists visit places for inspiration. Because I kinda felt the same too. Something that i've been doing for a long time with people, the skill has now evolved to cover places too. We'll not that i've never been observatant. I've always been. It's just that i've only just become acutely aware of my ability.

I've had good teachers in the past. I still remember the comment by my sec three bio teacher in my report book. She wrote something along the lines that I love to stay on the side lines and observe. Yup, that's me. The observer. Just there, passively observing. Unsup is the really observant type too. But I'd say she isn't the passively observing type unlike me. And the things are notice and makes inferences about are different from me... But she has surprised me more than once about her observations about myself. Or maybe it's just intuition. I don't know. But it's surprisingly accurate it's stuff that no one else has ever noticed or said about me ever so thank you. All very timely observations too. Maybe because I don't have anyone in real life that I'm as close to now... Because I really don't have a social life. I don't like going out and meeting new people... Online it's different. I type more than I ever would talk. I can write things that I'll never be able to say. Even if the very same person will be reading it.

I gave unsup the links. For the same reason why I blog in the first place. I like to blog, even though most of the time it feel like shouting into the void... At least it isn't as bad in LJ because I have some lovely regular readers... Who reads through all my lengthy rants (hugs all of you), gets to the end, and make comments. It's really nice to know that you can writing for somebody. Even if I'm just ranting and getting things off my chest for the most part. It's still great to know that people read them. (To all my silent readers, care to drop a little comment sometimes?)

Unsup commented on how it's amazing that I have so many blogs...

Yeah... I'm amazed myself. And truthfully I can't even keep track of how many social media/blog stuff that I have...

Let's try and list 'em and see...

1) There's this. This LJ that you are reading now.

2) There's my random rants blogspot, that I've linked to in my very long winded intro post (that needs another update). It used to be my personal blog... But now most of my personal blogging stuff are here on LJ. I'd fully admit that it's hard to decide which goes where many a times. Which is why my blogspot has been neglected for the longest time.

3) There's my gaming blog. I have tons of screenshots from mobile games, that I should be blogging about... But I'm too lazy to sort out the photos and to blog them so... Screenshots and games have came and went. It used to be mostly about maple stuff, but I don't maple now anymore so... I still want to maple... And I actually can now, because I have an iMac with enough HD space... I just have to force Xp to install in it since bootcamp installation doesn't support Xp anymore (long ago actually) and I don't have any other newer windows installation disk. (Oh, and I need to buy a dvd drive first.) But yeah, hardly any updates here too.

4) There's my crafts blog. It's my latest venture actually. Posting my random attempts at making art. Unsup was amazed at my shrink wrap thing... As with someone who sent me an lj message over my holidays that I've yet to reply. And there I was thinking that I'm doing this really childish stuff as I sat there and mass produced rainbows to give away on storm freaks. I guess it's not that bad after all huh? Well... I did enjoy it though, and I really want to draw more... Some korosensei stuff maybe. Only that... Anyone cares to buy those stuff? Because I... Already have way too many things on my table... :X

5) Oh, there's Nihongo Manabu of course. I'll like to call it more like a website than a blog. It's my most serious venture to date and I'm back to making sure that I get at least a post on it every week.

6) Others... There's some other stuff that I have, a wordpress account... That I'm not really using for anything. Also an AO3 account, that has nothing there as well. And there's the science related cartoon sort of website that I have the idea for, but then I really, really can't draw... So till I get the time to learn to draw... All that's going to happen is that I'll fill up more notes about ideas that I want to draw, but can't.

7) Social media accounts... I'll put them all together because they aren't really blogs... But yeah there's instagram, fb, twitter, tumblr... weibo... what else? I don't know. I pretty much only use fb and insta. When I remember to, I post something on instagram, and the same photo gets crossposted to fb, twitter, and tumblr. One photo kills 4 birds. Nice.

Of course, that doesn't count the number of tumblr and twitter accounts that I have for my websites or Lj communities. Gah. The Arashi bangumi comm and all it's related social media accounts have been abandoned for a really long time now. I'll get around to reviving it soon... I hope.

8) LJ communities. Now this is actually a lot. And takes up a lot of time. Or took. Because I've not subbed anything in ages.

There's...
DNA. My first ever community. And to those who are trying to find it... I'll be really nice and give you a little hint... Check my profile... It'll take you a while to find it but your heroic efforts shall be rewarded. Well, this one has been in a deep freeze for really long now. I've not even had the time to watch any arashi shows. Let alone do subs. So yeah.

RNA. Check my side bar link. It's there. It came after DNA and it's for me and octavia to dump all our fics. All our nicest and craziest creations, and everything else in between. Was also in the deep freeze for about half a year... Till I got some new ideas recently... And like an manic artist I get writing cycles too... And now I seem to be in the height of my literary cycle so I'll try and make the most of it and write as much as I can before it disappears... On it's own accord or due to external influences... (e.g. work)

Arashi bangumi. I came into this one. The original owner isn't into Arashi anymore so she gave it to me for care taking. But then I got really busy too... So yeah... I'll try and revive it again soon.

Storm Freaks. My latest venture... Together with a ton of other lovely mods, who keeps the community alive by posting things that are actually Arashi related. Like Arashi news. Instead of just making up random games like me. (And unsup gave me a nice activity idea, only that it's something I can't carry out because I can't draw. Arashi coloring pages! I'll have to get some artist to draw the thing for me or something.) Thankfully it was a joint venture with many other fans, because otherwise it'd be completely neglected for months...

I guess that about covers it for my LJ communities...? 4 comms... I think that's all the comms I've got/am involved in? Lol. Too many things, I don't even remember... I would have completely forgotten about arashi bangumi if I wasn't making this... (oh, did I mentioned that I had an alternate fb account where I used to post my maple stuff? But is now completely abandoned?)

Meh. I want a staycation... Not even a vacation really, too many online 'duties' to do. Sometimes I think I'm really trying to do too much. All at once. Like trying to study for GRE and JLPT at the same time. Not working well, because it's much easier to study fro GRE since I went out to buy English guide books (even though like, the vocab is really no different from the ones in the book my friend gave me years ago, but that thing is in Chinese.) On the other hand, studying for JLPT grammar is bad. The book is freaking from a Taiwan publisher, and that means it's in Traditional Chinese... and sometimes I get really frustrated because some word that I can't figure out appears... And I have to write the word on my phone to look up the Simplified Chinese word... And then maybe I'll end up even more frustrated because I don't know the meaning of the word at all. Even in Simplified Chinese. Lol. Then I'll be trying to make notes in Japanese, Simplified Chinese, and English. Too $!$!! frustrating and confusing. I spend more time on figuring out the Chinese than the Japanese sometimes. But I checked, they don't carry English Japanese grammar books so... Arghs. And Japanese does translate better into Chinese than English... But meh. I should check out that Tae Kim's grammar guide again. Sigh. 1 month. I really need to study hard or I'll fail this thing. N1 is really a little out of my reach. Vocab wise it's still not toooo bad, but grammar is a little too hard. Oh wells. Let's see how much energy I have left after work to study... My weekends are too packed with *other* duties, and I can't study for really long stretches anyway. More like. Since when do I ever study. Oh wells. Let's see if I can pull a miracle. Lol. I have to stop myself from studying GRE now... Because there's really no time left if I want to pass JLPT. And I want to. So yeah.

Sigh.

In the meantime. I really should get started on making the PowerPoint but...

So lazy. So lazy. I just want to write. My literary bloom is in full swing right now and that means my science levels have dipped. Nah. It's just an excuse. I don't want to do work. Meh. Can't things go back to the pre-unsup days where I just sit around and write fanfics and nobody remembers my existence, and when I have absolutely, I mean literally no work to do. No presentations to make, no papers to be read, no experiments to be carried out, and no quotations to ask for. Meh. Guess it's not possible since they don't have any bio person around anymore. And I just found out, because the equipment support person mentioned it to me, and sent me a photo... That I've apparently been named the person in charge of a whole host of equipments. What the heck? I never heard anything about it from anyone before... Sheesh... I don't even know much about most of the equipment... and in the case of the DGGE, I've never even used it before. Lol. What a joke. That just about sums up everything here. I'm the PIC because there's no one else around. Because no one else does molecular bio stuff. Lolololol. It's like, I'm the king of everything because no one else uses it. The FIA, the qPCR... Even the confocal it's pretty much just me and the phd student using it. I didn't see it in the photo the person sent me, but she told me that I was put in charge of some microscope too. Lol. I don't even know which. And I'm not even really good at using the light microscope... And I've only used the stereo microscope once, and the inverted microscope like never. So I may well have been put in charge of a microscope that I've never used before. Hahaha. I still need to figure out the stupid light microscope and wet mounts. I can't find my bacteria babies on wet mounts sigh. And I don't get how the disk at the very bottom, below the light source works. Lol. Have to figure it out. And still can't find the focus on wet mounts. Lololol. That's probably the last thing I should figure out before I leave this place... Whenever that will be. Well I should at least try the bioanalyzer that unsup had been busy promoting... But yeah... Oh yes... I still have no idea whatever enzymes she bought are kept. I don't care about the results really. I just want to try running that thing so that I'll remember how to use it better. But the damned wet mounts gosh. On filters and with dapi? Easy peasy... But oh you damn wet mounts... I should try a smear first... But then again I don't have trouble finding the focal plane with those cos there's just so much stuff to see, you can't miss it. Sigh.

At least I think I've mastered the art of looking through the microscope with both eyes. Lol.

Hmph. It's late now... What should I do... think i'll just flip my lab notebooks and slink around and stretch my pathetic, aching limbs. I swear unsup was out to kill me on tuesday... Yes it was great fun but geez do you know how unfit I am?

Meh. And I forgot how to do nested pcrs again... Hmm do I use the same primer twice, or a different primer... meh. I'll figure that out next time. Lol. Maybe I should just give up and write the legend of shabu shabu till it's time to go home. Meh.

I'm not making any sense anymore so I'll give up and stop here.
coolohoh: Biohazard (Biohazard)
2016-02-06 02:20 pm
Entry tags:

Too many things...

On lj.

Let's see. I've said my piece here and made peace with my inner demons (sort of?) on LJ.

I mean. I've finally recorded my week and my feelings... So that in the years to come I may look back and read it.

Or maybe even write a book on it.

Then there's the DNA applications that I've finally settled. After a whole month.

Well,RNA needs a new fic... But fic inspiration ain't coming if I don't watch any Arashi stuff. And that's not gonna happen any soon till my real life gets sorted out. Which might not happen for a whole year. Idk.

Finally updated the masterpost on arashi_bangumi.

Ah... There's a post that needs writing tmr on SF. And I need to count the points... And somehow we gotta get a new cycle started but right now all the mods are busy. J just got a new job, octavia's looking for one, as with me...

What else do I have on lj?

I think that's about it?

Gosh. Too many things.

Of cos there's my NM to update. And my arts and crafts site that I've neglected for a few weeks already...

Sigh.

Things are gonna turn out just fine...

All I need to do is get things done one step at a time...
coolohoh: Biohazard (Biohazard)
2016-02-06 02:09 pm
Entry tags:

Been a longgg week

To say that I'm exhausted... I guess that might be a bit of an understatement. Idk...

Finished up my CV and sent out one... yes, just one job application last weekend. But guess what? That guy replied within half an hour and we got a meeting set up and I've met the PI already on Tuesday. Really casual meeting though, so much so that I don't even have any idea how I'd done. I think my wealth of experience means that I'd have a good chance... Though now. I'm not even sure if I really want to work there. After the lab members showed me around the place... and during the tour even... I was wondering if I really want to be there. Doing plants. It's be something new, something I've never tried before. That was why I applied. But now, asking myself. Do I really want to work with plants? Perhaps not...

Seems like it's another thing I discovered about myself and my interests. Another narrowing.

I'm not sure if I'll get the job offer... And if I'd accept it.

Idk.

I don't know myself anymore.

I mean... Sure, that PI seems nice and gives lab members loads of chances. Chances to have your own individual project, chances to get published. But what I really want is to go for a PhD next year. So I might not hang around long enough for any publication to happen (plants grow slowly too. Plus I need to learn the ins and outs of stuff there... it all takes time).

Of course, nothing is going to happen if I don't apply for more jobs. Something which I kinda stopped after my first application. Went out with my colleagues on Sunday and I was just so tired the whole week. Had an equipment training offsite on Thursday and gosh... I was having a terrible stomach upset the whole day. I was basically half dead throughout the training. Didn't help that the training really was more like a secondary school lab session where we tried out all their kits. Not tough at all. Kinda of waste of time... Definitely a waste of time since now I'm so busy in the lab. But yeah. I wasn't feeling well at all on Thurs so in a way it was good? Idk. I would have gone home early if I was at work... But I was holding out for the cert at the end of the course. Whatever that cert might actually be good for. They had a pop quiz at the end. Only 8 of us at the training but only like 3 people answering questions. That half dead me actually answered 2 questions (each of the 3 who answered got 2 questions actually), and won some chocolates and a pretty Merck t-shirt. Yes. training at Merck for the instrument we bought. Still wasn't feeling good yesterday... or now. Still not at 100% and... yeah.

Anyway...

About unsup....

She's seriously the biggest science nerd I've ever know. I was telling her she can use my comp at work to run some computation programs... So I gave her my computer password. And she's like 'you're such a science nerd'. And she's been calling me that a lot recently... But it's really just a case of the kettle calling the pot black because you know. She did the same for her computer password too... Like she asked me to help her transfer some files on her computer yesterday so yeah. And she has like. A microscope at home. Not a super sophisticated one, but definitely way more sophisticated than the puny plastic one I had as a primary school student. Sheesh. She asked if I wanted it. Cos she carried it from US to SG and doesn't want to carry it back anymore. (They have newer models now anyway, she chirped happily.)

Lololol.

I didn't say it then but hell yes I want it.

She can probably tell that this science geek would gladly take it off her hands.

Hell yes.

It's so nice to meet another science geek.

And her answer to the thought experiment on 'what would you bring back home from the lab if you could take anything' was the same too. The confocal. Hahaha. So we can take really cool images at home. Maybe set up a 'cool confocal images' website and stuff... Now that would be hellya fun. Who knows, I can probably make a decent living off that site ya know?

Gosh.

Yes.

I didn't say it last month. But you probably have (or have not) guess already.

Unsup is leaving. She resigned. And me? Idk. Looking for a new job. Sure it's *probably* easier if I just stay put where I am. Then I'll have time to do my own thing. Read up. Study for GRE etc...

But do I really want to do that?

No.

Seriously no.

I'll be so, so lonely.

Even though apparently another molecular biologist will be hired soon... But I doubt that person has enough knowledge and background. I will probably be doing more teaching than learning. And that's not what I want. Besides... there's nothing much else that I can learn here. It seems like opportunities to use the TEM aren't forthcoming, and probably never will be. But hey that's ok. My main goal in here was to learn the confocal. And I guess I've gotten pretty darn good at it. Sure, I've not done FRAP or FLIP, but I'll never get to do those here. Not in this environmental/civil engineering place. Not here. Not where in this place where we are so rich financially, with tons of hardware, but no software. Software as in the people. And the whole direction here, they don't give a damn about biology anyway. Not microbiology, not molecular biology. That's what I've felt since day one. I'm out of place here. And now that the crunch has finally come, it's time for me to leave. I had enough loneliness and helplessness when unsup was on maternity leave. I don't want to experience that again... I'll leave asap too (but just not before unsup), once I have my next job lined up. Shouldn't be too hard for my experience and the position I'm looking for. Really... after unsup leaves, I'll be the only biologist around. WTF is that lol? That'll be like my old company all over again. No mentor, no one to learn from... Yeah. That's why I knew all along that unsup would leave. The question was just when. There's simply no future for biologist here. It's just that I had no idea when she was leaving. The unspoken words of 'please let me know in advance if you're leaving, so that I can find a new job too' need never be said because she spoke first.

Like the mice who had been observing, noticing the cheese getting smaller and smaller... It still came as a shock when the cheese finally disappeared. At least she gave me fair, advanced warning. Well she had to. Ok, she didn't really have to. But I was to take over everything from her anyway so she had to. That is, until it became clear to her that I'd be leaving too. There's nothing left for me here... All that's left now is well... Basically just making the most out of our time. Less than 2 months... And we have tons of experiments to finish, and papers to write. I sure hope that paper turns out well. If everything goes well... It'll have my name on it. And for the first time ever... My name will be at the first page... rather than the last. That's something really important to me and it'll help a lot as I continue on this path.

But of course... I shouldn't be counting my chickens before they hatch huh?

Gosh.

I'll miss unsup so much.

Especially in the past few months when we've gotten closer than ever before. Ah I didn't tell you did I? About how I moved my lab bench to sit beside unsup, so that I'm not across her anymore. Cos there's some new person coming in and the lab support staff wanted to assign her the sit beside unsup... and I was like. No. No. No. I'll take THAT seat instead. As if I don't have enough of stepping over the stuff of that irresponsible rf beside me... and then there's the huge experimental set up behind me and the guys fixing it up etc... That whole thing shouldn't even be here in a molecular bio lab but they don't have space elsewhere. And like I said, no one cares about molecular bio here... So yeah. I moved in beside unsup. Though I have to deal with that dripping ceiling. But at least I don't have to walk between our benches 10x a day to take stuff from her bench over to my bench. Or make a decision each time about whether it's more convenient to do the experiment on her bench or my bench (depends on how much stuff I have to use from each side). No need to stretch my long hands across the table trying to grab that item I forgot 'on the other side' either. Now we're beside each other. Which again... amplifies my loneliness when she's not around. But if she's around... it's really nice. Like a sunshine brightening up my day. Even more so than the previous mentor I had. Gah. Why am I constantly falling in love with my mentors? My life is that pathetic huh? Too bad she's married. With a baby. Haha.

Yeah. Last two months to work together. I gotta treasure it. She's the second mentor I have and it's sad that we'll be saying goodbye soon... But I'm really glad to have met her. She taught me so much, so much. And you bet I'll be keeping contact with her. Much more than my previous mentor for sure. Hahaha. I'm definitely making an effort to keep in contact with people more. Been doing so with my former colleagues and old friends...

And well. I'm definitely aiming to go to the US for my PhD. No idea how I'll get there... How I'll convince the admission comm to accept someone with such horrid GPA in... (but hey, I have work experience!) But I have to try and I have to get there. Sure. It's much easier to get a job in a place that offers a PhD in the field I want in Sg, work a few years, then start my PhD there... I guess that's my backup plan? But really. Do I want to stay in SG? After all this... Is it really any different in other places in Sg? Will the students really be more motivated? More passionate? Idk. Do I want to try? Idk... Take the risk? You only have one chance at doing a PhD after all. One chance. And maybe it's my one and only chance to get out of here. Yeah... putting it like that... It's probably easier for me to get an overseas PhD, then get a post-doc position overseas if I have not a single overseas experience to speak of. And sg is so puny. So few institutes... Really... I don't want to be stuck here for the rest of my life. In this place so full of rules and restrictions. That's why I pick the US. Maybe it'll be too free for me to take it. Probably would be. Would be a culture shock for sure. But here. In sg. It's too sterile and too stifling. I've had enough. I need a system shock. At least... I want to work in a place where people are actually enjoying what they are doing. Passionate about their work. Believing in the work they are doing... I want to feel the excitement. Because it too excites me. Like feeling the excitement off unsup when she talks about the things she did... The things she enjoy. It's such a pleasure, such a joy. And I know I enjoy doing lab work too. The excitement I get... I get on a high when learning new techniques or equipment or doing new experiments. Yes, I get fucking hyper. Like I'm on drugs. Serious.

Another colleague asked how I'll be like if the experiments keeps failing. And failing. Like. For half a year. Cos that's what often happens during PhDs. It happened during hers. Idk. I'll be depressed for sure. How can I pull myself together to make it work... Or find a different way out... Idk. But I'll have to make it out. I know that I really do want to do this.

Sure. I want to go about my blogging business. Try my hand at writing ebooks... Make a fortune online. But will I ever be able to give it up? The thrill and exhilaration of science. Of doing science. Of carrying out the experiments. I don't think so...

I tried twice and I failed. With my pathetic self discipline... Doing internet stuff as a full time job would be a bad idea really. Of course once I start on a PhD I probably will find scant time for all these extra stuff but... But heck. That's the life I've always wanted to live. You dictate your experiments. And your experiments dictate you. An almost magical cycle. Of course. In the real world, there's a ton of other factors. Like dealing with the HR. Red tape... politics... bosses... papers... conferences... money... loads of money issues... (proposals, more proposals and grants...)

Right now where I am, there's more 'other factors' then science and it's not fun.

Fun.

Talk about fun.

That's one of the reasons why I don't want to do a PhD. Because after that there'll be more 'work' and less 'fun'. By work, I mean more responsibilities. But maybe things are better overseas... Looking at how unsup is still such a geek gives me hope. And well.. there's really no where else I can go along this path, IN this path. Unsup suggested science journalism... Well as a side yes. Not as a main for sure. Interviewing scientists etc... I'll be so dying to work IN the LAB. So yeah. It's either being in the action, or completely cutting myself off... But I doubt I can do it like I did with weiqi or with maple. Weiqi... I never truly liked it after all. And maple? I still want to play it... and I'm still playing loads of other games... And I'm still looking for a maplestory alternative to play.

I think I'll never be able to really leave science.

Gosh.

What a long entry. The long winded coolohoh strikes again.

If you've actually read this far, thank you.

Anyone with advice on PhD applications (US is my first choice, but I'm not ruling any place out really) let me know! ;)

I guess I'd better end here. I have more blogs to update, and I really *should* pack since it's the Chinese New Year....
coolohoh: Biohazard (Default)
2015-02-17 05:36 pm
Entry tags:

RIP STNR

Dead, gone, forever and ever.

Shitanuri
30th May 2014 to 17th Feb 2015

I can't say that I'm sad. Because we all knew it was coming. It was already dead for such a long time... but finally J pulled the plug. And no all traces of it woul dbe gone forever. It didn't even last a year... and freaking speaking, the only subs that were good were the ones done, or greatly edited by yours truly. The rest... you can say they were too busy fighting ghost enemies to care about the subs quality. And entrusting everything they do to God, and believing that he will help you when you don't even help yourself. *shrugs* I don't want to say anymore because I have NOTHING against religions or Gods... whichever God you worship. I only have something against some people. Maybe someday God wil open her eyes. But then again, God will not force you to see what you do not want to see, God will not force you to believe what you do not want to believe...

It was kind of sad then. To think that I was hoping to improve the standard of the group, of everyone... but some people just could not get the jealousy out of their eyes, and everything just fell to naught. I didn't even get to 'meet' half of them?

I'm still really glad though, that STNR happened, and I chanced upon it and God gave me the opportunity to meet two really wonderful, delightful ladies.

I think God gives everyone many opportunities. Whether you take them up or pass them by, the choice is yours.
coolohoh: Biohazard (Default)
2015-02-15 02:43 am
Entry tags:

Weeks...

This week was a realy... tiring week. Not a good week for sure.

Of course, there was the rule breakers. Again.

I'm just sick of those.

So much so that my 'can't be bothered' attitude has already kicked in. VIdeos that I did the translations for are amongst those. And I already regard those videos as a lost cause. I guess me joining those groups with such lax membership rules was a huge mistake.

And my iPhone 5S.

It died suddenly at like 1am on Thurs. So the whole of Thursday evening, Friday evening I was running around to repair shops...

It's still at a repair shop waiting for diagnosis... but I really think it's a lost cause already. The motherboard got fried... and it just sucks. My 3GS still works! After 5 years! I was using it as an iPod... and I used it as an emergency phone after buying a nano-sim to regular sim 'converter' - a cheap piece of plastic... and the still works! The 3G still works, I can still make calls... granted it's really slow, and the battery life is really short... but it still freaking works. And that's a lot of the said as compared to my completely brain dead 5S. Just a mere 16 months old baby. I think it got the sudden infant death syndrome...

RIP dear 5S.
You were meant to last 3 years, and live a fulfilling retirement as the ultimate iPod with a whooping 64 GB of storage...
But it was just not meant to be, and you died prematurely at 16 months.
Why? Did you leave me all alone? Stuck high and dry on my own?

Sigh. I'm really just sad. It's freaking 64 GB one at that. And that means it was really expensive. Really, really expensive... so I planned to use it for 3 years... but now it died before I can even renew my phone contract! Arghs. Loads of things happened in the few days, but I really have to thank my dad for getting a new phone for himself, just so that I can use his old 4S. He was initially going to wait a bit longer for Apple watch to come out before making the decision on going Samsung or iPhone (he picked the Note 4). And he rushed the transferring of all his files so that I can have his phone today. Thanks dad! I guess I'll be using the 4S till a new version of iPhone comes out... (I can only renew my phone contract in July, in which case I might as well wait for the new iPhone...)

Now I've got a ton of Arashi shows to watch... and CNY is coming... and I still have not done the review for AnS that I wanted to do... nor have I wrote the postcards... nor have I finished reading my library books, nor posted the vocab list for that same episode of AnS....

ahhh...

really tired now. Time for bed!
coolohoh: Biohazard (Default)
2015-02-06 09:40 pm
Entry tags:

Sometimes...

You thought they've improved now. Till you argue with someone about what they said and realized they got the translation completely wrong. A simple sentence, with simple grammar, but the meaning was completely opposite. Not hard to tell from the context too...

And then you wonder just what has changed.

And then you think about how many people will end up learning the wrong thing, because they are learning the language while watching.

And then you shake your head and sigh, while they are probably celebrating in delight at how popular they are, how many replies they got.

*Sigh*
coolohoh: Biohazard (Default)
2014-11-04 11:54 pm

Stats. And a lot more.

Because you know, I'm a sucker for stats.

In three days DNA will be 4 months old.

And so far, as of writing, we have...

4,921 comments received.

458 members.

61 entries.

20 video releases, totaling over 5 hours.

15 translations, of varying lengths.

12 random posts.

Well if octavia finishes up and posts the random post she's been working on since last week, it'll be 13 random posts.

I'm glad for all the comments our members have given. For all the people who enjoy my translations, and choose it as the version they keep. It's really... tough... Hmm. How should I put it?

Subs is like news. And yes no matter how I try and sugar coat things, I still am competitive. I like it when we release things fast, first. But unlike some, I value quality as well as speed. I won't say I value quality more because... well, somethings I'd probably never be able to get, or by the time I figure things out it'll be weeks later, if at all. I give up on some stuff because otherwise we'd never be able to release anything. And as much as we are perfectionists, we aren't THAT anal about things either. Like if we spot a mistake after encoding is done, I'd rather put it as a note in the post than make J re-encode the entire thing. Which takes really, really long, unless it's a super short video (like 1 min or so) then I guess she'd just re-encode.

Well you can say that we are balanced perfectionist? Ha did I just make up a new term? We take into account things like timeliness too. Some clips needs to be subbed fast. Strike while the iron is hot. E.g. News of Arashi say... going to host kouhaku. Everyone would have read the news a million times otherwise. And then you'd lose your audience.

Even though we have gone underground and now our membership is closed. Ha.

I guess it's because even since I got on the Internet that's what I've been doing. From the time in primary school when Neopets was all in the rage. How do you make your shop stand out? How do you attract people to look at your pet page. Or the website you made? Granted I wasn't thinking much about how to actually get an audience then... but you bet I was when I managed the Heroes Lounge in the Warrior's Hall of MapleSEA forums. Or when I made guides. Or sales threads. Or managed Facebok pages. Or helped in the HiddenStreet database. Timeliness is an extremely important thing.

But when it comes to long videos. Of their regular shows... I just can't do it fast. Or fast enough. My stamina is getting less and less in fact. I guess I'll always be slow when it comes to those. Yet I can do things like the PV making and do it pretty fast too. So are we fast, or slow? I'm confused myself as well haha. I'd think, 'yup, sorry, it's a one man translating operation so we are slow'... but hey we can work fast at times too. Even when we aren't as fast as I would have liked, we were still faster than the rest. Which makes us fast. Sometimes you don't have to truly shine. You just have to shine in comparison. In fact, it's pretty darn hard to be the brightest out of all the stars in the universe. You just have to shine the brightest out of whoever you are comparing yourself with.

I've been wanting to write the following for a while now... and since I'm *still* not in a mood to sub, I'll dive right in.

There's so much competition in the subbing arena now. Granted, groups have gone on official, or unofficial hiatus, however at the same time, more groups are springing up. Still springing up. They say when the competition gets tough, the tough gets going. Indeed. It just means I need to up my game. And me trying to read stuff in Japanese - news, Jweb entries, any random thing, and then translating them, is part of my efforts I guess.

Some people give the advice that, you should always work in aplace where everyone is better than you are. When you get there, learn from others, work hard, become the best. And then leave for somewhere in which you are the worst amongst all the rest again. So true indeed. Especially for someone like me. It's both a good and a bad habit. I automatically adjust my game according to your game. Of course there is a limit as to how much I can adjust, but it's only when I'm at my upper limits, and pushing at it, that I improve. It was certainly the case in weiqi last time. If my opponent sucks, my game sucks too. I merely play well enough to win and that was that. I don't bother putting in more effort than needed. Why waste the energy?

And so it was really a good thing that I need get into my secondary school. Where just about everyone was smarter than me. I can't even began to tell how much I learnt out of it. My English used to be disastrous in primary school. I can't spell, I can't write, I can't even speak it properly. Then enter secondary school. Where everyone spoke English. And I found that I loved fantasy stories. I visited the school library so often, and borrowed so many books. My reading speed - for fantasy stories at least - improved greatly. I could finish a Terry Brooks books in a day. Well, sort or a day? From the time I get home after school and have lunch - that'll be late afternoon, till the wee hours of the night.

Would you believe me if I tell you, languages are one of my weakest point? I sucked at English, (yes, even then, my school results were just bad, bad bad) I sucked even worst at Chinese. There I was, thinking that all those other students coming from an English speaking family would suck at Chinese. I couldn't be more mistaken. They were good. Very good. Most of them were way better than me. And they were not the 'memorize the guidebooks' type of good. They genuinely mastered the language. They could speak it well, converse well, write well. Listening is a given of course. Me? I could only speak. Writing? Epic fail. Just like my English. Or Japanese for that matter. Everyone was just freaking good. It was natural for me to be just listening in awe of their achievements. And seriously that was something that would not happen elsewhere. That did not happen in uni for example. I had a reunion with two of my juniors last year, and really, the things they talked about... it was so nostalgic, the feeling of being back in secondary school again, listening to other people talk about their achievements that was nothing to them, but will never be achievable for me. Perfect GPA in uni for example? That's absolutely nothing to them. And where was I? "Struggling to make ends meet." Scholarship holders and what not. That's their world. And the world I used to be in too. But then I couldn't make it. A failure among all the successes, that what I am. Well... whether this failure turns successful in the end is still a story in progress... let's hope we get some sort of happy ending in the end eh?

I guess that's why I'm doing things like subs... maybe that's why I played maple so much last time too. I need something to occupy my time with. All that brainpower needs to be spent somewhere, on something. And no I don't like looking at cat photos or random vine videos.

I guess that's why I left my previous company too. Even if those fights did not occur, that place could not keep me there. I was too good for that lousy company, the director too useless, too unscientific for me to learn anything from. Heck, she was nothing. Not a scientist, and an even worst businesswoman.

Now in my current job, certainly no such problems. People are experts in their fields. They clearly know what they are talking about. And the Prof/director. He's good. Learnt so much from him even though the only contact I've had with him was just a few meetings. But he knows what he's talking about and I truly respect that. He has that... aura, the charisma needed of a leader. That cranky lady from my old company? None of it. Just a false pretense that gets broken through really fast.

I think it was a real privilege to have been in my secondary school. There we could be whoever we were, however bright you want to be. Sure people do say things like "wah you're so smart" and all... but all out jealously? No. Do they ostracize you? That would just be plain stupid, because everyone else is equally smart, if not even smarter. And because everyone else is smart too, there's really nothing to be jealous about. We say things like, "X person is really smart, and very consistent with her work too. I heard spends an hour revising her work everyday that's why she's the top of the cohort... it's a really good habit but I can't do that." So there you have it. Jealous? Sort of? But then again, we can't bring ourselves to revise everyday. Or even start revision a month before exams. We don't put in as much effort, so what's there to complain about?

Maybe I'm just lucky. My batch, the people I knew, were nice and genuine. I don't know how the current students are like for sure. But you know, it came as a total surprise to me when I found out, in my last year of education (that's the 4th year), that one of the prefects was the grand daughter of the then Sg president. And only because the school invited the president and first lady to our school's 125th (I think?) year anniversary, and they forced her to present the flowers to her grandmother. She didn't even want to do it. Well I wouldn't either if I were her. That'll be just so awkward. Ok, now I can't remember if that took place in sec 3 or 4 anymore. But still. Even though we were in different classes... She clearly didn't go around boasting her status. Nor did that girl from the next class, whom I even did internships with. Only years after graduation, when my sister was in the same class in JC as her younger brother... and my sister realized after a while, and from others, that the said boy was the son of one of the well loved ministers in Sg... and I went to check his facebook... and lo and behold my friend's face was there. In their family shot. I checked with my best friend later and she told me she knew, but that girl doesn't like spreading it around. That's the kind of people you have. Those who are smart aren't boastful either. Nor those who are rich. A lot of them you can't even tell they are rich. They still take the bus home themselves... when in truth they stay in landed properties and hire chauffeurs. Chauffeurs! Or those with houses bigger than community centers. Crazy rich. And on the other hand we have all those living in HDB flats, studying in the school on bursaries and scholarships. I was, well still am, the sandwiched middle class. And as far as I encountered, we all got along well with each other. Nobody was ostracized because they were poor. Even when picking restaurants for our annual class gathering we picked affordable places. We ordered pizza and ate in the shopping center rooftop with our extra class funds. And no we don't pay exorbitant class funds, nor did we pay it frequently. We seriously suspected that the class treasurer paid out of her own pocket for the pizzas. Because I only remember paying twice to the class fund in the whole year, and it was something like... 2 bucks, 5 bucks each time? And the funds was collected because it was being used for something, though I can't remember what anymore. Could the leftovers really feed everyone pizzas? I don't think so... Granted, she's rich - she had a 400 bucks pocket money monthly in sec 1, which was just about 5 times more than what I get. But still, that was nice of her.

Oh, there was loads of cultural diversity too. We have Malays, Indians, people of mixed ancestry, loads of scholars from China (and many others from China who weren't scholars)... quite a handful of Malaysians, a number of Indians from India (i.e. not locals)... I had a classmate who's a scholar from Thailand...

But where they came from really didn't matter. Well I'd bug them with questions like how they find Singapore, where are they staying (which hostel)... but well. What else? Sure, some of those from China had bad English initially. Then they got special English classes every freaking day after school. I was so jealous. Like hey? I NEED those English lessons too? Indeed. In what, one year? One of my friends under that special classes program scored better in her English comprehension than me. Like... !#%%U!#%!$185*&!)$!$2!!!!!

Seriously. Country or background didn't matter. Everyone had good English. Everyone was better than me. It didn't matter if they came from Malaysia, Thailand, or China. They were freaking good. And better than me. So I really don't judge people by their country. Because I know of people from many developing countries who are seriously, way better than me.

But of course. Just because the top people in that country is good doesn't mean everyone is good I guess. Reality check in uni once again. People from other countries with really poor English, some even admit that they don't understand a single thing the lecturer was saying (she spoke accented English. Some European accent... which was fine for me to understand, except that she doesn't know how to use the mic properly, and she mumbles, so most of the time I can barely even HEAR what she's saying.) That poor guy didn't even bother going for the lectures. At least I can understand what she's saying when she speaks up and I can actually hear her.

Again, you get reality checks whenever you're not with groups of smart/understanding people. Being smart is both a good and a bad thing. People hate you for being so smart. They get jealous, and they give you the cold shoulder. Yeah, I've got an ego. I love flaunting at times. But really, normally in real life I'd prefer that you don't know anything about my history at all. Because once you do, you'd start judging. You'd think I'm so and so. Which may or may not be true. You'd think I'm really smart, aced all my exams so on and so forth. But in truth I did a lot worst than the rosy picture you automatically have of students from that school. I feel that I'm a failure. But how could I tell you that? You already think the world of me. I'd say I did badly in my A levels, which is true, but you won't believe me. "How could it be? You're joking right? You're from XXX school after all." *shrugs* True I do believe I'm better than a lot of the people out there, the general public. But I wasn't even half as good as you'd imagined exams wise. Well I just suck at exams. But that's all that mattered in Singapore isn't it?

Better that you don't know at all. And better that I just keep it to myself when I think whatever problems you are having is really trivial, and can be easily solved. Better that I just pretend and nod when you say a particular science concept is really hard to understand, but really, I learnt it all in secondary school already. In this aspect, it's probably easier to be dumb than to be smart. You won't know my true self unless I judge that you won't judge. You won't know unless we are close enough. For the longest time everyone on the MapleSEA forums thought I was a male, which was exactly what I wanted them to think. It's fine. I'd rather things be that way.

Looking towards my future... I don't know. Where can I find that place where my light shines the dimmest? Where can I find a place where everyone is smarter, and more hardworking than me? I have a feeling that the answer to this question lies outside of Singapore.

Just yesterday, the PI gave me that lit review to do, and in searching I kinda missed my usual lunch timing. So I went and took the same bus as the PI did - she was eating lunch with another RF. And during their conversation she mentioned me. The other guy was lamenting about having to write proposals, and she said that he should stop complaining, and she was even getting me to write a proposal - well she isn't though. But I wouldn't mind if she did, or trusted in my ability enough to do so. The other guy was like, but she's just a young little girl (well it's their way of expressing things in Chinese). She said 'But she's really good though, she knows what I want, not like other people who just come back with a pile of rubbish."

So that's it. Demystified. She's using me because she likes that work I did. Well on hindsight I guess that's pretty obvious right? You won't keep asking the same person so do random task for you if they did a bad job. But I didn't think I was doing an exceptional job either. I didn't even do much? Nor anything really that important? And for all I may know she was only picking me because I'm sitting right next to her. She only has to stand me and look over the partition to ask for my help, which was exactly what she did. Who's to say that she wasn't just calling on me out of convenience? Or because, as it happened with the lit scan, the other person(s) she was looking for was not in the office yet?

And no, I don't think she purposely said that to flatter me. The tone and flow of the conversation and her character. It's all good then. Somehow I've been able to make my tiny mark. I found some footing. The life sciences student in a sea of chemistry and civil engineering grads might actually be able to find her place after all.

Better still. She revealed that I would actually be working on that new project together with one of the sups in the old project. That project that she asked me to do a lit scan of. This is it. I really hope it'll work out well. That I won't be dragged into another project as I initially thought I would be. This would be it. My time to shine. The experience I'd get from following a project from inception to the end would be phenomenal. Rather than being thrown into a project halfway as it happened previously. I'd actually know exactly what is going on. I really hope I'd be part of the proposal writing process and all. I want to be a part. I hope there's no rule that only RFs can do those things. Because I frigging want a piece of that pie. It excites me till no end. Knowing the entire story, doing the lit scan and being able to read up... I'd actually know what's going on, and I'd actually be able to contribute stuff. I might even be able to think up of some side experiments that could lead to a paper. I want that. With this previous project... everything was just a half effort. Even the qpcr. On my end I've done my best, but there were too many things out of my control. The protocols, the kit used... it was all taken from the PhD student, from what the group had been doing before. And now that I've learnt a little more, I certainly don't agree with the way he carried out things. The results... aren't really reliable...

But well... from what little lit scan that I've done... I think there's quite a lot of bio, life sciences to be had in that project. My field. Even if I'm not really well versed in it. But still, it's my field. And I can always learn. That project could end up being really good for me. Let's hope things turn out well.
coolohoh: Biohazard (Default)
2014-10-31 09:58 pm
Entry tags:

LJ, WTF?

*warning: rant, bad language*

No just seriously? No just why on earth is there this stupid, freaking ugly white banner on every freaking single LJ page, and no way to even close that fucking banner? It irritates the hell out of me! I don't even have a freaking clue who the heck that guy is. And no visiting his blog did not cause the banner to go away. Just freaking remove the banner now. It looks fucking ugly!

Like just this morning I heard about how tumblr screws up people's layout, and now this?



Edit: It's fixed now, thank you LJ.
coolohoh: Biohazard (Default)
2014-10-17 02:52 pm
Entry tags:

This week...

Is just going badly. So, the GC is down, and I needa repeat those experiments. It's been down the whole week already. And then today, the UV-Vis is down. Arghs. I gave up. There is another UV-Vis but it's reserved for the group who bought the machine after 2pm, and I was there at 1:40pm, with a whole lot of sample IDs to fill in, and enough samples to take me at least 40 mins to complete. Nah. I just decided to leave it till next week. In the machine I normally use, I have an excel sheet already made with all my sample IDs keyed in, I just had to copy and paste. (No internet, no thumbdrive, no way of transferring that excel file.) Not gonna start on a new set of that experiment today either. So while it means I'm now free to spam everyone on LJ, it also leaves me feeling rather pissed.

Everything seems to be against me finishing that backlog.

The bunch of FYP students working at my bench - my group's bench! Using our micropipettes and stuff without permission from us - their mentor told them to use it... arghs they are just pissing me off. It's not exactly those student's fault, more on their mentor who did not teach them properly, but it's pissing me off so much. They are really ignorant of basic lab rules too. First day and I spotted on of them DRINKING in the lab. Right at the benches. And they just leave their bags and belongings all over the place till I told them flatly to put in underneath the labcoat racks. Do you know what sort of place the lab is girls? It's not a freaking play area! Basic lab rules like no eating and drinking in the lab! And your belongings! Just throwing them all over the lab chairs like nobody's business. Seriously! Their mentors didn't tell them to put their bags elsewhere too! All of them! Gosh! And you know where they put their bags? Right in front the place with the bottle of Ag2SO4. That exact same bottle of chemical responsible for the ton of holes in my brand new jeans - I took a photo, shall share it this weekend. I feel really sad just looking at my jeans. And they freaking just threw their bags and things all over the place. Freaking dangerous. Obstructing the way too. Arghs they make me really pissed off. Like some girl even asked me at the start how to change the volume of a pipette. I was like WTF? YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A MICROPIPETTE? Hello! You are in UNI already aren't you? I learnt how to use that in secondary school! Sure it's a 500ul - 5ml pipette, but it works EXACTLY the same way! Plus you are using my group's pipette without permission. They wanted to take our cuvettes too but I stopped them. Yeah they are quite poor things because their mentor didn't prepare anything for them. They don't have enough disposable plastic cuvettes and had to keep washing and dying them. Disposable syringes too. So they were taking up all the space on the bench to air dry their stuff. I don't want to scold them for that because it's not their fault they need to reuse those disposable stuff. But it's just the whole way they are NOT taking lab seriously and all that irritates me. And there's this new girl who just appeared yesterday, that's again, putting her bag on the chair (and no one tells her where to put her bag! Like seriously!), taking up someone else's bench, and even using her macbook right on that person's bench. I'm pissed up I really can't be bothered anymore. It's not my bench and that guy isn't even in my group anymore, so I don't really have a right to chase her off that bench I guess. As for her belongings. I don't give a shit. If someone accidentally gets some acid or sludge on it, it's none of my business. You're freaking in university now. You should know better than to put your belongings there. Seriously. Freaking, freaking pissed.