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Stressed...
Apr. 24th, 2016 05:46 pmToo stressed.
This is just...
I don't know what's happening now. But this stress... It's starting to get out of hand. And it feels worst than I've ever felt. Worst than when I had to sit for the A levels national exams... Worst than... IDK.
At least I think my sleeping habits are starting to fall into place... Kind of.
Work is.. Ok... Me and the new rf are just bumping around, doing experiments which not much results to show... Doing things that feels like a waste of time... And soon I'll have to do a lot more... All our reagents and stuff are running out, so it's time for me to start ordering... Oh wells. Job search... No idea how it'll go. But this stress is affecting my ability to send out more applications. Sigh. Even planning for a holiday trip is too much for me right now. So stressed. So stressed. I just want to hide in a hole somewhere for a while. A week or two maybe...? And not have to worry about the need to find a new job, the need to get results from the experiments so that I/we can report to the prof. The need to study for JLPT. The need to prepare for GRE... and yet another person told me that without second upper hons I'll need to do a masters first before PhD. Yeah. But really, I don't think I'll do well in masters either... The need to identify a specific area of research interest... But really, just for a job? That's not really possible in sg. There's not that much jobs to choose from. I'll be happy to take anything... I really don't get it when people ask for a statement of research interest for a RA position. I guess they are just testing your bullshit writing ability... Because for sure, that won't be the only job that I'm applying for, and if other jobs ask for the same thing, I'm going to submit a radically different letter specifically written for the job. Yeah, just a test of writing ability, and how much effort you put in for the application. Nothing else.
Sigh. This is bad. I can't function properly cos of the stress. Which of cos, is making me more stressed. I need to break the cycle but at this point I'm finding it hard. I can suppress things for a bit but then it comes back up again. And again. And again.
Too many things at once, too many uncertainties. Too many wild cards and unknown variables.
Still wondering about that holiday. How many days of leave I should apply. Maybe I should go ahead and apply for a whole week. I could use a few days at home to rest... Arghs. I don't know. Don't know anymore. Right now I don't eve know what I should be focusing on, too many things, too many things. Too much going on now in my life. Too many things that requires attention, I don't know what to prioritise...
This is just...
I don't know what's happening now. But this stress... It's starting to get out of hand. And it feels worst than I've ever felt. Worst than when I had to sit for the A levels national exams... Worst than... IDK.
At least I think my sleeping habits are starting to fall into place... Kind of.
Work is.. Ok... Me and the new rf are just bumping around, doing experiments which not much results to show... Doing things that feels like a waste of time... And soon I'll have to do a lot more... All our reagents and stuff are running out, so it's time for me to start ordering... Oh wells. Job search... No idea how it'll go. But this stress is affecting my ability to send out more applications. Sigh. Even planning for a holiday trip is too much for me right now. So stressed. So stressed. I just want to hide in a hole somewhere for a while. A week or two maybe...? And not have to worry about the need to find a new job, the need to get results from the experiments so that I/we can report to the prof. The need to study for JLPT. The need to prepare for GRE... and yet another person told me that without second upper hons I'll need to do a masters first before PhD. Yeah. But really, I don't think I'll do well in masters either... The need to identify a specific area of research interest... But really, just for a job? That's not really possible in sg. There's not that much jobs to choose from. I'll be happy to take anything... I really don't get it when people ask for a statement of research interest for a RA position. I guess they are just testing your bullshit writing ability... Because for sure, that won't be the only job that I'm applying for, and if other jobs ask for the same thing, I'm going to submit a radically different letter specifically written for the job. Yeah, just a test of writing ability, and how much effort you put in for the application. Nothing else.
Sigh. This is bad. I can't function properly cos of the stress. Which of cos, is making me more stressed. I need to break the cycle but at this point I'm finding it hard. I can suppress things for a bit but then it comes back up again. And again. And again.
Too many things at once, too many uncertainties. Too many wild cards and unknown variables.
Still wondering about that holiday. How many days of leave I should apply. Maybe I should go ahead and apply for a whole week. I could use a few days at home to rest... Arghs. I don't know. Don't know anymore. Right now I don't eve know what I should be focusing on, too many things, too many things. Too much going on now in my life. Too many things that requires attention, I don't know what to prioritise...
