I'm glad I blog.

As per title.

I'm glad I blog. Really.

I do keep, or try to keep a daily journal.

But usually I just type in little one liners. And I'm not as motivated to type more because... I don't know.

I mean. Online, at least someone might chance upon the entry and read it right?

(Thank you to all my fans and readers on LJ. And I know even unsup has a fan. Woah.)

Well. An update.

A bunch of updates actually.

Home party was ok. The party was ok because hey, I've got great company. But before that? Terrible.

Let's jsut say that two cook in the kitchen, when the cooks are my mum and me, don't go well.

Honestly. I didn't know she'll be cooking at all. I mean. She was all reluctant to cook and all. So I went out and got the ingredients myself, well, with my sis, the day before. All along with the expectation that I'll do the cooking.

But no. By 8 am on Sunday, she was already cooking the ingredients for the curry.

8 am.

Guests are due at 1 pm.

Ok. I don't know how long it'll take for ME to cook. Since I've never tried. And never got the chance to try. But still.

Then well. Dad and me cleaned up the living room. And dad was being overly picky about everything. As usual. Like when he demanded the magazines under the table, at the other side of the living room, be cleared away... Even my mum rolled her eyes. I said leave it be, it's fine. Then he got pissed. Fine. I bring the magazines to my parent's room. *rolls eyes*

Then mum demands I help her in the kitchen. Only that she doesn't really let me help. Basically, I'm trending on eggshells the entire morning.

And it finally broke at the end when cooking the udon.

Now I have to say. I'm a sucker when it comes to keeping my hands clean. I hate it when my hands are dirty or oily. No I don't mind getting my hands dirty - I'll happily stick my clean hands into a bowl of raw chicken to marinate them - but I must wash my hands, and with soap, after that. I can't just 'wipe off with a table cloth' and go handle something else. The grease doesn't come off! And soon you'll find that everything in the kitchen is oily.

Like radioactive contamination spreading around the lab... Yes. I change my gloves pretty often in the lab too. (That, and I have sweaty palms.)

So yeah. There's only one sink, on tap in the kitchen. And she's pretty much at the kitchen sink doing something all the time. So each time I want to wash my hands, I get shooed off to use the toilet sink. Fine. Whatever.

But well, the udon.

The trick to making udon, or any noodle, springy... Is to add cold water after the water boils and when the noodles are almost done. That, and cooling the noodles in cold water after it's done boiling.

So yes. Udon cooks. It's almost done. It's time to add water. We just add it from the tap because tap water in Singapore is drinkable. And it'll get boiled again with the noodles.

So well. Tap water, to go in the noodles.

And she's doing something, preparing something that's not needed for the lunch, in the sink, not moving an inch while he demands that tap water be put in.

So what am I to #!$!$@#! do?

It's been hours of tense atmosphere...

What should I do?

Push her off the sink and get her pissed off?

I just... Just. So. Bloodly. Pissed.

I turn off the heat - no use, the water is still boiling hot, my noodles are still cooking - and then the tirad starts.

"Turning off the heat is no use, the noodles are getting all soggy!"

I know. Can't you just pass me the damned water then?

"You are useless. If I keep helping you, you will never learn anything."

I never asked for your help! I can bloody well cook Japanese curry and udon on my own!

Well. It was a screaming match. "How do you expect me to get the water when you are hogging the sink?"

"You could have asked. You don't know how to share space with people!"

Well, whenever I wanted to wask my hands I get shooed off. Says the person who doesn't want to share space with others.

"You're so slow, how can you do anything at work! If die in the workplace like that! You can't cooperate with people!"

"See, this is how you do things. Fast. Use the sieve and do it like that. Put it under running tap water."

Yeah. As if I don't know all that. How can I do all that when you are hogging the damned sink????

Yeah.

I'm a crybaby.

I sobbed in the toilet.

A whole morning of stress is too much.

So there I was. Sitting in the toilet and sobbing.

Guests were due to arrive in 40 minutes.

What a useless person I am.

More of these and I'll be back to what I was before I met Arashi. A person who can't feel anything. Wrapped up in so many layers of shield that she can't even laugh geniunely at anything. Well. My EQ/social module has always been broken anyway. (Again, I learned a lot more than just pure hard science from unsup (and other colleagues as well). I learnt social behaviours. I learnt how to act and what I'm supposed to do. I still remember how I didn't know how to act at all the first time we went for lunch in a huge group together. Now I'm much more comfortable in group lunches. Yeah. Social interaction, especially when it involves more than one person at a time, doesn't come naturally to me. I had to learn all of it. Unless there's someone like unsup around, for the most part I'd rather be alone. If I didn't meet unsup, I'd still stick to my theory that humans are NOT social animals. Well at least I'm not...)

.................................

(This is why I wanted to invite unsup and co to my house again next weekend, because my parent's WON'T be around... Would like  to have a successful party ya know.)

Yeah. I believe I wrote about the party before... But not in such details.


Me and my parents weren't on the best relationship for quite a few weeks since then. Wait, it's only been a few weeks since the party? Hmm. I don't even recall. Time has been passing by too fast...

I'd like to say that things are better now. Or at least back to normal... But then I got yelled at again last week. Something about how I'm not doing anything in my life again and now their pushing me to find a new job. I think they don't want me to stay in science. They want me to find some industry job... Something that can actually pay decently. Dad keeps talking about how his poly students would be earning almost the same as me. How the average salary for uni grads is way higher than my salary... Mum keeps talking about how my grandma is earning more than me... How XXX person is doing XXX job and earning XXX money.

I'm never ever good enough.

Heck. I'm not even good.

In Singapore. I'm just a failure. Someone who fell through the cracks. A useless person.

Doesn't matter that unlike many of my classmates, I actually love my job (well, labwork in general), I actually love what I do.

Doesn't matter that I'm actually pretty darn good at doing experiments (then again, my parents don't know that, I'm useless and can't work fast remember?).

All that matters is... My useless, worthless GPA, honors grade, and certificate.


No. I don't really hate my parents. I guess. Well in better days...

It's just the when the trough hits another trough in the waves... Things gets... Intensified. And not in a good way.

They accuse me of just sitting around and being worried... Instead of actively finding a job. And then mum regals me of tales of how people send out thousands on applications. I reply that there isn't even that many suitable positions open for me in the whole of Singapore... And then the whole lecture about how I shouldn't be picky about my job and should try going for other jobs (i.e.: non-research positions) begans. And then she goes talking about how good the future is in XXX job, and how YYY did XXX for ZZZ number of years and is doing really well now.

But well.

I'm not interested.

I can't do those if I tried anyway.

And it's not as if I didn't try. Doing a more people oriented job.

My pathetic excuse of an attempt at selling insurance. I did it to please them. And you know what? My dad laughed my off. Said he knew I'd never succeed when I first tried. (I quit after what... A month?)

Then why are you asking me to do all these jobs now?

And getting pissed at me when I say I'm not interested?

And then saying things like "You'll get intersted in things over time."

Well, guess what? That's the reason why I stayed in this job for as long as I did. I thought I might eventually like environment, civil engineering stuff. Guess what? I'm still not interested. Not in the slightest bit.

Not that I regret staying though. Because... Even though the first year or so was completely wasted. I still did plenty of things during that time. Even though it's not 'proper work/learning'. I wrote. I wrote tons of fanfics. Pretty much every single fic, 80-90% of them... Was written during office hours. Most of my posts too. I translated. Some text at work... And because I wasn't all spent out at work, I had time and energy to translate videos after work and on weekends. I learned things. Even if such things aren't directly measurable.

Then... I met unsup. And things just took off from there. All the new things that I did and learnt and experienced. If I had to do it all over again I'd still do it the same. (Then again, it depends on how much history I'm given the liberty to change eh? I'd very much love to meet her early... Or in a different lab... One with a better working environment - at least for biologists.)

So yeah. Where was I? Parents nagging.

Well yes. I'm worried. But more so about which field to immerse myself in - which is more linked to my future PhD route than my next job - than anything else. Yes, I'm worried about finding another job. But guess what? There's good news. This current job isn't fried yet. Unlike my previous job where I HAD to get out. This isn't the case for my current job. I can probably actaully survive for a long time to come. Just fake my way through and give a lot of 'I don't knows' as answers. But yeah sure. I'll survive. Chances that I'll be left alone to do my own thing will probably be high. Well at least I'm counting on that anyway. So yes. I want to finish off all the stuff that needs immediate attention first. Because it's too stressful for me to do all that, AND find a job at the same time. I simply don't have the energy after work to write cover letters and apply for jobs. And I believe that sending out 10 good applications is better than sending out a hundred lousy applications. Especially for me where there are so few openings in research. Well as compared to people looking for any ol' admin/sales/whatever job anyway. I'll be able to focus properly on job applications, studying for GRE... And the JLPT too next month. I'll probably be able to use up a whole bunch of work hours for that. So why worry about it now? When I've got more than enough on my plate to eat already. (Experiments for project with unsup is still NOT completed. And really it WON'T be completed before she leaves.)

Just.... Arghs.

Funny how this sort of thing never happens to my sis.

I know. I shouldn't be complaining. Living in the comfort of home and having mum doing the laundry, cooking dinner, making breakfast... Doing the groceries... I have an easy life and I should be grateful.

Well...

I think we need some time away from each other.

And well. I really need a break.

Not just a break from work...

More like. A break from this place. This country. This situation.

Too sterile. Too stifling. Too suffocating.

I want to get away.

I need some craziness.

That's one of the reasons why I'm currently leaning towards the US as my next destination point. No I've never been there... But I do read quite a darn lot about the US. And things written by US citizens. And comparing the PhD format in the US and UK, I do think I'd enjoy the US system more. Of course, there's the whole of Europe, and Australia... But no I've not read up on those places, and well quite frankly I don't feel like learning another language. I like to learn languages in my own time, at my own pace. I don't really learn well when forced to. I had a bad enough experience with Chinese and I know I don't like it.

But yeah well. I really want to see how science is done elsewhere. I've said it again and again here huh? Because really, this is something that I've felt and believed in for years. Just that I never had the courage to really act on it. There's no passion in Singapore. Nobody cares. They don't like their work. They don't like what they're studying. They're only studying because well... They don't know what to do next in life. People work because they have to. And they work long hours because they want to appear hardworking. They stay late in the office chatting, not actually doing work. They stay late because the boss is still around, and they can't leave before the boss leaves. It's a Singapore/Asian culture thing. One that's very different from what it is in the Western world.

Yeah. I bet I'll get a culture shock there. But I think... A system shock is what I need. Sure. I can read and hear and prepare myself mentally for it but... As it happened with unsup leaving, I won't actually feel it till it comes. And the blow will probably still hurt pretty darn hard.

But it's fine.

I'll curse and swear and maybe cry during that time.

But it's fine.

I'll survive.

As I have up till now.

I'll survive.

I want it anyway. So at the end of it all, I'll still be satisfied.

At least, I would have tried. And at least, I'll be out. Free. Away from this system. (And into another, but heck, at least it's new to me.)

Would it be better there?

It depends on what you're comparing.

I think the work environment will defintiely be better though.

Hearing unsup talk about working there...

It's like...

Why the shit am I even working in this country?

I was at work at least 12 hours a day, everyday in my previous company. And I learnt that at other insitutes... Depending on which PI you are under... working 12 hours a day is really common too. Indeed. I still think that my workplace is abnormal, because most people go home so early. (And the ones that stay late tend not to be doing any work.)

Oh, and I was expected to come in on Saturdays, and even called back in on Public Holidays too at my old workplace.

I worked at least 60 hours a week.

A simple Google search and you'll find all sorts of articles about how long the working hours in Singapore are. And how we aren't actually being very productive.

So well. When I hear things like how the work week is only 40 hours in the US. And how people actually, really, only work those stated hours... Unless you have experiments of course. Experiments always comes first. Really. Like what the fu%#king sh*t am I doing in this d@mned country?

No wonder unsup was always asking me to go home already. (But you know, I show up to work really late. Used to anyway. Recently I've been waking up earlier... But you bet I'll show up to work really late again once I wrap things up next month...)

And the whole environment? It's totally different. Not so much focused on just publishing papers. Not that wrapped up over financial gains...

Unsup asks me why I wouldn't want to work in Sg. I ask her if she would want to work here.

"Well if you have a good team... Then again I've never really seen a good team."

Well either way, there's still the HR, the admin, the government to deal with...

But yeah.

I bet that somewhere out there, in this tiny island, there still is some oasis. But will I find it? Should I spend all my time and effort searching...? I'm sick of searching already. There's only those few major research institutes here and I do know about quite a bunch of them. And then there's the problem with the students. I mean, if I were to do my PhD locally. I just don't think our local students are up to standard. Well... The good ones have all gone overseas already. To top schools like Cambridge, Harvard, Imperial, Oxford, MIT...

I just don't see people who are really passionate here. Well even those who are... Their passion gets sucked up by the system. Really. It's happened to me multiple times already.

Even unsup... She never actually seemed even remotely nerdy till the past few months when we got to know each other better. And discover how nerdy the other was. And it just seems to bring out all out innate nerdiness, and even bring it to the next level.

But then of course. Who would be feeling passionate about work when nobody even cares about your work anyway... And you get sidelined all the time. Or thrown in a corner, forgotten.

All, all sucked away.

So yes. I'd really like to go somewhere else, and see how people are actually really passionate about their work, and believe in what they are doing.


I still have to figure out what field I'm interested in though.

From my job search and then talking with unsup... A new possiblity turned up. But well I really need to read more about the work and the experiments carried out in those fields to see if I'm interested in it. Next month. Next month we'll see.


On a different note. I just checked the JLPT registration again and it closes... Next Friday! Since they aren't open on weekends geez. Crap. Crap. Crap. When will I have time to go sign up? They close at 8 pm so I have to leave the office earlier to run down. Gah! Next... Friday maybe? We'll see.... ><

Yeah. I think I'm gonna go ahead and kill myself by signing up for N1. I'm half dead now anyway. Doesn't matter if I get more dead. If you know what I mean...

Alright.

So I've been writing for over an hours straight. When really I should have been spending my time doing something else...

But I'm glad I finally got this entry done.

I've been looking at my old blog entries - ah yes, the title of this post... Yeah I've been looking at my old blog entries and I'm really glad that I blogged and therefore have a record of when things happened, and how I felt at that time. I'm looking back on my entries, and looking back at the old emails from unsup and smiling at the evolution of our relationship. The way we communicate and the wording... From really formal, polite English... to something less casual... to messenging... and more and more messenging... to using Hokkien and Singlish off work... to using it at work.... Wished this happened earlier... But I respect her as my supervisor too much. Though the barriers were coming down slowly... But despite all her denials I still treat her as my supervisor, and she gets and deserves all the respect I have for her.

That's why... If I could have things go my way, I'd love to have meet her as a friend. A classmate. We'll be best buds and be the geeks in class who can recite the periodic table front and backwards. And memorize all the amino acid triple code just because. Pointless, but really fun.

Alright. I guess I should sleep soon. Still got a personal project to continue tomorrow. (More useless stuff to my parents...)

Oh wells.

OH YES. About that particular stupid, manipulation sr. rf... I don't remember what I called her before anymore. But yes, that very same one. She's been asking really stupid questions again. And then trying to manipulate people again. So the other day she came to ask me in the lab... which a protocol written by unsup long ago... The first words out of her mouth was 'Unsup asked me to ask you about these two things, she says you have the protocol.' Which immediately made my frown. Because unsup would never do that. Ask her to ask me something. I mean. I'd hear about the request from unsup first, way before she comes to find me. Anyway, one of the things she asks is something that I have no idea how it's supposed to be done. And the other thing. Well, she can't even tell me what she wants to do with that formaldehdye fixed sample so how the heck can I even tell her anything? And then she goes again, "Really? You don't know? But unsup says to ask you and you will know. You have the protocol." Well no. Unsup didn't ask you to ask me. No I don't have any protocol, and actually I don't even know what you are trying to ask me.

So immediately after that I messaged unsup. And as expected... Unsup didn't ask ehr to ask me anything. Just what the heck is she trying to acheive? It pisses me off that she'd just make use of unsup's name like that. And not the first time too. Really, I don't trust anything she says. Or does. Neither does unsup....

Last, final note: J asked if I was sure I'd leave my fics open. Since my colleague finally found this place. At least, she found Spy Arashi. Well. I'm sure. Yeah I have loads of R-rate fics but what the heck. She'll probably just laugh at how ridiculously inaccurate my descriptions are because hey... I've never even had a boyfriend (believe it or not, be my guest).

I'm more curious if unsup has read these stuff.

She'll be slient about it if she's reading this right this moment I'm sure. I'm sure unsup would have no trouble finding this place. She's way more internet savy. The question is whether she wants to. Because she's just nice like that - if I really wanted them to read that much, I wouldn't have made them look for this place right? And she's not a busybody. But well... It's really like playing with fire. Or poison. You want them to read but it's dangerous. You want to tell them but you really shouldn't. Yeah.

Of course, I'm really glad that my parents don't know about this place. And they probably will never know. But yeah, if they find out, I'll lock everything. Or block them.... Probably both. Yeah. No more public entries ever. Because well. I'll get whacked again. 

3 am and I can't sleep anymore

Ok. So I broke the sleepiness barrier and how I'm not sleepy anymore.

So well. I was reading my old entries right?

Was just glancing through my search results - that's why I love digital more than paper. You can search.

And saw my posts about how I was keeping track of whether I spoke to anyone at all each day.

Yup. That was my life before I became unsup's slave. I mean... Er. Assistant? Whatever.

Soon it'll be back to those days... And gosh I'll miss unsup so much. Like when she was on maternity leave? And I was staring at her desk everyday and wondering when she'll reply my email and if she's doing ok...

Only that come next Friday there'll be just an empty desk to stare at... And I really shouldn't be bothering her too much on email. Or iMessage for that matter. No more chatting buddy to ask/talk/complain about frivolous little things like if I should feed the babies. I mean, bacteria. No one to make jokes with or make fun off. T.T No one to chat with in the lab. T.T

I'll be all alone. And the lab will be all mine. If I even have lab to do that is.

No more popping over to her bench to find XXX because all her supplies will probably go to me anyway... I would very much like to have her 1ml and 200ul pipettes at least. And the chemicals... I'm out of nuclease free water already...! Everything is running out lol. The pipette tips. The PBS. The 96 well plates...

Gosh.

I'll miss her so badly.

Yeah. I'm spoiled by her now. I never had any of that. No one to talk to. No one to ask questions to. No one to discuss anything with. But after a year and a few months of working with her.... Things changed huh? I changed. My expectations changed.

Soon it'll be back to those days where nobody comes to talk to me. And nobody even cared if I was alive. Or at work.

Then again.

Some things did change.

I'm the 'expert' on a ton of things now.

Though in all honesty, I'm no expert. It's just that everyone else knows nothing.

It's too easy to be an expert here.

I stil remember when I finally got sick of my stuff always getting stolen from my bench, and decided to move in to the molecular lab...

I stood around surveying the place, wondering which bench to take. Do I really want to sit there? Next to unsup? It's a bit scary to be that close... no? Maybe I'll sit opposite instead...

Plus. That bench looks cleaner...

So I did. I had the whole two rows to myself then. And I kept those whole two rows clean.

I'd never forget how unsup was happy to discover that I've moved in with her... So she'll have some company. I was kind of worried though. Because. Sitting opposite your supervisor isn't particularly a good thing... As far as the usual bosses in Singapore go anyway.

The first time we actually chatted, across the bench... That was pure joy. It's like a switch that just turned on in my brain... Like "Wow, so that's how it feels like to have someone to talk to when doing experiments..." It was so enjoyable. It was addictive. For the first time ever... I felt that... Maybe... Just maybe... Research doesn't have to be so lonely after all.

And I'd be so happy each time I see her in the lab. To even just see her. See someone else. Though of course, most of the times when she's doing experiments, she's so concentrated that she doesn't hear anything I say. Important question or not.

It's still nice to see someone else in the lab anyway.

There wasn't much to do at first. Rather, she didn't give me much.

So each time after I'm done I'll ask her what's next. Because I don't have anything else to do anyway.

Then she started giving me more stuff. And there was a period of time when I'd wake up every morning to having my instructions for the day already happily sitting in my inbox. Even before I woke up. Or the email will arrive while I'm on the way to woke. Sometimes we'd have emailed back and forth a couple of times... And I'm still on the train. Lol.

I'd be kidding nobody if I say that she didn't know. Even though well, I was sitting far away then, at the door. Because when she showed me and two other people how to do FISH... She set the start time at 10 am. My usual arrival time. Well... I don't know when the other two usually arrives. But still...

There was some other experiments too, that I don't recall what it is anymore. I asked her what time we would start and she says we'd start at 10. When she's in the office by 8am or 8:30... well. I don't know. I can only gauge by the emails she sends me. And she might have been already in the office for ages.

But she never once mentioned about it. I was turning in all the experiement results by the next day, latest, anyway. Of course, all the emails with results/attachments won't ever get sent till past 10am, when I reach the office.

I get it now that she doesn't care. Because they don't care when you worked in the US either, so long as you were getting your work done. Yeah. As long as you get your work done. That's something we could use more of in SG.

Unsup said multiple times about how fast I am... Throughout the time we've worked together... Well... My response would be: How long do you expect me to take? Lol.

Even just... Last week? I diluted the FISH probes already the previous afternoon. The next day she was like "the FISH probes are in my drawer."

"Erm yeah? I diluted them yesterday already. What do you think I was doing all afternoon?"

"I don't know... talking to the bacteria? So that they would grow better?"

We had a great laugh about it.

Or a few weeks before... The last time I ran the qPCR. I finished all the plates in the same day and she's like "You're fast...!"
Me: How long do you want me to take to run two plates? o.o

---------------------------------------

That day when I got a sudden email from her, after work hours, in April...

I was glad. Glad that she found my trustworthy to leave her experiments to.

Though I really shouldn't be happy... But I was anyway. Heck. I was even getting a high reading the experimental protocol. Even though it was a really simple, short thing.

But I know I really shouldn't be glad... Because I guessed right away what happened.

And my guess was proven right the next day when I saw her FB post.

But well.

I didn't know what to say when she got back.

I didn't know if I should even say anything.

But... unsup seemed fine and was behaving like everything was perfectly normal.

I didn't know if I should ask. But it seemed like she didn't want to. Whether it was behind her or whether it was still hurting inside and putting up a brave front. It didn't feel right to ask and so I didn't.

I don't know. My social module is broken remember? This is a new situation. With no past knowledge to rely on. So I relied on my logical thinking...

If you're reading this... I'm sorry I didn't ask. I didn't know how to.

Don't know a lot of other things either. Still don't.

------------------------------------------------

We got closer. Though the time when she asked who my supervisor was, and then again subsequently denying our relationship during the qpcr training still hurts.

I remember the qpcr training well. Not that the training was actually useful or interesting to me... I learnt nothing new. But because it was the first time unsup messaged me. Like message. iMessage. Not email. I was wondering how the heck she got my phone number. Still wondering now. Have to ask her that before she leaves...

Well. Not her fault really. Officially, we don't have any relationship. She isn't my supervisor. My supervisor is the head of the whole insitute and he doesn't even know I exist.

--------------------------------------------

I remember stalking her on FB for several days/weeks and pondering if I should add her. I finally picked up the courage and pressed the damned button, for good or for ill.

Then she liked my photo.

And then I started posting statuses and photos... To catch her attention.

And she liked some of them.

So I did it again.

And again.

And again.

Like a child demanding attention from their mum.

Yeah, I was an attention deficit child.

Still am.

--------------------------------------------

And... Oh gosh...! The times when she tried to kill me before I go on holiday. Like literally tried to crush me with work. I mean. I think I work pretty quickly. Very fast if you compare me to the other people here. But yeah. Just looking at the amount of work she tasks me with... I get scared.

I still managed to finish them though.

Before going on holiday.

Well, except once.

So... I was flying off on holiday with my family on Saturday... And Thursday morning I get an email about RNA extraction. And I believe it was afternoon by the time we really talked. She wants to compare two different RNA extraction methods. So I'm supposed to do two different RNA extractions, on Friday. And I've never done or even seen an RNA extraction protocol before.

Hurrah!

So off I go, looking for all the reagents needed...

And thankfully I'm in a habit of doing that for new experiments... Because one of the chemicals, the most important one, is nowhere to be found. I asked the lab execs for help and we launched a search and rescue operation in the lab to no avail.

Saved by the bell... I mean, missing chemical.

Unsup has way mroe confidence in me than I have in myself. Really. All the times she just throws me the protocol and leaves me be. Well, she'll tell me where she keeps her reagents of course. Thankfully. Else I'll have to run a search and rescue operation, and rammage through the whole freezer each time I get a new protocol. Well. I still do that actually. I'd search the freezers before asking her... Because you know, sometimes things are right there but you still keep missing it...

--------------------------------------

I remember clearly the time when she showed that new (not so new now anymore) PhD student how to do a DNA extraction. Boy oh boy was I jealous. Thankfully I'd finished up lab for the day... And weighing slacking in the office VS being with unsup, the latter was a clear winner. I basically plonked myself in a chair beside them and asked to join in. Well granted, I've never used that particular kit before... But really there's nothing much to DNA extractions... All the kits work by the same principle. I was just outright jealous that she's personally showing this new guy how to do experiments. Like doing it with him. Step by step. Something that I've never had since the time she conducted the FISH training with two other people. And really, I swear she would not have done that if the other two wasn't trying to learn the technique.

It was great though. I chatted a lot with unsup since there was loads of waiting time. Like an hour waiting time in total? 30 mins x2. We chatted it all away. Mainly me asking unsup questions. Yeah. Precious moments indeed. Because she's hardly ever in a talkative mood...

Well recently I get to lunch with her more often so yeah, we'll talk. But she's hardly one to talk when in the lab, doing experiments. And we don't gather around in the office for idle chat...

---------------------------------

Oh yes.

I remember that time. During the FISH training... She asked me to help her with making the qpcr standards.

I said sure, but you have to teach me how.

And I emphasized that. Because I know her habit of just throwing me the protocol to things. (And honestly, I wouldn't realize that she actually teaches people, like one on one and step by step, if she never showed that PhD guy... Because she'd never done that with me.)

So well. During some down time while doing FISH that day, she wrote the main gist of it on every scienctist's favourite writing paper - the C fold (or S fold) towels.

Ok... All good and dandy.

But well. The next time I hear about the proceedure...

Was when she emailed me a 15 step protocol on how to do the thing.

Definitely very scary. And yet very exciting.

But still scary.

Can I get it done right? The first time?

I didn't in the end.

But well. When I got the protocol. All I could think of was how... The last time I remembered doing bacteria transformation was... 10 years ago in secondary school.

In school. Secondary school.

And she just lets me do it like this. With no further instructions on the experimental technique....

She really very darn well thinks really highly of me.

All I remembered from sec school was... Well, there's the different methods of making the bacteria take up the plasmid, that I know. Chemical, heat shock, electroporation... And then there's some beta galactosidise involved. And lacZ gene. And X-gal. Yes. The X-gal. And how bacteria colonies that turn blue - my favourite color - aren't actually the guys that we wanted.

Yeah. Blue colonies are pretty but not what we wanted.


Then again... She was also the one who asked me to teach another PhD student DNA extraction (different kit). When I'd only done that DNA extraction for the first time before that. And actually, I was doing that very first extraction with that same student, because I'd never done it before but he has. Turns out that in that very extraction, even though we were doing it side by side... And I was doing it for the first time... My yield was a crapton better than him. So after 1 try, I became the teacher...

Rights. I'm finally feeling tired now so I'l stop here. Nights. It's almost morning already here lol.

Update: Ok. It was 4:50 am when this was posted. And I still woke up at my usual time, just before 8. Gosh. Why can't I sleep more?!?!?! Seems like I can't sleep in anymore these days...  Ok, time to crash the lappy again.