the seed of doubt and love grows and grows

i feel accomplished today.

let's see what i did...

training today was... ok... well they all commented on my low activity at work. which was of cos true. i don't even want to continue working on this anymore after all -.-'''

then i went off to hide myself in the library. i brought my comp out today and changed to a shoulder bag? and gosh that thing almost killed me. my shoulder hurts so badly and I'm positive if i had to haul that bag any longer blisters are going to develop on my thumb (used my thumb to hold the bag in place, and ease the pain of the straps cutting into my shoulders - yes i have sloping shoulders that'll rival those of sho's) yeah. what did i have in my bag? file with all my pamphlets and work related stuff. water bottle (at least half a kg). Macbook pro. iPhone charge. Macbook pro charger. other miscellanous. and those paper stuff i was carrying about is seriously very heavy. i think the whole she-bang was like 5 or 6kg. ouch. i swear I'm never ever going to bring that kind of bag to work again. i'll stick with my usual backpack... even though the current one I'm using is kinda small. gosh that was pretty torturous.

but yes... my friend sent me three journal papers early this morning, and i read them during lunch. then i applied for all the job positions i qualified for at a*star. next i can look at nus, ntu and gov jobs i guess. also checked out jobstreet - nothing much new there to apply for but i did apply for two more jobs anyway. i can't say enough how much i want that ibn job now. especially after reading the papers and remember all the stuff i did and learnt there. as i was reading i was automatically analyzing the paper. from the writing style to the scientific thinking and process... bleah so much so for me trying to deny myself from science. i guess it just doesn’t work that way for me.

then after that i was bored... and so i finished a rainbow fic! well i think i need to edit it a little though... initially intended it to be a free square, but at the last minute decided to throw one of the prompts in AND split the thing into two to use up two prompts. lol. ok part 2 is still unwritten... but I'm certain of being able to at least post one rainbow fic this month *hehe*

went out to meet my friend tonight. and it turned out... fruitless in the sense that i didn’t managed to get her to do the fhr for me. haiz. i really can't do this job properly anymore. i can't bring myself to do the presentation and convince ppl to buy insurance when I'm gonna leave the industry by hopefully next month, latest by end of next month. I'm not sure when hr will contact me bleah. but then kuri's current lab officer is leaving end mar, so by right he wouldn’t want the position to be left open for too long, if at all... isnt it? i just hope that when they contact me the interview wont be in the morning. because i'll have to find some excuse why I'm not there for training in the morning yeah... sucks haiz. yeah my current boss in really strict on being punctual for training and all. hopefully hr contacts me next week or something. idk. man i owe my friend a lot for helping me through all this, finding and downloading the papers, reading my resume... even though i know her own research is really tiring... and everyone else too, whom i talked to and encouraged me... even u guys who left me comments. i really can't wait to get the job at ibn. i WANT it and i WILL impress the director at the interview. there's  no other way. failure isnt an option.

自分の夢は自分の手て掴む、これしかないです。