coolohoh: Biohazard (Biohazard)
Title: Little Nino, Big Sweater
Length: One Shot (~860 words)
Rating: G
Pairing: Ninomiya Kazunari
Summary: Little Nino got a big sweater.

A/N: After reading this hilarious series of Tumblr posts, I decided to do my own rendition of the story.

Read more... )
coolohoh: Biohazard (Default)
Title: Jun and the @#%?! Button
Length: Drabble Series (~1.4k words)
Rating: PG
Pairing: Matsumiya, Sakumoto
Summary: Jun, and his button (mis)adventures.

Jun struggled with the buttons... )

coolohoh: Biohazard (Default)
Title: Soba
Length: One shot (~560 words)
Rating: G
Pairing: General Arashi Friendship, Aimiya
Summary: Arashi was served the worst soba they had ever tasted.
A/N: Inspired by Nino's comments about Aiba during the Nino-san episode that aired on the 11th of Jan 2015.

It was, hands down, the worst soba Nino had ever tasted )
coolohoh: Biohazard (Default)
Title: Stay over
Length: One shot (871 words)
Rating: G
Pairing: ShoxOC, General Arashi Friendship
Summary: Jun stays over at his friend's house...

A/N: Based on [ profile] jheili's real life story, and wacky ideas from [ profile] octavialao... There there Octavia, you finally got your wish. AND I didn't even kill you! How nice of me!

Jun had told Nino... )
coolohoh: Biohazard (Default)
Title: When Arashi discovers Livejournal: The Discovery
Rating: R
Length: One Shot, ~3.4k words
Pairing: Sakumiya, Sakumoto, OT5
Summary: What will happen if Arashi discovers Livejournal?
A/N: Credits to [ profile] octavialao and [ profile] jheili for all the random little ideas that contributed to this fic.

It was Sho who took the plunge first. )
coolohoh: Biohazard (Default)
Title: Tired
Pairing: Sakuraiba, Ohmiya
Rating: PG
Length: One shot, 574 words
Summary: Set in the share house universe. What happens when Sho returns from work one day really tired out? Read on to find out!

Sho fumbled in his pocket for the house keys as he reached the door of his apartment. Their apartment rather. Arashi’s share house. Sho was sweating in the hot summer heat and all he hoped for was to have a nice soak in the bath before collapsing on the bed. It was a tiring day, locations shots, meetings, and more meetings. Sho was dead tired and the hot weather didn’t do anything to help but instead sapped his strength away.

His hopes of having a shower faded however when he entered the apartment. Both their toilets were occupied. ‘Arghhhs! Why can’t those stupid boys bath earlier!’ Sho fumed. ‘It’s 1am already!!!’

Defeated, Sho retreated to his bed and turned on the air conditioning to high. He peeled off his clothes and lied down on the bed while waiting for the boys to get out of the shower…

The next thing Sho knew was Aiba banging on his room door.

“Wake up Sho-chan!” the chirpy Aiba called. “It’s breakfast time and we have Shiyagare filming to go for in an hour!”

Aiba was getting frustrated. It was unlike Sho to wake up so late, especially when they had work. Sho liked to be well prepared before work and he hate it when he wakes up with not enough time to spare. It was the third time Aiba had tried to wake Sho up already so he tried the door knob. Normally it was locked so he was surprised when the door swing open.

Sho was just stirring from his slumber when Aiba entered the room.

“Uwah!” Aiba shrieked as he laid his eyes on the stark naked Sho.

The shriek woke Sho up and sent the rest of the inhabitants running to see what the commotion was about.

“Mou…” Nino groaned. “Isn’t the air conditioning cold enough already?”

Ohno merely chuckled at the sight while Jun rolled his eyes.

“When will you learn not to undress when you sleep Sho?” Jun complained.

“And stop gaping you baka,” Jun continued as he smacked Aiba in the head. “Don’t you two see each other naked all the time?”

Sho’s face turned as red as a beetroot as he stammered, “Mou… I didn’t undress during my sleep. I stripped off and was waiting for you and Aiba to finish showering but I just fell asleep!”

“Excuses excuses!” Jun tutted, clicking his tongue in annoyance before walking off to pick which rings he should wear today.

“Look my clothes are all hanging neatly on the chair!” Sho protested, as the Ohmiya duo gave each other a mischievous look before heading to Ohno’s bedroom to do goodness know what.

“Aw its ok, I believe you Sho-chan!” Aiba chirped as he gave Sho a peck on the cheeks.

“But you stink, you really do need a bath!” Aiba complained.

“That’s cause you were in the shower for so long last night!” Sho exclaimed.

“Well you could have joined me in the bath…” Aiba pouted.

“Now why don’t you join me for a bath?” Sho said, raising his eyebrows.

The huge beam on Aiba’s face answered it all.

Jun shook his head as he watched the two pairs of lovebirds head off to their respective destination. He sighed as he made a mental note that he’ll have to bang on the bathroom door AND Ohno’s door in half an hour’s time otherwise they’ll never make it in time for work.
coolohoh: Biohazard (Default)
Title: Computers 101 Yama 101
Length: ~1.7k words, split into many short drabbles
Pairing: Yama (Ohno Satoshi and Sakurai Sho)
Rating: Some drabbles are NC-17
Summary: A list of random computer related words, in the context of Yama pair.
A/N: Some words/acroymns are really just a horrid fit. Some mentions of BDSM. Written for the Love for Arashi competition by
[ profile] krystalkatz. The competition is still on-going, do check it out! :P
Disclaimer: Don't own Arashi. This is purely a work of fiction.

Sho would never forget the first time they forayed into bondage. It was a pure heat of the moment thing, or at least that’s what Sho would like to believe. Sho had been sitting in the greenroom doing research for NewsZeron on his laptop when Ohno came in. A really, really horny Ohno. Ohno had wasted no time in unzipping Sho’s pants and popping out his manhood, but unfortunately for Ohno, Sho it was Sunday and Sho had to finish the research before Zero the next day. Even more unfortunately for Sho though, his lover was having none of it, and finally in anger disconnected Sho’s iPhone charging cable - the brand new 2m lightning cable that Sho JUST bought for 3080 yen, and used it to tie Sho’s hands to the back of the chair. Then he proceeded to happily suck Sho off. The makeshift bondage was very effective - Sho immediately stopped struggling and resisting, though it was more because he didn’t want to spoil his brand new cable more than anything else. It wasn’t that the idol couldn’t afford to buy a new one, he just hated wastage. Sho’s anger at getting tied up soon disappeared as Satoshi’s tongue darted up and down his length. Ohno sucked and teased Sho and soon Sho was thrusting his hips up and moaning for Satoshi. By the time Sho came he no longer cared about whether he what work later, or the next day. He just wanted his lover in him, and fast. Ohno was only too happy to oblige.

Amazingly the cable didn’t spoil despite the abuse. Sho still made Ohno buy him a new one though.

CPU - Central Processing Unit
Couple Paired Underwear
It may not be obvious from the outside, but it couldn’t have been more obvious within Arashi. For one, the pair were ALWAYS wearing the exact same underwear. Not just the same colour, but completely IDENTICAL. At first, the thought it was a pure coincidence. But when the ‘miracle’ repeated itself day after day and week after week, regardless of where Ohno had been staying over at Sho’s place or vice versa, it became clear that instead of the popular couple keychains or bracelets or t-shirts that usual couples wore, these two had chosen to wear couple underwear.

DoS attack - Denial of Service attack
Denial of Satoshi attack
Whenever Sho has to leave Japan, or more accurately, his lover, for extended periods of time, he gets DoS attacks - Denial of Satoshi attacks. Everytime he eats something that Ohno would like he’d turn around automatically, only to realise that he’s lover wasn’t sitting there beside him, or anywhere near him for that matter. Every time his phone rings he’ll get a heartache - his ring tone is set to Ohno’s solo, Two. At night when he’s back in his hotel room and turns on his laptop to do some work, he’ll feel really, really lonely because he’s desktop background is a drawing by his beloved. When he’s lying down on the empty bed he’ll be even more upset, because the bed is too cold, and too big without his lover to share it with him.

FTP - File Transfer Protocol
Free Transport Procedure (Only works if you are Ohno Satoshi)
1) make sure Sakurai Sho is not busy
2) call Sakurai Sho
3) give him your current location
4) when car arrives, provide your destination address

GPU - Graphics Processing Unit
Graphics Producing Unit
Ohno's artworks are known far and wide, and Sho had done nothing but encourage his lover's hobby. He showered his lover with gifts of elegant Japanese paper notebooks, pens and pencils, and the works Ohno product never fails to impress him. He looks forward to seeing Ohno's second art exhibit, even though he has seen every single piece of art, and followed through the process from inception to completion. Sho is proud to say that he is Ohno's no. 1 fan.

HTML - Hypertext Markup Language
Have To Make Love
There are certain HTML moments for the Yama pair. These are moments when both parties crave each other so much that neither could settle down or feel calm until love making takes place. These moments include, but are not limited to:
1) Whenever Sho is back after an overseas stint for NewsZero
2) Whenever Ohno is back after a 24 hour (or longer) fishing marathon
3) Whenever both have been apart for more than 1 week (be it for holiday or for work)
4) Whenever a major concert ends

Sho knows all the keys on Satoshi’s body. Every single inch, every single spot. He knows how to work his fingers around the older man to please and pleasure him. Likewise, Ohno know’s all the sensitive spots on Sho’s body. Sho likens the way Ohno moves his graceful, long and slender fingers over himself to the way his fingers fly over the keyboard when he’s rushing a piece for News Zero, only a lot more graceful and a ton more pleasurable.

Sho is always monitoring his lover. Be it at home, or during work. He is always ready to rescue or defend his lover, and he notices any slightest change in Ohno’s behaviour.

Ohno's definition: a place where you go to, so that you can take a boat out to fish.
Sho's definition: a place you go to in order to fetch your lover home after he's been out fishing for a day.

RAM - Random Access Memory
Random Attack Monday
Sho looks forward to Mondays, because he has News Zero. He loves his job as a news caster. It is challenging, but very exciting. He is glad for the opportunity to meet many interesting people, talk to them, interview them… he’s learnt a lot through his News Zero job.

Ohno loves Mondays. Despite the fact that his lover will not be around, he loves Mondays because that’s when he’ll get to see his favourite news caster in action. In fact, if not for said news caster, Ohno would not be watching the news at all. He prefers to watch his fishing programs.

There is one thing Sho does not like about Mondays though. Or it would be more like Tuesdays, because its always past midnight by the time he gets to check his phone after filming. That would be the slew of random messages he received from Ohno and his mum. From things like ‘that was interesting’ to criticisms of his presenting, or how he tripped over his words yet again, or even random comments on his appearances… well normally his mum would merely laugh at him for tripping over his words, but Ohno. Ohno’s messages were so random that Sho had taken to call it Random Attack Monday.

Search engine
Whenever Ohno comes across something he doesn't know, he would simply ask his walking, talking search engine Sakurai Sho. Considering that man's wide range of knowledge, it is simply faster to ask Sho. Even if Sho doesn't know the answer and has to consult the Internet, given Ohno's slow typing speed, it’s still faster for Ohno to ask Sho.

SSL - Secure Sockets Layer
Sho’s (or Satoshi’s) Secret Lover
They aren’t touchy feely like Ohno and a certain brat. But actually they aren’t the secretive either. The signs are all there for anyone who cared to watch. Sho calling Ohno ‘nii-san’ and commenting how Ohno would love the sweet red bean bread, Sho being able to sniff out Ohno’s scent, Sho knowing anything and everything about leader… The clues are all there, hiding in plain sight.

Thumb drive
Sho loves Satoshi’s fingers. And Satoshi knows that Sho loves his fingers. And Sho knows that Satoshi know that.

Sho always looks forward to their foreplay session. Where Ohno would tease him with fingers, trailing them all over his body, and oh that thumb! Ohno knows exactly how to use his thumb to drive Sho mad.

USB - Universal Serial Bus
Under Satoshi's Bed… lies the Yama pair lover's deep, dark secrets.

Everyone knows that Ohno prefers sleeping on his sofa instead of his bed. He'd provided a ton of reasons why, but only his lover knows *exactly* why. And he knows it way too well.

Even though it was Ohno's bed, Sho has probably spent more time on the bed than its rightful owner. Oh and beneath the bed, where all the dark secrets lie... sex toys of all imaginable shapes and sizes, for all the purposes you could probably imagine. Ohno had even rigged up some gear to allow him to easily tie his lover to his bed - they'd recently started to dabble and some elements of BDSM and they both loved it. Sho loved being manhandled and dominated over, while Ohno enjoyed exerting his power over his lover.

Virus Attack
Everyone knows that Sho is Arashi’s mother hen. But he practically transforms into a mother/nurse when his lover came down with a virus. He kicked up a HUGE fuss with his manager and demanded to be given as much time off as possible so he could take care of his lover. He wiped leader down with a cool towel every 5 minutes, took his temperature every hour, woke the man up to feed him his medicine… The only thing he couldn’t do though, was cook. So he made Arashi’s in-house cook Matsumoto Jun do it instead, and spoon-fed leader ever last drop of the porridge and soup lovingly made by Arashi’s youngest. Sho doubted Jun would have been so helpful if it wasn’t Ohno who was sick though. Everyone has a soft spot for leader… (though Sho was pleased to note that leader still remained exclusively his.)

Sho never has trouble finding a new wallpaper for his laptop. All he has to do is to look in his lover’s sketchbook and take a photo.

WWW - World Wide Web
Wild, Wild, Wet

Sex in the bath is one of Sho’s favourites. They have tried it standing up in the shower, with the shower head raining down on them and soap streaming down their bodies, they have tired it in the bathtub - both filled and unfilled ones… Sho’s favourite wild wet sex was when they filled the bath tub to the brim (with them inside already of course, Sho didn’t like wasting too much water), and Ohno was at the bottom while he rode on Ohno’s length. He was half floating in the water and Sho loved the sensation of water splashing all around him as he hammered himself on his lover’s length.
coolohoh: Biohazard (Default)
Inspired by [ profile] mount_deer's fic. I'd never have came up with this fic if not for her XD

Title: I wanna f**k, I needa f**k
Rating: G
Pairing: None (general friendship)
Length: Aiba length (pants). No just kidding. It’s a one shot. With something like… 1.3k - 1.4k words. Go figure.

What starts with F and ends with a K? A fire truck. Wait that's two words. What four letter word starts with F and ends with a K? *shrugs*

My very first attempt at crack… Yoroshiku! m(_ _)m

Disclaimer: Spoilers for the 3rd Nov 2012 AnShi ahead, proceed at your own risk.

It all started after that AnShi filming.

"Ne Nino, do you think we can really bend forks with our mind power?" Ohno asked.

"Why of course, didn’t you see DaiGo aniki do it just now?" Nino replied off handedly.

"But I mean, for real!" Ohno insisted.

"For the last time Satopi, it was for real!" Nino replied, getting annoyed at Ohno's continuous bugging.

While everyone was busy teasing Ohno and his farts, that old man was still trying to figure out how the DaiGo has bent and broken the forks, much to his long suffering partner's annoyance.

"Hmm…" Ohno hummed as his eyes blanked out, a sign that he was deep in thought.

One week later, in the Arashi green room:

It was yet another day at work, this time, it was a magazine photo shoot for promoting their upcoming concert. J frowned as he stepped into the green room. Leader and Aiba were early today…. but that wasn’t the point… the point was that… they were sitting beside each other, in total violation of their usual sitting arrangement! And they seemed to be really preoccupied with something, with Aiba's 'Ho ho ho' trademark laughter appearing once in a while.

"Just what the hell are you guys doing!" J exclaimed, as he approached the pair and saw the ridiculous number of mishapen forks strewn all over the sofa.

"Bending forks! Can't you see J? We are trying to become mentalists!" Aiba cheerfully blabbered.

J rolled his eyes.

"Just which one of you started this great idea? Don't come crying to me if you hurt your hands!" J chided, eyes narrowing in displeasure as he saw the angry red blisters starting to form on Ohno's fingers.

"Uwah, this is tough! I should have stuck with the cross stitch…" Leader complained as he put down his latest twisted creation.

Jun rolled his eyes again.

"What a waste of perfectly fine tableware" He lamented as he plonked onto Aiba's usual seat.

Aiba didn't even notice his seat being taken up. Aiba did notice however, when Nino entered the room.

"Look Nino! Forks! Ridda and I will soon be pro-mentalists! Even better than Nino the retired magician!" AIba cried.

"You baka! I'm not a retired magician!" Nino barked, giving Aiba a quick smack.

"Wow that's a lot of forks! One WHOLE box of it?" Nino asked, impressed.

"Yeah did you know? They actually sell forks in boxes of 100s! I asked my brother and he directed me to a supplier and… " Aiba's enthusiastic recount was cut off my Nino as he started his dramatic speech.

"However, I'm afraid I have have to dash your hopes… because after one weekend of Super High Intensive Training I am pleased to say that I have mastered the art of controlling metal!" With that Nino flourished several forks out of his shirt pocket and showed them to Aiba.

"See all I have to do is to put the fork in my hand, sprinkle some fairy dust and LO AND BEHOLD!"

"WAH!" Aiba stared in awe as the fork bent by itself, without Nino doing anything to the fork at all.

Even J was starting to get interested as he demanded that Nino repeat the trick. Halfway through Nino's second trick though, J snatched the fork away from Nino.

"I don't believe you, there must be some trick with the fork!" Soon, a snatching contest ensued as Nino protested and tried to snatch his fork back.

"Ma ma… Stop fooling around like little kids…" Sho said with a most amused look on his face.

"Woah, when did you come in Sho? How come we didn’t see you?" Aiba asked.

"That's cos you were too engrossed in looking at Nino, Aiba. I came in when someone was bragging about some Super High Intensive Training shit…" Sho smirked.

It was rare to see Sho smirking.

"What's with that gleeful look Sho?" Nino asked.

Not only was a smirking Sho rare, it was also dangerous.

"It just so happens that I've been doing some S.H.I.T myself over the weekend too." With that, Sho took the fork from J and started rubbing it between his palms.

"Oi! What are you trying to do! That's not how you're supposed to do it!" Nino yelled in panic as he tried to stop Sho.

But he was too late. Sho opened in hands just in time to show the members the twisting fork.

"Chikusho…..!" Nino cursed under his breath as Sho proudly proclaimed that he was DaiGo the mentalist no. 2.

His eyes widened however as Sho said the following words: "… and in return of my earlier performance, as well as my role in keeping the peace within Arashi, I shall be keeping this fork as my payment as souvenir…"

"NO! You can take all the forks you want from Aiba, but you may not take this fork!" Nino shrieked as he hastily snatched the fork out of Sho's hand into the safety of his pocket.

"What's wrong Nino?" Sho teased. "Is there anything wrong with the fork? Or is it because it is a 30,000 yen fork?" Sho smirked again.

"Eh? 30,000 yen? That expensive? My 100 forks didn't even cost half that much!" Aiba exclaimed in disbelief.

"That's cos this is a special fork that uses memory metal and…" Sho started.


"But I'm not a magician, plus its all over google anyway…" Sho defended himself.

"Its ok Nino, I think we all already know." Jun said calmly, as he looked over at the nonchalant leader who was still busy working on the forks.

"I don't think Aiba knows though…" Said leader finally spoke up.

"Eh? Know about what? What memory, you mean we have to infuse our memories with the metal? Is that how  the trick works?" Aiba blabbered, to the laughter of the rest of the members.

"Ne Nino did you really spend 30,000 yen on the fork?" Aiba quipped.

"Ah no you baka… I borrowed it from my friend… Why would I spend so much money just to please you?" Nino sulked.

He was hoping to amaze his members with the trick, but never did he expect the trick to be ruined like this… and by SHO of all people.

"Anyway, what's Ohno doing?" Sho asked.

"He hasn't even looked once in our direction." At his mention, the four turned their attention to leader and watched as he put delicately tied different coloured ribbons to the forks.

Upon closer inspection, they realised that the forks were not just twisted in any random way. They were twisted to look like dancing human beings, and Ohno had even use twist ties to make hands and feet.

"WAHHHHHHHH Arashi fork dollss!!! KAWAII! LEADER SUGOI!" Aiba gushed.

"They can't stand though, I'll have to use stiffer wire next time… and glue…" Ohno frowned as he inspected his handy work
"Ah good… I was still wondering what's going to happen to the 100 forks Aiba bought!" J said.

"NO! I bought two boxes! 200 forks!" Aiba exclaimed.

"What? 200 forks?? Why did you buy so many forks for?" It was Sho's turn to be in shock.

"100 for me and 100 for leader to practice with… but than…" Aiba sighed as he though of his complete inability to bend the forks while Nino and Sho were able to do it effortlessly.

Yes even Sho of all people!

"Eh Aiba, if you don't mind I'll take all 200 forks…" Leader said.

3 days later…
"Mou leader! Why did you tell me to buy forks when you knew all along how the trick was done!" Aiba complained

Ohno gave Aiba a sheepish look.

"You knew it from the start didn't you! Why didn't you tell me leader!" Aiba groaned as he spoke.

"I dabbled in magic tricks even before Nino did remember? Of course I knew!" Ohno chuckled.

"So tell me! Why did you make me buy the forks!" Aiba complained.

"I just… thought they'll be great material for my art work…" Ohno admitted sheepishly.

"And you made me pay for the forks!!!!!!" Aiba protested.

"Don't worry, I'll be sure to give you a special Arashi doll set when I'm done!" With that he gave Aiba a peak on the lips, silencing all further protests from Aiba.

~The End!~

After reading[ profile] mount_deer's fic and watching last week's AnShi, I remembered my friends asking around in secondary school the question "What starts with an F and ends with a K?" and all… and since there was plenty of forks in that episode of AnShi… this fic was born! Hope you like my very first attempt at some crack XD

Ok, so I decided to draw... and this was what I came up with...

The pairings were totally spur of the moment kind of thing... so yeah :P Things just somehow turned out this way XD

August 2017



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