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coolohohHehehe... FINALLY finished my sum win exchange fic. Like FINALLY hahaha. Formatted it nicely here in my LJ and almost posted it to my own blog... now that'd have been a disaster :P nah... but i stopped myself in time, and got it sent off. Its late but... i hope the recipient will like it!
and why am i so happy today?
cos of two things.
1) my FYP mentor whom i emailed like 3 days ago replied, and agreed to be my referee - no surprises there, though the fact that he took so long to reply my mail made me a little worried. i thought like if he was say... mountain climbing or something he'd just not get to read my mail till much later...
2) i emailed my prof and he replied almost immediately. meeting him tmr after his tut at 5:30++pm. he's a nice guy so I'm sure that's like... a 2nd referee bagged. well i have no idea how and what I'm actually going to talk to him about, but well... I'm still so so excited about it right now.
i emailed my indirect sup for my fyp too... but I'm not sure how she'd reply. i've not even met her before so.......
yeah...
finally being honest with myself. its like... all the times when my boss says stuff like 'you can bluff me, u can bluff urself, but u can't bluff god' or 'be honest with urself' or 'you have to try hard, don't give up' etc etc... i'll just treat them as encouragement for me to look for my research job. yes... the hope is what's keeping me moving in this current job. so happy, so happy. actually was supposed to meet my junior tmr evening, but then she's apparently down with the flu and so i decided to take the opportunity to see if the prof was free. was supposed to write my emails yesterday, but in between my arashi show watchings and watching 2 episodes of running man with my family over a super long dinner... i obviously didn’t have any time left to write anything. made it all up today in the office though. writing and sending from my handphone lol. and then i'll have one more thing to write... an email to my old mentor at IBN. i'm really hoping to get erm... help from him. more like, i hope he's in need for a lab officer. worked here as an internship student so many times... i hope he hasn’t forgotten me... and thing is that i know they liked me. and i liked doing research and working there. heck, my name appeared in the acknowledgement of their research papers like... twice... now that's a huge achievement to me, considering i was only in junior college, and a mere intern student. my mentor didn’t even tell me he mentioned me in the paper... i only happened to see it when i saw the paper flipped to that particular page on his table... and i still remember my head going dizzy and spinning with excitement. yes... who was i bluffing when i thought i could say goodbye to science... I'm so happy just thinking about labwork, and i think about labwork so often... even in the dreams i build of myself in an alternate world, research work features so greatly in it... gosh i really don't know why i accepted this job. i think it’s a great wake up call though. the passion, the love... everything just... erupted like a volcano after being dormant for so damn long. i told my boss when i was joining that I'd learn a lot from this job, and i sure did, though not what he was expecting me to learn.
my phone was on shuffle and this song played... and i think it really fits how i feel about science. and it totally reminded me how much i really love science. its not the first time i've listen to a song and agree with it - only that instead of the man/women the singers were referring to in the song, i was thinking of my love for science. I used to listen to poison and think the same... only that i was listening to the dance remix version... this is actually my first time listening to the erm... original.
But never had a dream come true really describes me so well right now...
Everybody's got something
They had to leave behind
One regret from yesterday
That just seems to grow with time
There's no use looking back, or wondering
How it could be now or might've been
All this I know
But still I can't find ways to let you go
[Chorus]
I never had a dream come true
'til the day that I found you
Even though I pretend that I've moved on
You'll always be my baby
I never found the words to say
You're the one I think about each day
And I know no matter where life takes me to
A part of me will always be with you
Somewhere in my memory
I've lost all sense of time
And tomorrow can never be
Cause yesterday is all that fills my mind
There's no use looking back,oh wondering
How it should been, now oh might've been
All this I know
But,still I can't find ways to let you go
[Chorus]
You'll always be the dream that fills my head
Yes you will,
Say you will,
You know you will oh baby
You'll always be the one I know I'll never forget
There's no use looking back,oh wondering
Because love is a strange and funny thing
No matter how hard I try and try
I just can't say good bye
No no no no
[Chorus]
Everybody's got something, They had to leave behind
I left behind my love for science, or at least, tried to.
One regret from yesterday, That just seems to grow with time
I regret breaking down in JC, not working hard then, not working hard in uni, i regret taking up this job even...
There's no use looking back, or wondering
How it could be now or might've been
All this I know
But still I can't find ways to let you go
Realised, i really can't let go. Once a researcher, always a researcher. As stressful as the work environment at IBN is, as stressful as research work is... its not like the other jobs aren't stressful either. at least, as my cousin says, at least you have the passion and interest. Even though those can get eroded away... at least it was something you love. Since we only live once, i might as well spend this one life doing something i really like. Yes, i do feel like a loser for 'giving up' on this job so quickly. But if i don't, I'm giving up on a lifelong passion and i think that's worst. If i stay in this job, then all the times i've declared my love for research would have been fake, for nothing, come to nothing... I'd just be yet another normal person who dreamt big but did nothing to fullfill my dreams.
[Chorus]
I never had a dream come true
'til the day that I found you
Well I'm not sure if doing science was the ONLY dream i had come true... but indeed... when i was working at IBN and stuff... it was really a dream come true. I still remember all the excitement i had when i was working there. I chickened out, was afriad, inexperienced, not sure if i can cope with the pressure of working at IBN, but boy if Kuri gives me a job there now, I'd accept it in a heartbeat. Heck. I've always liked to be challenged. So just why did i give up without even a fight? I don't know. Yeah I'm definitely being challenged in this job too - speaking to ppl and all... but... even though u can berate me all you want for giving up on this job, i don't think you can fault me for wanting to follow through on a dream i had since primary school. its just too strong, you can't change that love for science. i thought i could change, ignore it, but i was wrong. yeah maybe I'm stubborn and don't want to change... but i don't think there are that many ppl who really love doing science these days. scrap that. i KNOW I'm unique. so, so many of my friends don't actually like lab work. i think its such a waste for me to give up something i truly love. Well if we really want to be more picky and take on the literal meaning of the lyrics... i found my love for science in primary school.. primary 3 when we started learning about science... that's at age... 9 or 10. So the i don't think I'd have much wishes fullfilled by then... as compared to if this dream only came true when i was older.
Even though I pretend that I've moved on
Yeah, i pretended...
You'll always be my baby
Definitely...
I never found the words to say
You're the one I think about each day
And I know no matter where life takes me to
A part of me will always be with you
I do think about research a lot... even in my dreams and stories of make believe... it features greatly... even in the first arashi fic that i wrote... and i still habour hopes of writing fics of arashi doing research. (those fics are still... incomplete and hence unreleased). That's why i get so excited that DNA appears in the breathless lyrics... and of cos, the whole science concept of platinum data. I was skeptical at first... i actually hate the way science is portrayed in popular media. for of the time its just some stupid stereotype that's so far from the true (like the L7 episode with the scientist carting off his 'precious research' in a metal suitcase. *rolls eyes*). But i've been reading the fan translation of the platinum data story book and its sounds pretty... alright so far. acceptable imo. And yeah, i keep thinking back to IBN. I think a part of me is definitely left there.
Somewhere in my memory
I've lost all sense of time
And tomorrow can never be
Cause yesterday is all that fills my mind
There's no use looking back,oh wondering
How it should been, now oh might've been
All this I know
But,still I can't find ways to let you go
Yeah, i think about the past so much... maybe way too much. i think about the good old days, of how i did things, and didn’t do things, of what went wrong, or regrets... yeah i think its time for me to grasp the future and take steps to re-create the 'good old days'...
And i know that i can't do my current job properly anymore... not when im intending to go back to science. i just can't bring myself to say all those stuff... i hope i can find a science job soon... cos i wont be able to keep up this extremely costly lifestyle... travelling, eating out while meeting ppl... my dad gave me hundred bucks last week and i almost spent all of it! transport alone took up like 30 bucks... i was supposed to track my spending but i got lazy and stopped... but yeah... even in my uni days i get like 60-70 bucks a week. 100 bucks is a hell lot and I'm spending soooo much $$$ and not getting any. basically i don't get paid unless i sell. and i don't think i'll be able to sell any, from the way things are going. needa find another job fast else i really can't keep this up. financially, mentally...
You'll always be the dream that fills my head
Yes you will,
Say you will,
You know you will oh baby
You'll always be the one I know I'll never forget
There's no use looking back,oh wondering
Because love is a strange and funny thing
No matter how hard I try and try
I just can't say good bye
No no no no
Yeah. I just can't say good bye...
i started loving science when i was first exposed to it... presumable at primary 3 (age 9), or just slightly before, since primary 3 is when kids get taught science in schools in sg. i read through the entire mini science encyclopedia my mum got for me from cover to cover countless times. reading that book was like... my favourite pastime. i could memorize which page came after which page, which piece of information is on which page and what the rest of the page was about etc etc... i just knew that book damn very well. in secondary school too... by sec 2 i had finished reading all the sec 3 and 4 chemistry textbooks... and by sec 3 I was reading junior college stuff... and i pretty much finished reading the A lvl syllabus stuff in sec 4. And of cos RGS didn’t disappoint me... we had the chance to learn so much extra stuff - stuff that wouldn’t normally be taught to O lvl students. As the first batch of the raffles program... we really learnt a lot... later on i asked my junior and my sister... they didn’t learn stuff i was dead sure i learnt in secondary school. learnt as in, taught in class, not just read up on my own. at the end of sec 4 we had what they called options... basically half a year of time was given to let you learn what you want. special classes were organised by the teachers, stuff like medicinal chemistry, using blast etc etc... stuff that was really interesting and stuff that you wont learn till like... university even. Like did TLC and made aspirin from salicylic acid. Learnt about the various theories of evolution. learnt about greek gods and goddesses... gosh those were fun times i tell you. ah... its 20mins to 1am already... i shd pack my bag and get ready for bed... got an exciting day ahead of me tmr... gonna meet my friend in sch for lunch... then after that i'll... idk... stalk ard the sch and see if i can find any profs to erm... bug... to be my referee and ask if they have some job opening or something...?
honestly though... the good thing about working at a-star would be that they have $$$. scientific research is hellya expensive...
and why am i so happy today?
cos of two things.
1) my FYP mentor whom i emailed like 3 days ago replied, and agreed to be my referee - no surprises there, though the fact that he took so long to reply my mail made me a little worried. i thought like if he was say... mountain climbing or something he'd just not get to read my mail till much later...
2) i emailed my prof and he replied almost immediately. meeting him tmr after his tut at 5:30++pm. he's a nice guy so I'm sure that's like... a 2nd referee bagged. well i have no idea how and what I'm actually going to talk to him about, but well... I'm still so so excited about it right now.
i emailed my indirect sup for my fyp too... but I'm not sure how she'd reply. i've not even met her before so.......
yeah...
finally being honest with myself. its like... all the times when my boss says stuff like 'you can bluff me, u can bluff urself, but u can't bluff god' or 'be honest with urself' or 'you have to try hard, don't give up' etc etc... i'll just treat them as encouragement for me to look for my research job. yes... the hope is what's keeping me moving in this current job. so happy, so happy. actually was supposed to meet my junior tmr evening, but then she's apparently down with the flu and so i decided to take the opportunity to see if the prof was free. was supposed to write my emails yesterday, but in between my arashi show watchings and watching 2 episodes of running man with my family over a super long dinner... i obviously didn’t have any time left to write anything. made it all up today in the office though. writing and sending from my handphone lol. and then i'll have one more thing to write... an email to my old mentor at IBN. i'm really hoping to get erm... help from him. more like, i hope he's in need for a lab officer. worked here as an internship student so many times... i hope he hasn’t forgotten me... and thing is that i know they liked me. and i liked doing research and working there. heck, my name appeared in the acknowledgement of their research papers like... twice... now that's a huge achievement to me, considering i was only in junior college, and a mere intern student. my mentor didn’t even tell me he mentioned me in the paper... i only happened to see it when i saw the paper flipped to that particular page on his table... and i still remember my head going dizzy and spinning with excitement. yes... who was i bluffing when i thought i could say goodbye to science... I'm so happy just thinking about labwork, and i think about labwork so often... even in the dreams i build of myself in an alternate world, research work features so greatly in it... gosh i really don't know why i accepted this job. i think it’s a great wake up call though. the passion, the love... everything just... erupted like a volcano after being dormant for so damn long. i told my boss when i was joining that I'd learn a lot from this job, and i sure did, though not what he was expecting me to learn.
my phone was on shuffle and this song played... and i think it really fits how i feel about science. and it totally reminded me how much i really love science. its not the first time i've listen to a song and agree with it - only that instead of the man/women the singers were referring to in the song, i was thinking of my love for science. I used to listen to poison and think the same... only that i was listening to the dance remix version... this is actually my first time listening to the erm... original.
But never had a dream come true really describes me so well right now...
Everybody's got something
They had to leave behind
One regret from yesterday
That just seems to grow with time
There's no use looking back, or wondering
How it could be now or might've been
All this I know
But still I can't find ways to let you go
[Chorus]
I never had a dream come true
'til the day that I found you
Even though I pretend that I've moved on
You'll always be my baby
I never found the words to say
You're the one I think about each day
And I know no matter where life takes me to
A part of me will always be with you
Somewhere in my memory
I've lost all sense of time
And tomorrow can never be
Cause yesterday is all that fills my mind
There's no use looking back,oh wondering
How it should been, now oh might've been
All this I know
But,still I can't find ways to let you go
[Chorus]
You'll always be the dream that fills my head
Yes you will,
Say you will,
You know you will oh baby
You'll always be the one I know I'll never forget
There's no use looking back,oh wondering
Because love is a strange and funny thing
No matter how hard I try and try
I just can't say good bye
No no no no
[Chorus]
Everybody's got something, They had to leave behind
I left behind my love for science, or at least, tried to.
One regret from yesterday, That just seems to grow with time
I regret breaking down in JC, not working hard then, not working hard in uni, i regret taking up this job even...
There's no use looking back, or wondering
How it could be now or might've been
All this I know
But still I can't find ways to let you go
Realised, i really can't let go. Once a researcher, always a researcher. As stressful as the work environment at IBN is, as stressful as research work is... its not like the other jobs aren't stressful either. at least, as my cousin says, at least you have the passion and interest. Even though those can get eroded away... at least it was something you love. Since we only live once, i might as well spend this one life doing something i really like. Yes, i do feel like a loser for 'giving up' on this job so quickly. But if i don't, I'm giving up on a lifelong passion and i think that's worst. If i stay in this job, then all the times i've declared my love for research would have been fake, for nothing, come to nothing... I'd just be yet another normal person who dreamt big but did nothing to fullfill my dreams.
[Chorus]
I never had a dream come true
'til the day that I found you
Well I'm not sure if doing science was the ONLY dream i had come true... but indeed... when i was working at IBN and stuff... it was really a dream come true. I still remember all the excitement i had when i was working there. I chickened out, was afriad, inexperienced, not sure if i can cope with the pressure of working at IBN, but boy if Kuri gives me a job there now, I'd accept it in a heartbeat. Heck. I've always liked to be challenged. So just why did i give up without even a fight? I don't know. Yeah I'm definitely being challenged in this job too - speaking to ppl and all... but... even though u can berate me all you want for giving up on this job, i don't think you can fault me for wanting to follow through on a dream i had since primary school. its just too strong, you can't change that love for science. i thought i could change, ignore it, but i was wrong. yeah maybe I'm stubborn and don't want to change... but i don't think there are that many ppl who really love doing science these days. scrap that. i KNOW I'm unique. so, so many of my friends don't actually like lab work. i think its such a waste for me to give up something i truly love. Well if we really want to be more picky and take on the literal meaning of the lyrics... i found my love for science in primary school.. primary 3 when we started learning about science... that's at age... 9 or 10. So the i don't think I'd have much wishes fullfilled by then... as compared to if this dream only came true when i was older.
Even though I pretend that I've moved on
Yeah, i pretended...
You'll always be my baby
Definitely...
I never found the words to say
You're the one I think about each day
And I know no matter where life takes me to
A part of me will always be with you
I do think about research a lot... even in my dreams and stories of make believe... it features greatly... even in the first arashi fic that i wrote... and i still habour hopes of writing fics of arashi doing research. (those fics are still... incomplete and hence unreleased). That's why i get so excited that DNA appears in the breathless lyrics... and of cos, the whole science concept of platinum data. I was skeptical at first... i actually hate the way science is portrayed in popular media. for of the time its just some stupid stereotype that's so far from the true (like the L7 episode with the scientist carting off his 'precious research' in a metal suitcase. *rolls eyes*). But i've been reading the fan translation of the platinum data story book and its sounds pretty... alright so far. acceptable imo. And yeah, i keep thinking back to IBN. I think a part of me is definitely left there.
Somewhere in my memory
I've lost all sense of time
And tomorrow can never be
Cause yesterday is all that fills my mind
There's no use looking back,oh wondering
How it should been, now oh might've been
All this I know
But,still I can't find ways to let you go
Yeah, i think about the past so much... maybe way too much. i think about the good old days, of how i did things, and didn’t do things, of what went wrong, or regrets... yeah i think its time for me to grasp the future and take steps to re-create the 'good old days'...
And i know that i can't do my current job properly anymore... not when im intending to go back to science. i just can't bring myself to say all those stuff... i hope i can find a science job soon... cos i wont be able to keep up this extremely costly lifestyle... travelling, eating out while meeting ppl... my dad gave me hundred bucks last week and i almost spent all of it! transport alone took up like 30 bucks... i was supposed to track my spending but i got lazy and stopped... but yeah... even in my uni days i get like 60-70 bucks a week. 100 bucks is a hell lot and I'm spending soooo much $$$ and not getting any. basically i don't get paid unless i sell. and i don't think i'll be able to sell any, from the way things are going. needa find another job fast else i really can't keep this up. financially, mentally...
You'll always be the dream that fills my head
Yes you will,
Say you will,
You know you will oh baby
You'll always be the one I know I'll never forget
There's no use looking back,oh wondering
Because love is a strange and funny thing
No matter how hard I try and try
I just can't say good bye
No no no no
Yeah. I just can't say good bye...
i started loving science when i was first exposed to it... presumable at primary 3 (age 9), or just slightly before, since primary 3 is when kids get taught science in schools in sg. i read through the entire mini science encyclopedia my mum got for me from cover to cover countless times. reading that book was like... my favourite pastime. i could memorize which page came after which page, which piece of information is on which page and what the rest of the page was about etc etc... i just knew that book damn very well. in secondary school too... by sec 2 i had finished reading all the sec 3 and 4 chemistry textbooks... and by sec 3 I was reading junior college stuff... and i pretty much finished reading the A lvl syllabus stuff in sec 4. And of cos RGS didn’t disappoint me... we had the chance to learn so much extra stuff - stuff that wouldn’t normally be taught to O lvl students. As the first batch of the raffles program... we really learnt a lot... later on i asked my junior and my sister... they didn’t learn stuff i was dead sure i learnt in secondary school. learnt as in, taught in class, not just read up on my own. at the end of sec 4 we had what they called options... basically half a year of time was given to let you learn what you want. special classes were organised by the teachers, stuff like medicinal chemistry, using blast etc etc... stuff that was really interesting and stuff that you wont learn till like... university even. Like did TLC and made aspirin from salicylic acid. Learnt about the various theories of evolution. learnt about greek gods and goddesses... gosh those were fun times i tell you. ah... its 20mins to 1am already... i shd pack my bag and get ready for bed... got an exciting day ahead of me tmr... gonna meet my friend in sch for lunch... then after that i'll... idk... stalk ard the sch and see if i can find any profs to erm... bug... to be my referee and ask if they have some job opening or something...?
honestly though... the good thing about working at a-star would be that they have $$$. scientific research is hellya expensive...
