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[One Shot] People are people. You are yourself.
Title: People are people. You are yourself.
Length: One shot (~818 words)
Rating: G
Pairing: Yama
Beta:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
jheili
Summary: People are people. You are yourself.
人は人。自分は自分。
People are people. You are yourself.
Still.
No matter what.
No matter what they say.
No matter what I say even.
The truth is that they still want you to be more. They want you to be perfect.
And their idea of perfect by the way. Not yours. Well eventually your idea of perfect merges with theirs. And soon you don't know anything anymore.
I can feel it.
My parents. They wanted me to get a 'proper' job.
Well I wanted to too. Then somewhere along the line Arashi came along. I never thought it would last. But last, it did. Slowly, little by little, Arashi became my proper job. My only aspiration. Despite all the little individual thing I do, it was only possible because of Arashi. I can't say I do them solely for Arashi's sake. But still. It's linked you know? It's hard to explain... but no matter what I do Arashi is never far from the picture. No, it has always been THE picture.
Still. In spite of it all. I know my parents still wish I wasn't some crazy rapper idol cum newscaster. They were so relieved when my younger brother did not follow in my footsteps you know? They didn't say it out loud of course, but I can feel it. Their joy when he graduated, got a job in an established company. Just as a Sakurai should. It's not that they aren't proud of me, or ashamed of me. Quite the contrary perhaps. But there's always this lingering thought in their minds that I'm not who they expected me to turn out to be.
My fans. The rest of the world. I don't even know what they expect of me, really.
I've lost track. I gave up. I'm confused. I just don't know anything anymore.
I know my body is stiffer than a 70 year old. I know I'm getting fat. I know I still keep tripping on my words no matter how darn hard I try. I know after years of 'trying to learn English' my English pronunciation still sucks. I know my shoulders slopes so freaking badly. I know I can't sing well like Nino or leader. Nor can I dance properly. Unlike Ohno, the dancing God of Arashi. I know I'm not sexy and alluring like Matsumoto, and I'm too damn serious to pull off pranks and jokes like Nino. And yes I know my fashion sense sucks so don't even get started on it.
And then they say I try too hard. Like hello? What the fuck am I supposed to do? How do you want me to please you? You want me to be perfect and yet you criticize me for trying to hard? Does that even make sense????
I jerked in surprise when a warm hand gently patted my back. I'd completely forgotten that leader said he would be coming today.
He sat down beside me and pour himself a cup of sake.
And he just sat there.
Watching.
Observing.
We just sat there in the dark. Silently.
The living room was only illuminated by the light coming from the kitchen.
But somehow, it was enough.
No words were needed.
His presence alone was enough.
Enough to turn me away from those saddening thoughts of self doubt.
We drank in silence, refilling each other's cups when it was drained.
Surprisingly, it was leader who broke the silence first.
"You know that I like you just the way you are right?" Ohno said as he cocked his head slightly to the side.
"I, we, we all like you just as you are. Imperfect is perfect," Ohno continued as he slowly got up and made his way to the door.
I got up and followed him.
"We could spend all our lives wishing we were somebody else, had something else, or could be who we could never be," Ohno said as he took off the slippers and returned them to the rack.
"Or we could do what we could do, be who we can be, and let the rest be..." Ohno said as he pulled on his right shoe.
"Don't worry Sho-kun, we all have our bad days. Just remember the sun will rise again tomorrow okay?" Ohno said as he finished up the laces on his left shoe and stepped out of the door.
"See you on Tuesday then," Ohno said as he gave a cursory wave and pressed the button for the lift.
I was still in a daze when the lift arrived. I finally gathered up my wits to bide leader a hasty goodbye before I stumbled back into my apartment.
I leaned against the door, closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Somehow leader knew. He always knows. I wish I could be like...
No. I shook my head and decided to head for bed.
The sun will rise again tomorrow.
Length: One shot (~818 words)
Rating: G
Pairing: Yama
Beta:
jheiliSummary: People are people. You are yourself.
人は人。自分は自分。
People are people. You are yourself.
Still.
No matter what.
No matter what they say.
No matter what I say even.
The truth is that they still want you to be more. They want you to be perfect.
And their idea of perfect by the way. Not yours. Well eventually your idea of perfect merges with theirs. And soon you don't know anything anymore.
I can feel it.
My parents. They wanted me to get a 'proper' job.
Well I wanted to too. Then somewhere along the line Arashi came along. I never thought it would last. But last, it did. Slowly, little by little, Arashi became my proper job. My only aspiration. Despite all the little individual thing I do, it was only possible because of Arashi. I can't say I do them solely for Arashi's sake. But still. It's linked you know? It's hard to explain... but no matter what I do Arashi is never far from the picture. No, it has always been THE picture.
Still. In spite of it all. I know my parents still wish I wasn't some crazy rapper idol cum newscaster. They were so relieved when my younger brother did not follow in my footsteps you know? They didn't say it out loud of course, but I can feel it. Their joy when he graduated, got a job in an established company. Just as a Sakurai should. It's not that they aren't proud of me, or ashamed of me. Quite the contrary perhaps. But there's always this lingering thought in their minds that I'm not who they expected me to turn out to be.
My fans. The rest of the world. I don't even know what they expect of me, really.
I've lost track. I gave up. I'm confused. I just don't know anything anymore.
I know my body is stiffer than a 70 year old. I know I'm getting fat. I know I still keep tripping on my words no matter how darn hard I try. I know after years of 'trying to learn English' my English pronunciation still sucks. I know my shoulders slopes so freaking badly. I know I can't sing well like Nino or leader. Nor can I dance properly. Unlike Ohno, the dancing God of Arashi. I know I'm not sexy and alluring like Matsumoto, and I'm too damn serious to pull off pranks and jokes like Nino. And yes I know my fashion sense sucks so don't even get started on it.
And then they say I try too hard. Like hello? What the fuck am I supposed to do? How do you want me to please you? You want me to be perfect and yet you criticize me for trying to hard? Does that even make sense????
I jerked in surprise when a warm hand gently patted my back. I'd completely forgotten that leader said he would be coming today.
He sat down beside me and pour himself a cup of sake.
And he just sat there.
Watching.
Observing.
We just sat there in the dark. Silently.
The living room was only illuminated by the light coming from the kitchen.
But somehow, it was enough.
No words were needed.
His presence alone was enough.
Enough to turn me away from those saddening thoughts of self doubt.
We drank in silence, refilling each other's cups when it was drained.
Surprisingly, it was leader who broke the silence first.
"You know that I like you just the way you are right?" Ohno said as he cocked his head slightly to the side.
"I, we, we all like you just as you are. Imperfect is perfect," Ohno continued as he slowly got up and made his way to the door.
I got up and followed him.
"We could spend all our lives wishing we were somebody else, had something else, or could be who we could never be," Ohno said as he took off the slippers and returned them to the rack.
"Or we could do what we could do, be who we can be, and let the rest be..." Ohno said as he pulled on his right shoe.
"Don't worry Sho-kun, we all have our bad days. Just remember the sun will rise again tomorrow okay?" Ohno said as he finished up the laces on his left shoe and stepped out of the door.
"See you on Tuesday then," Ohno said as he gave a cursory wave and pressed the button for the lift.
I was still in a daze when the lift arrived. I finally gathered up my wits to bide leader a hasty goodbye before I stumbled back into my apartment.
I leaned against the door, closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Somehow leader knew. He always knows. I wish I could be like...
No. I shook my head and decided to head for bed.
The sun will rise again tomorrow.